Blackness Within (The Blackness Series Book 5)

by Norma Jeanne Karlsson

  “What happened?” I gasp as I look at him.

  He’s bruised and battered in a way that I didn’t think I’d ever see Roman. If someone can hurt Roman like this, what does that mean for me? I didn’t think anyone in the Midwest carried the power Roman does. I’m panicking as I move to him.

  His nose has been reset and his eyes are bruised and swollen along with his jaw. His bottom lip is split with a scab running up the natural crease in the middle.

  When I reach Roman, I begin examining him. I’m still a nurse. I press around his face, feeling for any broken bones. I don’t find any. I pull his shirt up and inspect his winged ribs. I move around his back and do the same thing. I find a few bruises before I run my hand over his head. There’s a small bump at the back of his skull.

  “Roman,” I urge him to speak to me as I round his body.

  “You call out his name in your sleep,” he whispers.

  I lock my eyes with his midnight gaze and immediately know what he’s talking about.

  “Did you kill him?” I ask softly and brace myself for the answer I’m certain is coming.

  “If I did?” he questions with a test forming in his marred features.

  “I’d like to know. I just want to know if he’s dead, Roman.” I keep my request meek.

  He’s studying me, waiting for something. If he tells me Sully’s dead and he killed him, I don’t know what I’ll do. I can’t even bring myself to consider it. If Sully’s dead, the only place he’ll continue to live is within my dreams. I’ll never feel his warm mouth on mine, his strong arms cradling me softly, his cocky grin irritating me and his presence bringing me true comfort.

  “I met with him to see what his intentions were with you. He informed me you weren’t worth the hassle. I didn’t take kindly to that and we had an altercation. He was alive when I left,” Roman assures me.

  I feel the breath whoosh from my chest as Roman speaks. I’m not worth the hassle?

  I’m not worth the hassle.

  I can’t form any words or thoughts. So I stand and stare blankly at the dragon.

  “I can tell this information upsets you, Natasha. I’m uncertain what you expected from a man like that. He has a very full social calendar along with his roommates. Is he who you really want to be with?”

  As Roman asks the question, I meet his gaze again. He’s not offering to let me go to Sully. He’s questioning my self-worth. It’s funny that a man that kidnapped me and basically forced me to be at his side is questioning that, but I don’t laugh. I’d like to though. I’d love to laugh in his face.

  But he’s here with me. He fought Sully for me. I may not like the way I came into Roman’s life, but I’m in it all the same. He wants me. He’s willing to fight for me. The only person that’s ever fought for me is Blake. Sully fought once and decided I wasn’t worth more. Maybe Roman can be that for me now, the fighter in my life.

  I push the last image of tender chocolate eyes from my mind and wrap my arms around Roman’s middle. I push up onto my tiptoes and kiss his jaw before murmuring against his stubble, “I only want to be with you.”

  His sinewy arms wrap around my body to pull me flush with him. I lay my head against his chest and listen to the steady thrum of his heart.

  “That’s good because you’re all I want,” he mumbles into my hair.

  A shiver drifts down my body at his declaration. I wish that made me feel as good as it should, but it doesn’t. It feels half-full at best. My life is half-full though so I’m not surprised. This is my reality. I have to find happiness when I can and this should be a happy moment. My man fought for me and is telling me I’m all he wants. This is a good moment.

  “Can I get you anything?” I ask, pulling free from his embrace.

  “Take me to bed,” he purrs.

  I do as I’m told. Once we’re both naked and under the duvet, Roman positions me mostly on his chest. He traces circles on my hip and interlaces our fingers before pulling my knuckles to his mouth. He kisses them softly before asking me, “Do you remember me taking your picture?”

  “Barely. You know I sleep like the dead,” I mumble back, beginning to fall asleep again.

  “I know.”

  “Did it turnout good?”

  “It turned out perfectly,” he says with happiness in his voice.

  I hold onto that sound as I fall into a dreamless sleep. I hope I never dream of Sully again. The knowledge that I’m not worth anything to him ends the longing almost instantly. I’m not hurt like I thought I would be. I’m destroyed. I’m an idiot for craving someone that made it clear from the beginning that was a mistake. Sully warned me what he was and I knew it the day I walked away from him. I was holding onto something that wasn’t real. It was a dream and I don’t have any room for dreams in my life anymore. I have to cling to my reality, even if it’s a fire-breathing dragon that could destroy me without thought.

  Late May

  “Good morning,” Roman rumbles into my neck.

  “Morning,” I return through a small smile as he begins to nibble and lick my skin.

  I rub my ass against his morning wood and draw in a hissed breath as his fingers tug and roll my nipples. He guides me to my stomach before covering my body with his. Roman’s hot mouth sears its way down my spine causing me to arch and moan. His fingers interlace with mine next to my head, holding me in place.

  He moves his lips and teeth over every surface of my back, tantalizing my flesh. I’m covered in goosebumps and beginning to sweat all at the same time from his slow, deliberate exploration. Keeping our hands intertwined, he slides them beneath my chest and hoists me up onto my knees. I settle back on his lap, my legs on the outside of his.

  Roman releases my hands and begins to run one up my throat as the other descends my belly. That hand pauses over my womb while the hand at my throat pulls my neck back for Roman to feast just below my ear. Intimate.

  “Do you think our child is growing here?” he purrs in my ear, drawing small circles over my stomach.

  I shudder at the contact and the question. Roman’s been trying to get me pregnant for two months. He buys tests and waits outside the bathroom while I take them. Every time they’re negative, he’s genuinely disappointed. That disappointment is driving him to complete his task with more determination. We have sex a few times a day. I’m shocked I’m not pregnant yet. I’m actually becoming concerned that I’m not. I’ve never had any reproductive issues. I’m healthy and at an appropriate age to conceive. Roman’s already had one child so I know he doesn’t have any issues. Something is wrong here and I’m guessing it’s me.

  “I hope so,” I murmur back.

  I’ve become terrified that if I can’t give Roman a child he’ll discard me. Actually, I’ve become fearful of that with every facet in our life together. Roman’s all I have left and I’m petrified what will happen to me if he leaves me. I’m weak, powerless in life and completely dependent on a man. Roman owns me mind, body and soul. I’m the woman I spent my life judging and despising. Karma has kicked my ass.

  I rock my hips back just as Roman palms his dick to enter me. As I sink all the way down on him, Roman leans us forward. Taking me from behind is a rarity for him. I’m always beneath him, clinging to him as I tumble through orgasms.

  I rest my elbows on the mattress while Roman grips my hips, sliding in and out slowly. When he bottoms out and pauses, I look over my shoulder to find him staring at the ceiling.

  “Roman?” I whisper.

  His midnight gaze slowly drops, finding my mine. Now I’m freaked. His face is a mask of frustration, anger.

  I slide away from him and curl into a ball against the headboard. Roman remains on his knees, watching my every move.

  I keep my eyes locked on his, waiting.

  “I can’t do this anymore, Natasha,” he mumbles, running his palms over his face and dropping his ass to his heels.

  It’s happening. I’m being sent away. I knew it. I knew this would happen when I w
as at my weakest. I feel tears pooling as I wait for my final farewell.

  When Roman’s hands fall away from his face, his gaze becomes confused at my reaction to his dismissal. I’m not sure what he expected, but I guess tears weren’t part of his plan.

  “You’re upset,” he states confusedly.

  I nod.

  “I’m done with this. I need to carry on…move forward.”

  I nod again as the first tear streams down my cheek to be followed by hundreds more.

  Roman shakes his head and climbs from the bed in all his naked glory, his rock hard dick still at full-mast. I wonder who will take my place or worse whose place I’ll take.

  I stare mindlessly at the baby monitor peering in at Ivan. I’m certain I’ll never see him again and I feel the tears streaking my cheeks morphing into sobs. I’m devastated. I’m obliterated. How will I go on?

  Roman rustles around in the room for a few moments before coming back to the edge of them bed.

  This is it. The moment he removes me from his side and keeps me trapped in his world.

  I muster up the gumption to look into his face after whispering a near silent goodbye to Ivan.

  Now it’s my turn to be confused. Roman is sitting on the bed, one leg hanging over the side but his waist is swiveled in my direction. There’s a black box in his hand and a massive diamond gleaming from within it.

  My brows knit together as I try to process what’s happening.

  “I’m ready to make you my wife. Marry me, Natasha,” Roman’s rough voice breaks through my daze.

  I look into his midnight gaze to find him steadfast in his demand. He’s not asking, he’s decided for me. More tears pour down my cheeks at the realization that this is the only proposal I’ll ever get. I won’t get romance on bended knee. I won’t get promises of love and adoration. I won’t get anything other than what I already have. My half-full life.

  I nod in response because I can’t find the words to agree. I don’t have a choice and I don’t want the alternative. I’m his.

  He drops his chin to his chest in relief before popping his head back up plastered with his gorgeous smile. His dragon seems to be grinning as his stars twinkle. He pulls the ring from the box and slides it on my finger before tossing the box across the room.

  The diamond stretches from knuckle to knuckle on my hand. It’s beyond a ring. It’s a statement. I’m his.

  Roman bows his head and kisses the ring before tugging me toward him.

  “Why were you upset?” he asks after settling me in his lap.

  I peer up at him through my wet lashes and whisper, “I thought you were done with me.”

  “I’ll never be done with you,” he promises.

  I know he won’t. He’ll possess me in one way or another for the rest of my life. A chill races up my spine as a vision of my future passes through me. I’ll never be anything other than what I am right now. I’ll only be his and what he wants me to be. I’ll never decide what my life looks like. I’ll never decide what clothes to wear or what to eat. I’ll never decide when I sleep or when I wake. I’ll merely be a puppet for Roman to control and maneuver at his will. I’m no longer Natasha Reynolds. I’m Pinocchio with no Jiminy Cricket to save me.

  Roman lays me down on the bed and proceeds to make soft sweet love to me, facing me the entire time. I cling to him with everything I have, relishing the knowledge of what my half-full future looks like. The blackness within me grows everyday and soon it will snuff out any of the light I ever had.

  O’Sullivan

  Cara floats down the stairs in her cap and gown while I smash down the emotions rolling through me.

  “This fuckin’ sucks,” Kav murmurs in my ear.

  “No shit,” I scoff.

  “Blows,” Cal chimes in.

  “Fuckin’ hate it,” Finn keeps the merriment going.

  “Shit-tastic,” Aidan grumbles.

  “Will you please shut the fuck up?” Kid growls at us.

  None of us has the decency to look ashamed. Cara’s graduating from high school and moving away to college. She’s only going thirty miles away to the University of Kansas, but she’s still leaving. As you can tell, none of us is happy about this development.

  Cole, Sawyer and Dane follow in Cara’s wake down the stairs just as they will to college. She won’t be alone. It gives us all enough peace to allow her to go, but only just. It feels like we just got her and now we’re letting her go. I’m not happy about this in the least. The worst part is she’s decided to start summer school in a few weeks to get a head start. She moves next month. Today definitely blows along with being one of the best days of my life.

  “Mom, stop with the pictures,” Sawyer drones at Kat with barely any conviction.

  “I’ll take as many pictures as I want, Sawyer,” Kat informs him before clicking the camera at a rate that would make paparazzi jealous.

  The four of them assemble at the bottom of the stairs, wrapping their arms around each other’s shoulders. They all beam smiles while Kat and Kid snap away. The gate rings and I know the rest of our family has arrived for the festivities.

  Sure as shit, when Kav pulls the front door open the world that we live in filters through. My ma and pop along with Collin and Hugh, Kav’s dad along with his twin brothers Ryan and Adam, Cal’s folks round out the parentals. Kieran and Quinn slide in behind the group with all the kids in tow, Karl laughing at the threshold with them.

  Jesus we’re a mishmash of bizarre.

  We’re mostly ignored for the teenagers big day. Not that any of us give a shit about that. It’s their day.

  Butch is the last to make his way to the celebration. His involvement with the Vojtech Bratva keeps him away more often than not at this point. I hate myself a little more every time I see him. The job is taking its toll and I don’t know if it’s going to help in the long run.

  When Butch enters the great room, he makes a beeline for Cara, wrapping her in a fierce hug before clapping all the boys on the back. Once he’s done, he locks eyes with me and gestures his head toward the backyard.

  It’s time.

  I move quickly in the direction of the glass doors. Once we’re both outside, we move to the side of the pool house so we’re not seen. I don’t want to ruin the teenager’s day with the reality that’s about to hit me.

  “Found the hole,” Butch says quietly, looking around for prying ears.

  “What?” I encourage him to fill me in.

  “Engagement party. Tonight. At Bar.”

  The idea of Natasha at her engagement party with Vojtech makes my stomach clench. I can’t believe I’ve left her there long enough to get that deep. It’s been months since I beat his ass and that picture of her on his phone still haunts my every minute.

  “Brian, promise me you’ll be smart about this. I’ve seen her. She’s hanging on by a thread. I don’t know what he’s done to her, but she’s a shell of a human being. There’s no life in her eyes, no spark,” Butch informs me solemnly.

  He’s already told me this, but something about the look on his marred face and the tone of his voice tells me it’s worse than before. Vojtech’s used her up from the inside out. I have to get her before she’s lost to him forever.

  “I’m goin’ with you,” a familiar soft voice comes from around the corner.

  Butch and I spin to face her, shocked she’s here.

  “No fuckin’ way,” I growl.

  “You need someone with you. I’m the right person for it. Shannon and Kat aren’t able to be there for you right now. You can’t take the guys. I’m it and you know it.” Cara’s features are set and determined as she speaks.

  “Baby Girl, there’s no way in hell you’re comin’ with me for this. It’s ridiculous and you know it.”

  “I know you’re drowning without her. I know you’ll do anything to get to her and that means you’ll do something stupid and end up hurt or worse. Shannon’s trained me for this. I’m just like her, only younger and not pregn
ant. I can help you. I will help you. If you don’t take me with you, I’ll come on my own,” she states defiantly, sounding so much like Kid I pause to remind myself this is my baby sister that I’ve sworn to protect.

  “Cara.”

  “Brian.”

  “Jesus, you’re worse than Kid. What is it you think you can do for me that I can’t do for myself?”

  “I’m ten times a better shot that you are. I’m a beautiful woman that distracts men easily. I’m not emotionally tied to this, other than ensuring my brother isn’t murdered because he’s not thinking clearly. I’ve got you.”

  She’s right. I know she’s right and I don’t give a fuck. There’s no way I’m taking her with me. I’ll die before I put her within reach of these monsters. So I lie to the young woman that’s captured more of my soul than I knew was available.

  “All right. You can come. But you can’t tell the Cooper brothers or anyone else. This has to stay between us,” I dictate strongly.

  “I won’t tell a soul,” she assures me through a dazzling smile that makes me feel like a dick.

  “Go back in there before someone comes lookin’ for you.”

  She strides to me and engulfs my neck with her slender arms before placing a soft kiss on my cheek.

  “Love you,” she whispers against my skin.

  “Love you too, Baby Girl,” I murmur into her auburn locks.

  She floats away as silently as she originally approached.

  “You did the right thing,” Butch reassures me once Cara’s out of earshot.

  “I know. I still feel like a fuckin’ dick for lyin’ to her,” I grumble.

  “You did the right thing,” he repeats with a clap on my back. “Let me know if you need anything.”

  “Thanks for everything, Butch.”

  “I’ll have my revenge for Mia and Kathy tonight. Nothin’ to thank me for.”

  With a sad smile, he leaves me standing there with a thousand questions unanswered. I don’t focus on that for long as Zeus bounds out of the backdoor followed closely by Blake.