Billion Dollar Man

by Ali Parker

  “Everything set?” Jerrod asked, coming into the room. I nodded. I thought of Mila. I had to call her too. But there was no way I was going to be able to do that with Jerrod here. Even if I did, I had no idea what I would say to her. After the way we had left things, telling her goodbye would only make matters worse.

  So, I didn’t text her or call her. I took my bag out to Jerrod’s car, and we set out to my mom’s place.

  My mom was emotional when I arrived.

  “I’m sorry you have to go through all of this,” she said. “It’s so hard when you lose someone close to you.”

  My parents had been divorced for a long time, and both of them had remarried, but it had still hit my mom quite hard when my dad had died. And now, it felt like it was happening all over again.

  My mom had tears in her eyes when she hugged me.

  “It’s going to be fine, Mom,” I said.

  “I feel like I’ve just gotten you back, only to lose you again.”

  I felt the same in a lot of ways, but I wasn’t going to think of it the same way. I had gotten through the past seven years without my mom and my stepdad, and we had still had a relationship. We could do it again. I could make it happen.

  When I couldn’t stay any longer, I left my mom’s house, and Jerrod drove to the airport.

  “I hate goodbyes,” I said.

  “You seem to have to say a lot of those.”

  I nodded. I’d had to cancel my shifts at the station. I hadn’t had a chance to say goodbye to the guys or any of the friends I’d made here. I hadn’t had a chance to do anything other than run around from one place to the next.

  Amy had said Uncle Dean put me in his will. I wondered what he’d had in mind for me. Whatever it was, I would have given it all back for a chance to have Uncle Dean back instead. I would have sacrificed it all if it meant I wouldn’t lose him

  Chapter 16

  Mila

  On Monday, I was back at the hospital, and life carried on as usual. I had enough work to distract me from everything that had happened, or hadn’t happened, between me and Ben.

  I had struggled on Sunday. My mind had jumped between being upset, angry, and hurt that he had left me hanging after things had escalated between us and understanding why he’d left. I hadn’t been able to get him off my mind at all, and Skylar’d had a family thing she couldn’t get out of, so I hadn’t even been able to cry on her shoulder.

  But I was a big girl, and I could handle shit myself. Being back in my normal routine and having enough work to keep me busy helped a lot.

  Despite having work to distract me, even work made me think of Ben in some ways. The two firefighters who hadn’t been too severely injured were being moved out of the ICU and into regular recovery rooms. I was relieved for Ben’s sake. And for theirs.

  It was horrible to end up in the ICU at all. I was so glad they were doing as well as they were.

  Jonas was doing better too. He had been brought out of his medically induced coma, able to handle the pain with morphine rather than being constantly knocked out. I was relieved for him, but there was still a long road ahead for him.

  If he healed as fast as he was healing at the moment, Jonas would end up in a regular recovery room by next week despite his burns. Ben would be so happy to find out Jonas would make it through. I hoped it would take the guilt off his shoulders so he could focus on the other things in his life.

  Like his uncle’s death.

  “He’s looking much better,” Claire said when we finished in Jonas’s room. We had already moved the other two firefighters. I hoped their beds would stay open for a while. Empty beds meant no one had been seriously injured.

  “He is,” I said. “I’m relieved.”

  “I was worried he wouldn’t make it,” Claire said. “It’s noble to be on emergency teams, but it's terrible when they lose their lives because of it.”

  I thought of Ben and how he had been willing to give his life if it meant his firefighter friends would be safe. I had no doubt he would do the same for whoever he was saving, that he would give his life for theirs. In a way, nursing was a heroic job, but we never had to lay down our lives for others.

  Ben was a hero in the true sense of the word.

  Thinking about him made my chest ache. There could never be anything between us—I had known it for a long time. But now that it had gone to a point where I had almost been able to taste what it could be like, not having it felt like a terrible loss.

  Especially after knowing what kind of person he was. When I had crushed on him, I hadn’t known as much about him as I did now. It was so much worse now.

  “Where’s your mind at?” Claire asked.

  “Nowhere. Why?”

  Claire raised her eyebrows. “Because you’re so distracted, you didn’t even hear what I was saying.”

  I hadn’t realized she was still talking.

  “Sorry,” I said. “Maybe I’m just too tired.”

  “You had two days off,” Claire pointed out.

  I pulled up my shoulders. Just because I wasn’t at the hospital didn’t mean I had gotten enough rest, but I wasn’t going to tell her that. Claire was a colleague, not a best friend. I wasn’t going to tell her everything that was on my mind.

  “I’m going to take my lunch,” I said. It was shortly after noon, and there were no emergencies. “Let me know if you guys need me.”

  “We’ll be fine,” Claire said. She looked curious about whatever was going on in my life more than she was very concerned.

  I bought food at the cafeteria, but I didn’t sit down to eat it. I didn’t feel like sitting alone with my thoughts, but I didn’t want company either. I struggled to keep track of regular conversations. So, I walked to the little garden they had created for doctors and nurses. It was so we could take a break outside where we could get a bit of fresh air but still be on call when something went wrong.

  I sat down on one of the benches and took a bite of the sandwich I had bought. It tasted like nothing, turning to sand in my mouth. Since Ben had left, I’d had no appetite. It was like I was lovesick, but that was bullshit. Nothing had happened between us. So, I forced myself to keep chewing, taking one bite after the next. I had to eat properly in the career I was in, or I would waste away.

  It was another one of those things I had learned early on in my career. It was so easy to put myself last.

  Two of the firefighters were out of the danger zone, and I was happy for them. I thought about Ben. He hadn’t come to the hospital today, which was strange. I’d expected to see him before or after his shift. Maybe it was because of what had happened between us. Was he avoiding me?

  The thought made me feel sick to my stomach, and I put down the last bit of my sandwich. Maybe I had to contact him first, to show him I didn’t mind what had happened. I still wanted to be close to him even if I couldn’t have what I wanted.

  After thinking about it for a second, I decided it was the best way to go about it. I didn’t want to move forward with things being awkward between us. Not only for the sake of our friendship, but he was always around because he was Jerrod’s best friend. It would be better if we were on good terms.

  I took out my phone and dialed his number, ignoring a few nerves that bunched together in my stomach. It was going to be fine, I told myself.

  The phone rang, and I waited for Ben to pick up. After a couple of rings, it rolled over to Ben’s voice mail. I felt a little deflated. I had hoped to speak to him in person so we could clear the air, but he was probably busy. Maybe it was another emergency, although I hadn’t heard anything.

  “Hi, it’s me,” I said after the tone, “I just wanted to check in and see how you were doing. And let you know what’s going on here at the hospital. Two of the firefighters have been moved to regular recovery rooms, so that’s great. They’re healing well, and they’ll be out of here soon. Jonas is still in ICU, but he’s awake and making progress. At this rate, he shouldn’t be here much longer.” I paus
ed. “I just wanted to let you know. Give me a call when you have a chance.”

  I hesitated, not sure how to end the call. In the end, I merely hung up. I had left him a message, and that counted for something.

  My shift finished at a decent time. When we didn’t have a lot of ICU patients and there were no emergencies, it affected my hours.

  I was glad to get out of the hospital. Even though I loved my job, today the walls had felt like they were closing in on me, and it had all been stifling.

  I went to The Cottage. I hadn’t seen my family a lot lately, and I wanted to be around the people who would always be home to me. The restaurant was busy, but I didn’t mind. Just being there, sitting out of the way at the bar, was already relieving. It felt like the good old days when I was still studying, still lived at home, and could still turn to the people who were the closest to me to help me feel better.

  It wasn’t quite the case now that the people who could make me feel better also couldn’t exactly know what was going on in my life. I had to keep Ben and what I felt for him a secret.

  After I’d been sitting at the bar for a while, sipping a soda, Jerrod came to me.

  “You should have said you were here.” He gave me a hug.

  “I just came to unwind,” I said. “Don’t mind me.”

  He smiled and leaned on the bar, looking around.

  “It’s quiet tonight,” I commented. “Even for a Monday.”

  “Yeah, it’s close to the end of the month. You know how it goes. The payday rush will make up for it.”

  “Where is Ben tonight?” I asked. Ben was always around Jerrod here at the restaurant. Or at least, he used to be. Now, he was probably on a shift or catching up on sleep after a shift.

  “Oh, he went back to New York yesterday.”

  I whipped my head around and stared at Jerrod. “Just like that?”

  Jerrod nodded. “It’s for the reading of the will. With his uncle’s death, they made it happen last minute or something. If you ask me, he’s going to inherit that company again.”

  “And then he’s going to run it,” I said, putting two and two together and hating the answer.

  Jerrod shrugged. “It’s a lot more money than he could ever make here as a firefighter. Now, he has all those millions after Lambert bought the company from him. Can you imagine? He just gets richer and richer. The babes will flock to him.”

  I sawed my jaw open and closed, trying to find something to respond to that, but I felt winded.

  “Oh, gotta go,” Jerrod said and walked to take new customers to a table. I sat at the bar alone, feeling like Jerrod had punched me in the gut. Ben had upped and left without saying goodbye. How had he not thought to talk to me about it? He could have called me, at least. I didn’t care what had happened between us, not saying goodbye was hurtful.

  Jerrod was only speculating about Ben owning the company again, but it made sense. I didn’t know much about his Uncle Dean, but I’d heard enough to know there were no Lambert kids to take over the company. Otherwise, they would have been involved in the first place.

  So, if Ben was taking over the company again, it meant he had left for good.

  Giving up his dreams of being a firefighter a second time. Leaving me behind without saying goodbye.

  I understood he might want to give up being a firefighter after what had happened. It had traumatized him. But leaving without saying goodbye to me? He had done that even when he had seen me as nothing more than Jerrod’s little sister, the kid who had still been at school. I had thought I was more of a friend to him now, even if that was all I was. I had thought I would at least get a goodbye.

  That was if I had thought at all that he would be leaving. I hadn’t thought that far. Now that it had happened, I was crushed. A lump rose in my throat, and I tried to swallow it down. Instead of staying at the bar, soaking up the warmth that came with the family restaurant I had grown up in, I felt like I was suffocating here just like everywhere else.

  I left the restaurant before my mom and dad could see me and figure out I wanted to cry. I left before Jerrod could come back and give me more bad news.

  Ben was gone, and he hadn’t even let me know he was going. I hadn’t realized it would be so easy to forget me. I’d thought we had something special, that we knew where we stood with each other.

  Turns out I was wrong.

  Chapter 17

  Ben

  The reading of the will had been successful, not that it was ever a positive thing. The whole process had made me think of my dad’s death and the proceedings we’d had to follow back then.

  It was all eerily similar, and I hated being stuck here again. It was like a very fucked up déjà vu.

  Tuesday morning was the funeral. Uncle Dean could finally be laid to rest now that everything had been taken care of. I hadn’t wanted to go. I didn’t want to deal with the pain and suffering that came with a funeral, with the emotions of hundreds of people that clung to me like spiderwebs, making my own sorrow so much worse. I just wanted to go home.

  With how thing stood right now, it looked like this was going to become my home. Uncle Dean had left me the company. It was ironic that he had given me so much money to buy me out, and I had ended up with the company anyway. It was a twisted version of the gift that kept on giving.

  I couldn’t just leave and not attend the funeral. A lot of the people coming were employees, and they looked up to me as their boss. It would be wrong to leave. Not to mention, it would be rude to Penny Lambert.

  The poor woman was battling a lot with Uncle Dean’s death. Her eyes were constantly swollen and red-rimmed from crying, and I felt the need to be there for her, to help her through this difficult time. When my father had died, Dean and Penny had been there for me, and I wanted to return the favor. But where my dad had been a man I hadn’t seen very much of my life, Dean had been Penny’s other half. The loss was so much more shattering to her.

  I looked in the mirror, making my tie. I was back in the penthouse suite where I had lived the seven years I had tried to fill my father’s footsteps. Uncle Dean had taken it over from me along with the company, and I had inherited it right back as well. I hated that space, as luxurious and kitted out as it was. It didn’t feel like home. There was no space for emotions between these precise walls, around the chic furniture. There was only space for business, rules, and a bachelor lifestyle. I wasn’t sure I liked the idea of a single lifestyle so much anymore.

  The moment that thought popped into my mind, I pushed it away. It was the last thing I should have been thinking about. I wasn’t in the right space to have any kind of life partner, and my life was going to be single and lonely for a long time to come.

  I sighed when I thought about it, trying not to let it drag me down. I checked my cufflinks, shrugged into the black jacket that matched the rest of the black suit I was wearing, and left the building to meet Penny before the funeral.

  When I arrived at Uncle Dean’s house, it was as if he had only stepped out to buy milk and sugar. The place was still filled with the memories of him, an expectation that he would return at any moment. No wonder Penny struggled so much.

  When she opened the door for me, she was dressed in a black skirt that came down to her calves, a black collared blouse, and black boots.

  “You look so handsome,” Penny said with a dull voice. “Even in mourning. Do you think this outfit works?”

  I looked at her clothes and nodded. “You look perfect.”

  Penny sighed. “How am I supposed to do this? I can’t say goodbye to him. I’m not ready.” Her eyes filled with tears, and I pulled her against me in a hug. My mind jumped to Mila and how she had been strong for me in my time of need when I had been in Portland.

  “We have to go to the reception before we go to the church,” Penny said, stepping away from me, crying. “I need to make sure the caterer is setting up. It’s ridiculous that we’re preparing for this like it’s some kind of party. My husband died, and we
’re having a party. But we can’t send them all away without feeding them.”

  “It’ll be okay,” I said. “I’ll be there. They’re all coming to share in your pain, to be there for you. It’s not a party.”

  Penny looked at me. “You’re such a sweet boy, Ben. I wish I was as strong as you are through all of this. I don’t’ know how to face them all.”

  “I’ll be there,” I said again because it was all I could say.

  We climbed in the black car Penny had ordered, and the driver took us to the reception hall where Penny had arranged for the funeral goers to meet after the burial.

  “It was just supposed to be a business trip,” Penny said, looking out of the window as we drove through the streets of New York City. “I was okay until now. He’s been away from home for this long before, but he should have been back by now. Dean should have come home, and he hasn’t.” She looked at me with an expression that broke my heart. “And now he never will.”

  I reached for Penny’s hand and squeezed it. It was all so fucking familiar. The funeral. The cause of the death. The wake of chaos and destruction. The new boss of a company, employees that were like lost sheep and would be for a while.

  The entire thing was almost identical to my father’s death, and the irony left a bitter taste at the back of my mouth. As if enough hadn’t gone wrong already.

  When would it ever end?

  After I helped Penny ensure the reception was ready, we headed toward the church. It would be a closed casket. Uncle Dean had been hurt too badly in the crash for the guests to see what had happened to him. I was relieved it would be closed. Even if Uncle Dean had looked perfect, I didn’t think Penny would be able to handle seeing her husband’s deceased body.

  Everything had been taken care of when we arrived. The florists had already set up all the flowers, the casket was in place, and the reverend was ready with his sermon. He took over from me, consoling Penny, and I was relieved to get away from her for a short while. Her sorrow was so intense, it threatened to drag me down, and I had so much going on already.