Loving Jacob

by Shani Greene-Dowdell

  “Girl, I’m dying over here. So, you know I said I wasn’t feeling Matt like that, right?”

  “Yeah, I know what you said.”

  “Well, Matt was at a company party and I was spending the night with Cody last night, since he would be home late. After tossing and turning for hours on the uncomfortable couch, I went and got in his bed. I was asleep within minutes of laying my head on the pillow.”

  “Hold up. Why did you get in his bed, though? Doesn’t he have guest rooms?”

  “He does have a lot of guestrooms.”

  “Well, why did you get in his bed?”

  “It’s one of those king-size sleigh beds that looks like it’s fit for a queen. Plus, it was comfortable. I just laid down in it for a second and didn’t mean to fall asleep. The next thing I knew, I was having sweet dreams that felt so real.”

  “Dreaming about Matt,” I assumed.

  Tasha gasped. “Yes, honey. In my dream, he pulled me against his warm body. It felt good snuggling against him. I enjoyed every minute of it. He kissed me and it felt real too. Then, his tongue went in my mouth and I was moaning and shit,” she said.

  “Oh, God please don’t tell me that he was in bed with you and you didn’t know it.”

  “Girl, when I opened my eyes and realized he was in the bed with me, I pushed him away and started yelling at him about getting in bed with me. He had the nerve to say he was just following my lead.”

  I giggled. “You were in his bed, Tasha. Lord. What happened next?”

  “I found out that he likes me as much as I like him. That we’ve been crushing on each other and trying to pretend we weren’t.”

  “Well, Jacob came over last night and he’s still here.”

  “Jacob, came over and tuned you up! I knew you sounded quite spicy this morning.”

  I laughed. “I do not sound spicy.”

  “Yes, you do, and there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s okay to forgive your man. It doesn’t matter if you sleep with your husband. If he makes your voice glow the way it’s glowing this morning, you should give him a second chance. No matter what he has done. You took a vow before God to be by his side no matter what, and no one has a right to judge you if you decide to stay with him,” Tasha said.

  “I’m not worrying about anyone else’s judgements. It’s my own judgement that I’m concerned with,” I admitted.

  “So what? You won’t be the first woman in the world to have a baby the same age as their husband’s other baby. It happened before you married him, and I know it’s a jacked-up situation. I’m not trying to sugar coat it. I’m just saying that if you want to take him back you should do so without even judging yourself. You deserve to be happy and, if Jacob is the man for the job, then that’s just what it is.”

  “Thanks for the pep talk, Tasha. I will figure this out. But for now, he’s here. I’m not pushing him away. However, nothing is set in stone. I could decide today that I don’t want to look at him again. I’ve been doing that a lot, and it could his affair, or it could be my pregnancy hormones at play.”

  “Yeah, you do get a little nutty when you’re pregnant,” Tasha said and laughed.

  “You’re funny. Ha, ha,” I said faking a laugh.

  “I just want it to be documented that I told you what I think you should do.”

  “And I appreciate you sis. We’ll have to get together when I go to Miami for a shopping day with Mama next week. She swears she needs me to come to town so we can dress shop for a ball that John is taking her to.”

  “Honey, are you up for that?” Tasha laughed.

  “Girl, I hope I don’t forget to wear my walking shoes.” Mama tended to bring meaning to the phrase shop ‘til you drop.’

  “Just let me know when you guys get ready to go. I’d love to come and hang out with you two.”

  “Okay, I will call you then.”

  We said our goodbyes. Since I was up, I went into the kitchen to prepare breakfast. I took out a carton of eggs, fruits, sausage, and wheat toast to grill. I began scrambling the egg whites and thinking the first argument I ever had with Jacob.

  "I saw you," I spat.

  “What do you mean?”

  "I. Saw. You," I said through clenched teeth.

  "Okay, you saw me, but where? And, what about you seeing me is pissing you off," he asked the questions, but his paling complexion showed me that he knew what I was talking about.

  "Last night.

  “At the lounge?”

  “Yes! Who was the girl that was sucking your face?"

  Anxiety ran across his face. Hurt entered his eyes. "Her name is Justine," he said as if that was supposed to mean something to me.

  "Go on!" I said.

  "She’s my girlfriend. I mean ex-girlfriend," he continued. “We’re just friends, Destiny.”

  I struggled to process his revelation. Part of me reeled from the news. I half expected him to say she was some girl he met up with and it meant nothing. Or, maybe he got drunk and found himself caught up kissing some random woman. But no. She was his woman.

  "Girlfriend?" I growled out, as my right hand itched to slap the taste out of his gorgeous mouth.

  He nodded. "She’s my ex, and we used to live together."

  My jaw dropped open.

  “She’s not just a girlfriend. You lived with her, too. You have got to be kidding me," I hollered as I looked down at the flowers clutched in my hand. I threw them at him and jumped to my feet. "You are a cheater, and that’s lower than the lowest piece of shit."

  I didn’t want to keep reliving the past and getting enraged about Jacob’s actions anymore. Those kinds of thoughts only kept me enraged. I didn’t want that anymore.

  When his arms wrapped around me from behind, I turned off the stove and scraped the eggs and turkey sausage onto a plate. I put the pan back down on the stove and spun around to face him.

  “You have it smelling good in here, baby,” he said as he peeked over my shoulder.

  “Scrambled eggs, sausage, and wheat toast.”

  He kissed my neck. “Good, because I’m starving. Where are the kids?”

  “They’re with Montie. He’s keeping them for the rest of the week.”

  “Why so long?”

  I humped my shoulder. “He said he missed them. The kids wanted to stay with him, too.”

  “Oh,” was his only reply.

  I took his hand and held it. “I will try to work on us,” I said and squeezed his hand tight.

  “Thank you, Destiny. That’s all I need from you. I will handle the rest.” He wrapped me up in his embrace and squeezed me tight.

  I stayed in his arms that morning, until every insecurity I had about our love drifted away.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Destiny

  Mama Knows Everything

  “Mama, we started dress shopping at 10 a.m. It’s after 2:00 and I’m tired.”

  “I have to go in one more store and then I’ll know which one I want to choose,” Mama said as we walked into Nordstrum’s. She had tried on at minimum eighty dresses already that day.

  “If you haven’t found the right one by now, maybe you should just skip the party altogether,” I told her. “Nothing in life should be this complicated.”

  “Baby girl, you should know by now that I spend a day just looking around and then I go home and make a decision when I’m looking for dresses. What’s the fun in shopping if you just go in and pick up the first thing you see? It’s supposed to be an experience, so stop being faint at heart.”

  She laughed at my exasperated look that included sweat beads on my forehead. I had dressed nice in a ruffled shirt dress, pulled my hair back into a long ponytail, put on sunglasses and comfortable flats. My hair had frizzed; I shouldn’t have flat ironed it since I was going to sweat it out walking from store to store on every clothing strip in Miami. And my clothes were sticking to me though it was late fall and only seventy degrees out.

  “You have no sympathy for the pregnant,” I
whined.

  “Oh chile, a little walking around isn’t going to hurt my grandbaby. If anything, I’m helping you both. What you should be doing is looking for some maternity clothes, so you can keep looking good during your pregnancy,” she said.

  I draped my hand over my belly lovingly.

  “Oh, I can’t believe you’re having my third grandchild. You were always much braver than me. I stopped after I had you. Too much pain.”

  “Mama, I only got pregnant because I wanted to share a child with Jacob. I wanted to be the one to give him his first child,” I said. A piercing strike shot through me with the realization that Justine was carrying his first child.

  “I know you wanted to give him his first child, baby girl. That’s why you should have let me get my hands around that scandalous little heathen’s neck when I was about to wear her out the first time we met. Then, none of this would be happening,” Mama breathed fire as she spoke. “I don’t want to talk about her. I’ll get another migraine. When John first told me that she was pregnant and claiming Jacob as the father I had to lay down for the entire day. I was sick.”

  “Mama, I don’t want you getting sick about what Justine does.”

  “I wasn’t sick about what she did. I was sick because I didn’t whoop her butt the first time I saw her.” She rubbed her temples, looking stressed. “I just get so upset at the thought of someone messing with my only child. You’re the best thing I created. I’m proud of you for being such a great daughter,” she said and smiled.

  “Thanks Mama.” I cheered up. “I’m not afraid of Justine. She’s behind bars where she belongs.”

  “It’s just the thought that a murderer attacked you and was obsessed with your husband, so much so that she snuck him while he was sleeping to get pregnant.”

  “You believe Jacob, Mama?”

  “Of course, I do. I would take Jacob’s word over Justine Parker, Satan herself, or any of the witches that taught her how to ride a broom. Those women are so evil, every night before I go to bed I pray over your name. I say, ‘Lord, You could’ve let me fall and crumble into a million pieces a thousand times over. Yet, You held me tight, and each and every time I was too weak to carry on You carried me. You now have my daughter in your gentle embrace. Perform resuscitation to her spirit during earthly turmoil. Hold her together, like no man has the power to hold. Heal her wounds like only You can. Fix and mold us all and make us impermeable with each repair. In Jesus name.’ And baby, that prayer works. God has protected you and my grandchildren and even blessed us with another on the way. He has sculpted us into flawed, yet perfect children of God.”

  I hugged her neck. She had always been a praying mother. A trait I hadn’t embraced fully, but would start. “That’s a beautiful prayer, Mama.”

  “And I say the same one for John and Jacob when I wake up, because I want them covered to. If Jacob is anything like his father, he’s been bamboozled by Justine and it just ain’t nothing more to it than that,” Mama said matter of factly.

  “Mama, let’s find your dress. Your prayers have us covered with everything else,” I smiled. “I don’t want you stressing over Justine. She’s already taken something special from me and my husband. Her shenanigans are not going to hurt you, too.” I pulled her toward a rack of black dresses.

  “Oh, she’s not going to hurt me. Believe that.”

  I shook my head. “I think this is the one,” I said pulling out a dress with a one shoulder strap that had blue and black carnation on it, and the other side strapless. It was knee length and pencil style.

  “Now, that’s more my style than anything I’ve seen today.”

  “Let’s get it then,” I squealed with joy that we would be leaving the stores as soon as she paid for her dress. While Mama was at the counter, Tasha called. “Where are you? You were supposed to meet us hours ago,” I lit into her as soon as I answered.

  “I’m in South Dakota with Matt and Cody,” she said with too much pep in her voice. “Matt had to leave town on impromptu business. Since he already promised me and Cody that he would take us on the slopes, this was the perfect opportunity to have a working vacation.”

  “Sounds like you are just blending into their family nicely.”

  “I guess you could say that,” she said, giggling and flirting with the idea of she and Matt being a couple.

  “You have a lot to explain when you get back, Ms. Ski Girl. Make sure you take some pictures of you on the ski slopes.”

  “I will, and sorry I couldn’t make it shop with y’all. Tell auntie I will come hang out with her when I get back.”

  “Yeah, that’s if Matt lets you off work. Since you’re having working vacations and all, maybe you’ll have more working sleepovers too.”

  “Shut up, Destiny! I’ll be free. Just tell her I’m coming by and to have some food ready for me.”

  “Okay, have fun, Tasha. You deserve it.”

  “Thanks.”

  I hung up as Mama was finishing up her transaction.

  “That was Tasha, Mama. She said she couldn’t meet us today because she had to work. She said she will come by when she gets free.”

  “Oh, so she has a man, too, huh?”

  I laughed.

  Mama knows everything.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Destiny

  We Are Family

  Mom and I walked through the hallways of Jacob’s childhood home. Many of his pictures still hung on the wall in the same place I saw them the first time I visited. I followed Mom into the dining area, preoccupied by the décor of the immaculate room that seemed to hold so much love, now that Jacob’s mother wasn’t sucking up the air.

  “So, glad you could make it, Destiny,” Jacob’s father, John, said when I entered the dining room fully.

  “I’m glad to be here. Jacob wanted to be here. As you know, he important meetings in Atlanta all day today,” I said.

  “That’s fine. You’re the one that I need to talk to,” John said in booming voice that resonated seriousness.

  “What is it, John?” Mama asked before I could respond.

  John stared at my mother for a few moments before he said. “I have some news about Justine. I visited her at the prison today, and while I was there—”

  “You what?” Her words sliced John’s sentence in half like a knife. Mama’s hands flew to her hips. “I know you’re not around her coddling that girl.”

  “No. It’s nothing like that. Sit down Clara. What I have to say, you need to be sitting for.” John got up from his seat and helped Mama into her chair and then helped me.

  “This had better be good, John,” Mama gave John a look that said, ‘because if it isn’t your ass is lawn mowed grass.’

  John planted his elbows on the table and clasped his hands together. “It’s two things. She’s not having Montie or Jacob’s baby. Actually, she’s not having a baby at all. She has never been pregnant. I got that news from the medical doctor over the prison medical system.”

  I gasped. My mouth flew open but I couldn’t find the words to speak.

  “Praise God! That is good news, John,” Mama said with elation in her eyes as she raised her hands to the sky and clasped them together in a praying motion.

  “That’s not all,” John said bringing our attention back to his second reveal. “She said she wanted you to have this letter, Destiny. She promised me the contents would explain word for word what happened between her and Jacob.” John waved the letters that he picked up from the center of the table. “She corroborated his version of what happened to me.”

  “So, I’m having Jacob’s only child?” I asked. The shock from his first revelation was still laying foundation in my mind, when he revealed the second piece of news in the form of a letter. The pretense of Justine having Jacob’s child had hung over me so long and potently, it would take more than a conversation to wash it all away.

  “You are having my first and only grandchild, Destiny.” John’s smile reached his eyes. “Though I
hope it won’t be the last,” he added.

  It was real. This was really happening!

  “How did you get her to tell you all of this, John?” Mama asked.

  “Well, for one, I knew that young lady since she was a child. She was an angel when she was growing up. She never was this vindictive, evil person she grew to become. She was Jacob’s best friend; when you saw one, you saw two. People pushed her to her mental limits, though. I didn’t realize it was that bad then.” He paused. “Now, the jail doctors have her on medication that is helping her think clearly. She’s distraught about Rick’s murder, along with the deception she has perpetrated in your marriage. She also sent a letter to apologize to Jacob.” John slid the letters to me. Written proof that my husband never meant to hurt me, just like he said.

  “She also has come to realize that her relationship with her mother is toxic for her. She knows Martha and Tammy were manipulating her,” John added and groaned his contempt.

  “Poor girl,” Mama said. “I thought I was going to have to whip some sense into her. Now, I feel sorry for her.”

  “She was very remorseful when I spoke with her. She already had written those letters and was waiting on the right time to deliver them. I didn’t have the nerve to tell her that Martha and Tammy made Rick leave her at the altar. It would only break her down further than she already was. She knows they are bad for her wellbeing and that’s enough for me.”

  “Oh, Jacob. I should have believed you,” I said, thinking about the groveling he’d done to convince me he’d been wrongfully accused of an affair. “I have to get back to Atlanta!” I stood from the table and picked up the letters.

  “My driver is already in the loop waiting for you. The jet is gassed up and ready to go,” John said. He obviously was expecting me to run off as soon as I got the news.

  “We’ll have dinner some other time, Mama.”

  “I know, baby girl. Go get your man.” Mama’s cheeks sprang up to the corners of her eyes as she bubbled over with joy.