Billion Dollar Man

by Ali Parker

  It was a bit of an exaggeration, but it sure as shit felt that way.

  Now that I was home, there was no distraction, and I was practically obsessing over what had happened between us. I ran through everything he’d said from the minute he arrived here. Again and again. I combed over it, looking for clues or something that would have shown me that it had never been serious between us and that I had misread it all.

  But there was nothing. It had been serious. He had told me he loved me, for fuck’s sake. Had that meant nothing?

  The more I thought about it, the more miserable I became. I didn’t know what to do about it all, and I didn’t know how to handle my thoughts and feelings that were all over the place, scattered.

  I ran a bath and carried a bottle of wine and a glass to the bathroom. When I lay back in the hot water with my glass of wine, I tried to relax and forget about it all. I could move on without him. I had done it before.

  Except, when I had done it before, we hadn’t been anything more than friends. This time, we had been so much more.

  Something had to be wrong, I thought. Nothing Ben had done before he’d left had been on par with who he was. We may not have dated for a very long time, but we had known each other almost our whole lives, and we had been friends before we’d been anything else. I knew Ben, and nothing he’d done was normal for him. Something was wrong. It had to be.

  Ben would never do something like that to Jerrod or to me unless he had a really good reason. Right?

  I sighed. “Or maybe, you’re just looking for a reason to excuse his bad behavior,” I told myself. My voice bounced off the tiles and came back at me, and I felt stupid for talking to myself.

  Maybe Ben really had just been a dick. Money changed people, right? If only his personality change had been at the same time as the large inheritance. But Ben had been amazing until yesterday when he had been decidedly un-amazing.

  And I had no idea what was going on with him.

  I put the wine glass on the floor, closed my eyes and took a deep breath before sinking into the water. Under the water, with my hair floating around my face, I could pretend that nothing could get to me. No pain, no memories, nothing that would make me feel like absolute shit like this.

  But I couldn’t hold my breath forever. I had to come up for air at some point. And when I did, everything I wished I could run away from was still there. I still felt like my heart had been shattered. I still felt like my thoughts were pulling me to pieces, and I felt a stabbing pain every time I flashed on another memory of Ben. There was an aching amount of them considering how short the time was we’d actually been together.

  After I climbed out of the bath, I walked to my room. I sat down on my bed, still wrapped in towels and fell back. There were droplets on my shoulders, and if I didn’t do something about my hair soon, it would dry horribly. But I couldn’t find it in me to get up.

  My phone rang. I let it roll over to voicemail. I knew it wouldn’t be Ben.

  When it stopped ringing and started right up again, I knew who it was. Skylar was the only person that knew that she had to keep trying when I wasn’t okay. And she knew how broken I was.

  After Ben had left on Wednesday, I had called her, crying about what he’d done to me.

  “I thought you were avoiding calls,” she said when I answered. “Get dressed and come over. You need to get out of the house.”

  “How did you know I wasn’t dressed?”

  “Because you’re miserable. You’re probably in your towels.”

  Skylar knew me too well.

  “I don’t think I’m going to come over, today,” I said. I wasn’t in the mood.

  “I’m not asking, I’m telling. Come on, you have to do something.”

  I sighed and agreed. Skylar was right, and if anyone could mobilize me, it was my best friend. At least I still had her.

  I changed into jeans and a t-shirt, ballerina flats and pulled my hair into a ponytail because it had dried like shit after all.

  When I walked to Skylar’s front door, she opened for me as if she had been watching out for me.

  “I got Ben & Jerry’s and wine,” she said.

  I smiled. “Just what I need.”

  “We’re getting you through this,” she said.

  I hugged her and held on for a lot longer than usual. Skylar just stood there, letting me hug it out. When I finally let go, we walked into the apartment. Her freezer was loaded with ice cream. We each grabbed a tub, poured glasses of wine and walked to the living room.

  “It’s not my first glass of wine,” I said.

  “And it’s not going to be your last,” Skylar said. “What do you want to do? Watch chick flicks? Jerry Springer? Call Ben horrible names?”

  I chuckled. “Thanks. Sky. This is already making me feel better.”

  My smile drained away almost immediately. I wanted to cry. Skylar was being so nice, trying to make me feel better. And it was working, within reason. But I was still heartbroken, and no amount of ice cream would fix that. Unfortunately, Ben & Jerry’s wasn’t an adhesive.

  “I don’t get it,” I said. “Things were going so well. I honestly thought we’d worked it out.”

  Skylar shook her head. “I was wondering about that, too.”

  “I keep thinking that there has to be a reason why he just left like that. I mean, it’s not like him. And it’s not like I’m trying to make excuses for him, either. You know what I mean?”

  Skylar nodded. “Yeah, it did seem very unlike him to do something like that. Especially after how hard he was fighting to be with you. To the point of you both losing Jerrod.”

  “That’s exactly what I was thinking,” I said.

  Skylar leaned forward, looking at the ice cream in her tub.

  “Maybe you should find out what happened,” she said. “Ask him why he left suddenly like that.”

  I shook my head. “I already did. When he came to me to tell me he was leaving. He said he was obligated to go back to New York because it was his father’s legacy.”

  “That still doesn’t make sense, especially after he said he came back because he left too hastily the last time.”

  “Yeah.” I pulled up my shoulders. “I don’t know anymore. I’ve thought about this so much I feel like I’m going around in circles. I don’t know what’s real anymore or what I’m trying to think up to validate what happened. My mind is fuzzy, and I’m dying inside.”

  Skylar shifted closer to me and hugged me.

  “I’m sorry you’re going through this. I really think that what you and Ben have is true love.”

  I chuckled bitterly. “Yeah, just not true enough.”

  “You have to find out what’s really going on. Even if it is just for your sake so that you have peace of mind and don’t feel like he ditched you because of something you did.”

  “Who says that’s how I feel?” I asked.

  Skylar gave me an ‘are-you-serious look.’ “I know you, Mila. You’ll think it’s your fault because you only see the good in others and then you are convinced it can’t be them.”

  Skylar was right, of course. I did have a tendency to do that. And she was also right in saying that if I found out the real reason why Ben had upped and left me like that without warning, I would have peace. I just wasn’t sure I was going to take her advice.

  “Can we watch a movie?” I asked. I didn’t want to talk about all of this anymore.

  Skylar nodded and switched on the television. “What do you want to watch?”

  “Something that has nothing to do with love,” I said.

  Skylar chose some kind of action movie that I watched all the way through but didn’t pay attention to. Even though I hadn’t wanted to talk about it all anymore, I couldn’t stop thinking about everything that happened.

  Maybe Skylar had a point that something had happened that had made Ben leave. Maybe it had nothing to do with me at all. I wondered if talking to him to find out would make a difference, or if he would
only hurt me more.

  The downside of it all was that there might not have been a reason. Ben might just have left me because it was what he’d wanted. What if I asked him, and it turned out that it had everything to do with me, after all?

  Not knowing made everything very uncertain, but it was better than finding out that I was the problem. Knowing wasn’t always better than not knowing.

  And I wasn’t sure I wanted to know.

  Chapter 46

  Ben

  The moment I touched down in New York I was caught up in the fever of the city. I was thrown into the deep end at work, and I had to tread water all the time. I didn’t even have time to think about Mila and everyone else back home.

  And that was a good thing. I knew the moment I thought about Mila too long I would feel terrible for what I had done to her. And I would struggle with a broken heart because by hurting her, I had also hurt myself.

  On Saturday morning, I met with Ms. Houghton again. The realtor had been all too happy to hear from me. Even though I hadn’t taken the other place, she knew I had money judging by the houses she showed me, and if she sold one to me, it meant her paycheck was going to be a big one.

  “It’s a pity the other place was scooped up, after all,” she said to me after we made small talk. “It was a perfect fit for you. But not to worry, I have a few houses for you to look at.”

  I wasn’t in the mood to fuss. When we’d gone through the first house with Ms. Houghton exhausting every small detail, I was over it.

  “I’ll take it,” I said.

  “Don’t you want to see what else I have in store for you?” she asked.

  I shook my head. “This will do. I’ll take it.”

  Ms. Houghton smiled. “And here I thought you were a fussy client. I will prepare the paperwork and have it faxed to your office as soon as possible,” she said. “Why don’t you look around a little bit? I just need to step out and make a call.”

  I nodded, and Ms. Houghton walked out through the front door.

  The house was nice, there was no doubt about it. It had a handful of bedrooms, all with en-suite bathrooms and a large entertainment area with a bar and a pool, a garden that wrapped around the house and a modern design. But I didn’t care about it all. I wanted somewhere to stay that wasn’t the penthouse. This wasn’t the penthouse. It was that simple. I hadn’t even listened to half the things Ms. Houghton had said about the place and only paid half attention to every room we’d visited. All I needed was a place to stay.

  “Alright,” Ms. Houghton said when she walked back into the house. “Yours is the only offer so I don’t see a problem. If the paperwork goes well, you’ll be able to move in in a few short days.”

  “That’s great, thank you,” I said.

  I checked my phone. I’d had business calls all day, messages about work, but it wasn’t what I was checking for. After I had let my mom and Paul know I was safe, I hadn’t heard from anyone back home. Not from Jerrod or Mila.

  Of course, I should have expected that. Jerrod had written me off for good, and after what I’d done to Mila, there was no way she would be calling me. I felt like shit about it. I wished she would just phone me so that I could hear her voice.

  I could have called her, but I was sure she wouldn’t answer. And if she did, I had no idea what I would have said to her. Hey, it’s me, I know I dumped you, but I just wanted to chat. That would have gone down really well. Not.

  “I just need you to take care of this form for me,” Ms. Houghton said. She’d been talking all this time, and I hadn’t heard a word. I took the form from her and skimmed its contents before signing on the line.

  “And that’s it, I’ll take care of the rest for you. Then I’ll send you those papers. Congratulations, Mr. Atwood.” She held out her hand to me, and I shook it.

  We left the house. When I drove away, I looked at the mansion getting smaller in the rearview mirror. So, this was home, now. I had taken it because it was such a big commitment. Because if I didn’t, I would run straight back to Portland again. By forcing myself to put down roots here, I was making myself stay. I had no other choice than to do this. I had burned all the bridges back to Portland, and I would be an idiot to try to cross them again.

  It was Saturday so I couldn’t go to the office to try and bury myself in work. Instead, I went to the penthouse that I hated so much now and tried to distract myself with movies and music and working out. Nothing worked. I couldn’t run away from my thoughts and my feelings, and I hated it.

  I had never felt like this before. I had never been in love with someone the way I was with Mila, and now that I’d lost her, I felt like I had a wound that wouldn’t clot. I was bleeding out and no matter what I did, I was losing blood, and it was affecting me. That was what it felt like. I had done it all to do the right thing, but for something that was the right thing to do, it hurt like hell.

  But I hadn’t had a choice. I couldn’t have done it any other way. It was the only way I could have ensured that everyone was safe.

  The determination with which I had climbed onto the plane was still there, but it was buried under a whole lot of heartbreak.

  One day, when I managed to handle this nasty business with the Mafia and my dad’s fuckup, I would go back to Mila and fix things.

  I could only hope and pray that she would still be there when I managed to get back to her.

  My phone rang while I was on the treadmill. I pressed the button to stop it and hopped onto the sides with wide legs. I was breathing hard, sweat pouring over my face and down my back, drenching my clothes.

  “Yeah?” I asked.

  “It’s David,” he said. “Can we meet? I have news.”

  “Yeah,” I said. “Give me an hour.”

  We arranged for David to come to my place, and I ended the call. I hopped off the treadmill. My legs were like jelly. I had been planning to run until failure, and I had come halfway when I’d been interrupted. I showered to get rid of all the sweat and changed into khaki pants and a Polo shirt. When David arrived, I buzzed him up and waited for him in the foyer which the elevator opened directly onto.

  “Thank you for seeing me,” David said when he arrived. He shook my hand. He looked smarter than I had ever seen him. He wore a proper business suit with a tie that was neatly knotted around his collar. His hair was combed back, and he looked like the type of person I usually associated with. I wondered if this was what he looked like when he wasn’t undercover, or if this was just another of his looks.

  We walked into the penthouse to the formal living room.

  “I’m not going to fuss with small talk,” David said, sitting down on one of the leather couches. He had a file with him that he opened. “My digging turned up the amount you were looking for.”

  I raised my eyebrows and took the piece of paper David took out of the file. It was a contract between my dad and a man I assumed was a part of the Mafia. The amount agreed upon, for a favor for the company, was ten point five million.

  “What the hell had he done for my dad that cost him that much?” I asked.

  “The particulars are still unknown,” David said. “I suspect that it was a verbal agreement and without your father here, we’ll never know.”

  “This isn’t so bad,” I said. It was just money. Lives were that much more valuable, and if all they wanted was money to make it go away, I would pay.

  David laughed. “Only someone in your position can say a debt of ten million isn’t a big deal. But that’s not all.” He handed me more paperwork, and I paged through it. They had threatened to push up the price, David had told me. The proof was here. They had sent my dad paperwork and everything, and the number had grown exponentially. The reason was unknown, but everything else had clearly been carefully documented. I wondered how no one had picked up on this paper trail. Then again, the paperwork had been under our noses for years, and Uncle Dean and I hadn’t ever picked up on anything. I guess when the Mafia was involved, they knew how to m
ake everything disappear.

  When I looked at the last page, I gasped. The final amount was one hundred million. For punitive damages, it said.

  “That’s worth two lives to them,” David pointed out.

  I knew what he was saying. A hundred million was a reason to start killing people off. I couldn’t believe my dad hadn’t bothered to give them what he had agreed. He could be a cold-hearted son of a bitch, but I had always thought he was the type that would honor business agreements. Maybe greed and stinginess had played a part. What if that amount was worth a lot more than two lives? What if they had another target that was next by way of paying up and I was wasting time trying to figure out where I belonged in life?

  “Okay,” I said.

  “Okay?”

  “I’ll pay it. If this is what they’re owed, then it’s only right that they get it. I’ll make it happen.”

  “You’re going to pay it without even thinking twice?”

  I nodded. “My dad made a mistake. It’s only right that I fix it. And I’ll give them the full amount because it’s what they’re asking. I’m not here to pick a fight. It was unfair on them, and this money has been owed for far too long. I want to get this taken care of before anyone else gets hurt. It’s not necessary for more bloodshed.”

  David nodded. “Very noble of you. They’ll be happy to have the cash, but from what I can tell, they get off on hurting people.”

  I shuddered at the thought. There were some seriously sick people in the world. I would be glad once this was taken care of and have it behind me once and for all.

  All I wanted was for this to be taken care of, for the threat to go away. My dad had been threatened with the lives of his loved ones. My dad, my stepmom, and Uncle Dean had paid the price. I was next on the list if we were going down by order of importance. They couldn’t get rid of me without cutting themselves off. But who else would they go after to push me into a corner?

  I didn’t even want that question answered. I wanted to take care of it before something worse happened. Thank God I had left Portland when I had.