I've Got Sand In All the Wrong Places

by Lisa Scottoline

  Spaghetti and Salad • Lisa

  Holiday FOMO • Francesca

  Game of Thrones • Lisa

  Facets of a Stone • Francesca

  This Call Is Being Monitored for Quality Assurance Purposes • Lisa

  A Thing of Beauty • Francesca

  Over Troubled Waters • Lisa

  Party Hearty • Lisa

  Rings of Love • Francesca

  Thanks for Asking! • Lisa

  Looking at My Garden • Lisa

  Pop Goes the Pill • Lisa

  Those Who Can’t Date, Set Up • Francesca

  Empty Nesting for Experts • Lisa

  Empty Nesting for Experts, Part Two • Lisa

  Undefined • Francesca

  Everything Old Is Nude Again • Lisa

  The Unofficial Wedding Party • Francesca

  My Brain Hurts • Lisa

  Mother Time • Lisa

  God Gave You Two • Francesca

  In the Soup • Lisa

  Look Out! There’s a Feminist Behind You. • Francesca

  Muted • Lisa

  AARP, or American Association of Retired Pets • Lisa

  They’re Playing My Song • Francesca

  To Error Is Human • Lisa

  Conditional • Lisa

  Dog Must Love • Francesca

  The Godmother • Lisa

  Friendship on the Flip Side • Lisa

  You Aren’t What You Eat • Lisa

  Acknowledgments

  Other Nonfiction by Lisa Scottoline and Francesca Serritella

  About the Authors

  Copyright

  I’VE GOT SAND IN ALL THE WRONG PLACES. Copyright © 2016 by Smart Blonde, LLC, and Francesca Scottoline Serritella. All rights reserved. For information, address St. Martin’s Press, 175 Fifth Avenue, New York, N.Y. 10010.

  www.stmartins.com

  All photographs courtesy of the authors.

  Cover design by Michael Storrings

  Cover photographs: beach © mariakraynova Shutterstock; bikini © Sandra Cunningham Dreamstine.com

  The Library of Congress has cataloged the print edition as follows:

  Names: Scottoline, Lisa, author.|Serritella, Francesca Scottoline, author.

  Title: I’ve got sand in all the wrong places / by Lisa Scottoline & Francesca Serritella.

  Other titles: I have got sand in all the wrong places

  Description: First edition.|New York: St. Martin’s Press, 2016.

  Identifiers: LCCN 2016003973|ISBN 9781250059956 (hardcover)|ISBN 9781466865259 (ebook)

  Subjects: LCSH: Mothers and daughters—Humor.|Women—Humor.|Scottoline, Lisa.|Serritella, Francesca Scottoline.|BISAC: FAMILY & RELATIONSHIPS / Parenting Parent & Adult Child.|HUMOR Form / Essays.

  Classification: LCC PN6231.M68 S374 2016|DDC 818/ .5402—dc23

  LC record available at http://lccn.loc.gov/2016003973

  e-ISBN 9781466865259

  Our e-books may be purchased in bulk for promotional, educational, or business use. Please contact the Macmillan Corporate and Premium Sales Department at 1-800-221-7945, extension 5442, or by e-mail at MacmillanSpecialMarkets@macmillan.com.

  First Edition: July 2016