by Ali Parker
“What are you doing?” I whispered. If he made a move on me now, I wasn’t going to be able to say no. We had been sleeping in the same bed. He had come to my rescue. He was my hero, and it was hard for me to see him as only a good friend right now.
“Looking at you,” Ben said in a gruff voice.
“Why?” I couldn’t think of anything else to say.
“Because you’re beautiful.”
I was the one that made a move. Idiot. I closed the distance between us and pressed my lips against his. I shouldn’t have done it, but I couldn’t help myself. The kiss was deep and urgent right away. Ben put his hand on my good cheek, his palm big and warm and rough on my skin. He nibbled on my lower lip.
My hand was on Ben’s chest, and I moved it over his torso, so low it was dangerous before I slid it around his hips so that we were holding on to each other. None of it felt wrong, although it probably should have. We weren’t supposed to have sex again, not like this when we weren’t together anymore. But a sudden need for his body against mine flared up inside of me, and I wanted him. I wanted him to do all kinds of things to me that I shouldn’t have wanted.
Ben’s hand slid down my neck and onto my chest, pushing into my shirt. His fingers snuck into my bra so we were skin-on-skin and he squeezed my breast, rubbing his thumb over the nipple that was already getting harder with the attention. I moaned softly, and my hand slid onto the thick ridge in his pants. When I touched him, Ben breathed in sharply.
Lust was thick in the air. We should have stopped, but all I could think about was being naked beneath Ben. I wanted a release. Needed it. I wanted to get away from everything that had happened, that still played at the back of my mind, and suddenly the only way I could imagine myself forgetting about it all was for Ben to fuck me.
There probably were other ways, but I didn’t want anything else. I wanted Ben.
Ben pushed me gently so that I lay on the carpet next to the couch. His eyes were drowning deep, sliding over my body like a physical touch even though his hands were very still on my hips. He looked at me as if I was already naked. And I wanted to be.
When Ben shifted, he tugged my pants down, sliding them down my leg. I got goosebumps in the cold of the room. Ben slid his hands over my smooth legs, and the way he touched me made me feel beautiful.
He had pulled my panties along with my pants, and I was naked from the waist down. Ben spread my legs with his hands on my thighs, my pussy bared for him. He looked at me as if he hadn’t seen me naked before. He trailed his fingers over my pussy lips, and I shivered.
With two fingers, Ben started making small circles around my clit. I was already wet, although I hadn’t known it. I trembled and moaned as Ben paid attention to my clit, working me into a frenzy.
I was about halfway on my way to an orgasm when Ben pushed his fingers into my entrance instead. I cried out as he did. He started sliding his fingers in and out of me, slowly, letting me feel every last bit of movement. I squirmed on the carpet, giving over to the pleasure that was slowly erasing all the negative feelings I had been struggling with.
“Pull up your shirt, baby,” Ben said in a low voice. “Let me look at you.”
My heart constricted when he called me “baby.” But he was just caught up in the moment, I told myself. I did as he asked and pulled my shirt up over my head so that he could see me. I unclasped my bra so that I was naked in front of him. It was more than what he asked for, but I wanted him to see it all. My nipples were erect in the cold air, my body naked and on display for him.
“You’re the most beautiful woman I have ever seen,” Ben said.
I wanted to answer, but Ben dipped his head and closed his lips over my clit. I forgot what I’d wanted to say. He licked my clit, still sliding his fingers in and out of me, and I cried out as I shivered and trembled, my body jerking involuntarily. I drank in the pleasure that came with his tongue sliding over my clit in lazy strokes, moving my hips against his mouth, wanting more.
When Ben curled his fingers over my G-spot, I cried out and squirmed. He closed his mouth over my clit and sucked while he finger fucked me harder and harder until I orgasmed. I trembled and groaned, pleasure washing through me in waves.
After the orgasm subsided, Ben let go of me. He undid his pants and pulled them down, yanking off his shirt so that he was naked, too. I was lying on the plush carpet, watching him and breathing hard.
“Get on the couch,” Ben said gently. When I did, it was softer and more comfortable. While I got comfortable on the couch, Ben put on a condom. He did it so quickly and efficiently it didn’t kill the mood at all. Ben stood, and his dick was hard, bobbing as he moved between my legs. My thighs fell open for him, and he positioned himself at my entrance.
When he pushed into me, I cried out. He buried himself deep inside of me, and then he waited to give me a chance to adjust to his size. He was so much bigger today than before. Or maybe I was tighter.
Ben’s hands roamed my body, playing with my breasts, fingers rolling my nipples. I breathed hard as he started moving his cock inside of me, sliding in and out. My pussy was tight around his dick, and Ben groaned. He leaned down and kissed me while his hips bucked against mine.
“Let me be on top,” I said after a while.
Ben didn’t wait for me to ask again. He pulled out of me and sat down on the couch. I climbed onto him and sank onto his cock, letting the hardness push into me. I started rocking my hips, sliding his dick in and out of me, faster and faster, pushing up on my knees and letting the slight angle of the couch help me. I braced my hands on the back of the couch on either side of Ben’s head and rode him harder and harder. My breasts jiggled as I fucked him, and Ben reached up for them. He groaned, his eyelids drooped, and his lips parted.
“You feel so good,” Ben said in a breathy voice.
I leaned down and kissed him. Our tongues slid around each other, and he tasted like sex.
I rocked my hips harder and faster still, my clit rubbing against Ben’s pubic bone, his cock stroking my G-spot in just the right way, and I felt another orgasm rising up inside me, tightening my core, delivering the threat of another wave of pleasure. Ben was moaning and groaning, moving his hips, working with me and judging by how hard he was, he was getting close, too.
That was what I wanted. I wanted him to orgasm at the same time I did. When that happened, we felt connected in a way that nothing else gave us, and after I had felt so very lost and disorientated, it was what I needed. I wanted to feel like I was anchored again.
I orgasmed the moment I thought it, heat washing through my body. I cried out, and my pussy tightened around Ben’s cock, pulsating, contracting. Ben groaned and pushed his hips up so that he was inside of me as he deep as he could go. I felt him jerk and spasm as he orgasmed, too. It was exactly what I had wanted. What I’d needed.
The orgasms felt like they were going on forever, his pulsating drawing out the pleasure, and my pleasure milking him.
When we finally came down from our sexual high, I clambered off Ben and collapsed on the couch. He shifted so that he lay down next to me, pulling me tightly against him so that we could stay on the couch together despite how small the space was.
I knew this couldn’t last forever. At some point, we would have to get up. Ben would disappear into the bathroom to get rid of that condom. I would pull on my clothes so that I didn’t get cold. But right now, this was all I wanted. And until one of us let go of the other, we were going nowhere.
Chapter 53
Ben
On Friday, Mila was almost back to her old self. She had taken the wound dressing off and decided that it was healed enough to not have to wear it anymore. The skin was pink, tracing the outline of the cut, and it was an ugly reminder that someone had hurt her, but it would heal perfectly in a matter of time. Everything was like that, wasn’t it?
Her eyes were bright again, she ate well, and she smiled again. It was beautiful to see how Mila crawled back out of her shell, a
nd it was wonderful to know that I had helped her. She had done so much for me in my difficult times, it was great to be able to return the favor. But this wasn’t about owing her something. I had wanted to do this for her because it was Mila Castle, the only woman I had ever loved.
No matter what I had done for her, Mila had done most of her bouncing back on her own. She was strong, and she had managed to pick up the pieces herself. She barely needed me. It was so attractive that a woman didn’t need a man. Because it meant that if she wanted to be with me, it was because she wanted me. Not because she needed me.
Not that any of that mattered, now. Mila and I weren’t together. We had a wonderful few days together, with amazing sex and the same connection that had made me fall for her so hard the first time. But we couldn’t be together.
“Do you want to stay here for a few more days?” I asked after breakfast.
Mila sighed. “To be honest, I don’t know what I want. I mean, I want to stay here. But I know my parents are freaking out. They know I’m safe, but they haven’t seen me since they had heard the news that I was missing on Monday. I think it might be better if I go back to them.”
I nodded. I didn’t want Mila to leave, but I had to be realistic. “I think it’s a good idea.”
We sat together in silence. Even though we were okay again, there had been a lot of that during her stay here with me. And it had nothing to do with what Mila had been through. I knew that a lot of it was about the fact that I had dumped her in Portland to come to New York and take care of the company. I had made a choice about my future, and Mila hadn’t been in it. A surreal week together, a good night in bed together didn’t do anything to change the facts.
I had wanted her to stay with me. Having Mila here in my space had been strange at first because there was such a serious divide between my life here and my life in Portland, but Mila fit so well into this house, into my life here. Into the crook of my arm when we lay together in my bed.
But it was all going to change now, wasn’t it? She was going to leave, and in less than two weeks from now I was going to move to the house I’d bought. Even the few memories I had made with Mila here, when she had stepped over the line between my two worlds, would disappear.
It almost made me want to hold onto this place a little longer. But there were far too many reasons I’d wanted to get rid of this place. One of them was so that I stayed in New York for good. It was where I belonged, at least for the next couple of years. And it was where all this shit kept happening.
I wanted to keep it that way. Too much had already spilled over into my life in Portland, and Mila had suffered because of it.
“How do you feel about going back to work?” I asked.
We had made coffee and were sitting in the living room I hardly ever used when I was alone. The sun fell through the large windows onto one of the couches where Mila sat curled up with her cup of coffee between her fingers. As if she belonged, fitting right into my life.
“I guess I’m okay with it,” Mila said, focusing on the cup in her hands. “I can’t avoid everything that’s normal to me because something went wrong. I’ll be okay.”
“Are you going to see someone about this?” I asked.
Mila pulled up her shoulders. “I was thinking about seeing how I do, first. If I freak out, then I’ll go talk to a therapist. But I think I’m okay.”
I frowned. “You’ve been through quite a traumatic experience. You don’t have to be so strong all the time.”
“I will take care of myself, I promise,” Mila said.
I was worried about her, but I knew she would do what she needed to do to be okay again. Mila didn’t seem to be under any illusions about her limits.
I didn’t want her to go back to Portland. It wasn’t just because I wanted her by my side, either. I didn’t want her to be so far away from me, where I couldn’t protect her again. But I had to trust that what I had done to get her back, how I had shown Victor that I wasn’t to be fucked with, would at least have handled that problem. I doubted he would jump headlong into causing trouble for me again.
Either that or he would start a war. Who the fuck knew what Brantley was capable of. But I had to trust that it was going to work out for Mila in a better way than it already had. And I would take care of what remained here as soon as Mila was back in Portland where she belonged. Out of harm’s way.
But first I needed to make sure she arrived home safely.
“I think I’ll come back to Portland with you for a while,” I said, not sure where the fucking comment came from. I felt wishy-washy, which I hated with a passion.
Mila looked up at me. “Don’t do this to me again, Ben.”
I shook my head. “I’m not doing anything to you again. I’m going to visit my mom for a while. I’m not going back with any pretenses to stay.”
Mila nodded and closed her eyes, turning her face toward the window like a cat basking in the sun. It hurt when she told me straight up not to do it to her again. I had hurt her badly, I knew that. I should have been open about it. But it had been hard to be open when I had so many secrets. It was all different, now.
My reason for going back to Portland was still multidimensional, but it wasn’t to deceive anyone or to pretend that I was back for good. I wanted to be sure that everyone else was safe. I wanted to see that my mother was still living and breathing, that no one else had been taken. I wanted to be sure that Brantley had kept his filthy hands to himself and my loved ones were safe.
I packed my bags, offering Mila one for the clothes I had bought her while she had been here with me. We were ready to leave in almost no time at all. I had booked a flight for us back to Portland.
“What’s wrong?” I asked Mila when we were in the cab on the way to the airport. She was quiet, fidgeting with her clothes, twisting her fingers together, her eyebrows knitted together.
“I’m nervous to go back. Not because of what happened but because of how everyone is going to be about it. I don’t know if I’m ready to answer all their questions about what happened. Or to go back to life-as-usual. I guess I don’t feel like myself as much as I thought I did.”
I reached across and put my hand on hers, stilling her fidgeting.
“It’s going to be okay,” I said. “I’m sure they understand that this wasn’t easy for you.”
Mila nodded. I wanted to pull her against me and hold her. I wanted to protect her from everything that was horrible in the world. But it wasn’t my place to do that. I had saved her because it was a result of my mess that she’d been kidnapped, but I had forfeited my right to be her knight in shining armor when I had broken up with her.
The flight, although luxurious thanks to all my efforts, was strained. Mila had withdrawn again, pulling back into the shell she had been in when she had first come to the penthouse. This wasn’t over, yet. Not for Mila. And it only made me feel guilty about what had happened to her all over again.
When we arrived in Portland, Mila’s parents were there to greet us. I had worried that there would be a large welcoming committee, which was exactly what Mila hadn’t needed. But Harry and Miranda Castle were the only ones there, and Mila ran to them like a child when she saw them. When Mila hugged her mom, the tears finally came.
During her stay with me, she had been so strong, not crying once. But now that she was home with her parents, she could break down.
“You’re okay, sweetie,” Miranda said, stroking her daughter’s back. “You’re home, now.”
She looked at me over Mila’s shoulders. Her eyes were filled with emotion, and she smiled at me as she spoke. Harry stood next to his wife and daughter, choking on his own emotion. When he came to me, he held out his hand.
“Thank you for bringing her back safely,” he said.
I shook his head. “It’s the least I could do,” I said. “I feel terrible that this happened at all.”
Harry shook his head. “Don’t. You brought her back. It’s all we care about.”
/> I realized Jerrod wasn’t here with them. Could it be that despite the terrible ordeal his sister had been through that he was still cold-hearted about it all? It didn’t sound like him. He was hard on people that hurt him, but I didn’t think he would not talk to his sister after they could have potentially lost her.
Maybe he was only giving her the space she needed. I preferred to believe that about him, although it might have meant a lot to Mila to have him here with them.
I watched as the three of them stood together, caught up in how lucky they were that they were together again. I was an outsider today, but I didn’t mind. They deserved this moment where they were reunited after something so horrible had happened to them.
When I watched them, I felt torn about where I belonged. Family was so important to them. It had been important to me once upon a time, too. But after everything that had happened, from the moment my dad had died, that had fallen away for me. It wasn’t that I didn’t think it was important anymore, there just seemed to be more important things.
Was that really what life should be like, though? What was worth fighting for? What was worth leaving behind? When I had learned that they’d taken Mila, I had been willing to give it all up – the money, the company, my life there. But it was still my father’s legacy. Uncle Dean had wanted me to have it, too. Could I throw all of that away and come back to Portland as if they hadn’t ever made a mark on this world?
I had thought that after I’d decided to go back, I was past the uncertainty about my future. But now, watching the Castle family do what a family should, I was torn all over again.
Chapter 54
Mila
I opened my eyes to my childhood room. The feeling of warmth and safety that came with it was overwhelming. I sat up in bed and rubbed my eyes.