by Lee, Tara
I swallow the lump in my throat. My heart is beating a million miles an hour. Eli's hand rests on my arm.
"Baby?" I feel his eyes on me.
I shake my head as a tear slips out. Before I know it, I'm sobbing. Eli brings me to his body, tucking me in close.
"Baby, please don't cry. I didn't mean to upset you. I love you so much. I don't want to hurt you ever."
I brush away my tears and face Eli. He takes my face in his hands and rests his forehead against mine.
"Please forgive me. I'm an asshole. I didn't mean to make you cry."
"I'm sorry too."
"Why are you sorry, baby? I shouldn't have asked. I should’ve known you wouldn't be ready."
I shake my head trying to control my emotions. What’s wrong with me? Is it so bad that Eli wants to have another baby? Another baby won’t replace Harley. Eli’s not trying to do that.
We sit on the beach until the sun starts to set. Eli doesn't say anything. He just holds me.
I'm ashamed at the way I reacted. Maybe trying for another baby wouldn't be so bad.
Eli just wants us to have a family. Is that so bad?
After we’re home, Eli makes us a hot chocolate, and we sit on the sofa. I take a deep breath preparing myself to apologize.
"I'm sorry," we say at the same time.
"Charli, baby, I already told you there’s nothing you should apologise for."
"No, let me finish. Please?"
He nods, telling me to continue.
"I know I overreacted. That you just want a family with me. I'm just not sure about anything right now. I mean, what if it happens again?"
A tear slips down my cheek, and Eli's thumb brushes it away.
"I can't promise that it won't. No one can. But I promise you with every fiber in my body that no matter what, I won't give up if you don't."
I sigh, I know he's right. We do need to move forward. That's what Dr. Green told us. I know for us to move forward, it means not giving up on my dreams of motherhood.
But are we ready?
"Can we not put pressure on it? Maybe just see what happens?" I ask.
Eli smiles, throwing his arm over my shoulder. "No pressure."
"Thank you."
He places a soft kiss on my temple, and I know he really means it. After losing Harley, I wasn't sure if I was ever going to be able to function again, but here we are getting married, getting back on track. Maybe life is looking up for us.
Would trying for another baby this soon be so bad? Would people judge us? I want this but at the same time, I’m not so sure I’m ready to try again so soon. My thoughts are a jumbled mess. I know I need to stop blaming myself. Stop being so negative about everything.
Maybe if we act like we aren’t officially trying, maybe I can accept it better. Maybe then it won’t feel like I’m trying to replace the son I lost so suddenly.
Eli won’t pressure me. He simply told me what he’s thinking. He won’t push it any further. He wants me to be the one to say let's do this.
I don’t want the pressure of us trying to push us apart. I’ve only just started getting back to myself, thanks to therapy with Dr. Green. I’m more open about talking about Harley now, when before I couldn't even handle the word baby, let alone talk about my son.
Time will tell how things are going to go.
Eli fell asleep a while ago, but I can’t seem to drift off with all these thoughts in my mind. I’m staring up at the ceiling, so many thoughts running through my head—emotions and images of our little boy. The photos Eli showed me from the hospital are treasured items. Looking at them upset me, but at the same time they made me happy. Even though I never got to watch Harley grow, he will always be in my heart.
I look over at my sleeping man and just smile. Eli has been amazing. he put up with so much from me over the last few months. I was sure I'd drive him away.
* * *
Today Eli and I are going cake tasting. Well, technically, I’m dragging him along. He doesn’t care what flavor our cake is. But I want him to.
We walk to the little cake store in town. It’s nothing big and fancy, but the owner has been in Pleasant Grove since I was a kid. They always make the best cakes.
The bell above the door chimes, alerting Lala, the owner, to our presence.
“Hello, Charlotte, Eli. Come in, come in. I have samples set up for you,” she says, leading us to a small table with about five different cakes placed on top.
I marvel at how cute the cakes look. They all look delicious.
I envy people who can create masterpieces out of icing and fondant.
Lala goes through the cake flavors with us. Chocolate fudge with a mousse frosting. Red velvet with a cream cheese frosting. Spiced carrot cake with a vanilla frosting. Fruit cake with a fondant topping. The last flavor is vanilla cake with a marshmallow frosting.
That one I’m not so sure about. Marshmallows aren’t my favorite things.
We try them all. I really enjoy the chocolate and red velvet. I looked at Eli hopefully.
Lala leaves us to make a decision. I wait for Eli to tell me which one is his favorite.
“I don't care, baby. You pick. Honestly, cake is cake to me,” Eli says, staring back at me.
“Eli, you’re supposed to care. That’s the problem.” I pout. I know I’m being childish. But I planned everything. I want Eli to help me pick something, even if it’s as small as the cake flavor.
He leans his elbows over the table. “Fine, chocolate.”
“But I loved the red velvet.”
“Then we’ll get the red velvet. Charli, just pick a flavor.”
I frown at him. He’s not making this fun at all
“You pick.”
“I picked chocolate, remember?”
I roll my eyes at him. He’s really being annoying.
“You’re no fun.”
He chuckles. “I’ll show you just how fun I can be, baby.” He winks at me
I laugh because now he’s trying to be cute.
“Can we have both?” I ask, fluttering my eyelashes at him.
“Okay, fine. We can have both, but like I said, I'm happy with whatever you pick, baby.”
I clap my hands and bounce up and down on the spot. Eli chuckles at me, but I wanted us to choose together. Even if I technically picked both, I still wanted his input.
After speaking with Lala, she gives us an invoice for a cake and we head out happy.
“I have a surprise for you,” Eli says as he helps me into his truck.
What’s he up to now?
He drives us back to our place, confusing me about his plans. He grips my hand as we make our way inside.
He opens the door and steps aside for me to go in first. I gasp when I see candles scattered all over the place along with rose petals. Our song, “In Case You Didn’t Know” by Brett Young plays on the stereo.
Eli had proposed with this song playing in the background. I turn my head and glance at him. He’s smirking.
“What’s all this?” I ask.
He shrugs. “I wanted to do something nice for my fiancée. And I thought what better way than to recreate the night I proposed.”
I can't help the tears that fill my eyes. “I don't deserve you,” I say, wiping my cheek.
Eli comes up behind me and wraps himself around me. “No, it’s me who doesn’t deserve you, angel,” he says, kissing my neck. His tongue licks the curve of it, making me moan out loud.
His fingers creep down cupping me outside my pants. His erection digs into me from behind. As he continues to suck and lick my neck, he pulls my earlobe between his teeth. I'm pretty sure I let out a squeal, but it sounds more like a whimper.
His fingers trail down and slip inside my pants. He slides his fingers over my wet entrance, teasing me.
I let out a sigh as I bite down on my lip
My eyes roll in the back of my head as he slips two fingers inside me and bites down on my neck.
Holy he
ll, I think I may just orgasm like this.
His expert fingers pull me to the brink in seconds. I'm panting, trying to keep my control. But no matter how much I try, Eli is too skilled. His fingers work me like an instrument he’s played a thousand times
My head drops back onto his shoulder as he slips a third finger inside me. I squeeze my legs together.
“Oh God,” I pant.
“That's it, baby,” he hisses in my ear.
He bites down hard on my ear and licks my neck from top to bottom as I scream with an earth-shattering orgasm. I convulse, and I'm so glad Eli is holding me up because otherwise I’d be a puddle at his feet.
He lifts me in his arms and carries me to the sofa. Then he makes quick work of his pants. Soon he’s stretching me. I cry out as he pushes inside me, making my legs shake.
We’re both panting until he finally lets go, taking me with him once again. The cake flavors are forgotten, and so is whatever else I want him to help me with, because I can live the rest of my life knowing he does this to my body. Everything else seems small in comparison.
19
Eli
OUR WEDDING DAY…
TODAY’S THE BIG DAY. Today Charli officially becomes mine.
I’m nervous as hell. Sweat pours from me.
Why? Because I still expect Charli to come to her senses and realize she’s way too good for me.
I huff out a breath. My hands are shaking, and my heart is pounding.
"Dude," Jensen says, placing his hand on my shoulder.
"Calm down. Charli will be there."
I nod. But my mind won’t accept that she’ll be at the other end of that aisle.
I'm certain Charli is the one. No, I'm 150% sure she’s it for me. I'll never love another woman like I love Charli.
But with everything that’s happened in our past, I'm positive some divine intervention will stop us from getting married today.
I need to get a grip because soon I'll be making Charli my wife.
God, this day feels like it’s been a long time coming. Nothing in this world could ever prepare me for the moment when I’ll see the woman I’m more in love with than anything in this world walk towards me.
"Do you really think she’ll be there?" I ask Jensen one more time, rubbing my sweaty palms against my pants just before we’re about to go out.
He chuckles and shakes his head. "You really think she can do better than you?"
I nod. "I'm afraid I'm not who she makes me out to be. What if—"
"Dude, Charli loves you more than anything, I mean she's been in love with you since you two were kids. I know I wasn't your biggest supporter in the beginning, but I wouldn't trust anyone other than you with my sister."
"You mean that?
He smirks at me and nods. "Yeah, who better to be with my baby sister, than my best friend?"
"You really mean that?" I ask just to be sure
He places a hand on my shoulder. "Yeah, bro. I really mean that. You're my best friend. Who better to trust."
"Thanks, bro. It means a lot that you think that."
"Let's go get you married."
I smile and slap his shoulder.
"Yeah, I'm ready to marry my girl."
We make our way out. My nerves have died down a little, but until I see Charli coming towards me, I won't be able to breathe again.
When the cords of “All of Me” by Anthony Callea starts up, the song Charli picked to walk down the aisle to, I can breathe again.
She's a vision of pure ecstasy when she comes into my line of sight.
I know I have the biggest smile over my face. Tears build up in my eyes. But I don't care. She's the most beautiful woman I've ever seen.
Charli grins as she walks towards me. Her eyes never leave mine, and mine are planted on her, taking her in. God, she looks breathtaking.
When she's finally in front of me, I release the breath I’ve been holding.
"You look amazing, angel," I tell her, making her cheeks brighten.
"You look pretty good yourself," she says.
I smirk at her cheekiness. Oh, she's going to get it later tonight.
I grab her hands and pull her as close to me as the officiant will allow.
We never take our eyes off each other while the officiant talks through our vows.
Charli's eyes glisten with tears as she is asked if she takes me as her husband.
"I do," she says, sniffling.
I glide my hand over her cheek, wiping a fallen tear. She cups her hand over mine, closing her eyes at my touch.
Before the officiant is even finished asking if I take her as my wife I shout, "Hell yeah, I do."
Everyone laughs including Charli.
"You may now kiss the bride."
Thank fuck, about time.
I bring Charli's lips to mine in a heated kiss. People start to shout.
"Get a room."
"Geez, guys, save some for the honeymoon."
Charli and I both pull back and laugh. I rest my forehead against hers.
"I now pronounce you husband and wife," the officiant says. We share our smiles with her. Damn if I don't love how that sounds.
Wife.
Charli is finally my wife. All those years ago, I never thought the little girl who followed me and her brother around, flirting with me endlessly, and eventually giving me her heart, would be standing here today with my ring on her finger and my last name now hers, ready for us to start our future again. Together.
As husband and wife. Forever.
This moment truly is magical.
* * *
The party is in full swing, and I haven't let Charli out of my sight. Even when she has to pee, I wait outside the door while the girls help.
Though they tell me I’m weird and she’ll be right back, I still follow and wait. I love having my wife attached to me.
I’m not quite ready to share her with everyone else yet.
If it was up to me, I would’ve married her and taken her to our room straight away. But she reminded me that we have to share our day with our loved ones.
We cut our cake and nearly knock each other over when we try to smash it in each other's faces. It’s time for our first dance as husband and wife.
The melody to “Perfect” by Ed Sheeran starts, and I hold Charli's hand as we make our way to the dance floor. I swing her around, then twirl her into my arms, making her giggle out loud. It’s the best fucking sound in the world. Well, other than her moans when I make her come.
She wraps her arms around my neck. I can’t help myself. I take her lips in mine and we kiss as we dance.
I don’t want to let her lips go, but the need for some air makes me.
When the song ends, we aren’t ready to part yet. Charli holds me close, and our eyes never leave each other as another song starts.
“Love Me Like You Do”.
Charli loves this song. It always makes her smile, so it always makes me think of her.
I know it’s cheesy, but I don’t care about being cheesy or sounding pussy-whipped, because I am, and I fucking own that shit.
Charli truly is my light, the light to my dark. She’s every good thing in me. Every bit of light inside of me is because of her. I’ve never felt this way about anyone. She captured my heart even before I knew she had.
I wouldn’t be able to see straight without her in my life. I need her as much as I need air to breathe.
I’m not sure why I waited so long to see what’s right in front of me, but I sure am glad I didn’t waste any more time.
We dance the night away, having fun with our friends, our family. Because these guys are the closest thing to a family I’ve ever had. I wouldn't change a thing, because having them in my life brought me to this moment in time.
As I watch her laughing with our friends, I know Charli and I will be fine. And one day we’ll be blessed with a family. And we will help carry each other through anything.
A clink against glass l
ets me know Jensen is ready to give his speech.
He clears his throat and smiles. His glass lifts.
“To my little sister and best friend, I wasn't in favor of this relationship to start with. Actually, I was ready to kill Eli for even thinking of my little sister that way.” He pauses. and everyone laughs.
“Even though I wasn't a fan, I soon came to realize one thing. They both love each other whole- heartedly, and nothing I could do or say was going to keep them apart. At times, I thought Eli would just move on from my sister like he has with other girls in the past. But when I saw them together and how differently he treated her, I knew he loved her more fiercely than I could understand. They’ve been through so much in the short time they’ve been a couple. But I know they can overcome anything as long as they’re together. I know Mom and Dad would be proud of you, Charli. And I know they’re taking care of Harley for you guys.”
Charli sniffs, and I wrap my arm around her, kissing the side of her head.
I nod at Jensen to continue.
“I love you guys, and I wish you every bit of happiness you deserve. You truly are meant to be. Let's raise our glasses to Eli and Charli.”
Everyone cheers, and Jensen nods at me. Then he comes over and hugs both Charli and me.
Charli sobs into his shoulder as he holds her. He whispers how much he loves her and how sorry he is for what she’s been through.
I mouth, “Thank you,” to him, and he nods, giving Charli to me. I hold my wife while she lets her emotions out.
She cries on my shoulder, and I let her, gently soothing her as she calms herself down.
Nothing in life prepares us for the moments when tragedy strikes. But together we will stand and fight everything that life throws at us.
At the end of the night, I’m ready to be with my wife alone.
I need to see her out of this dress no matter how amazing she looked in it.
I’m about to lose my mind. I need her.
The moment the door closes to our suite, my lips crash into hers. She moans as she tugs my jacket off my shoulders.
"Need you naked, baby," I hiss. She smiles and spins for me to help her with the zipper on her dress.