Billion Dollar Man

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Billion Dollar Man Page 11

by Ali Parker


  I walked out of the church and stood on the little pathway that wound through trees and shrubs to the side. I had been thinking a lot about my life and where I was going to live it. New York wasn’t my home, but I would have to make it so. I didn’t want to do that without my family.

  When I dialed my mom’s number, she answered almost right away.

  “How are you?” she asked.

  “It’s hard. I’m not going to lie,” I said. “I got the company again.”

  “I thought you would,” my mom said. “How do you feel about it?”

  I took a deep breath. I hadn’t thought about it, really.

  “I feel like it just keeps coming back to me. Is it a sign? Am I supposed to do this for a living?”

  “Only if it’s what you want, honey,” my mom said.

  “But look at what’s happening. First, it was Dad and now Uncle Dean. And every time, the company belongs to me. What if this is where I’m supposed to be no matter if I like it or not?”

  My mom sighed. “You know that’s not what I believe. You have the choice to create your own life.”

  “Not in this,” I said.

  “You always have a choice, Ben. You can sell it and come back if that’s what you want.”

  I shook my head. I didn’t know how to explain to my mom that it didn’t make sense that this kept on happening if I was supposed to live my life in Portland.

  “I think this is where I have to be,” I said. “But I don’t want to do this alone.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I mean, I want you and Paul to move here with me.”

  My mom hesitated before she answered me. “Sweetheart, I don’t know about that. It’s the reason your dad and I got divorced in the first place. Remember? He made me choose between home and him.”

  “That was a long time ago when I still lived at home and I had school and everything. Will you think about it?”

  “There’s nothing for me to think about, honey,” my mom said apologetically. “I don’t want to move to New York. My life is here. Paul’s life is here. I’m not going to uproot us if you feel that’s where you need to be.”

  That was fair. “I understand.” I didn’t even have hard feelings about it. I understood that my mom loved Portland. I did too. I hadn’t wanted to leave when my dad had given me that option years ago. When I’d worked in New York for seven years, one day hadn’t gone by without me missing home.

  It would be like that again.

  “Mila has been trying to get a hold of you,” my mom said.

  “She found you?”

  “She wanted me to pass a message to you.”

  I felt guilty immediately. She had tried to phone. I had seen that. She’d left me a voice message too. I hadn’t been willing to listen to it. I couldn’t afford anything that could change my mind about where I belonged. The moment I heard her voice, I knew I would run back to Portland, and that wasn’t where I had to be right now.

  “Did she tell you what she wanted to tell me?” I asked.

  “You can just call her, you know,” my mom said. “I’m sure you have her number.”

  “Yeah, Mom. I do.”

  My mom sighed. “I don’t know why you have to be difficult. She was here to tell me that your firefighter friends were going to be okay. Two of them are in recovery, and the third is going there soon. A week or something, she said.”

  Relief washed over me, followed on its heels by guilt. Mila had wanted to share something with me that was important to me, and I had ignored her. But I had to.

  “Thanks, Mom,” I said. “It means a lot. I have to go. The funeral is starting soon.”

  “Be safe, honey. And call me whenever you need to, okay?”

  I agreed to and hung up. People were starting to filter into the church. I patted my pockets, and the cards I had written with the speech I wanted to make in Dean’s honor crackled in my pocket.

  But my mind wasn’t on my speech. It was on Mila. I felt bad that I hadn’t phoned her back or even told her I was leaving. No doubt, she had found out what was going on through Jerrod by now. I was sure she was upset with me about it too. I should have said goodbye, at the very least. But after everything that had happened, I had no idea who to be around her. There were so many unresolved feelings, and I had run out on her when we had been heading toward sex. There wasn’t really a worse way to leave a girl hanging.

  To call her now was almost futile. Maybe it was better if I just moved on with my life. I didn’t know if it was going to be possible, but I didn’t know what else to do.

  Chapter 18

  Mila

  I should have worked on Wednesday, but one of the other nurses had come to ask me if I could trade shifts with her. Her sister was getting married, and she hadn’t been able to get time off. A sister’s wedding was a big deal, and I agreed. There was no reason for me to have a weekend free. All I did these days was work.

  So, instead of being at work on Wednesday, I had the day off. I took the day to myself, trying to make time to pamper myself. I never did it. I went to a nail salon to have my nails done—as a nurse, I never made time for something like that. I went to a hairdresser to cut my hair a little shorter again, and I had a three-hour nap in the afternoon. When I finally woke up, I felt more like myself.

  So much had happened lately, I hadn’t focused on myself at all, and it was good to put myself first and really take some me-time.

  After Skylar’s workday ended, she called me.

  “You mentioned you’re off today instead of having a long shift,” she said. “Care for some company?”

  “I’d love some.”

  When we ended the call, I changed into jeans and a long-sleeve shirt so I didn’t receive my friend in my pajamas. Skylar arrived half an hour later.

  “I come bearing gifts,” she said, holding up a bottle of wine.

  “You have no idea how welcome that is tonight,” I said, letting her in.

  “I thought so. It’s been rough on you lately, huh?”

  I nodded. It had indeed been rough, a lot rougher than Skylar knew. I was glad she was here so I could talk about what was bothering me. A day alone where I focused on myself and got what I needed was all well and good, but getting my hair done didn’t help me get the turmoil of emotions inside me off my chest.

  “Tell me why you have the night off again?” Skylar said.

  “One of my colleagues has a wedding on Saturday, and it wasn’t like I had any big plans for the weekend.”

  “No? You’re not getting drunk with Ben again?”

  I groaned when Skylar mentioned his name, hating the sinking feeling that happened in my gut. I didn’t like that he had such an effect on me, especially now that nothing was going to come of it.

  “That’s a reaction that needs explaining,” Skylar said. “But first, wine.”

  “Perfect,” I said. I didn’t think I was going to be able to talk about everything that was bugging me without a bit of alcohol to loosen things up. I had tried again and again to push it all away, so talking about it seemed almost weird.

  We sat down in the living room, and I kicked off the ballerina flats I had on. I tucked my feet underneath me on the couch. Skylar poured us each a glass of wine, handing mine to me before she did the same.

  “So? Tell me what’s going on.”

  I took a big gulp of wine before even attempting to start from the beginning.

  “Ben took me out to say thank you for being there for him. I did what you suggested and offered my shoulder to cry on. He was very appreciative.”

  Skylar looked pleased with herself that her advice had worked.

  “It was such a great evening too,” I said. “The food was great, and we got along so well. I love being around him. I can relax, which isn’t something I can do around just anyone.”

  “Except for me,” Skylar said.

  “Right. Because that was totally up for debate.”

  I smirked, and Skylar rolled her e
yes.

  “Anyway, like last time, one thing led to another. It rained, and my dress was see-through, and we ended up here.”

  “And?” Skylar asked when I paused. She leaned forward, eager. I knew where she hoped this would go. It was exactly where I’d hoped it would go, then.

  “And nothing,” I said and shrugged. I sipped my wine and watched Skylar’s face fall in disappointment.

  “Can I just say, anticlimax?”

  “Exactly,” I said with a sigh. “But it’s not that he was all gallant and said goodbye like a gentleman. We were all over each other. It was headed in a serious direction when he stopped and said he couldn’t do it.”

  Skylar frowned and shook her head. “Did he give you a reason?”

  I thought about it. “Not really. I mean, he didn’t exactly have to. I know what’s going on in his life. It’s a hard time for him, and the last thing he should be thinking about is a relationship. Or whatever it was between us.”

  “A one-night stand?”

  I shook my head. “That’s the one thing I didn’t want it to be. Come on, Sky. You know how I feel about this guy. It’s not just about sex.”

  Skylar nodded. “Yeah, yeah. You’ve said that before. But honestly, if things are so complicated with him, I don’t see why you can’t just fuck him to get it out of your system.”

  “Because that’s not the part I need to get out of my system. I have feelings for him. Or something. Oh, God. I don’t know.”

  I put my one hand over my eyes.

  “You have to give me details,” Skylar said.

  “What?”

  “Come on, you nearly sleep with the man of your dreams and you have nothing to say about it? What did you do? Was he any good?”

  I thought back to Ben pressing his body up against me, and my body became warm. He was an instant turn-on.

  “We didn’t do nearly enough,” I said, brushing it off. “He left, so there’s nothing I can really tell you. But yes, with how he kissed me and touched me, I imagine he would have been very good. Amazing, in fact.”

  Skylar groaned. “This is so frustrating.”

  “Yeah, it is,” I said, and I thought back to the session with my hand and pink dildo that had followed after Ben had left me. I didn’t tell Skylar about that, though. She didn’t need to know I had thought about Ben fucking me the entire time I’d been getting myself off.

  “We haven’t talked since he left,” I said. “Somehow, I doubt we will talk.”

  “What do you mean?” Skylar asked.

  I drank the last bit of wine in my glass and held it out for Skylar to pour me another one. When the glass was full, I looked down at the red liquid.

  “He’s gone. He left to go back to New York.”

  Skylar frowned and blinked as if what I had said didn’t compute.

  “We’re talking about now, right?”

  I nodded. “Apparently, he left on Sunday.”

  “Apparently?”

  “Yeah, he didn’t even let me know he was going. It was the reading of his uncle’s will on Monday, but he never told me he was leaving. I heard it from Jerrod on Monday night. He hadn’t even bothered to say goodbye.”

  “What a dick,” Skylar said. And even though I wanted to get pissed off with her for saying it about Ben, I had to agree. It had been a dick move, and I was still upset with him.

  “What is he doing there?” Skylar asked when I didn’t answer her. I sipped my wine in silence.

  “He’s the CEO of the company again, so I assume he’s living there and running that precious company of his.”

  “Wait a minute, didn’t he sell the company?”

  “Yeah,” I said, swirling the wine in my glass and watching it intently so I didn’t have to make eye contact with Skylar. She was watching me with eyes that bore into me. “He sold it to the guy who just passed away. And now, in the will, it went right back to him.”

  “How the hell does that even happen?” Skylar asked.

  I sighed. “I don’t know. A cruel trick of the universe or something? I try not to think about it too much. Any of it. The fact is, he’s gone now, and it’s all over. This time, there’s nothing that can be done.”

  “You should call him,” Skylar said.

  “I did. He’s not answering or calling me back. I don’t know if he even listened to the message I left him. Ben very smoothly removed himself out of my life, and I think it’s time I accept that it’s over. That’s all there is to it.”

  I wanted to cry. It was so much easier said than done. Logically, I could make that decision and there would be no problem, but emotionally, it was a lot harder to deal with.

  Because it wasn’t the same as the first time Ben had left. That had been pretty shitty, too, but he had only been Jerrod’s friend and my friend by extension. He hadn’t been a friend to me the way he had become recently.

  Then, I’d had a crush on him. But now? Now, it was a lot more involved than that. Or at least, it used to be.

  I drank more of my wine, and with the alcohol in my system, I found I couldn’t hold the tears back as well as I would have liked to. They rolled over my cheeks before I felt them well up in my eyes.

  “Hey, it’s okay,” Skylar said when she saw my tears.

  I shook my head. “I hate crying about this. It’s ridiculous. We weren’t even anything worth talking about. Nothing more than friends.”

  “But he led you on,” Skylar said. “He kissed you, twice, and he was flirting with you outright. You told me so.”

  I nodded. That was true. Maybe he had been leading me on, but it wasn’t like he had promised me anything would happen between us. He hadn’t told me how he felt about me at all.

  “Other than being a jerk and not telling me he was leaving, he didn’t do anything wrong,” I said with a sniff. “I’m this much of a mess because I’m full of shit.”

  “Caring about someone doesn’t make you full of shit,” Skylar said, and I couldn’t argue with her because she was right about it not being wrong to care for someone and about me caring for Ben. Because I did. I cared about him a whole lot more than I had been willing to admit to anyone, even myself.

  It didn’t matter that I had reached the point where I could talk about what I felt and admit to it. It was too late. Ben was back in New York, and I was in Portland. Despite everything I’d thought we were heading toward, his actions had proved to me that I was wrong.

  “You know, I have a theory,” Skylar said.

  “Yeah?” I asked and sipped more wine.

  “Yeah. If it’s this much hard work to be with a guy and you never know where you stand, he’s not for you.”

  She was right. It was a good theory.

  “But Skylar, it’s not just any guy. It’s Ben.”

  Skylar hugged me, and she tried the rest of the evening to talk me through it. She tried her best to make me feel better, and she managed to help me feel a little better, if not a lot. By the time she left, my head was spinning from the wine, and I felt nauseous. I didn’t know why I bothered drinking wine in the first place.

  At least it would help me fall asleep.

  I climbed into bed and switched off the light, waiting for sleep to drag me under and take me away to tomorrow.

  Except, it didn’t come.

  Chapter 19

  Ben

  After everything had been taken care of with Uncle Dean’s will and the funeral, it was time to wrap things up in Portland. On Friday, my plane touched down, and I was back in Oregon.

  Before, I had been excited about going back. Now, I dreaded it. I was headed to the place where I had grown up, the place I loved and called home, to say my final goodbye. I had to take care of a few things here that I hadn’t been able to handle right away.

  My apartment was the first thing I needed to deal with. I had to give up the lease.

  When I had come to Portland, I had rented a place. I had signed the lease for a year, thinking I wanted to look around until I found the pe
rfect property so I could build a house exactly how I liked it. Now, that was going to fall through.

  Maybe I could do something like that in New York. The idea didn’t seem nearly as enticing when I thought about the big city, all its gray buildings and yellow cabs and how much it just didn’t seem to be the place I wanted to call home.

  Giving up the lease wouldn’t be hard, at least. I could buy out the rest of the year if I really had to. I had more than enough money, and it would make the relocation that much easier. It was so simple when I could pay anyone to do anything for me so I didn’t have to lift a finger.

  Dealing with the people I was going to leave behind was a lot harder. I had to go talk to Ted at the station and let him know I was quitting as a fireman, effective immediately. I hated the idea of doing that.

  I didn’t want to give up my dream of helping people, but I didn’t have a choice.

  “It’s a shame to lose you, Atwood,” Ted said to me when I sat across from him in his office. “I don’t need to tell you what an asset you are to this team. I wish there was something I could do to change your mind. I guess all that money just wins out, huh?”

  He chuckled at his own joke. I forced a smile, but I didn’t think it was funny. It wasn’t about the money at all.

  With a heavy heart, I signed my resignation forms and walked up to the kitchen. Sam was at it again, cooking up a nightmare. The guys were all around the table.

  “Why so glum?” Tyler asked when I walked in.

  “I’m leaving,” I said.

  Their faces all fell, the laughter sucked out of the room by my announcement. Sam and Jay were nice enough about it, saying their goodbyes and wishing me well. But Tyler was pissed off.

  “Do you think you can just fuck off without a second thought about what you’re leaving behind?” he asked. “This is bullshit.”

  “I don’t have a choice,” I said.

  “Fuck you, Ben,” Tyler snapped. “We all have a choice. You’ve already made yours.”

 

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