Cazak

by Elin Wyn

  Sybil settled into a seat opposite my own, and I had a hard time not staring at her. I’d spent so much time thinking about her, the fact that we were alone, together, about to have a normal meal, seemed somehow surreal.

  In the warm air of the restaurant, I could breathe in her scent, just enough to tide me over for weeks of daydreams.

  Enough for me to realize she might never be mine, but I would always be hers.

  We opened our menus and stared at the written words without reading them for several minutes, until she sighed and closed her own.

  “All right, let’s just get it out in the open.” Sybil leaned on her elbows and stared at me intently. “What is your problem? Why have you been so, so distant and cold toward me? Do you just not like humans?”

  I frowned, and set down my own menu.

  “I don’t have a problem with humans at all.”

  “Then it is something personal about me?”

  “No, not at all. You’re terrific—that is, I don’t have any problems with you as a person.” I coughed and cleared my throat, trying not to meet her gaze. “The truth is, I was just trying to protect you.”

  “Protect me?” She leaned back in her seat and fixed me with a stern glare. I got the feeling I had said something to offend her. “Protect me from what, my own bad decisions?”

  “Ah, no.” I shook my head and drained half my glass of water to give myself a moment to think. “Not that. I just—there are a lot of people who would give you a hard time just being seen with an alien, let alone eating dinner with one.”

  “What kinds of people do you mean?”

  I was taken aback by her tone. Sybil didn’t seem angry, not with me, but there was definite tension in her manner.

  “You know, people. Your family, your fancy friends, the anti-alienists, you name it. There’re plenty of folks who take exception to the Vengeance crew just being here, let alone fraternizing with humans.”

  “I see.” Her eyes grew narrow, and she leaned over the table while staring me square in the eyes. “Well, as far as I’m concerned, if any of those people has a problem with it, they can kiss my ass.”

  My mouth went slack as I absorbed her words. Kiss her ass? Really? I would have expected a high society, spoiled rich girl like herself to be a stalwart of conformity.

  After all, the nail that sticks out in the upper class tends to get hit, or so the saying goes.

  But slowly it dawned on me that Sybil was dead serious. I realized then and there that, as infatuated as I’d been with her beauty, I had greatly underestimated her character. That fact made me want her more than I ever had before.

  A grin broke out on my face before I could stop it. The thought of Sybil telling one of her high society chums to kiss her ass was amusing, but even more so, it was validating.

  For a brief moment, I didn’t feel so self-conscious sitting there with her.

  Sybil took a deep breath, paused, and looked at me with meaning. I knew whatever came out of her mouth next, it would pertain to a dicey subject.

  “If you don’t mind my asking, Cazak, how did you get that scar?”

  My scar. For the first time while we were talking, I had forgotten about it.

  Now there I was, sitting there with a stupid grin on my face that was only going to stretch and deform my already scarred face in bizarre ways.

  Without thinking about it, I cupped a hand on my chin to hide as much of it as I could.

  “You—you don’t really want to hear about that, do you?” My voice seemed as weak as my knees. I was better equipped to deal with people and monsters that wanted to kill me than eating dinner with a lovely young woman.

  “I’m very interested, if you want to share.” Sybil shrugged and picked up her menu. “But you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”

  I hesitated for a moment, watching her read the menu. Should I tell her the story? It would mean letting her know about what a dumbass I’d been when I was younger.

  “No, it’s all right. I’ll tell you.”

  Sybil lowered her menu and stared at me with her enchanting dark eyes. I nearly lost my nerve, but then I rolled into my story.

  “So, when I was a young hothead full of the cry of the warrior, I felt like I could take on the world. I was second in my class at hand-to-hand combat, right behind my cousin Jalok, and it was next to guaranteed that I’d be entering the military after I finished my compulsory education.”

  “Wait, was this on your homeworld?”

  I nodded.

  “Yes, before the Xathi invasion. Anyway, me and some of my troopmates headed into a rougher tavern. We’d already had a lot to drink, when another drunk soldier barreled right into me and made me spill my drink all over my shirt.”

  I gave a deep sigh, and looked her square in the eyes.

  “Now, it was completely his fault, of course, but I could have reacted better than I did. When he stared at me, all bleary eyed, I could have just let it go, but I didn’t. Instead, I called him a stupid skrell and demanded a full apology AND that he pay to have my clothes cleaned.”

  “Oh wow.” Sybil waved away the waiter since we weren’t ready to order yet. “I’m guessing he didn’t take that too well?”

  “You’re guessing right. He insulted me, I kept insulting him, and pretty soon, my troopmates were egging me on to fight him. Except Jalok. I don’t know why he was the voice of reason that night, but he was. I should have listened to him and just walked away.”

  I went to take a drink of water, but my glass was empty. Sybil wordlessly pushed her own glass across the table, her gaze rapt with attention. I took a drink and continued my tale.

  “Well, let me tell you, there’s a big difference between a real fight and a sparring match. The soldier was drunk, but he could still move fast. It seemed like I couldn’t really take it all in at once. One second, he was standing there and we were squaring up, and the next, he reached out and blasted me in the jaw.

  “Neither of us had our scales out at that point. It’s considered a, well, if you’ll pardon the phrase, a ‘pussy move’ to pop your scales in anything but a deadly fight. So, my jaw was aching, but I reached out and smacked him with a right cross to the temple. He folded like a blanket, and I figured he was down and out.”

  I took another drink of water and fingered the side of my face with the scar.

  “Unfortunately, he picked up a bottle off the floor, smashed it against a table leg, and came up slashing with what was left. I didn’t have time to react. He caught me on the side of the head and…well, you see the result. Guess I lost my ear as a lesson to make sure I listen to the voice of reason next time.”

  “That’s quite a story.” Sybil pursed her lips, then reached across the table.

  “What are you doing?” My voice had a tremble to it as her fingers stretched toward my face.

  “Shh. It’s all right.”

  Sybil’s fingers gently stroked the side of my face, running through the deep grooves and furrows of my scar. I gasped when she traced a line around the hole where my ear used to be, and closed my eyes, expecting her to recoil with horror at any second.

  She didn’t, though. I opened my eyes to find her smiling at me, nothing at all akin to disgust in her gaze.

  My heart started pounding in my chest, and I wondered if I’d died and gone to paradise.

  Sybil

  I knew Cazak wasn’t as big of an ass as he’d tried to come off as. The more I talked to him, the more I believed that he wasn’t trying to come off as an ass at all. The way he reacted when I touched his scar was…sweet.

  “Ready to go?” he asked once I’d polished off my second slice of chocolate myberri pie. It was my favorite. I hadn’t had it since I was a kid. I couldn’t believe this place served it.

  “I want a third slice,” I declared.

  Cazak’s eyes widened. I couldn’t tell if he was impressed or horrified.

  “I’m kidding,” I laughed. “I’m so full I don’t think I c
an walk.”

  “I’ll carry you if need be.” His eyes shone with a gentleness that made my heart do strange things. I wanted to reach out and touch his face again.

  He paid the bill before I could reach into my purse.

  “You didn’t have to pay for everything. I had more dessert than you did,” I protested.

  “Don’t worry about it. I’m happy to feed you after all you’ve had to deal with.”

  “When you put it that way.” I shrugged and pulled myself out of the booth. My overstuffed stomach begged me to lie down and take a long nap.

  A server appeared with a to-go bag filled with food cartons.

  “What’s that?”

  “Something for you and Dottie to snack on in the middle of the night,” Cazak said. “Just in case you can’t get back here anytime soon. There are two slices of that pie in here.”

  “I don’t know what to say,” I gushed. “Thank you.”

  I reached to take the bag from him, but the smell of food made my stomach churn.

  “I’ll grab that from you in a minute, okay?” I placed my hand on my stomach and groaned.

  “Walking will help,” Cazak smirked.

  “Walking sounds like hell.” We stepped out onto the street. It was snowing harder now, but not by much. The wind picked up. It blew right through my winter coat. I wrapped my arms around myself and tried not to shiver.

  “Do you want my coat? It’s thicker than yours.” Cazak’s coat was still draped over his arm.

  “No, you should wear it,” I insisted. “I don’t want you to get chilly.”

  “I’m not chilly,” he replied with a laugh. “I’m nearly frozen, but I’m tough.”

  “This town gets pretty miserable in the winter,” I admitted.

  “Take the jacket.” He didn’t wait for me to answer before wrapping the jacket over my shoulders. Too cold to care about being polite anymore, I pulled it on. It was massive on me, but I didn’t care. It was warm and smelled like Cazak.

  I had to fight the urge to lift the sleeve to my nose and take a deep breath.

  “I’ll give it back once I can feel my fingertips again,” I said.

  “No need. I’m walking you home. You can give it back to me when you’re in Dottie’s apartment with the heater running.”

  “You don’t have to do that,” I protested, though I was secretly thrilled.

  Cazak rolled his eyes and jerked his head in the direction of Dottie’s apartment. This time, he didn’t walk so fast that I had to jog to keep up. He let me set the pace.

  “An hour and a half ago you were bullying me into talking to you,” he said as we walked. “Now, the thought of causing the slightest inconvenience to me seems to put you off.”

  “I am a woman of many contradictions,” I shrugged. “That’s just how I am.”

  “I’m sure that makes for an interesting lifestyle.”

  “Not really.” I looked at the ground and frowned. “I go to a lot of parties and social events because I have nothing better to do. I wouldn’t call them exciting, though. I’d call them a way to pass the time.”

  “Well, I can’t promise a party, but I can promise stimulating conversation if you’re interested.”

  “That sounds better than any party I can think of.” I smiled up at him.

  “You’re nicer than you let on,” he replied. “Why is that?”

  “I think it’s a defense mechanism or something,” I parroted what one of my psychologists once told me. “Since my dad is who he is, people gravitate toward me. They don’t really care about me or even want to be my friend. They just want whatever perks they think I can get them. If I’m mean right off the bat, I scare all those people off before they can take advantage of me.”

  “I can imagine why that’s an effective coping mechanism,” Cazak nodded. “Sounds awful and exhausting.”

  “It is. Hence the partying. Fun distraction.” I didn’t know why I was telling him all this. I never got that personal with anyone. Dottie’s the only other person that knew I’m not the crazy party-girl everyone thought I was, but even she didn’t know about the coping mechanism theory.

  We reached Dottie’s apartment. I fumbled with the key at the door.

  “Let me,” Cazak offered. “I’m sure your hands are freezing.”

  “Just a touch.” I passed the key to him and he swiftly opened the door. Once inside, I shrugged off his coat and handed it back to him.

  “You can keep it on until you warm up,” he offered.

  I walked over to the climate control panel on the wall and turned the heater all the way up.

  “I’ll be warmed up in a moment. Let me know if it gets too warm for you.” Hot air blasted through the vents around the apartment. I gestured to the couch. “Make yourself at home.”

  Cazak took a seat on the couch while I paced the living space, rubbing my hands together and trying not to make it look obvious that I was still freezing.

  “I’m going to make some hot tea. Do you want any?”

  “No, thank you. But a glass of water would be appreciated.”

  I put the kettle on and filled a glass up with water. I sat on the couch beside Cazak while I waited for my water to boil.

  “You know something?” I asked. “You’re nicer than you let on, too.”

  “You can say the same thing about most soldiers,” he said after draining his glass. “I don’t have a fancy coping mechanism for it. Or at least I don’t think I do. It’s easier to get the job done when people think you’re mean. The scar helps.”

  “You seemed shocked when I touched your scar at the restaurant,” I blurted without thinking. Thankfully, the shrill cry of my teakettle gave me a way out. I prepped my tea and returned to the couch, thinking my awkward statement could be forgotten.

  “No one’s touched my scar before,” he said as if I hadn’t gotten up at all.

  “I’m sorry. I don’t always think before I do things.”

  “I’m not upset,” he smiled reassuringly. “I’m just curious as to why you wanted to touch it.”

  “I like it.” I winced on my words. “I know, that sounds weird. I like scars in general. I think they’re sexy, but they also tell stories about the people who bear them.”

  “I suppose you’re right.” Cazak looked like he wanted to say something else, but couldn’t find the words.

  “Are you okay?” I put my hand on his arm.

  “Yes.” A smile twitched at the corner of his mouth. “I just want to kiss you and I’m not sure how to go about asking permission.”

  “Permission granted.” With a laugh, I leaned in and pressed my lips to his. His kiss was warm and soft, but deep enough for me to lose myself in.

  There was something so safe and comforting about his presence. The thought of being without him was unbearable.

  I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled myself closer to him. He pulled me onto his lap and held me tight. I could spend eternity right here, just like this.

  We kissed until my lips were sore and swollen. I stood up and extended a hand to him, asking silently. He took my hand and stood.

  Together, we walked to the small set of stairs that led up to the bedrooms. I didn’t turn on any of the lights.

  Once in the smaller of the two bedrooms, the one I’d stored my things in, I let Cazak take over.

  He stood me in the center of the room in the dark. With the utmost care, he undressed me piece by piece, until I was completely naked. I’d never been so exposed like that, so vulnerable to another person.

  Then he allowed me to do the same to him. In the darkness, I ran my hands over every inch of his body like I wanted to memorize it.

  I slid my fingers over his chest and up his neck to the side of his face. He didn’t move when I softly traced his scar with the tip of my finger; it was such a sign of acceptance, of feeling comfortable with me. When I finished, he cupped my face in his hands and crushed his mouth to mine.

  This time, our kiss was streake
d with fire and passion.

  He backed me up until my knees hit the bed. I fell backward, trusting him to not let me fall too far. With a soft thud, I landed onto the mattress, the slight springs cushioning my fall. Instantly, he was on top of me, his body pressed tightly against mine. It wasn’t just his body that felt incredible against me, though, it was the weight of him.

  I was pinned, immobilized by him.

  Yet I was content in that, my heart skipping a beat every time he left a featherlight kiss on my skin. What stirred me most of all about his kisses, however, was how, with each touch of his lips, his hard shaft flexed against my thigh. I could feel how passionately he wanted to be inside me. Nothing except the exploration of every inch of me would suffice.

  Moaning into his kisses, my face rose up even higher to meet those soft lips of his. Instinctively, I spread myself wider for him. In response, Cazak stroked his hands down my navel and to just above my mound. The time he waited before dipping his fingers past the edge and between my swollen pussy lips felt like forever.

  The moment he touched my hidden folds, their slick, intricate pleats enticing him in, I felt my head swim with giddiness.

  I wanted this more than words could say. Even the signs my body were giving didn’t seem adequate enough to convey my lustful desire for him.

  “Please… Cazak…”

  I didn’t need to say anything more. Instantly, he knew what I needed, his body moving to fit into the mold I’d created for the two of us. As he re-positioned himself, I felt the oozing head of his cock brush against me, the tautness of his muscle leaving a slick trail as it went. I wanted to feel his seed inside me, for him to fill me with it — being teased like that almost felt cruel.

  As always, Cazak knew what to do.

  His hand still between my thighs, my throbbing clit aching from every touch he made, I trembled as he massaged me.

  Satisfied that I was worked up enough, Cazak reached further down to my entrance, his fingertips beginning to open me up, stretching me so that I could accommodate his enormous size.