Blackness Within (The Blackness Series Book 5)

by Norma Jeanne Karlsson

  “My intention was to torture and torment you. To scar your unblemished skin. To allow my men to use your body like a Port-A-Potty. To mentally demolish you. To dismantle you until death would seem merciful,” Roman informed me coolly.

  I dropped my hands from him and took two steps away until I bumped into the shower wall, panic quaking through my frame. He followed, pinning my body to the glass before tipping my chin to force my gaze to his face and his twinkling stars.

  “When I kissed you in the basement, you gave me something I wasn’t expecting. You kissed me like you craved my touch. As though me kissing you was the only thing providing you breath in that moment,” he continued softly, genuinely.

  The panic within me bolted to an all time high. I felt bile race up my throat and my knees became weak. I was going to pass out.

  I wasn’t kissing Roman in the basement. I was kissing Sully and if Roman was influenced by that intense experience…what if I wasn’t living up to his expectations?

  “Natasha,” he purred. “If you’re playing with me…If you’re using your body to seduce me in order to find a way out…this will end how I initially intended. Women in my life only hold that place for specific uses before being discarded. Knowing that, they behave a certain way. There’s only animalistic physicality between me and them.”

  “Like Maria?” I questioned shakily.

  “Yes, like Maria. You offered me something different in the basement and this morning. I’m open to the option of keeping you in my life this way. At my side, in my bed and in my life. I can’t promise you monogamy. But I’ll provide you a good life while you’re with me. And you will stay with me, Natasha. Once you make your brother understand, you’re mine completely. I won’t share you and anyone that comes for you again will meet a grave fate.”

  “I understand,” I whispered.

  His brow furrowed and an ominous haze clouded his features, the dragon beginning to huff and puff.

  “You’re okay with me fucking other women?” he snarled.

  “I didn’t think I had a choice,” I murmured, closing my eyes.

  He was testing me and I was failing. I don’t know how to play these games.

  “Natasha,” he barked, causing my eyes to burst open.

  “Do you want to share me with other women?” he demanded.

  It was another test. I knew it like I’ve seen the others. He was challenging me to make the right choice.

  “No.”

  “Why?”

  “I don’t want to be like your other women,” I lied. If he only wanted to use me for sex, this would be much easier. My body reacts to his, uncontrollably. But my mind despises my body and its reactions.

  What I said pleased him enough to cause that small smile to slip across his lips.

  “You’re nothing like those women,” he assured me before kissing the corner of my mouth.

  I nodded and sighed deeply. I have no clue if that means he’ll only fuck me. I’m not going to ask. I had a request though.

  “If you’re going to sleep with other women, please use a condom with them and me,” I said.

  “Natasha,” he growled menacingly.

  “I’m sorry, Roman. I don’t want an STI. I’m assuming you won’t let me continue to work so I’ll lose my medical coverage. I can treat a lot of things myself, but I can’t treat things like herpes and HIV,” I protested.

  “I have never fucked a woman without a condom until you,” he snarled in my face.

  “Oh,” I said, stunned.

  “We’ll discuss this later. It’s time to deal with your brother,” he instructed and moved away from me. I was dismissed. He was being cold and irreverent. And that was making my decision to stay with him harder. And worse than that, I missed intimate Roman.

  “Stupid,” I muttered as I stepped onto the cool tile.

  Staying with Roman was a life or death decision. It was the right one to make. Eventually he would get sick of me like he did Maria and his other women. He would hopefully send me away and not in a body bag when that happened. I held onto that hope as I dressed in clothes laid out on the bed for me, a purple cashmere sweater and a black pencil skirt. There were stockings and a garter with a tiny thong and demi-cup bra.

  I dressed quickly and returned to the bathroom to dry my hair and put on some make-up. Roman was at the far sink shaving his face with a straight razor when I entered, only a small towel slung around his hips.

  He looked gorgeous, but the way he treated me in the shower was reminding me I was nothing to him. The idea that I let this man take all the power in my life was infuriating. I thought about trying to wrestle the straight sharp blade from him. As I considered it, I realized I couldn’t beat him. It was pointless to even think it.

  I didn’t speak to him or acknowledge his presence as I flipped on the hair drier. Bending at the waist, I let the hum envelope me. After longer than necessary, I righted myself to find Roman standing inches behind me studying me in the mirror.

  “You’re upset,” he stated.

  “I’m fine,” I lied, leaning into the mirror to swipe mascara across my lashes, glad for waterproof.

  “Don’t lie to me, Natasha.”

  I locked my grey eyes with his reflection and waited for my punishment.

  “Why are you upset?” he demanded.

  “Where should I start?” I snapped. “I’ve been scared outta my fuckin’ mind for almost a week! I found a baby. My brother’s in some wacked situation. I hide, tryin’ to protect everyone, only to be caught. My dog was killed. I was torn from my car. The baby I was tryin’ to save was ripped from me with no promise of returning. I was locked in a basement and then threatened…hurt. You show up and make everything ten times harder. You’re mindfucking me on purpose and I don’t know where I stand with you. Will I die today…tomorrow? Will I be raped and tortured because I make a mistake? Now I have to go tell my brother to leave me alone and in order to convince him of that, I’ll have to hurt him. So yeah, Roman, I’m upset.”

  When I quit talking I wanted to strangle myself. What the fuck was I thinking?! Roman’s eyes were enraged when I finished and I figured all the deals and convincing I’d done were coming to a halt in that moment. Then the rage seeped away and soft Roman replaced the dragon.

  “Come here,” he said softly.

  I did as he asked. I understand that part of this situation. If Roman asked, I did and would continue to.

  He wrapped his sinewy arms around my body and I rested my head against his hard chest. He didn’t say anything, no words of comfort or kindness. He simply held me for a long while, stroking my back gently. Then he spoke.

  “Go to your brother now. Igor will accompany you and I’ll watch from another room,” he murmured in my hair.

  I understood what he meant. If I didn’t do what I promised, he would know and there would be consequences. I nodded into his chest and he released me.

  So here I am. Walking through the maze of hallways, following Igor’s large body and baldhead to wherever Blake is. Roman kissed me on the cheek and left us a few doors ago. We must be close.

  Igor stops at a door and pushes it open. When I enter the space, I find Blake passed out in a chair he’s tied to, beaten to a pulp.

  “Blake!” I shout running to him and snapping into nurse mode.

  His pulse is strong, his breathing shallow, his face mangled and swollen. I hate Roman Vojtech!

  “Blake,” I urge my brother to respond as Igor takes a seat near the door. My back is to him, but I can hear his movements. There’s also a camera in the upper left-hand corner of the room near the ceiling. I force myself not to glare into it when I spot it.

  Blake groans and rolls his head to an upright position.

  “Blake, can you hear me?” I whisper.

  “Yeah. Here to take you home,” he informs me in groggy speech.

  “I’m not leaving with you, Blake,” I admit sadly.

  “I can get us outta here. I just need a few minutes. U
ntie me and then we’re out.”

  “Not happenin’,” Igor states blankly.

  “Can you knock him out with something?” Blake whispers to me.

  This is the moment. My brother is beaten, bloody, still detoxing and I’m going to kick him while he’s down. It will hurt, but he’ll live. He has to live.

  I stand in front of Blake and square my shoulders. He lifts his chin to stare at me with a question in his one functional eye.

  “I’m not leaving with you. I’m staying here. You need to leave and never come back,” I say stronger than I thought I’d be able to.

  “Bullshit,” he sneers. “I’m not leavin’ you here with these fucks. They can keep me and beat me to death or whatever they want. I’m not lettin’ you pay the price for me.”

  “It’s too late for that. I’ve been payin’ the price for you and your life since I was eighteen.”

  The harshness of my tone and words stuns Blake. His one grey eye clouds with disbelief before a fight rises within it.

  “He’s forcin’ you to say this shit. It won’t work!” he yells the last part into the room for listening ears.

  “Roman’s not makin’ me say anything. This is my choice. I choose him,” I respond coolly.

  “Tosh, what the fuck are you talkin’ about?”

  “I’ve never felt safe in my life. Whether it was mom and her shit or you and yours, I’ve always been the one to get fucked. You two have put me in harm’s way and subjected me to horrors that I shouldn’t have witnessed. I’m done, Blake. I’m making the decision this time,” I assert, lying with every breath.

  “And this motherfucker’s gonna keep you safe? Come on, Tosh,” he scoffs, not buying my lies.

  “I feel safer in his arms than I ever felt in yours. I trust every word he utters. I know what I’m getting here and I appreciate that predictability. I’m sick of late night phone calls, wondering if it’s the cops wanting me to come identify your body. I’m sick of mom being mom. I’m sick of working my ass off to have a life no one gives a shit about.” I feel sick as I speak, tears pooling at the back of my eyes.

  “Tosh,” Blake pleads with me.

  He has to understand.

  “I’m dead to you, Blake. Don’t come back for me. Don’t try some dim-witted plan to get me. I choose this and you’re gonna let me. You fuckin’ owe me. Get your shit together and try to have a life. I’m gonna have my own now that doesn’t consist of a junkie brother and a worthless mother.”

  I hold the tears back and stare my brother down. I’ve hurt him. I’ve injured his soul.

  “Natasha,” he begs with a shaky voice.

  “I’m done with you, Blake. I don’t have a brother anymore. Tell me you understand so I can move along with my life,” I insist.

  “I’ll never understand this,” he growls.

  “I don’t give a shit! Get him the fuck outta here,” I snarl at Igor.

  I lean into Blake’s face and whisper, “Do not come back here. I don’t want you here. I fuckin’ hate you.”

  With that, I stomp from the room as Igor moves toward my brother. I mindlessly find my way back to Roman’s room and the guard at the door lets me in. I stumble to Roman’s bed and collapse face first, screaming at the top of my lungs into the mattress.

  I did it. I forced my brother to leave me alone. I saved his life and ended mine. I can only hope it worked. The whole time I spoke Blake didn’t believe me…until the end. When I leaned in his face and spoke, I saw it. The realization that I was done with him filtered into his pale grey eye and it was haunting to witness. I didn’t know you could see a heart break, but I did. I saw Blake’s heart crumble into a thousand pieces and I caused it.

  I had to.

  I saved him.

  I saved him.

  O’Sullivan

  A buzz at the gate alerts us to a guest. I rush to the security panel and breathe a sigh of relief at the same time I shudder at the sight in front of me. Blake’s alone and beaten to a pulp. I press the release for the gate and hurry to the front door to let him in.

  Kid and Kieran follow close behind.

  When I jerk the door open, I find Blake face down in the driveway motionless.

  “Shit,” Kieran huffs.

  He and I jog out to him and heave his body into the house before the neighbors call the cops. We deposit him on the sectional as the rest of the guys come into the great room. Aidan jumps into doctor mode, checking Blake over quickly yet gently. When he’s satisfied, he climbs to his feet and turns his bright blue eyes to me.

  “He’s okay. Broken nose, probably some broken ribs, but overall he’s good,” Aidan informs the group before heading toward the Callaghan wing for medical supplies.

  Cal and Kav flop onto the couch as Kid kneels beside Blake. She strokes his bloody hair tenderly for a long while. If Kid cried she’d be bawling right now, but her warrior ways don’t allow that emotion. The lump in my throat is all I allow myself.

  “Blake,” Kid encourages him to wake up.

  He groans and moves around a little before his least swollen eye drifts open.

  “She wouldn’t come,” he whimpers before dissolving into tears as Kellerman and Aidan descend the stairs together.

  Kid grabs Blake’s hand, trying to comfort him as tears stream down his face.

  “Can you tell us what happened?” she whispers.

  Kellerman and Aidan hover near me, waiting for Blake to calm down enough to talk.

  “She said she chooses Vojtech. That she feels fuckin’ safe with him. That she’s deciding her life now and she wants a life with him. She fuckin’ hates me,” he mumbles into his hands, scrubbing his tears away.

  “She doesn’t hate you. She was savin’ your life,” Kid assures him.

  “You didn’t see her…hear her. I’ve never heard her like that. She was mad…furious. Natasha doesn’t get mad. I’ve always been the temper and she’s the calm. Sure she can yell, make a fuss, but never mad. I did that. She’s had to change to survive this fucked situation and she blames me. She should, but why would she push me away to stay with him? I don’t fuckin’ get it,” he huffs, sitting up to face us.

  Kellerman pulls Kid to her feet before wrapping his arms around her from behind.

  “She did that to save you. I’m guessin’ she made a deal with Vojtech to save your sorry ass. You’ve got a badass sister, dude,” Kieran explains, clapping me on the back before sitting next to Blake.

  “He’ll kill her. Doesn’t she know that?” Blake asks, trying to wrap his head around what Natasha’s done.

  “Woman loves you more than she loves herself. I say use that shit. Get your head outta your ass and the needle outta your arm. Pull it together and we’ll figure out away to get her. If Vojtech let her make that deal, he’s got plans for her and she was down with them. If she thought she was gonna die no matter what, she woulda tried to get you both free. The fact that she’s tried to run you off says she’s comfortable waiting.”

  I know Kieran’s right and I fucking hate what that means. I saw Vojtech kiss Natasha. He was marking what’s his. She’s his now. And I have not a fucking clue how to change that.

  “I’m good to go in six months,” Kid pipes in.

  The room grumbles but doesn’t argue. It’s pointless in this moment. We’ll fight her later if necessary.

  “It’ll take me at least that long to get my shit together. Am I really supposed to leave her there for half a year?” Blake asks all of us, his one-eyed gaze ending on mine.

  “We don’t have a choice, man. Our resources are in this fuckin’ room, other than Finn and Cooper, they’ve got nothin’ either. I’ve got some ideas, but they’re gonna take time to get in place. We need time. Was Natasha okay…physically?” I ask in a pained voice.

  “Not a mark on her, dude,” he huffs.

  “That’s good. If he tortured her to get her to run you off, you woulda seen some evidence,” Kieran tries to reassure Blake and the room.

  Kid shifts sl
ightly in Kellerman’s arms. She knows what torture in captivity is. The shifting isn’t from the memories of that horrific experience three years ago. It’s that she can’t do anything to save Natasha from the same fate. Kid’s all about action. Us being handcuffed is riling her.

  “That’s great,” Blake drones sarcastically.

  “It’s better than the alternative,” Kellerman growls.

  “I know,” Blake whispers.

  “I need a place to crash and get my shit together. I’m sorry I came back here, but I don’t really have anywhere to go,” Blake says dejectedly.

  “You can stay here. We’ll figure somethin’ more permanent out in a few days,” Kid offers to the surprise of the room. Before any of us can protest she continues, “You bring any drugs or junkies in my home or around my family; you won’t have to worry about what’s happening to your sister. I’ll fuckin’ put a bullet in you and save her myself. Don’t test me, Blake. I’m not Natasha. I do get mad and when I get mad I’m scarier than Roman Vojtech.”

  “Uh,” Blake breathes out looking at all of us for help. We don’t provide any. Instead, we all wait for him to agree.

  “Okay,” he finally responds and I believe him. There’s a spark of determination in his eye.

  “Okay,” Kid agrees.

  We spend the rest of the afternoon settling Blake into the guest room in my wing that Natasha and Junior occupied only days before. There’s comfort and anguish in that.

  “Get some rest, man,” I encourage him as I leave the room, pulling the door as I go.

  “O’Sullivan,” Blake’s voice stops me.

  I turn to face him, his single eye showing me how much he hurts.

  “Thanks for everything. This isn’t your fault. I see you tryin’ to carry that shit. Don’t do that. This is my fuck up. I’ll fix it. I’ll get her back and when I do, you fix shit with her. You’re good for her, dude. And comin’ from me that means somethin’.”

  “I hurt her…ran her off,” I mumble dejectedly, dropping my shoulders.

  “You fucked up. You thought you were doin’ the right thing at the time. I’ll give you a pass this time. We get her back and you fuck up again, I’m comin’ for you.”