Falling Into Grace

by Michelle Stimpson

  Camille put her father’s phone to her ear and waited for her body to just split in two, half going with Jesus, the other half back to fame and fortune. “Hey, Bobby Junior.”

  “Courtney, it’s me.”

  “Hi, Camille.”

  “Ummm ... Daddy said you had some kind of recording contract?”

  He moaned. “I told him I wanted to be the one to break the news.”

  “You know Daddy can’t keep a secret. Momma had to hide the Christmas presents from him more than us.”

  They shared a laugh.

  “Yeah, Alexis, Tonya, and I have been in contact. Kyra, too, as much as possible. One of her sons has special needs, so it’s kind of hard for her right now. We do have a date in the UK to record.”

  Why, Lord? Why would you show me what I want when You know I can’t take it? “That’s great news, Courtney. I’m thankful, I’m touched, I’m excited and everything.”

  “I hear a ‘but’ coming on,” her brother said.

  “But I’m a Christian now. That part of my life—booty shakin’, provocative lyrics—I don’t want to do those things anymore. That’s not me anymore.”

  “Apparently, it’s not Alexis or Tonya, either. They’re on the same page with you. We’ll have to make it a dance mix. Something people can move to without getting suggestions. I’ll make it work.”

  She relaxed now. If Courtney said he would make it work, he would make it work. “Okay. I trust you.”

  “Do you, really?”

  “Yes. Yes, Courtney, I trust you now and I should have trusted you all along. I was wrong, I was greedy, and I was just plain stupid, and I am so sorry I kicked you out of my life.” The blabbering released a steady stream, so much so that Bobby Junior had to comfort his daughter with an embrace.

  He grabbed the phone from Camille and put the call on speaker. “The girl said she’s sorry, Courtney. Give her a break, shoot. You ain’t been perfect all your life, son.”

  Camille remembered now why she’d kept in touch with Bobby Junior despite his constant begging. He’d saved her hide from many a whippin’, always standing in the gap and pleading her case with Momma. There was a time when Camille could do no wrong. Maybe that was why Bobby Junior refused to believe she was broke. He still thought his baby girl was responsible for the stars shining at night.

  “Tell Cami I forgive her. I’m not glad about what happened, but she’s still my sister and I love her. Always have, always will.

  “And tell her to call me tomorrow so we can talk money.”

  He called me Cami. And he loves me.

  “Your brother says he loves you.”

  “I heard.”

  Bobby Junior gave her another squeeze. She thanked him.

  “You two ’bout to make another run for the money, huh?”

  She couldn’t concur. “No, Daddy. I’m not the same person I was back then. I’m running a different race.”

  “Mmm. Sound just like your momma.”

  She smiled. “That’s the best thing you’ve said to me in all my life.”

  “Glad you like it. You got twenty dollars on you?”

  EPILOGUE

  Camille, Alexis, Tonya, and Kyra stood in that order behind their separate microphones, with chins bobbing and headsets clamped to their ears. Camille took the lead in one of their lesser known hits, “Keep Moving Ahead.” Once again, Courtney had worked his magic and convinced the executives to work around their beliefs. Kyra didn’t care one way or another, but Camille hoped one day she would. She remembered what Mercedes had said. If Kyra hung around them long enough, she’d come into the light, too.

  This was their last song to record. They might not see each other again until next summer’s tour. Kyra vowed she’d lose thirty pounds before then.

  “Don’t sweat it, girl. You got kids,” Tonya assured her the night before as they sat in their hotel room doing a group Bible study.

  “You can have kids without rolls of fat hangin’ over your belt buckle. Got me looking like a can of exploded biscuits around my waist.”

  They had all cracked up, giggling like teenagers again. Kyra always did have a way with words.

  “I wish you could stay longer,” Alexis said to Camille again.

  “Mmm-mmm. I gotta get back. I’m already landing at DFW late Friday as it is. It’ll take me all day to recover from this jetlag so I can be ready to sing Sunday morning, get my mind right to go to work Monday and create a presentation for the mentees.” Between working with the girls at church and groups at the Medgar Evers center, Camille’s time was stretched to capacity. But she loved every minute of it and prayed that the church would be in a position to renew the grant they’d obtained to pay her salary and reimburse her travel.

  “Besides, my cat is going to be so crazy when I get back. Seriously, he’s a spoiled brat with whiskers.”

  “You got a cat?” Tonya grimaced.

  “Yes! I have a cat! Why is that so hard for everyone to believe?”

  Alexis snorted. “Because you are not the cat type.”

  “Whatever. I am kind, I am patient—just like these verses we were reading! I am love, people!”

  “That’s what this is all about,” Kyra smacked her lips. “You ain’t gotta sing that bad. And cats take care of themselves. There’s gotta be a man somewhere up in here.”

  “Well”—Camille squirmed—“yeah. I am seeing somebody. His name is Ronald; he’s the minister of music at the church. And he’s fiii-iii-iiine!”

  Alexis grabbed a brush and kicked off Salt-N-Pepa’s “Whatta Man.” The Sweet Treats’s harmony was perfect. Camille added her own lyrics. None of them rhymed, of course, but they were true.

  She had a mighty good man. And a mighty good God.

  Discussion Questions

  1. Camille doesn’t like talking to her father, Bobby Junior, because he always asks for money at some point during the conversation. How would you deal with this situation? Have you ever been in a relationship where you felt used? Have you ever come to a point where you realized you were actually using someone else?

  2. Camille grew up in church but didn’t have a love for God or the people of God as a young adult. Why do you think this was so?

  3. Camille is obsessed with achieving the goal of getting back into the music industry. The world actually praises people who are determined to realize their dreams no matter what the cost. Do you agree with this philosophy? How can believers balance ambition with integrity? Should believers be adamant about reaching goals that aren’t in line with God’s plans for their lives, or is that passion to reach the goal a part of God’s plan? Research Psalm 37:4, Proverbs 19:21, and Psalm 119 :35–37 for guidance. What other verses come to mind?

  4. Camille asks God to jumpstart her career with a seductive song and also convince Ronald to go against his beliefs. She quotes an adage, “God works in mysterious ways” to support her prayer. What did you think about this prayer? Do you think God honors prayers like this one? Have you ever asked God for something that you weren’t quite sure about?

  5. Camille hasn’t talked to her brother in years because of a hurtful decision she made. Have you ever had a falling-out with a family member or friend? Was it resolved? If so, how? If not, would you be willing to make the first move toward reconciliation?

  6. Lying is a major problem for Camille. Has lying ever been a problem for you? When was the last time you were tempted to stretch the truth (or omit information) for your own benefit? Did you give in to the temptation? If deception plagues you, consider how God feels about deception (Proverbs 12:22).

  7. Camille’s boss, Sheryl, seems willing to help Camille so long as Camille is showing compassion toward animals. Do you know people who are supportive so long as you are doing something they, too, have an interest in? Do you support friends/family members who are involved in activities (sports, hobbies, etc.) that don’t necessarily interest you?

  8. Ronald challenged Camille’s belief that sheltering a child leads t
o rebellion, based on Proverbs 22:6. Do you agree or disagree with his idea? Do you think that godly parents should expose (or moderately expose) their children to evil? Consider Romans 16:17–19. Also, consider the argument Satan gave Eve in Genesis 3—that she would know both good and evil, which would make her wise like a god.

  9. Brittney had a hard time listening to her father’s warnings about sex because she found out that her mother had been pregnant with her when her parents married. Do you think Ronald should have talked to her about this earlier? How much should parents tell their children about their own past sins?

  10. The young ladies of Mentors and Models like Camille because she’s real with them. Do you think it’s important for Christians to be transparent before others? How transparent is too transparent?

  11. Alexis and Tonya feel guilty about their continued royalties while Camille struggles financially. Should they have felt guilty? Have you ever felt guilty about your own success while others are struggling? If so, what did you do about it?

  12. When Camille realized that she was dating a true Christian man, her own feelings about her relationship with God began to change. Have you ever met someone who made you a better person? Have you ever influenced someone else’s life in such a way that they grew in the Lord?

  13. Timber and Camille didn’t ever really get along because Camille started off with a lie. How important is a first impression? Have you ever pushed the rewind button and started over with someone?

  14. Ronald refuses to sing “On Top of Me” with Camille because he says he cannot lend his voice to a song he believes opposes God’s standards. What do you think of Ronald’s convictions? Do you think he’s too strict in his interpretation of what God expects of Christians, or is he on point? What do you think of artists who cross over between ungodly and Christian messages?

  15. When Stevie becomes defensive in the studio, Ronald refrains from judging and refers only to what he (Ronald) believes God is calling him to do. Do you think Ronald did the right thing by not judging Stevie, or should he have shared a few scriptures from the Bible in support of his beliefs? How do you share God’s truth without condemning others?

  16. Is it possible to be too Christian? How do you balance your spiritual self with your natural self? Should Christians attempt to be “balanced” or be completely sold out to Christ? Does your belief line up with what Jesus said in Revelation 3:15–18?

  17. Camille finally comes to the end of herself, gets tired of her crazy life, and decides to surrender to God. Have you ever felt the same way? What does full surrender to God look like on a daily basis?

  18. While sitting in the jail’s interrogation room, Camille confesses Christ as savior, although she had already prayed the prayer of faith as a child for fear of going to hell and out of obedience to her mother. Do you think it was important for Camille to make the confession again? If so, why? Is there a difference between accepting Christ as savior and crowning Him Lord of your life?

  19. Ronald says he let his feelings for Camille cloud his judgment. Have you ever let your feelings get in the way in a relationship?

  20. While Camille was busy trying to make things happen, God was working on a plan to let things happen. Have you ever had a similar experience—where you had one plan in mind, but God had an even better one in progress? Explore Isaiah 55:8–9.

  21. Camille isn’t too thrilled about living a “regular-people” life. Can you relate? Do you think her sentiment is indicative of today’s younger generation?

  22. Camille is ashamed to go back to church, even after she knows God has forgiven her. Have you ever struggled to forgive yourself? How did you overcome that struggle?

  23. The older ladies in the Mentors and Models group are trying to groom the teens on how to dress properly. Is this kind of teaching needed in the church today? How do you respond when people come to church dressed provocatively? Is it our place to judge and/or take action?

  24. Mercedes says the best man is a man who loves God more than he loves his woman. What did you think of that statement?

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  CHAPTER 1

  I crossed my fingers in hopes of being named Top Quarterly Producer for my department. I mean, every single one of my clients had experienced Web site traffic and sales above the projected estimates, and I had even received two letters from pleased customers. “Tori’s expertise made all the difference in our product launch,” one had commented. “We’ll be using Net-Marketing Results for a long time to come!” Planning and implementing online advertising and marketing campaigns came with its own sense of fulfillment. After all, depending on who you asked, the Web pushes America’s economy even more than a good old-fashioned mall.

  But even as we stood around the conference room waiting for the announcement, I felt queasy. What if they didn’t name me? One look around the room sparked another dose of apprehension.

  Lexa Fielder was recently hired, yet she’d already managed to land a pretty impressive list of new customers for the company, though it was rumored she did quite a bit of work on her back.

  Brian Wallace was one of the older marketing representatives, but he still had a few tricks up his sleeve. Every once in a while, he pulled off a last-minute record-breaking month for one of his clients and caught management’s eyes.

  There were only four eyes I wanted to catch, and all of them belonged to Preston Haverty. Okay, he really only had two eyes, but he did wear a set of insistently thick glasses that took on a life of their own at the center of his slight facial features. Every time I saw him, I felt like I was in a scene from The Emperor’s New Clothes. Like, why won’t somebody tell Preston those glasses are ridiculous, that we do have technology to free us from such spectacles? Probably the same reason no one talks to Donald Trump about that comb-over.

  Anyway, Preston was good people, glasses and all. I appreciated his “hands off ” management style. He didn’t really care where or how we worked, so long as we got the job done. I only hoped that I’d done a good enough job to add to my collection of blue and green plaques given to outstanding employees. Lexa and Brian aside, I appreciated being appreciated. And God knows I’d put in enough woman-hours to earn this recognition.

  “And the top producer for this quarter is ...”—Preston announced as everyone in the room beat a drum roll on either the sixteen-foot table or some spot on the surrounding walls that wasn’t covered with a motivational poster—“Tori Henderson!”

  My cheekbones rose so high I could barely see in front of me. Is this what it’s like to be Miss America? Everybody applauding, confetti flying, the runners-up on the sideline clapping wildly to distract themselves from their jealousy and impending mental meltdowns following the show?

  Okay, maybe it wasn’t that serious, but I sure felt like a pageant queen. My fellow coworkers, probably twenty-five people or so, cheered me on as I walked toward the head of the table to receive my plaque. “Good job, Tori!” “You go, girl!” Their affirmations swelled inside me, feeding my self-esteem. If only my mother could see me now. Maybe then she’d forget about 1996.

  I shook Mr. Haverty’s hand and posed for the obligatory picture. In that moment, I wished I’d worn a lighter colored suit. Black always made me look like a beanpole. Gave no testament to all my hours at the gym and the doughnuts I’d turned down to keep the red line on my scale below one hundred and twenty-five.

  I wasn’t going to pass on the sweets today, though. Jacquelyn, the lead secretary, retrieved a towering pink and white buttercream frosting cake from somewhere and brought it forward now to celebrate my achievement.

  Preston offered, “Tori, you get the first piece.”

  “Get some meat on those bones, girl,” from Clara, the Webmaster.

  But the mention of meat and the sight of the cake suddenly made me nauseous. To appease the group, I took the first piece. Then Jacquelyn got busy cutting and distribut
ing pieces as everyone stood around milking the moment before having to return to work.

  I sat in one of the comfy leather chairs and took a bite of my celebratory sweetness. Almost instantly, my stomach disagreed with my actions. My hand flew to my abdomen, lightly stroking the panel of my suit. People were so busy devouring the cake they didn’t notice me catching my breath. Whew!

  I pushed the plate away from me, as though the pink mass possessed the power to jump onto my fork and into my mouth. This was clearly not the cake for me. I thought for a moment about how long it had been since I ate something so densely packed with sugar. Maybe this was like red meat—once you stop consuming it, one backslidden bite tears you up inside.

  No, that’s not it. I’d eaten a candy bar the previous week, before my monthly visitor arrived. Renegade cramps? I rubbed my palm against the aggravated area again. No. The pain was too high in my torso for female problems. This had to be some kind of bug. Whatever it was, it didn’t like strawberry cake, so I quietly tossed my piece in the trash on the way back to my desk.

  An hour later, I felt like I could throw up so I sat perfectly still at my desk because ... well ... any movement of my torso sparked a pain in my side that might trigger this upchuck. I just didn’t feel like I wanted to go through the process of throwing up. I would never tell anyone this, but I find vomiting an altogether traumatic experience. Such a nasty feeling in one’s throat. And the aftertaste, and the gagging sounds. Not to mention getting a close-up look at the toilet seat. It’s just not humanlike and should be avoided at all costs, in my opinion.

  Thank God I made it all the way to my apartment before I finally had to look at the inside of a porcelain throne, only this time I hadn’t even eaten anything. Bile spewed out of me, splattering in the toilet water. The pain in my side shot up to 7 on a scale of 1 to 10.

  Now that I’d done the unthinkable and temporarily lost all self-respect, perhaps my body would relent. I could only hope the worst of whatever this was had passed (albeit out of the wrong end).