Loving Jacob

by Shani Greene-Dowdell

  "Saturday is good for me. Just text me your address."

  With a date scheduled with this yummy man, I would be a wreck for the rest of the week. Not to mention, I needed to go shopping. I had no idea what I'd wear, especially since I didn't know where he was taking me. I didn't want to get too dressed up and seem high maintenance, but if I dressed down and he took me somewhere nice...see, the panic was already setting in.

  "Kemara?"

  Oh yeah, when people are talking to me on the phone, the sane thing to do is respond back. "Sorry, I'm still here."

  "So, what area are you in? It must not be near here since I've only run into you those two times."

  "Yeah, I only go there to visit a friend from high school. We usually have lunch together a couple of times a month. I'm actually from--"

  The doorbell rang. "Hold on a minute, someone is at the door."

  "I'll be waiting with bated breath."

  What kind of idiot would be coming over this late? One of my biggest pet peeves was people showing up at my place unannounced. Whoever it was would be getting chewed out. I hit hold on my cell, so Channing wouldn't get a glimpse of my angry and think I was like that all the time.

  My battle-resolve drained from me when I opened the door to find my sister on the stoop, her eyes red and puffy from crying so hard.

  I unmuted the phone. "I'm sorry Channing, I need to go. Family emergency." I didn't even hear his reply before hanging up. I rushed to my sister's side. "Tameka, are you okay? What happened?"

  She sniffled. "The same thing that always happens. Rodney's dumb ass. Can I come in?"

  I stepped back and let her in. "Of course. What did he do?" My voice got low. "Did that man lay hands on you?" If he touched one hair on my baby sister's head, his life was forfeit. I didn't care if they threw me in prison, it's be time well-served.

  She shook her head wiping her nose on the back of her hand. "I told you, he'd never do that."

  "So why are you crying so hard?"

  "We got into a huge fight in front of the kids. They were crying, begging to stay at the house, but he wouldn't let them, and since it's his weekend, I just had to stand there and watch him drive off with my babies as they cried. It broke my heart. Then I was stuck in that big empty house, feeling like crap, so I came over here."

  I gestured for her to take a seat on the couch. "Do you want some tea?"

  She nodded as she sat down on the couch, folding herself up into a little ball. When she divorced her husband, the custody battle was brutal. Even though the two of them couldn't agree on anything, the judge gave them joint custody and if either of them refused to hand over the kids for any reason when it was the other parent's turn, they'd be arrested.

  I never wanted to find myself in the nightmare my sister was in. It was so strange, only six years earlier, I was at their wedding and they seemed so in love. Now they hated each other just as deeply as they loved each other back then.

  I handed her a cup of earl grey with extra sugar, just the way she liked it and took a seat on the couch next to her. "What did you two fight about?"

  "I bought Kevin a baby doll. He kept stealing his sister's dolls and they were fighting over it all the time, so I got him one of his own, so he'd leave hers alone. He wanted to take it with him over to Rodney's. So we ended up in this big fight. Rodney feels like I'm trying to make our son gay. I never encouraged him to play with dolls, but if he wants one, I don't see the issue. He's only five."

  I didn't see the issue either. My nephew liked trucks and football too. Making such a big deal over one doll was probably traumatizing him. "Your ex is a damn fool."

  "I know, but I just don't want to think about it anymore. Let's talk about something else. Like who is Channing?"

  I swallowed. "What?"

  "I heard you talking to him in that voice five octaves higher than your normal voice. Be careful, these black men act like fools nowadays."

  I took another sip of my tea. "He's not black."

  My sister's demeanor changed from playful to annoyed. She pinched the bridge of her nose. "Please tell me, you are not fucking around with no white man."

  I didn't know what to say. "You just said, black men act like fools."

  "Yeah, they do. But they are our fools. When a white man dates a black woman you don’t know if it’s real or if he just wants to knock boots. You ain't got time for that. You're getting older, you need to be looking for a serious relationship, a man that will marry you."

  "You don't know anything about him other than his name. How can you say what he will and won't do?"

  "Because I know men and I'm telling you, white men just use us. You are too smart and too pretty to allow yourself to be used."

  "What do you know about men? You're already divorced and your ex makes you miserable!"

  Her neck snapped back as if I'd slapped her across the face. I would have given anything to take back my words. Her tone was low and flat, "He and I fight so much because we both love our kids. If that white man gives two shits about any black babies he makes with you, then count yourself damn lucky." I knew she was only spewing that bitterness because of the sad state of her own marriage and divorce.

  She sat her coffee cup on the table and got up off the couch.

  "Where are you going?"

  "Home," was all she said before walking out the front door, leaving me in unshakable doubt.

  Chapter Five

  Channing

  The most gorgeous woman I'd ever seen had just agreed to go out with me. There were no words to describe how excited I was, but my enthusiasm was soon deflated. Where was I going to take her? A classy chick like her wouldn't be down with warm beer and a few rounds of pool. Not to mention if I took her to the tavern, we'd definitely run into someone I knew and the depending on who it was the situation would either become bad or very bad.

  I had to think outside of the box. Come up with a date that would truly sweep her off her feet or our first date might be our last. I went to my computer and looked up the best restaurants within an hour of us. I found a Mexican place that looked good, but when I looked at the prices on the menu the blood drained from my face. Dinner, drinks and tip would cost me almost an entire week's pay.

  I looked for something else, but I kept going back to the page for that restaurant. I really wanted to impress her. I'd been putting some money aside, it was time to spend it. Though I hoped taking her there wouldn't mean she'd expect to go to places like that every time. If she did, I wouldn't be able to afford it. But I wanted to make our first date special.

  My cell buzzed with a text.

  Kemara: Sorry about that. My sister needed me, but she's fine now. Here's my address...

  Me: Thanks. I can't wait for our date. And you're such a sweetheart, the way you look after your sister.

  Kemara: You just keep thinking that, stud.

  I laughed.

  Me: So you think I'm a stud? Huh?

  Kemara: Shoosh, unless you want to get hammered.

  A few seconds later before I could type a good comeback my phone buzzed again.

  Kemara: Can we please keep pretending half the stuff I say isn't a bad innuendo?

  God, she was adorable.

  Me: Sure can.

  We talked on the phone a few more times during the week and we texted one another every day. Finally, Saturday came around and it was time to pick her up. I wasn't surprised to discover she lived in the city which was about an hour's drive from my town. That would explain why I hadn't seen her before, even though I'd seen her friend several times.

  I pulled up in front of her apartment building. It was neat and clean and a bit on the upscale side, my rusty pickup stuck out like a sore thumb in front of it. Part of me was surprised she even took me up on my offer. Most professional women wouldn't give a redneck like me the time of day. Glad she was willing to take a chance.

  She buzzed me in and I headed upstairs with a bouquet of roses in my hand. Another first for me, but I was goi
ng all out. I had this nagging feeling that somehow I was going to screw this up and I needed all the positive collateral I could get when I did. When she opened the door, my jaw dropped. She wore a sleeveless black dress with lace covering the top of it and her hair down and to the side. "You look amazing."

  She smiled as she took the flowers from me. "Thank you. Come in, while I put these in some water."

  Her place looked just like I imagined. A strange combination of sleek and cozy that somehow fit her. There was a place for everything, but at the same time, it felt welcoming, like it wouldn't be hard to find a place for you too. She came out of the kitchen with the flowers in a vase. She placed them on the table and was ready to go.

  When we got to my truck, I held the door open for her. I hoped there wasn't anything in there that might get her dress dirty. I was wearing a suit jacket, usually something I'd only do if someone had just died, but I figured it was a requirement for the restaurant I was taking her to.

  We pulled up in front of the restaurant and I handed the valet my keys. He looked down at them, then at me, and then at my truck. I gave him a look that strongly suggested he park my truck without opening his mouth. He took my suggestion.

  After we took our seats, I could tell something was wrong. Kemara read the menu with her face all pinched up like she was looking at a bad report card. "What's wrong?"

  "Please don't get offended when I ask this, but how can you afford this?"

  "I'm a drug dealer." I delivered the line with a straight face and a perfectly flat voice. I amazed myself at how easily I said it. Poor Kemara looked like she was going to have an aneurism then and there, so I couldn't hold my straight face for long. I laughed. "I'm just kidding. I work and I had some money saved up. That's all."

  "You're spending your savings to take me out?"

  "Yeah, you're worth it. Aren't you?"

  She rolled her eyes. "If you say so." Even her mock annoyance was adorable.

  "So what do you do?" I asked, just wanting to make simple conversation, not trying to measure exactly how far out of my league I actually was.

  "I work with insurance claims, what about you?"

  "Construction."

  She grinned. "I figured. How else do you explain all these muscles?" She reached across the tiny table and felt my arm which I instinctively flexed for her.

  "All that lifting I did in prison."

  Once again her mouth fell open.

  "If you're going to keep making it this easy, then I'm not sure I'll be able to stop."

  She leaned back in her chair and laughed. That sound was so beautiful, I would make jokes all night to hear it again and again.

  We sat there drinking fine wine, which I honestly liked less than the stuff I get from a box, and talking about our lives—work, friends, and families. I left out a few details about my family and friends to avoid wearing the fine wine that cost me two days’ pay and tasted like rot. But other than that, there wasn't much that I kept hidden. There was something about her that just made it easy to talk.

  She was telling me about her sister and the jerk she married when she mentioned her sister being upset about us going out.

  "Why's that?" I asked. A knot tightened in my stomach. She probably didn't like the idea of her fancy exec sister dating a construction worker. I didn't really have a comeback for that.

  "She says there is only one thing white guys are interested in when they date black girls."

  I nearly choked on the shitty wine. She had to be kidding. Not to be arrogant, but I'm a hot guy in a small town full of single women, I can order up pussy like it's pizza. I chuckled. "If all I was interested in was getting laid, there are a lot easier ways than trying to date a black woman in Lafayette County."

  It took milliseconds to realize I said the wrong thing. Her face went deadpan. I fumbled for words to try to rescue what I was sure was now the shortest date of my life. "I just meant—"

  "I think it was perfectly clear what you meant." If she sounded angry. I would have had at least some hope, but there was no emotion in her voice at all. She'd put up her walls and I wasn't sure I'd be able to scale them. She wiped her mouth and stood up from the table. "Thank you for the lovely dinner. I'll be going now."

  She started to leave. I dropped the entire contents of my wallet, over five hundred on the table so I could chase after her without getting arrested. I caught up with her just outside the restaurant. "Kemara, wait."

  She kept walking. It was miles to her place, so I knew she wasn't going to walk all the way home in heels. But she could walk over to a major street and catch a cab. If she got in that cab before I convinced her not to, that would be the last time I saw her. "At least let me drive you home."

  "No, thank you. I'll be fine." She kept walking as if I hadn't even spoken. She was going to reach a major street soon. I had to stop her. I knew it would be a risk, she could flip out on me. I was desperate. I had to try something.

  I grabbed her by her shoulders and forced her to face me. "Tell me what I said that was so horrible as to be unforgivable."

  "If dating me is causing you so much hardship, then please, don't let me burden you with me presence."

  "Oh, come on. You know I didn't mean it like that. I'm just being honest. Dating someone outside of your race causes complications, like someone's sister assuming I'm a bad guy without even knowing anything about me."

  “So that doesn’t mean I’m going to be hard to date. It’s not about what my sister wants, it’s about what I want.”

  “I’m sorry for saying that, Kemara. Okay?”

  Her eyes fell to the ground and her shoulders went lax in my grip. "I suppose you have a point. There were some theatrics involved in the way I jumped up and ran out of the restaurant," she said and laughed. I joined in, laughing slightly. No longer fueled by a raging desire to get away from me, she began to rub her arms.

  I took off my jacket and draped it over her shoulders. We walked back slowly towards the restaurant. When we the valet brought my truck, I reached into my wallet and realized I had dropped every dollar I had on the table. I didn't even have enough to pay him.

  I looked at Kemara and I'm sure the agony of the question I had to ask showed on my face. "Do you have a twenty I could borrow?"

  She dug a twenty out of her purse and handed it to me. There was no judgment in her eyes, unlike the valet who must have been biting his tongue not to say I knew you weren't shit.

  I hopped in the car and just wanted to get out of there. I probably broke the speeding limit five times to get Kemara home. Even though in the end she forgave me of my slip, having to borrow money from my date...I was beyond humiliated.

  I pulled up in front of her apartment.

  "Would you like to come up for some coffee?"

  I quirked a brow. For someone who was worried I was only after one thing, inviting me up to her place seemed like a strange plan. "When you say coffee, do you mean actual coffee or—"

  "I mean, given your expression, if I let you drive off I'll probably never see you again."

  I chuckled. "It's that bad, huh?"

  "When you couldn't pay the valet, you looked as though you'd just lost a parent. What happened?"

  "I didn't have time to pay the bill, so I just dropped all my cash on the table before running after you."

  "Then it was my fault? I'm so sorry."

  "Nah, it wasn't your fault. Don't worry about it. And sure, I'll come up and have some coffee."

  I tend to drink coffee to make it through a hard day of work. After I've been up all night drinking, and it usually tastes like tar. But it's doing a job, so I don't care.

  Kemara had a coffee press, with every flavor of coffee you could think of. So there I was sitting on her couch drinking some caramel nutmeg concoction and I couldn't have been happier.

  As the night wore on and she put her stocking covered feet in my lap, I gave her a foot rub. If I ever told my friends about that night they, wouldn't believe me. But all we did wa
s talk. We laughed. We shared our dreams and our fears. Like I said before, there was something about her space that just invited me in. I opened up when I was with her.

  I didn't notice how long we'd been at it until sunlight began to flow through her windows.

  "Have we been talking all night?" she asked, following my gaze.

  I smiled. "I guess we have."

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