Blackness Within (The Blackness Series Book 5)

by Norma Jeanne Karlsson

Once I’m certain she’s good and asleep I shift a little and snag my phone out of my jacket. I hope she’s a deep sleeper.

  “Finn Callaghan,” he answers briskly.

  “Hey, Finn. I’ve got somethin’ I need you to get on right away,” I say quietly.

  “Where are you? And why the fuck are you whispering?”

  “It’s a long story. I’ll fill you in later. I need you to get everything you can on a Blake Reynolds. He’s a junkie, maybe involved in a kidnapping.”

  “Shit. You’re not doin’ somethin’ stupid are you?” Finn asks, knowing the answer already.

  I’m doing something very stupid right now.

  “You remember that nurse that took care of Kid?”

  “Natasha?” Finn asks shocked.

  “Yeah. She’s in some trouble and I’m tryin’ to figure out how much and what we need to do to help her. I don’t wanna say more than that over the phone.”

  “Gotcha. I’ll let you know when I’ve got somethin’.”

  “Thanks,” I say moving to hang up.

  “O’Sullivan,” he says grimly, stopping me in my tracks.

  “Yeah?”

  “Be smart here.”

  “Right. Call me once you’ve got something.”

  “Later.”

  “Later.”

  Natasha hasn’t so much as moved a muscle as I talked to one of my oldest friends. I live with two of his brothers and used to live with him until he was captured by a woman’s pussy and moved out on his own. It was a bad choice because like most women she was a lying, deceiving bitch. Finn is amazing at his job. He can find out anything about anybody. He seems to have connections all over the Midwest and uses them with calculated precision. Our firm couldn’t run without him and it wouldn’t be as successful if it weren’t for him.

  The baby starts to cry in the other room and Zeus’s head pops up at attention.

  “You watch her. I’ll get the baby,” I say to the dog like he can understand me. Weirdly, he seems to. As I slide Natasha off my lap, the dog climbs further into hers. He’s holding her as best he can.

  I climb off the couch and go in search of the wailing. It’s not difficult to find him. Her house only has three doors in the hallway: one leading to a second bedroom with a single bed and a desk, another leading to a remodeled bathroom and the last, her bedroom where I find the baby.

  Her room has a queen-sized bed covered in crisp white linens with buttercream walls. There are more pictures covering them in mismatched frames that fit together because they don’t go together. It’s the images the draw the line of connection. I spy one that has Natasha beaming a smile staring at me from her old oak dresser. It steals my breath until the baby squeals again, bringing me back to the task at hand.

  He’s in a brand new playpen. I can tell it’s new because the tags are still on it and it doesn’t look used at all. I pick the baby up and he quiets immediately, so I set into the routine that’s been my life for two and a half years. I quickly change the baby and put him in a new outfit after ripping the tags off with my teeth. He laughs when I do it, which warms my heart. Living in a house with Kid and her three boys has turned me into a puddle of goo where babies are concerned. Not that I’d ever admit it.

  Once the baby’s in a fuzzy navy fleece all-in-one outfit, I scoop him to my chest like a pro and move back to the kitchen. This could be tricky. Kid breastfed so I’ve never had to make formula before. I made it through law school, surely I can figure out how to do this. I read the instructions and set about making the bottle. I warm a pot of water on the stove and wait until I think it’s ready. A few drops on my wrist and it’s the perfect temperature. I grab a cloth diaper that’s draped over the back of one of the kitchen chairs and move back into the living room.

  Gently, I sit down and pop the bottle in the little one’s mouth and watch him go to town. Zeus looks up from Natasha’s lap and I swear he gifts me a look of acceptance. I know it’s crazy, but that’s what it feels like all the same. Halfway through the bottle I pop the nipple out of the baby’s mouth and give him a good burp. And he complies willingly.

  “That’s a good boy,” I whisper to him as I lay him back down across my arm and continue feeding him. “We need to give you a name, bud. If you’re gonna be around for a while, you need a name.”

  He doesn’t respond other than to smile around the nipple causing formula to dribble from the corners of his mouth. I chuckle at the sight as I dab up the mess. I love babies. Yes, I’m aware that doesn’t make sense coming from the womanizer who would sooner cut off his nuts than get a woman pregnant, but it’s true. They’re cute, they smell sweet, they’re easy to entertain and they make me feel good. Enough said.

  When he finishes his bottle and gives me another good burp, I cradle him against my chest and settle myself in. He’s asleep pretty quickly and I feel myself dozing along with the room. Natasha’s slow breathing combined with the sweet breaths tickling my neck lull me into a peaceful sleep. It’s short lived.

  O’Sullivan

  I launch off the couch in a stuporous state as Zeus growls and barks, lunging at the front door. I rub my eyes with the heel of my hand attempting to get my wits about me, the baby still asleep against my chest. Natasha is standing at the front door shaking from head to toe.

  “Natasha?” I question softly.

  “It’s Blake,” she whispers.

  “Do you want me to deal with him?” I ask, striding to the door now in full control.

  “I don’t know what I want right now, Sully,” she admits full of sadness.

  I pull her into my arms cradling her and the baby against me. It feels better than it should so I quickly end the embrace and pass her the baby.

  “I’ve got this,” I assure her.

  I pull the door open with purpose and almost stumble at the man in front of me. He’s a shadow of the person in the pictures decorating his sister’s walls. His blond hair is shaggy and oily. Scabs and scars cover his once attractive face that’s now sallow and drawn, covered in a straggly beard. His clothes are too big for him, though they probably once fit his frame. He’s thin and malnourished unlike the muscular, broad shouldered man he used to be. He’s dying a slow death that’s becoming more imminent. It’s a depressing sight to witness, but I’m not sad. I’m fucking pissed off.

  “Who the fuck are you?” he sneers.

  Zeus has stopped his assault, obviously familiar with the shell of a being before us.

  “I’m Brian O’Sullivan. How can I help you?” I answer coolly, reining in my temper.

  I’m a fighter through and through. At every moment throughout the day, I’m assessing how I can best the people around me that could possibly pose a threat. Blake poses no threat and could be easily dispatched with one measured thrust of my fist.

  “Where’s my sister?” he growls, moving toward me. Dude’s got balls.

  “I’m right here, Blake,” Natasha’s voice breaks the tension from behind me.

  “Can you back off this douche bag and let me in? It’s fuckin’ freezin’, Tosh,” he grumbles to his sister.

  “Let him in, Sully. I don’t want this on my porch for the whole neighborhood to witness,” she says in a defeated voice that instantly irritates me. She shouldn’t cave to her brother or give a shit what anyone thinks about her. I know that’s easier said than done, but I hate the idea that she’s letting anyone dictate her life. No woman should allow anyone to tell her how to live. The best women in this world run their own shit and are confident in that power. I know Natasha is that woman. It’s evident in her home, her work and her willingness to take a baby and risk her life doing it. She needs help extending that power to her brother.

  “Thank fuck you have the baby,” Blake breathes out when he sees his sister cradling the baby against her chest.

  My six foot three frame was blocking his view before. Natasha is almost a foot shorter than me and she fits perfectly beneath my arm at my side, which is where I put her immediately after s
hutting and locking the door.

  Blake’s eyebrows hit his hairline when I make the possessive move.

  “Tosh, who the fuck is this dude?”

  “Where did you get this baby, Blake? If you stole someone’s baby, I swear to God I’m callin’ the cops!” she screeches, waking the baby in her arms. She changes his position and bounces him a little, never leaving my side.

  “I can’t remember. It’s pretty fuckin’ hazy,” he huffs, flopping down on the couch.

  Zeus is stock still at Natasha’s other side. I rotate us slightly to maintain eye contact with Blake and she follows without hesitation right along with her dog.

  “Did you steal him, Blake? Please tell me you didn’t. Please,” she begs with a quiver in her voice.

  “I’m not a kidnapper, Natasha,” he scoffs.

  “Then where did he come from? Babies don’t just drop out of the sky.”

  “I don’t know where he came from. It’s a blur. I remember him bein’ in the house and cryin’. I tried to quiet him down then I put him in my room. He was gone when we woke up. I looked at a few other houses I thought we might’ve hit while we were fucked up. When I couldn’t find him, I came here.”

  Natasha peels away from me and approaches her brother slowly. She sits down on the couch right next to him and tips her arm holding the baby toward Blake.

  “Blake, look at him. He’s someone’s baby. If I call the cops or social services, you’re gonna get in trouble. Fuck, I’m gonna get in trouble.”

  “I won’t let anything happen to you. I’ll take the heat. It’s my fault. Call the cops, Tosh. It’s time,” he says dejectedly.

  “Hang on you two. We don’t know what we’re dealin’ with yet,” I interject as Zeus noses my hand for a pet. Ha! I knew we were bonding.

  “Dude, I don’t know who the fuck you are, but this is none of your business. If you’re here to bang my sister, you might as well hit the pavement.”

  “Blake!” Natasha scolds her brother.

  “I’m an attorney that your sister called when she needed some help. She was alone,” I say pointedly.

  “Well, I’m here now, so fuck off.”

  I kind of like this guy. He couldn’t take me if he wanted to, but he’s protecting his sister. I’m the guy he should be protecting her from too. I’m bad news. I know this. But I’m here now and oddly invested, so he can try to scare me off all he wants. It won’t work.

  “Stop it, Blake. I’m not eleven anymore. Sully’s here to help me. And with the state you’re in, I don’t think you’re capable of making me a cup of tea at this point.”

  Blake looks at his sister with a curious gaze. He’s probably the only person she goes to when she needs help. I can tell how close they are. Even strung out and incapable of normal behavior, he’s here trying to do the right thing. He can’t do it though. If he knew where the baby came from or who he belongs to, he would be useful. At this point, he’s just an added problem.

  I ease myself onto the couch next to Natasha and she backs into my chest. I don’t think she realized she was doing it until I sweep my arm around her shoulders and pull her tighter. Her soft body tenses slightly and then relaxes as I run my hand down the baby’s back. None of these moves on my part were thought out. I just did them. That’s concerning.

  Zeus has flopped down in his bed, seemingly relaxed in the tension-filled room. Blake’s staring at my arm like he wants to rip it from my body and beat me to death with it. I feel a ghost of a smile skirt my lips as I lock eyes with him.

  “Are you fuckin’ my sister?” he demands a little too loudly, making the baby jump beneath my hand.

  “I’m here to keep your sister safe,” I reply blankly.

  “Now answer my question,” he growls.

  “I barely know him. Stop bein’ such a dick!” Natasha grinds out.

  “You barely know him and he’s in your house, cool with Zeus and holdin’ you like that? What the fuck, Tosh?”

  “It’s a long story,” she mutters, fussing with the baby.

  “I guess the baby doesn’t belong to the other people that were in your house last night?” I ask, moving away from the uncomfortable topic of my relationship with Natasha.

  “Crazy and Snatch?” Blake asks surprised at my question.

  “Are those the names of the people that you were with last night?”

  “Yeah. It’s not their baby.”

  “Can you remember anything before you got the baby?” I push forward.

  “Nothing outta the ordinary. Hangin’ around and shit.”

  I’m assuming hanging around and shit means getting high and not giving a fuck.

  “We could be in real trouble, Blake. What if this baby belongs to someone dangerous?” Natasha pipes in.

  “I don’t fuck with dangerous people, Tosh,” he scoffs.

  She snorts.

  “Right, you spend your time with nuns and saints.”

  “Sorry, I’m not perfect like you.” His tone is skirting in a direction I don’t like. I feel my chest puffing up and a fight building within me. I’ll beat this motherfucker to a pulp if he’s not careful.

  “Do me a favor, Blake. Watch how you speak to your sister. She’s riskin’ everything to try to keep your ass outta jail. Respect that,” I order in a low growl.

  I see a flicker of fury pass through his bloodshot grey eyes before his shoulders drop and his chin sinks to his chest.

  “You know I don’t mean that kinda shit, Tosh. You’re all I’ve got,” he whispers.

  Natasha scoots free from my grasp and passes me the baby before wrapping her brother in her arms. They hold each other fiercely, whispering and comforting. The baby looks up at me with big blue eyes full of questions. I have no answers for him.

  “You need a shower and some clean clothes,” Natasha says, pulling back from Blake after five minutes of holding each other. “Probably a good meal too.”

  He nods solemnly and moves toward the bathroom. Once I hear the water begin to flow, I open my mouth to speak only to be cut off by Natasha’s succulent voice.

  “Thank you for holding me earlier. I’m not usually that needy, but with everything goin’ on and the lack of sleep…I needed that. I’m sorry about Blake. He’s always been protective of me and just because things are different now doesn’t mean he doesn’t still love me. I love him too. I’m sure that’s difficult to understand, but he’s my brother. He took care of me from the time I was born and still does what he can. I’ve taken up enough of your time today. You can leave now. I’ve got this under control. Blake and I can figure this out. We always do,” she finishes strongly.

  She clearly doesn’t want me here. She was scared before, but now that her brother’s here, she has what she wants. Her go-to in life. She seems confident in Blake’s abilities regardless of his current state. I’m not sure I can do anything for her anyway. I’m an attorney, not a criminal. If she’s arrested, I can help her out and I will. But I won’t insert myself into her life if that’s not where she wants me.

  I nod and pass the baby back to her. I shrug on my jacket and move to the door, Zeus and Natasha following close behind. Handing her my business card, I capture her soft fingers in mine.

  “Call me day or night if you need me. I’ll always come for you,” I assure her ardently, pulling her knuckles to my lips. I press a long kiss to her skin and then, begrudgingly, release her. I pat the baby a few times and scratch Zeus’s head before turning on my heel.

  “Sully, wait.”

  I halt my progression, but I don’t turn to face her. The need in her voice tells me I’m doing the right thing by walking away.

  “You’re not trouble. You’re a great man. You should let more people see that,” she says in a determined voice.

  “You need to work on your people reading skills. I’m trouble, Natasha. You were right the first time you saw me. Don’t question that. Take care of yourself and that baby,” I instruct and move off her porch to my car.

  I do
n’t look back and I don’t let the strange feelings bubbling below the surface affect me as I drive home. She’ll be fine without me. She’ll be better off without me. No one as good as her needs me in their life. I’m trouble. The blackness within me makes me more dangerous than anything else in Natasha’s life.

  Natasha

  I shut my front door with a soft click and feel heavy-hearted as I do. I shouldn’t have sent Sully away. But I don’t know how to do this. It’s always been Blake and me. We’re a team. I’m not so sure we’re a winning team this round.

  I settle the baby in his bed and set about making dinner for my brother. He’s emaciated and sick. I’ve never seen him as bad as he looks right now. When he was eighteen, he was a sight to behold. Broad shoulders settled on top of a chiseled frame that made women of all ages drool. He was a welder back then, working with his hands and his pride. Everything fell to shit when he failed a random drug test on the job. He’s never been the same since then. The man living in his skin is a pathetic version of the man that I know he could be…the man he is.

  Lemon pepper chicken sizzles in the pan as I throw together a toasted pecan salad when Blake finally emerges from the guest room. The shower, shaved face and clean clothes help but only just.

  “Smells good,” he compliments, wrapping his arms around my shoulders from behind me. I miss what his embrace used to bring me. I used to feel cocooned in warmth and safety in his arms, now I feel sad and alone.

  “Thanks,” I say dismissively.

  “I know you’re pissed, Tosh. Not used to seein’ a dude all over you like that. Where’d he go?”

  Blake plops down in a chair at the kitchen table and waits. He knows I have a lecture building and he’s waiting for the professor within me to unleash.

  “I told him he could leave. You’re here now.”

  “I’ll always be here.”

  “No, you won’t,” I whisper sadly.

  “Tosh,” he urges me to turn and look at him.

  I do.

  “Blake, I have a baby in my house and we don’t know where he belongs, who he belongs to. You’re a bag of bones. I thought you were dead last night when I showed up at your place. Do you have any idea what that did to me? What this does to me? Switch spots with me for a minute. If you came in a house and found me face down in a puddle of vomit, sixty pounds under weight, living in squalor, seemingly dead, how would you feel? Would your heart break? Would you beg me to stop this shit? Would you want to curl up and die right next to my body because I’m the only person that you have in this fucking world?” My hands are shaking right along with the tremor quaking through my body.