by Ali Parker
Tyler stood up and stormed out of the kitchen. I wondered if I should go after him.
“Don’t worry too much about his little outburst,” Sam said. “Tyler sucks at saying goodbyes. He didn’t mean what he said.”
“No,” I said. “He did. And he’s right.”
I left the station not too long after that. I didn’t go after Tyler. I told myself he needed time to cool down, and I didn’t have that time. The truth was I didn’t have what it took to look him in the eye again because he was right. I was leaving a lot behind. It just wasn’t as simple as he had made it sound.
When I was at home, packing, Jerrod arrived. When I’d told him I was in town, and what for, he offered to help me. I didn’t have a lot to pack up, only a few clothes, photos, and knickknacks. I had rented a furnished apartment so I didn’t have to worry about furniture until I built the dream house that was never going to happen.
“You know, I’m happy for you that you’ve got this company and all. I mean, I have the restaurant, so I guess I get it. But I’m pissed off that you’re leaving again. Just when I thought I was getting you back.”
“I know,” I said. He wasn’t the only one who was upset with me about this. I didn’t tell Jerrod that I didn’t have a choice because I knew he wouldn’t agree with me either. “I’m sorry,” I said instead. Because I was. “I can fly you out to come to see me any time. With the private company jet. I’ll even add hot hostesses who are willing to give you more than just warm towels and champagne on the flight.”
Jerrod laughed. “You can’t bribe me into forgetting that I’m angry with you, but I might take you up on that offer anyway.”
I grinned. I was going to miss my friend. When I left the first time, I hadn’t known what to expect. Now, I knew how isolated life was there, and I dreaded every second I would be away from all my friends and family. At least I would be able to get Jerrod out there now and then. And even if my mom wasn’t planning on coming to New York with me, I could fly her and Paul out to visit too. The invitation for them to move was open. I would pay for everything, but I knew that was never going to happen. I was taking this step alone.
“That was quick,” I said when we were done. We’d packed it all up into three boxes that I would send to New York when I flew back. “Let’s go have a drink for old time’s sake.”
Jerrod rolled his eyes. “I don’t actually enjoy celebrating old time’s sake because it means you’re leaving, but I can do with a drink.”
We drove to The Cottage and walked to the bar. Jerrod stepped behind the bar and poured us each a beer straight from the beer tap.
“So, are you ready to be the Big Boss again?” Jerrod asked when we sat on the bar stools and sipped our beer.
“I guess so,” I said. “I mean, I know what to do. I don’t need anyone to show me the ropes.” A pang shot through my chest when I said it. Uncle Dean had shown me the ropes the last time. And now he was gone.
“The perks of being in charge is that you get to leave from the office whenever you feel like it. Plus, you can have as many women as you like.”
I chuckled, and we clinked our beer glasses in salute to what Jerrod has just said, but I didn’t want many women. I wanted one woman. Mila flashed before me, but I shook off the thought. I’d ruined that.
“You should pop into the hospital and say goodbye to Mila,” Jerrod said as if he knew I’d been thinking about her. But that wasn’t possible, was it?
“I guess I’ll go on Sunday,” I said. “So I catch her on her shift.”
Jerrod didn’t know I’d been to her place, and I wanted to keep it that way. I didn’t want to go to her place. I was sure she was upset with me, and it wouldn’t be a good idea to be alone together. I didn’t know which way the conversation with her would go, and either way, I felt more comfortable with her in public.
It was a coward’s way out. I knew that.
“Oh, her schedule changed,” Jerrod said. “She’s not off tomorrow. She traded shifts with another nurse, so she’ll be at the hospital tomorrow.”
I nodded. “That makes it easier. I’ll go to see her tomorrow, then.”
We sipped our beer together.
“You know, you’re giving up a lot when you leave.”
“It’s not that much. I didn’t have a chance to build much of a life in the short time I was here.”
“Maybe you didn’t have a lot of time, but you had some pretty good things going for you. The job at the station was exactly what you wanted your whole life. The relationships you’ve built here are serious too.”
When he said “relationship,” my stomach flipped, but he didn’t mean romantic. Of course, he didn’t. He had meant with everyone. It was just me and my one-track mind that thought about Mila the moment he’d said “relationship.”
“I know what you’re saying,” I said. “I guess I’ll have to see how I can make it work. Maybe I can juggle the two.”
“Let me tell you one thing,” Jerrod said, pointing at me with the beer glass tipped in my direction. “Men aren’t very good at multitasking.”
We laughed about it, each sipping our beer, but he was right. I was willing to accept that it meant I wouldn’t be able to stay attached to everything I had created here. I was going to have to accept that by taking over the company for good, I was going to lose a hell of a lot on this end. It felt like it was more than I had lost before.
But I was just going to have to deal with it.
After our beers together, I went in search of Mr. and Mrs. Castle. Jerrod had told them I was leaving, of course, but saying goodbye to my second set of parents wasn’t easy. They weren’t happy I was going, but they wished me good luck, all the same. They were supportive of my choices.
“You take care of yourself over there,” Jerrod’s mom said. “Remember, no matter what happens, if you’re not happy, you’re not in the right place.”
Why was everyone giving me little bits of wisdom today? It was starting to annoy me. Especially considering they were all accurate, it all applied, and it was only making me feel even more shitty about what I was doing.
When I finally managed to tear myself away from the restaurant, I went to the hotel room I had booked after I’d given up my lease. The day had been awful, full of goodbyes that hadn’t been positive. But I had Mila on my mind. I had to go see her at the hospital tomorrow. I didn’t know what to expect, and I was dreading it, especially if she was angry with me. But if I left and she found out I had been back and I still hadn’t said goodbye to her, she would think it was personal. She would think she’d done something wrong.
I didn’t want that. I didn’t want her to think any of this was her fault. It was all on me. Mila had done everything right from the start. She had been wonderful to me, and she had been there for me when I’d needed her. I’d already treated her badly. I couldn’t keep going and be a total dick.
But I was nervous to see her. I was worried about what she would say. I was worried about what she might think.
There were no two ways about it, though. I had to go to the hospital to see her. I had to make sure I did right by her, at least by saying goodbye. By keeping it to her lunch hour and staying in public, I could keep it as civil as it would get. More than that, I couldn’t control.
Chapter 20
Mila
On Saturday, the hospital was peacefully quiet. There were no emergencies, more of the ICU patients had been moved to regular recovery rooms, and I could go about my daily duties without any problems. I didn’t have to run around in a panic at all.
I had traded my shift with another nurse so she could go to a wedding. I had been doing her a favor, but I realized I had done myself a favor too. I was distracted enough not to have my mind run away with me, but the day was calm enough that it was just a normal job.
It was everything I had needed.
When my lunchtime rolled around, I finished up the report I was working on, ready to file it. Someone came to the nurse’s station.<
br />
“Just a second,” I said, filing my report away. When I turned around, Ben stood in front of me.
“Ben,” I said, surprised. He was the last person I’d expected to see. My pulse sped up, and I suddenly struggled to breathe. He was still the most attractive man I had ever seen, with eyes the color of the ocean and a smile on his face that could make me melt.
But he had also been very rude to me, hurting me. My heart didn’t know which way to go with what I was feeling. I couldn’t decide if I was upset or excited to see him.
“I thought you were in New York,” I said. It was the safest thing to say.
“I was,” Ben said. “I’m just here this weekend to wrap everything up before I move back there.”
I nodded slowly. So, it was true that he was leaving for good. Everyone had said it, but deep down a part of me had hoped it had been a rumor, that they hadn’t known what they were talking about.
“Where are the guys?” Ben asked.
The question was very innocent and, again, not what I’d expected at all. I had thought he’d come here to see me. But of course, he wanted to check up on his fellow firefighters. That was what mattered, right?
I gave him their room numbers. Only Jonas was still in ICU. We were moving him on Monday.
“Is it okay if I go to see them?” Ben asked.
“I’ll come with you to see Jonas because he’s still technically not allowed to be visited, but the other two you can go ahead and see yourself.”
Ben nodded, and I walked with him to Jonas’s room. Jonas was awake, and when Ben approached, he offered a twisted smile. I made sure he was okay before I stepped out of the room, waiting outside the door for Ben to do what he needed to do. I wasn’t going to stand there and listen in on their conversation like before. I was hurt that Jonas was higher on Ben’s priority list than I was.
When Ben came out of the room, he was smiling.
“He looks so much better,” he said.
That’s what happens when you leave and don’t see people for a few days, I thought bitterly. I had the wisdom not to say it out loud.
“I’m going to see the other two. Then, can we have a chat?” Ben asked.
I nodded. “Yeah,” I said. “I’m going on my lunch break.”
“Can I take you out?” Ben asked. “You know, a change of scenery?” He looked uncomfortable as if he was only offering to be nice.
I shook my head. “I’d rather be here in case of an emergency,” I said.
Ben nodded. “I’ll meet you in the cafeteria,” Ben said and walked off. I was stunned. He was so closed off and distant, it wasn’t like the Ben I had come to know at all. But he’d asked to speak to me, and I wanted to know what he had to say.
I walked to the cafeteria and paid for my food. When I sat down, I peeled open the sandwich I had bought and stirred sugar into my coffee. Ben arrived about five minutes later.
“They’re all so much better,” Ben said, sitting down. “I can’t tell you how relieved I am.”
“I can imagine,” I said, politely.
We sat in an awkward silence for a moment, and I willed him to say something. I wasn’t going to instigate the conversation. I wasn’t the one who had walked away without saying goodbye or refused to take phone calls.
“Things are crazy in New York,” Ben said. “I found out I’m CEO of the company. Again. Uncle Dean left me the company in his will even though we’re not related.”
I nodded. I had known Dean wasn’t his real uncle, but he cared for him like family.
“So, now I have to do the entire thing again. At least, I know what to expect this time.
“You can’t appoint someone else to take care of the company?” I asked. It seemed to me that if he had so much money, he could get a manager to handle things while he carried on with his life here. Didn’t people do that?
“I can’t,” Ben said. My heart sank a little. “I don’t trust anyone to do what needs to be done.”
“I’m sure you can find someone qualified,” I said. Ben had never seemed like a particular kind of guy who needed things done just so.
“It’s not about being qualified. It’s about trusting someone to do it the way my dad and my uncle would have liked it done.”
Right. That made sense, I guess. I didn’t know what his company was like, but I knew how my parents wanted everything at the restaurant to be a certain way. Maybe it was the same thing.
“It’s not just about the company, either,” Ben said. His hands were folded on the table. I noticed he hadn’t bought himself a coffee or anything. It was like he was here to give the facts and then to leave. There was nothing amicable about this visit, let alone romantic. What exactly was he doing here? Why was Ben sharing these things with me when he was so uptight? He didn’t look like he wanted to be here.
“What is it about?” I asked when he didn’t continue.
He glanced at me. “Uncle Dean’s death is almost identical to the death of my father. It’s too much of a coincidence. The police contacted Penny, Uncle Dean’s wife. They’re investigating the crash as murder.”
My blood drained from my face, and all the awkwardness was forgotten. “Are you being serious?” I asked.
Ben nodded. “Yeah, it’s a big deal. I don’t know what to think about it, to be honest. I’m starting to think maybe it wasn’t just an accident. Not even for my father’s death. What if someone was responsible for it? What if it was planned?”
I was suddenly terrified for Ben’s life. I didn’t know how realistic it was that people were being taken out that way, it sounded like the stuff of movies to me, but if it was true, what about Ben? What if he was in danger?
I didn't want to say it to him. I didn’t want him to freak out about it. But I wanted to urge him to start driving instead of flying if any of this was real.
“What are you going to do?” I asked.
“I’m thinking of hiring a private investigator,” Ben said.
“You don’t trust the police?”
“I think there’s more to the story. If the first accident was already murder, they missed something. I don’t want to take that chance again.”
“Are you safe?” I blurted out. I couldn’t help myself.
Ben nodded. “Don’t worry. I thought about that. I’m not going to let anything happen to me. I have bodyguards and security everywhere. I made sure I’m safe. But I want to find out what’s going on. It’s bad enough losing a parent but to lose two people that close to me in seven years and with identical accidents, something has got to give.”
I understood what he was saying, but I was terrified for his sake. I was concerned about Ben. What if his digging scared whoever was behind this, and it made him a target? But it wasn’t just that. What if owning this company in the first place had made him a target? What if none of this was anything he could get away from?
“Hey,” Ben said and reached across the table, squeezing my hand. “It’s going to be okay.”
I looked down at our hands, and Ben let go. It was the first contact he’d made with me since that night, but there had been nothing there. Not even a spark, a little electricity. Nothing. The person who sat in front of me looked like Ben and sounded like Ben, but the Ben I knew had disappeared to somewhere very deep inside this man.
And I didn’t like it.
“You really don’t have to worry about me,” Ben said. He started getting up, and I frowned.
“Where are you going?”
“I have to get out of here. I need to take care of a couple of things. I just wanted to say goodbye to you, tell you in person what was going on. I haven’t had a lot of time to make calls.”
I didn’t buy that. Ben wanted me to believe there had been no time for him to give me a quick call?
When I stood up, Ben pulled me against him in a hug, but the hug was stiff and unfamiliar. Again, there was no spark between us. It was as if I was hugging a stranger.
“I’ll see you around,” Ben said wi
th a smile. It was supposed to be an inside joke.
“Have a safe flight, Ben,” I said tightly. His smile didn’t falter around his mouth, but it drained from his eyes. He turned around and walked out of the cafeteria. I remained standing until he was gone. When he had left, I sank back into my chair and dropped my head into my hands.
What the hell had happened? Where had Ben gone, the Ben I knew?
He had sat here, reciting the facts as if they’d been rehearsed. There had been no emotion, no feeling. It was as if he had felt obligated to say something to me, but he couldn’t care less. And it bothered me.
Ben had also not even tried to talk about what had happened between us the other night. It was as if nothing had happened at all, as if we had never been anything more than acquaintances. It upset me. The least he could have done was to talk to me about it all so we could have some closure before he left and carried on with his life.
It felt so open-ended. There was nothing that made me feel like we had talked about it and ended it. Why had he bothered to come to talk to me at all if we hadn’t spoken about anything that mattered? Everything he’d told me he could have sent Jerrod to say to me. It had been nothing special.
I didn’t finish my sandwich. I had only taken two bites, but I was too upset. What was I supposed to do about this?
In the locker room, I put the leftover food in my bag and headed back to the nurse’s station to do my job. I threw myself into my duties so I didn’t have to think about what had just happened. But even if I didn’t think about it, my emotions were all over the place. I was unsettled and upset. I was worried about Ben because he could be in danger, and I was angry with myself for worrying about him at all.
And no matter how hard I worked, I couldn’t shake the feelings.
Chapter 21
Ben
My flight was scheduled for Sunday evening. I had my usual bags and the three boxes to send to New York and that was it. I stared at the things I needed to get over to New York, and I couldn’t believe that a life I had created here had so little to show for it.