Asylum: The Complete Series (All 8 Books)

by Amy Cross

  "I didn't send these fucking birds," I reply, starting to get annoyed.

  "Tell him you did," the voice in my head says suddenly.

  I stare at Adam. Why the hell is the voice doing this to me?

  "Tell him you sent this," the voice continues. "Tell him it was you, and I'll leave you alone for a long, long time. This is the last thing I'll ask you for many years, I promise".

  "If you didn't send this," Adam says, "who the fuck did? Huh? Answer me that. I don't have any enemies! I'm not a man who pisses people off. I'm just a -"

  "It was me," I say suddenly.

  He stares at me for a moment. "Why?" he asks eventually. "Just to freak me out? Is this some kind of threat? Is..." He pauses. "Okay, answer me this. Did you fuck me and then decide to send me a crate of crows, or did you decide to send me a crate of crows first and then fuck me just to give the whole thing a bit of context?"

  I wait for the voice to give me some more pointers, but there's just silence in my head. "I..." I start to say. "I guess I just thought it was funny". I pause for a moment. "It won't happen again. Are you going to get me into trouble?"

  "How do I know you're going to leave me alone?" he asks. "Give me one reason why I should trust you, and I swear to God I'll leave you alone. You can ride through the rest of my class, I'll give you top grades, but I need to know that you're not going to pull any more shit on me. Okay?"

  "I swear," I say. "I swear to God".

  He stares at me for the longest time, as if he really doesn't believe me. "Okay," he says finally. "Get out of here". I turn and hurry to the door, desperate to get away from him. "One more thing," he says. "Don't underestimate me, Kirsten," he continues. "You fuck with me, I'll fuck with you. Harder".

  I head out the door, taking a deep breath as I find myself back out in the corridor. That final threat was one of the most pathetic, openly hollow pieces of crap I've ever heard. Adam might be a lot of things, but he doesn't have the ability to sound threatening, not for a moment. Still, as long as the voice leaves me alone, I know that I can just get through the rest of my time at Middlebridge without too much trouble. Maybe things are going to work out okay after all. I wait, half-expecting the voice in my head to start speaking again, but there's just silence. For the first time in many, many months, I finally start to relax. Damn it, I need a beer right now.

  Annie Radford

  Lakehurst Psychiatric Hospital. Today.

  "So, Annie," says Nurse Winter, sitting at her desk. "How do you think your trip to the gas station went?"

  I stare at her, trying not to let her see that I'm scared.

  "It's important for me to understand how you perceive the trip," she continues, "because I need to know what to do about your medication. It might be, for example, that we need to increase the dosage, or perhaps we should consider some new pills. We might even try something a little more experimental".

  I look down at my feet. This room feels so calm and quiet, as if the torment and torture of the outside world has been banished.

  "Okay," Nurse Winter says, "let's try another approach. On a scale of one to ten, with one being a disaster and ten being a success, how would you rate the trip?"

  I keep looking at my feet. So far, no-one has mentioned the crashed car, or Nurse Perry.

  "Ten?" she asks. "Seven? Five? One?"

  I pause for a moment. "Five?" I mutter cautiously.

  "Five," she says. "Okay, that's something. What makes you say that? Why five?"

  I look over at her. "We got to the gas station," I say. "We got the petrol ordered".

  "You did indeed," she says.

  "I mean, that was the point of the trip," I continue, stuttering a little, finding it hard to get the words out. "That's why we went, isn't it? To get the petrol ordered and..." My voice trails off. "We did what you told us to do".

  "You certainly did," she replies.

  We sit in silence for a moment. There's so much that hasn't been said yet, but I know she's going to mention Nurse Perry at some point. I mean, you can't just stab someone in the eye and then have no-one mention it, especially if the person then dies - and I'm pretty certain that Nurse Perry was dead even before the car hit the tree. I just wish the voice in my head would say something; I need help here, I need advice. Suddenly, I feel as if I've been left completely alone.

  "Would you like me to tell you what I'd give you?" Nurse Winter says. "Out of ten?"

  I keep staring at my feet.

  "I'd give you ten," she continues.

  After a moment, I look over at her.

  "That's right," she says, smiling. "Ten. Nothing to do with the petrol, of course. That was Nurse Perry's job. I'm talking about how you handled being out in the real world. I'm sure you had a few wobbles, and I'm sure it was terrifying, but you did really well, Annie. You kept your head, and you got to see that there's really nothing for you to fear out there. The world can be a terrifying place, but you can face it. That's already an improvement on how things were". She pauses. "I'll be honest, Annie, I was expecting to have to send you down for some more special treatment when you got back, but... I think maybe that's not necessary".

  I swallow hard, staring at her.

  "Is there anything you'd like to say?" she continues. "Is there anything you'd like to ask me?"

  I open my mouth to start speaking, but then I pause, trying to work out exactly what to say. The thought of having to undergo more special treatment is terrifying, but at least I've got a reprieve. "What..." I start to say. "I mean..."

  Suddenly the door opens and I look over to see Nurse Perry stepping into the room. Her left eye is a bloody mess, just a dried blob of dark red. She smiles at me, although her smile is a little awkward. She reaches out her hand, and I see three little green pills in her palm along with a fourth, white pill.

  "Your pills," Nurse Winter says.

  I stare at the pills. What's the white one? Why have they suddenly started giving me a white one as well as the green ones? Or are the green ones new as well? It's so confusing.

  "The white pill is to help you sleep," Nurse Winter continues. "You've been having trouble sleeping, haven't you?"

  "It's quite alright," Nurse Perry says. "Here, have some water". She passes me a small cup of water, which I hold without drinking. I stare up into her face, unable to take my eyes off the injury. I can see the wound where the knife went in, a narrow slit in the drying, congealing eyeball, but she seems completely unfazed by it, as if it doesn't even hurt.

  "You're going to take your pills, aren't you?" Nurse Winter says. "It's very important, Annie. Those pills do big things inside you. Good things. They help you stay calm, and they help make sure that you don't hear any voices. You wouldn't want the voices to come back, would you?"

  I take the pills and put them in my mouth, but I don't swallow them yet. Nothing is making sense. When I pushed the knife into Nurse Perry's eye, I felt the blade break through the back of the socket and go into her brain. There's just no way someone could have an injury like that and survive, and yet she's standing here, smiling at me. No-one's even mentioned what happened, and Nurse Winter doesn't seem to be reacting at all. I look down at the front of Nurse Perry's uniform and see that there's no sign of blood from where she bled all over herself in the car, which means she's had time to change her uniform.

  "Annie, swallow the pills," Nurse Winter says, with a hint of a chill in her voice.

  I swallow, washing them down with water. I don't feel any different, but I'm sure they're already getting to work inside me. Changing things... changing me. It's hard not to think of the pills going down into my stomach and dissolving, their active ingredients being carried through my bloodstream until they eventually reach my brain and sink into the tissue. That's when the real changes will start. I don't know how long all of this takes to happen, but I wouldn't be surprised if it's already started; in fact, I think I can feel it already. My brain feels like it's getting slightly swollen.

  "That's very g
ood, Annie," Nurse Perry says, smiling.

  "We'll monitor you for the next week," Nurse Winter says. "We'll make sure there are no unintended consequences from your new medication, and then we'll decide on the next step. No more trips outside for a while, but I'm still very pleased with how things are going. I think it's fair to say that you'll probably be ready for some new ideas soon". She picks up an envelope from her desk, looks at it for a moment, and then grabs her letter opener - the same letter opener that I used to attack Nurse Perry - and slices the envelope open.

  "Come with me," Nurse Perry says, tapping me on the shoulder. I stand up and follow her toward the door. Once we're out in the corridor, I let her lead me to my room. "You should probably have a nap," she says when we get to the door". As she smiles, her eye spasms for a moment. "There's grits for dinner. You like grits, don't you?" The eye spasms again.

  "Is your eye okay?" I ask.

  "It's fine," she says, smiling. I watch as she walks away.

  "You didn't ask about the box," says the voice in my head. "Why didn't you ask about the box?"

  "What box?" I say out loud. I glance around and see that there's no-one nearby to overhear me.

  "The box of crows that was delivered to Nurse Winter today".

  "I didn't know," I reply.

  "You're a fucking idiot," the voice says.

  "Why isn't she dead?" I ask as I watch Nurse Perry disappear around a corner at the far end of the corridor.

  "Have a nap," the voice says. "I want to talk to you while you're asleep".

  I walk into my room and shut the door. Getting into bed with all my clothes still on, I try to sleep but end up just staring at the wall. The voice won't speak again until I fall asleep, but it's so hard. All I can think about is Nurse Perry's eye, and the way it seems as if the wound doesn't bother her. I need to be careful. There's something wrong with her. There's something wrong with all of us.

  Nurse Winter

  Middlebridge College. 1998.

  Two days after my sordid night with Adam, I'm finally in a state of mind that allows me to put the whole thing behind me. Although the thought of Adam's body touching mine is abhorrent, I've learned to accept that it happened, but that I can move on. It helps that the voice seems to be leaving me alone, which makes me cautiously optimistic that perhaps I'm free, at least for a while. All I have to do now is concentrate on my studies, get through the last few months, and then get out of here and find a job. On paper, it sounds easy. But I know what I'm like; I attract trouble wherever I go, and I fuck up. A lot. It would help if I hadn't started drinking again, but things are (mostly) under control.

  Walking to school, I find myself daydreaming about the future. Although I'm loathe to accept any help from Adam, I can't help thinking about that hospital he mentioned: Lakehurst. I know that the current job market isn't too hot, and the idea of walking straight into a paying position - any paying position - is kind of enticing. I figure that if I can swallow my pride for the rest of the final semester, I can maybe broach the subject of getting a letter of recommendation from Adam. I mean, that wouldn't be too awful, would it? All he'd have to do would be to write the letter, sign it, and give it to me. In return, I'd be out of his life forever.

  "Hey!" shouts a familiar voice as I reach the campus. I turn to see Rachel hurrying to catch up with me.

  "Hey," I say. "You okay?"

  "Did you hear?" she says breathlessly. "Adam's dead!"

  I stop dead in my tracks, feeling an instant chill rush through my body. "What?" I say.

  "Adam's dead," she continues. "You know, our teacher? He's dead! They found him this morning".

  "What do you mean?" I say, starting to panic. "Who found him?"

  "Like, the cleaners or someone," Rachel says. She's so excited, she can barely get all her words out. "They found him in his office. How fucking weird is that?"

  "Are you sure it's Adam?" I ask. I mean, I understand that he was upset about something, but it's hard to believe that... "What happened?" I ask.

  She shrugs. "What I'm thinking is that they won't have time to find another lecturer, which means we might just get straight credit for the class, which means an automatic pass, which means we sail through two other classes and we're home dry". She pauses. "Is it mercenary of me to think like that?"

  As we get closer to the main reception of the campus, I see that there's an ambulance parked nearby, along with a couple of police cars. There's lots of activity in the area and a body is being carried out of the building on a stretcher. I stop dead in my tracks and stare as the body is loaded into the back of the ambulance. It's so strange to think that just a day or two ago, I was talking to Adam, arguing with him, and now he's dead. Is it possible that he killed himself?

  "Sucks," Rachel says. "But life goes on. You want to get a beer?"

  "No," I say, wandering toward reception just as the police carry a large wooden crate out of Adam's office. It takes a moment for me to recognize this as the crate that contained the dead birds. God knows what everyone's going to make of those, especially if somehow it gets back to the police that I admitted to sending them. I take a deep breath and stare at the ambulance as it starts driving slowly out of the college grounds.

  "There's nothing to see here," says the college principal, addressing the crowd that has gathered near Adam's office. "I'll be making a statement later. For now, the college is going to be closed for the rest of the day so I'd advise everyone to go home".

  I turn and see Rachel talking to a mutual friend of ours, who quickly hurries off toward the principal's office.

  "You okay?" Rachel asks as she wanders over to me. "You look like you've seen a ghost".

  "I'm fine," I say.

  "You want to hear what happened?" she continues. "I was just talking to Ann and I got the scoop". She smiles, as if she's enjoying the drama of the whole situation.

  "He killed himself," I say. "Right?"

  "Wrong," she replies. "It's juicier than that". She looks around to make sure that no-one can overhear us. "You didn't hear this from me, okay? Just like I didn't hear it from Ann. The janitor found the body. Adam was on the floor of his office, and he was all, like, scratched up. They reckon he looked like he'd been pecked to death".

  "Pecked?" I ask.

  "Yeah, like by birds or chickens or something". She pauses. "Anyway, the only weird thing in his office was -"

  "A box of dead crows," I mutter.

  "A big empty box," she continues. "No-one knows where it came from. But yeah, he'd been pecked to death, and the window was open. It sounds crazy, but they reckon some kind of pack of wild birds flew in, panicked, attacked him, and then flew out". She pauses for a moment. "I know it sounds pretty unlikely, but I guess unlikely things happen. What a fucking horrible way to die. Imagine what it must have been like to have been attacked by this big swarm of angry birds".

  Walking across the reception area, I go and look at the door to Adam's office. It's sealed shut, of course, while the police continue to investigate. I saw that box of crows the other day, and they were definitely dead. But now they seem to be gone, and Adam's dead.

  "I need a drink," Rachel says.

  "It's 9am," I point out, still finding it hard to work out what really happened to Adam.

  "I don't care," she replies. "On days like today, anything goes. I need a drink. Seriously".

  All I can do is stare at the door to Adam's office. He didn't deserve this. Sure, he was a bit of a creep, and he was an asshole. But he wasn't evil. Why this happened is anyone's guess, but I can't help feeling that the voice in my head was somehow responsible for setting up the whole chain of events. But why do that? What the hell did Adam ever to do anyone that meant he deserved to die in such a horrific way?

  "Come on," Rachel says, taking my hand and leading me away. We head back outside and start walking across the lawn. There are dazed and confused students everywhere, struggling to come to terms with the idea that a lecturer has died. Rumors are already sta
rting to spread about how he died, with lots of discussion about how a flock of birds could do something like that. I guess the gossip machine will be in overdrive for a few days. I just hope no-one finds out about my night with Adam. The last thing I need is to be dragged into all of this. I'd just managed to get my reputation cleaned up after my previous indelicacies, and I really just want to keep my head down.

  Suddenly there's a scream from nearby. I look over and see two girls running away from a tree. Instinctively, I hurry over to see what caused the fuss, but at first I can't see anything. I stare up at the tree, and finally I see it: sitting up on a low branch, there's a crow. It looks perfectly innocent and innocuous, except for one thing: it's holding a human eye in its beak, with the bloodied optic nerve dangling down.

  Annie Radford

  Lakehurst Psychiatric Hospital. Today.

  Opening my eyes slowly, I find that the harsh light of afternoon has changed to a warmer, more subdued early evening glow. I'm not sure how long I've been asleep, I don't remember dreaming, which is par for the course these days. It feels sometimes as if the voice in my head has taken control of all my dreams, pushing them aside and forcing me to listen to other things while I sleep. Sitting up in bed, I find that I'm still wearing my clothes, and I can hear the distant clanging and clanking sounds that mean dinner is being prepared. I'm not very hungry, but I figure I'd better go out and make an appearance. After everything that's happened today, the last thing I want to do is draw attention to myself.

  I loiter in my room for a few minutes, waiting in case the voice comes back. I'm expecting it to start taunting me again, to start making demands, but my head is quiet and finally I start to hope that I'm going to be left alone for a while. I walk over to the window and look outside. It's a beautiful evening, the kind of evening that I'd like to spend outside on the grass. That's not an option, of course. I simply have to go through and have dinner, and then spend a few hours with the other patients before it gets to a point where I can legitimately claim to be tired. I just want this terrible day to end.