Today & Tomorrow

by Susan Fanetti

  If you can, take a look.

  Oh, and I found her bucket list on her phone. I cut the video to be the story of that list, since that’s what most of her footage was about. Here’s it is. It had two parts. She had a note with the title SECRET LIST DON’T READ, lol. Sometimes she was such a girl.

  I figure you probably know the whole thing, but in case you don’t, here it is. Some of the things are pretty weird, and some Dad’s going to flip out about, but they were all lined out. The last one’s the weirdest, if you ask me.

  MY KICK LIST:

  Have lunch with the President

  New Year’s Eve at Times Square

  Skydive

  Graduate college

  Visit all seven continents

  Play the Hollywood Bowl

  Ride a Harley

  Invent something cool

  Buy a house

  Make a movie

  SECRET LIST DON’T READ:

  Get a tattoo

  Pierce something private

  Try LSD or mushrooms or Ecstasy

  Start a brawl

  Get arrested

  Have sex

  Make Thanksgiving dinner in my own house.

  Be a mom

  Fall in love

  Have a broken heart

  Anyway, the video’s attached. I made the soundtrack from her favorite playlist. The first song was one of our mom’s favorites. It seemed like it suited Analisa, especially at the end.

  Let me know if you’re okay with it going public.

  I guess I don’t know what else to say.

  Tris

  Before he clicked that link, Nolan got up and locked his door. Then he pulled his headphones out of his bureau drawer. Alone in his room, the world closed away, he clicked the link and played the movie that Analisa had been making every day that he’d known her.

  And long before that.

  A title came up on a plain, pale blue screen: Analisa’s Kick List. ‘Yes I Am,’ by Melissa Etheridge, began to play. Nolan knew the song; it was one his mother played often.

  At first, it was like a travelogue—photos and clips from the places she’d been, interspersed with goofy and serious moments of her with her family. In the early shots, she looked a lot different—her face was a lot rounder, and she was smaller, younger. There was a stretch, including when she’d had lunch at the White House, when she was either bald or wearing an aquamarine wig.

  Nolan smiled, watching this girl who was a stranger to him do all sorts of once-in-a-lifetime things.

  As she got older, the footage became more sophisticated, and she focused less on the events and more on the experiences. There was more of her and Tristan and her dad on the way somewhere, or talking about it afterward. Lots of random stills that weren’t random at all in context.

  And then he was there, standing in the Virtuoso shop, showing her how to put on a helmet.

  At the office park, showing her the controls on the Superlow.

  Riding together down the freeway, Analisa laughing with absolute glee.

  Getting shooed away when she got her piercing, after he’d taken the footage of her ink.

  Suddenly, everything was him and her; the video was about the girl he loved, and Nolan was overcome.

  Laughing with her dad and Tristan over dinner.

  Watching the waves roll in on the beach at night.

  Trying to talk her out of going into the biker bar.

  Holy shit, she’d gotten a picture of him punching the guy who’d grabbed her in the brawl. He laughed; of course she would have taken the time in the middle of a brawl to get her footage.

  A panoramic shot of the police lights outside the bar.

  The two of them lying in her bed, flushed and mussed.

  Eating ‘shrooms.

  Playing dolls with Lexi.

  Feeding Declan, Analisa smiling broadly at the camera.

  The houses they’d toured on their hunt. Taking the ‘For Sale’ sign down in front of the one she’d bought.

  Laughing at her father’s terrible movie the night they’d moved in.

  The mess of her kitchen as she cooked Thanksgiving dinner.

  The house full of family, laughing and eating. The kids playing in the bubbles outside.

  Him in bed, sleeping in the dark bedroom.

  And then her. Just her face, so gaunt at the end, but her eyes bright and sparkling, and her smile true and beautiful.

  She said: “So my list is done, and I don’t think I have much time left, so this is the last thing I’ll record. I’m not going to make a big speech. I just want to say I love you. Dad and Tris, I love you. I’m sorry you had to deal with all this for so long. Thank you for being so awesome all the time. And Nolan. You’re sleeping in bed right now, and I want to get back to you, so I’ll make this quick. But, God. I’m so glad I met you. I love you so much. You made my life so good when it didn’t seem like there was much left to even bother with. You helped me have everything. Thank you for loving me. It felt so good to love you, and it will break my heart to leave you. Don’t be sad for long. I want you to have a lifetime of love and good things.

  “And that’s me. Signing off this mortal coil. Fuck you, cancer. You think you robbed me, but I kicked your ass and had everything I ever wanted anyway. You lose. I win. I am star stuff, and I took my destiny in my motherfucking hands.” She held up two fingers in front of her face. “Peace.”

  The video froze on that image, and text rolled onto the screen: Analisa Evangeline Winter. March 3rd 2004-November 28th 2023.

  Nolan set his tablet aside, put his face in his hands, and wept.

  ~oOo~

  Nolan sat at the table Isaac had made and looked around at his brothers. Show at the head. Badger and Tommy at his sides. Dom. Double A. Zeke. Thumper. Kellen.

  Kellen had just earned his patch not long before they’d left for California the year before. Now Saxon, a Prospect last year, was wearing a patch of his own. And Mel, who Nolan didn’t even know, was their new Prospect.

  A lot had changed in just a year.

  The business at the table was mundane: problems that townspeople needed help with, new contracts for Signal Bend Construction and updates on current work—which was slow, here in the winter. Nothing here was like the work of SoCal. Missouri was out of the outlaw business and had no intention of going back in.

  But now Nolan knew that he had the steel to stand up and fight, to do whatever the club called him to do. And he knew he could take care of his family. He knew he could love. He knew he was worthy of love.

  And he knew that he was worthy to sit in this seat, the seat that had been his father’s.

  He had taken Havoc’s last name shortly after he’d earned his patch. Now, he understood that he would do that legacy honor.

  He put his hand over the star resting on his chest. Analisa had seen his worth and had shown him.

  Show gaveled the meeting to a close. As Nolan walked toward the Keep doors, Badger dropped a hand on his shoulder. “Have a drink with me, brother?”

  “Sounds good.”

  They walked into the Hall together.

  California held no more allure for Nolan. It had taught him what he’d needed to learn. He knew the kind of man he was. And the love he’d found there, he now carried with him always. This place—this was home.

  And it was good to be back.

  THE END

  COMING SOON:

  Fire & Dark, The Night Horde SoCal Book Three

  Connor wants an uncomplicated life, free of romantic entanglements. Pilar feels the same way. But what they think they want isn’t what either of them really needs.

 

 

 
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