Falling for the Pregnant GP

by Lucy Clark

  ‘The stars in Sydney don’t shine as brightly as here.’

  ‘Yet they’re the same stars,’ she murmured, opening her eyes and shifting away a little. She couldn’t look at him. She didn’t want to think about Sydney, or the fact that he had a life there—a life without her.

  He must have sensed a change in her mood because he whispered, ‘I don’t want to hurt you, CJ.’

  ‘So you’ve said.’ She pulled back and stepped from his embrace, tugging the edges of his jacket around her. She turned her back to him and tilted her head back to look at the stars. Ethan left her for a moment, desperate to get his own thoughts and emotions under control. Where he never thought he’d come to care so deeply for another woman, here he was, desperate to throw everything away just to stay with her and Elizabeth. He wanted to be in their lives, he wanted to do whatever it took to ensure both of them remained happy and healthy for the rest of their days. Even the realisation of the thoughts he’d been doing his best to hold at bay was enough to scare him.

  He had a life in Sydney, a career. Was that enough for him now? He didn’t know. All he was certain of was that Claudia-Jean Nicholls had become incredibly special to him in a matter of weeks! It was impossible, yet here he was, experiencing these emotions.

  His only rationalisation was that because he’d shut his heart away for so long, because he’d denied himself the ability to truly interact with other people, the first time he’d stepped back into the light he’d fallen hard for a woman who was so different from every other woman he’d ever known. She’d been open and honest with him, listening to him, sharing her life with him. Not only was she exquisitely stunning, she was generous and kind.

  ‘CJ.’ At her name, she turned and glanced at him. He closed the distance between them and placed his hands on her shoulders, both of them staring at the stars for a moment before she slowly turned in his arms to look up at him. She was so brave. She’d overcome so much in her life and was still willing to face the future head on, regardless of what it held. He lowered his mouth to hers, intent on showing her that he cared.

  He kept the kisses soft, caressing her mouth with his, wanting to convey just how much he cherished her. When she responded to him, giving herself to him, something deep inside seemed to surge to the surface and he wrapped his arms around her, needing her as close as possible. He wanted this woman. The desire was so powerful, so strong he had no idea how to control it, which was definitely a first for him. He seemed to be experiencing a lot of ‘firsts’ with CJ and the sensations were knocking him off balance far more than he liked. Still, there was nothing he could do about it—especially when he was holding her so close.

  Her scent had wrapped itself around him, in much the same way as his arms were wrapped around her. How could this feel so right when, for a multitude of logical reasons, it was so wrong? They were locked together in an electrifying embrace, one so hot he was sure they’d sizzle and steam if the heavens opened up and poured rain on them.

  Still, she matched the intensity of his kisses, as though she was desperate to show him she wanted this as much as he did. Never in her life had she felt this way. Her appetite for him appeared to be voracious and uncontrollable. How in the world was she supposed to let this man go? She knew it was inevitable, she knew the day would come when he would walk away from her. She wouldn’t think about that now, not when his mouth was hot on hers, not when her heart was pounding with unbelievable joy. She needed to enjoy this moment in time. This was what she’d craved almost since the first moment she’d laid eyes on him.

  He shifted slightly and brought first one arm, then the other beneath the jacket on her shoulders, ensuring it didn’t fall off with the movement. He groaned as he slowly slid his hands around her waist, his thumbs gently caressing the underside of her breasts before continuing around to draw little circles at the base of her spine. Now there was only one barrier separating him from the touch of her skin and for the moment he could live with that.

  He broke free, just for a second, both of them breathing heavily, their hearts beating in a wild and unsteady rhythm. He pressed small butterfly kisses to her cheek, down to her ear, where he nibbled for a brief moment before continuing down to her neck.

  She arched back slightly, giving him access to what he’d been coveting for weeks. Even the necklace she wore didn’t deter him, even though he wished it were gone. She laced her fingers into his hair, revelling in the fact that she was finally allowed to touch him in this familiar way, to feel the soft strands of his dark, brown locks smooth against her fingertips. His head dipped lower still, the kisses warm against the cool air that circulated around them, as he made his way to the top of her chest.

  Up and down, along the zig-zag of her dress, he tenderly placed his lips, his hands now spanning her midriff, his thumbs repeating the action they’d performed earlier. She gasped as her body responded, heat burning right through her—and then she felt it. That strange, new sensation that happened to breastfeeding mothers.

  ‘Whoa!’ She quickly took two steps away, severing the embrace. ‘Stop.’

  ‘What?’ He looked at her with dazed confusion. ‘Are you all right? I didn’t hurt you?’ He took a step closer and reached out a hand to her. CJ melted at his concern and smiled, putting her hand in his.

  ‘I’m fine. Really, I’m fine.’ She sucked in air, trying to steady her heart rate, but she was feeling the cold without his body there to shield her. ‘It’s just that...’ She took a steadying breath. ‘I’m...’ Oh, this was so embarrassing. ‘I’m...leaking.’

  She watched as his eyes flicked to her breasts in alarm before meeting her gaze once more. A smile started to twitch at the corner of his lips as he squeezed her hand.

  ‘Yes. Um...sorry.’

  She watched him carefully, unsure what he was apologising for. ‘Don’t apologise. I guess I’m just not used to...well...everything.’

  ‘I think we both got a little carried away.’ He raked his free hand through his hair where her own fingers had been only moments ago.

  CJ laughed. ‘This is certainly a memorable end to the evening.’

  ‘Yes.’ When he saw her shiver, he escorted her to the car. ‘Pumpkin time.’

  ‘Yes,’ she agreed, glad of the car’s instant warmth from the wind. He walked around to the driver’s side and climbed in. He started the engine, switching on the heater, but didn’t make any move to drive.

  ‘It really is beautiful up here.’

  ‘It’s one of my favourite spots.’

  ‘I can see why. The whole area, what I’ve seen of it, is charming.’

  ‘But...?’

  ‘But it’s not my home.’

  ‘I know.’

  ‘I don’t want you to think I’m taking advantage of you because that’s not my intention.’

  ‘I know that, too. The attraction between us is real and sometimes...’ she shrugged ‘...uncontrollable.’

  ‘You can say that again,’ he mumbled, and shook his head. ‘I guess what I’m trying, very inarticulately, to say is that I don’t want to hurt you...but I know I am.’

  ‘Yes,’ she stated. ‘And I’m hurting you.’

  ‘It can’t work.’

  ‘I know. You have your life. I have mine.’ A small smile touched her lips. ‘I have Elizabeth to consider now. She must come first in all my decisions. Not only that but I have my home, my work and my friends. In time, the way you make me feel will fade and I’ll be fine. And you’ll be fine. This...’ she indicated the wonderful scenery before them ‘...was just a pleasant interlude.’

  Ethan opened his mouth to say something, then thought better of it. Instead, he buckled up his seat belt, waiting until she followed suit, then started the engine. He manoeuvred the car out the exit and down the hill to the town below. Both were silent on the five-minute drive and thankfully, not a minute too soon, soon they were pulling up o
utside the hospital.

  CJ opened her door and climbed out before he could come around to help her. She needed to do things for herself, to be completely independent. She was a mother now. She needed to be strong, determined and focused. When he stood before her, she smiled. ‘Thank you again for such an amazing evening. It’s one I’ll never forget.’

  ‘Nor I.’ Then Ethan leaned forward and brushed his lips across hers for one final kiss. They stared at each other for a long moment, their hearts and minds so full with words neither of them would say. CJ broke eye contact first, swallowing over the lump in her throat.

  ‘I’d better go check on Elizabeth.’

  He nodded. ‘Of course.’

  Forcing her legs to move, she turned and walked into the hospital, determined not to look back. The pain she felt in her chest, which coursed throughout her entire body, was evidence that her heart was breaking and now there was no reason to hold back the tears.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  ‘HI.’ CJ OPENED the door to let Donna in. ‘We were going to come across to the clinic later today for the check-up. I even rang to make an appointment with Tania and she told me I was being ridiculous.’

  Donna laughed as she came in and sat down at CJ’s kitchen table. ‘She told me. You should know by now that you don’t need to make an appointment in your own practice.’

  ‘Well, I thought I should do things by the book. You know, no preferential treatment.’

  Donna laughed again. ‘You really haven’t been getting much sleep, have you? That’s the only reason I can come up with as to why your brain’s gone soft. Preferential treatment, indeed. Who else should get it?’

  CJ gazed down at Elizabeth, sleeping peacefully in the bassinet. ‘I’m actually getting more sleep now than I was before I had her.’

  ‘Good.’

  ‘Have you got time for a cuppa?’

  ‘That would be lovely.’

  ‘Busy clinic?’

  Donna nodded. ‘Ethan’s doing the afternoon clinic and I’ll do the house calls. I came across not only to check on how you were both doing but to ask if you’d like to come along.’

  CJ found it hard to curb her disappointment. ‘Of course,’ she said softly, and forced a smile. ‘We’d love to come.’ She turned away and concentrated on filling the kettle and switching it on. Why did she feel like crying?

  ‘Things still aren’t going well between you and Ethan?’

  CJ looked at her friend. ‘No, but, then, it’s no more than I expected.’

  ‘Expected? What do you mean? I thought the night he took you out to dinner was a positive step forward. Now it seems as though you’re avoiding each other again.’

  ‘Not so much avoiding but...’ She shrugged. ‘Well, yes, I guess you could say avoiding.’

  ‘What about Elizabeth?’

  CJ smiled and looked at her daughter. ‘He’d never ignore her. She wouldn’t let him. He’s happy to hold her, look after her, especially if I need to have a shower or if I’m on the phone with a patient. The other night I was sitting in the lounge, feeding her, and he came in and sat with us.’

  ‘That’s promising.’

  CJ shook her head. ‘He asked polite, medical questions about how she was doing, feeding and that sort of thing. When she was finished he offered to burp her and when she dozed off he checked her over—even got his stethoscope and listened to her heart—and then, when he was satisfied, he left.’

  Donna’s lips formed another circle. ‘Oh.’ The kettle boiled and switched itself off but neither of them moved. ‘So what’s next?’

  She shrugged. ‘I’m just taking things one day at a time.’

  ‘He’s here for another five months, CJ.’

  ‘I know and I’ve been thinking about that. I mean, we could talk to him and see if he wants to alter his contract. He doesn’t have to stay the full six months we initially agreed on.’

  ‘You’re not ready to come back to work. I won’t allow it.’

  ‘Not full time but definitely part time or even three-quarter time.’

  ‘Three-quarter time? Will you listen to yourself? Your daughter is only two weeks old.’

  ‘Yes, and she’s a good baby. She sleeps well, she feeds well and she’s no trouble at all.’

  ‘What about breastfeeding, if you come back to work too early?’

  ‘I’ve thought of that. Why couldn’t I bring Elizabeth in to work with me? She can sleep in the reception area with Tania and when she needs feeding, I can sit down and feed her. Trust me,’ she went on quickly, noticing the look of scepticism on Donna’s face, ‘the patients won’t mind waiting if Elizabeth needs feeding. They all adore her and that way everyone can see her when they come to the clinic.’

  ‘What if she needs changing? Or she’s sick? Tania can’t look after her. Besides, it’s a medical clinic, CJ, not a child-care centre.’

  ‘All right. How about I find someone to look after her here at home? A nanny. I’m only working across the road so I can pop home whenever I’m needed, for feeding and stuff like that.’

  Donna shook her head and said softly, ‘Is it really that bad with Ethan around? This time you have now with Elizabeth won’t come again. She’ll never be this little again, CJ, and I don’t want you to miss it because it does go quickly. My kids are at university, living their own lives and occasionally calling their mother, yet it seems like only yesterday I was changing their nappies!’

  CJ slumped forward onto the table in defeat. ‘I have to find my life—my life without Ethan—and the only way I can see that happening is if he leaves. I know he’s as uncomfortable with things as I am and, to be honest, I can’t take any more of his extreme politeness.’ She lifted her head. ‘If he stays for the next five months, I’ll definitely be in love with the man and then...when he goes I’ll be in even worse shape than now.’

  Donna watched her for a moment before getting up and switching the kettle on again. ‘OK. We’ll have a cuppa, talk through all possibilities and come up with a workable plan—one Ethan needs to agree to as well.’

  CJ sighed with relief. ‘Good. Let’s do this. Let’s move forward.’

  * * *

  The next night, when Ethan came home from the clinic, he found CJ nursing Elizabeth in the lounge room.

  ‘Hi.’

  She looked up from the child and smiled sleepily at him. ‘Hi, yourself. How was clinic?’

  Ethan clenched his hands into fists to stop himself from walking to her side and pressing a firm kiss to her lips. Didn’t she have any idea just how wonderful she looked, all sleepy and tousled and dressed in her old robe with fluffy slippers? It was definitely not chic but it was comfortable and homey and...very CJ.

  ‘Clinic was long,’ he answered, then came further into the room and sat in the chair opposite her. There was quite a bit of distance between them, for which he was grateful. ‘Uh...there’s something I need to talk to you about.’

  ‘Really? Because there’s something I need to talk to you about.’

  ‘Oh. OK. Do you want me to go first?’ He’d been going over things in his head for most of the afternoon.

  ‘Sure.’

  ‘Well...uh...’ He sighed. ‘I don’t think I should live here any more. I think I’ll get a place somewhere else for the duration of my contract.’

  ‘Oh.’ CJ frowned and looked down at Elizabeth, who had fallen asleep, her tummy clearly full. She rearranged her clothing and shifted Elizabeth onto her shoulder so she could rub the little girl’s back to help release any wind.

  ‘I mean, it was great I was here when you went into labour so I could help, and also for these first few weeks. I’ve enjoyed being able to look after Elizabeth when you needed me to, like when you have a shower, but...’ He stopped and bowed his head, trying to gather his thoughts into a logical order. ‘Basically, I’m too attrac
ted to you to stay here.’

  ‘Wow. That’s...very honest.’

  ‘You’ve taught me it’s the best way.’

  ‘I have? Well, then...uh... I was going to ask you if you actually wanted to change your contract so that you finish sooner rather than later. That way, you don’t have to worry about looking around for accommodation, you’re not trapped here and you can return to Sydney and do whatever it is that you want to do there.’ She shrugged one shoulder. ‘I’m sure there are several research projects that require your expertise, or even new projects you’d like to get off the ground. You did mention when we went out to dinner that you had several prospects you were thinking about.’

  ‘If I finish my contract early, who will cover your patients?’

  ‘I will.’

  ‘What about Elizabeth?’

  ‘I’m going to hire a nanny. I’ve already spoken to Molly. As she’s only going back to work part time, now that her stomach ulcer is clearing up nicely, she’s more than happy to come and look after Elizabeth here for a few days a week. I’ll just be across the road so I can come home for feeds. We’ll cut my clinic down from five days to two and a half. Donna will pick up any urgent patients and I’ll do the house calls where, for the most part, I can take Elizabeth with me.’

  He listened intently to what she was saying, feeling obsolete and unwanted. ‘You have been busy.’

  CJ realised Elizabeth was sound asleep and stood to put the baby in her nearby crib. One of her patients had made it for her and had even put wheels on the base so she could easily wheel it from room to room.

  ‘Do you want me leave?’ Ethan asked. ‘Really want me to go?’

  ‘Do you want to go?’ She shook her head. ‘I don’t want you to feel as though you’re stuck here. You’ve pointed out before that Pridham isn’t your home, that being here is just a temporary interlude for you.’ And she couldn’t be the romantic lead in that interlude. It didn’t work that way. ‘You’ve told me you miss surgery.’