Rage/Killian

by Alexandra Ivy

  “The shift isn’t the reason for the permanent state,” Ford put in. “I believe, as does Jean-Baptiste, that this started to take form with the first injection.” His eyes were firm, but kind. “I’m sorry, Mr. O’Roarke.”

  The dark, desperate emotions inside Killian rolled and pitched like a boat on an angry sea. He wanted to attack the technician, even Raphael. He wanted to spill blood and tear apart the room. And then he wanted to turn on the Hunter.

  His eyes caught and held hers. Whatever she saw in his blue orbs made her cheeks flame and her nostrils flare. Not fear, not desire—but something definitely and ferociously in between.

  He took a step toward her…

  “It’s late,” Raphael intervened quickly. “You should have something to eat, Killian. Get some sleep. We’ll talk more in the morning. Discuss your options.”

  “My options,” Killian uttered blackly, his eyes still pinned to the Hunter.

  “There are some, I assure you. Come on, Rosalie. Let’s leave the male to process.”

  She swallowed thickly but did as her leader instructed, yanking her gaze from Killian’s and walking past him and out the door.

  He called me the male, Killian thought blackly, as he stared after her. Like I’m one of them. No longer a man. No longer a human. No longer recognizable.

  His gaze found Ford’s and he growled at him. Like the male he was. Like the animal he was. What this really happening? What this truly his fate? He’d come to the Wildlands for salvation, only to discover what he should’ve known all along.

  He was doomed.

  Chapter 9

  It was close to midnight when Rosalie was finally able to slip into the clinic unseen and catch Killian’s guard on a quick trip to the bathroom. No doubt Raphael would kick her ass out of the Wildlands without a second thought if she got caught. But she didn’t plan on getting caught. Breaking, entering, retrieving...it was what she lived for.

  Inside his large room, the lights were dimmed enough that Rosalie could only make out shapes. The computer tables, covered lab equipment, monitors…bed. Her breathing surprisingly even, she moved swiftly and quietly toward it. No doubt he was fast asleep. Dreaming. Hopefully not the same nightmare she’d caught him in last night. She really didn’t want to scare the shit out of him, but they didn’t have much time. Her gut clenched momentarily as she wondered what kind of reception the human—no, the male—was going to give her after today’s news regarding his permanent state of being. And what he believed to be her part in it. But she had to try. She owed him that much—

  A sudden gasp ripped from her throat, but she stifled it by clamping a hand over her mouth. What the hell? Where…

  She swallowed hard. The bed was empty.

  In fact, it didn’t looked slept in at all.

  Her heart plummeted into her stomach. This was bad. Really bad. He’d escaped? How was that possible? Well, he was military...But where could he have gone? Wherever it was, she had to find him before Parish or one of the Hunters did. They didn’t know what was going on. What he was. They’d just assume he was either an out of control human, or an out of control puma.

  She turned and headed for the door only to be stopped in her tracks by six-plus feet of hard muscle, sinister expression, and shimmering blue shark eyes.

  Her heart stuttered inside her chest. Was it possible that he had become a male in one day? Her gaze ran the length of him. He sure looked like one of them.

  “K-killian…what are you…where were you…” she uttered like a scared fool. Which she was not. Refused to be. Hunter, female. You’re a fucking hardass Hunter. Act like it!

  “Couldn’t sleep,” he said.

  His voice was husky, like his cat’s growl, and it made her entire body tense. Flare with a heat she refused to acknowledge. It sounded hungry, demanding. Goddess, she remembered that sound. When Raphael had called her back to the cage, to a crazed puma who had instantly calmed and softened the moment she’d wrapped her hands around the bars and given him her attention.

  “I’m not surprised,” she said. “Sleeping in here can’t be easy.”

  His eyes dropped to her mouth, making everything south of her navel stir. “Not in the mood for any new nightmares.”

  “Sure. Of course.” Why did she sound so breathless?

  Those eyes lifted to connect with hers. “Unless I do what you do to block them out.”

  She licked her dry lips. What the hell was happening to her? Every inch of her skin was tight. Hot. Ready to be touched. “I think you should wait on that. Shifting is an art. Takes practice to master.”

  “Is that why you’re here, Hunter?” he asked with just a touch of sarcasm. One dark brow lifted. “To teach me?”

  Her sex actually clenched at his words. Dammit! She shook her head. Not here to teach him, anything. Right? Right? “I want to take you somewhere,” she managed to push out.

  Those brows drew together. “Why?” A growl rumbled in his chest. His very broad chest. “To finish the job you started on the bank?” Even in the dim light, she saw his eyes suddenly cloud over. “I just might let you.”

  Her heart clenched at his words this time. As she’d said to him once, she knew pain when she heard it. And fuck her, she heard it now. “Don’t say shit like that.”

  He sniffed. “It’s true.”

  “I don’t care.”

  “I feel…”

  “I know,” she said, then added, “It’s overwhelming and shocking and scary and you have no clue what you want or what this means.”

  His eyes were tightly fitted to hers. “Yeah. Something like that.”

  “I’m sorry, Killian.” His nostrils flared at her use of his name. “For everything. How I attacked you on the bank. Treated you last night. Then, coming around in my puma…”

  He shook his head. “You heard the tech and Raphael. It was already done. Sealed-fate kind of thing.”

  “Killian?”

  His nostrils flared and a soft groan rumbled in his throat. “It’s so weird having you call me that.”

  “You don’t like it?”

  “Shit, Hunter, of course I like it.”

  Her insides melted, both at his words and the soft lust reflected in his eyes. She reached for his hand. “Come with me? I want to show you something.”

  He nodded, even threaded his fingers with hers. “But how, Kitten? The guard’s back.”

  Rosalie froze, inhaled. Yes, of course. How hadn’t she caught that? Maybe because you’re so wrapped up in this male’s scent, and his mouth, and his eyes... “How did you know that?” she asked him.

  “Clearly I have the scent thing now too.” He smiled wickedly, his voice low. “By the way, I smelled you coming. Shit, I smelled you an hour ago when you started watching the guard.”

  Flames erupted inside her, and she wanted nothing more than to pull up on her toes and attack his mouth. That full, heavy bottom lip that would feel delicious between her teeth. But she forced herself to stay cool. “So, you’re a real Pantera now, are you?”

  He shrugged. “Not sure what I am,” he said, leaning in. “I’m curious. What do you want to show me, Kitten?”

  Oh, the things that instantly came to her mind. She nearly started purring. “Might have to wait. At least until the guard needs to go to the bathroom again. Or when they have a shift change.”

  He gave her an almost arrogant look, then pulled on her hand. “Come on, Hunter.”

  “You know you can call me Rosalie now,” she said, going with him. I want you to. Want to hear my name on your lips. Maybe when you kiss me...

  “I think I’m used to Hunter now,” he said. “Or Kitten. We’ll see.” He led her past the bank of lab equipment and computers, into the darkness, to a concealed door she’d never seen before.

  “What is this?” she asked, suddenly yanked from her sexual haze into all business. Hunter business.

  “A small office attached to the room.” He opened the door. “Hidden.”

  She moved
inside quickly, stealthily, and started checking out the space. Plain walls, office furniture, computers, bank of windows. Heavy moonlight. “How did you find it?”

  He laughed softly, and said, “Combat Search and Rescue, Kitten,” like that explained everything. And maybe to a human it would. Or a military-type human.

  To Rosalie, it just sounded unbearably sexy.

  “Ready?”

  Her gaze flew to the window. He was already there; had the thing unlocked and open.

  Yes. Very sexy.

  “You’d make a damn fine Hunter,” she said with a bit of a growl, slipping past him.

  “Come on.”

  “Just sayin’.”

  They dropped down onto the damp earth, and before Killian could even question her about where they were going, Rosalie took off into the night, motioning for him to follow.

  * * * *

  “What is this?” Killian asked, his confused gaze trained on the moonlit cottage surrounded by cypress.

  Rosalie came to stand beside him. She couldn’t believe she’d actually come here, brought someone here. Especially a man. A male. She couldn’t believe her cat had allowed it. That it hadn’t fought her on it. In fact, the puma was so quiet, Rosalie almost didn’t feel it breathing inside her. It was incredibly strange.

  And yet, she was grateful.

  “This is the house of a friend of mine,” she said, her eyes running over the dark green paint and white trim.

  There was a moment of silence. Just the wind blowing in the trees and night sounds of the animals. Then Killian asked, “A good friend?”

  “Yeah.”

  Another pause. “More than a friend?”

  She turned to look at him then. This male standing beside her as she paid her respects and said her good-byes. Killian was tall, strong, handsome, brave. A good male. A Pantera, for all intents and purposes. And she wanted him to know her—as more than just the angry puma chick who was out for human blood. She wanted him to know her as a female. “His name was Mercier,” she said as he turned to look at her, too. “He was my mate.”

  Killian’s nostrils flared instantly, and his eyes darkened. “Was?”

  Rosalie nodded, tears in her throat. She wasn’t a crier. Especially lately. She hadn’t allowed herself that pleasure since she’d returned from the lab. Didn’t feel like she was worthy. But they were coming now. Whether she’d welcomed them or not. “He and I were taken to one of the labs by some piece-of-shit humans,” she explained. “We managed to escape, but…” Her voice broke. “Mercier was killed. Trying to protect me.”

  “Fuck…” Killian uttered on a breath. “No wonder…”

  “I was blaming you because you were human. I was blaming you because I couldn’t contain all the anger I felt. I was blaming you because…” Her voice broke. Again. And tears filled her eyes. “I was attracted to you.”

  His eyes filled with sadness and warmth. And understanding. “I’m sorry, Hunter.”

  “Please,” she begged, her eyes pleading with him. “It’s Rosalie. I don’t want to be a Hunter to you.”

  A soft smile touched his mouth. “What do you want to be to me?”

  The Wildlands seemed to grow quiet in that moment, as he stared at her, wondering, waiting. And she tried to gather her courage—the kind that came not from physical strength and power, but from being vulnerable.

  She bit her lip. “A friend?” she whispered, though it sounded more like a question for him to answer. Don’t do this, Rosalie. Don’t be a liar. His friendship is the last thing you want.

  “Walk with me?” She didn’t wait for his answer. Just reached for his hand and started walking out of the trees and down to the bank—away from the house. It was time. To be thankful for the past, but to put it behind her too. “I can help you,” she said to him as she headed for the bank of the bayou. “I can help you figure out how to shift, how to control your cat.”

  She scented his reticence before he even uttered the words, “I don’t know.”

  She looked up at him as they walked. “What does that mean?”

  His jaw was tight, his gaze predatory. He was looking more like a Pantera male with every second that passed.

  Or maybe it was her. How she was seeing him. How her heart was seeing him...in a new light.

  “I don’t know if I want that,” he said. “I don’t know what I want. Where I belong. Is it true you can’t shift outside the Wildlands?”

  A hum started inside her. Loud and painful. Outside. Was that what he was thinking of doing? Leaving? Even after knowing what he was? What he’d become? “It’s true,” she said. “But I don’t know about your…situation. You could be different.”

  He sniffed. “I’m most definitely different. I have to figure out where I belong now. If I belong anywhere.”

  “Don’t talk like that,” she said passionately.

  “After what’s happened today, how can I not?”

  She cut him off, stood in front of him. Moonlight washed over his handsome face. “If you wanted to stay here, you could. I know Raphael would allow it.”

  He cursed, looked anywhere but at her. When he spotted a massive cypress down near the bayou, he left her and headed straight for it. Rosalie watched as he went over and sat down, pressed his back to the thick trunk.

  She didn’t want him to leave. This male she’d tried to push away, hate, hurt... She wanted him to stay in the Wildlands. With her. See what happened. Maybe heal from their respective pasts together.

  But she wasn’t going to ask him or push him.

  Rubbing the chill from her skin, she went over to the tree and sat down beside him. She was quiet. Watched the bayou dance against the bank in the moonlight as she breathed in his scent and felt the warmth of him against her side.

  “I don’t want to be somewhere because I’m allowed to be there,” Killian said after a few minutes had passed.

  “I know,” Rosalie said.

  “I want to feel wanted. I want a home. After losing my family, my military career, I just want a home.”

  Her heart squeezed painfully, because, Goddess, so did she. A home. And all that it meant. So much more than just four walls and a roof. She’d wanted it for so long, she’d refused to admit it—or even acknowledge its possibility. “I understand,” she said softly.

  “But it sounds pathetic, right? Weak?”

  “No!” She turned to him, scrambling to her knees. “No way.” She shook her head, eyes imploring him. “When I said I understood about wanting a home, I do.” She closed her eyes for a second and sighed. “I’m really sorry, Killian. For the way I treated you. What you saw…how I acted...that’s not who I am.” Or who I want to be. “Except for maybe—” She cut herself off, bit her lip.

  “Except for what?” he asked, his expression intent.

  Last night.

  Kissing you.

  Feeling happy for the first time in a long time.

  Not needing the puma to breathe.

  His eyes were blazing down into hers, trying to read her mind, her heart, and her soul. She wanted him to see it—all of it. And she nearly did. But something happened...inside of her—and it wasn’t the cat. A fear of rejection? Of losing someone she cared for—again? Whatever it was crept in, took hold, and stole her vulnerability.

  She turned away, back to the tree. “Look up, Killian,” she said as her heart threatened to break out of her chest. “Look at those stars.”

  His eyes were on her for the longest time. Or it felt that way. The weight of those blue orbs... How long could she last before she gave in...and just—broke?

  Then he turned.

  Slipped his arm around her.

  And as she exhaled weightily, he pulled her close and gave his attention to the sky.

  Chapter 10

  The dreams that came at him now were nothing like they’d been. There was no death. No pain. No one to rescue. In fact, it was him who was being rescued. By green eyes and healing hands. Urgent whispers and a wild mouth.


  The Hunter.

  Kitten.

  Rosalie.

  Bright warmth soothed the backs of his eyelids and a breeze blew crisp over his skin. He groaned at the fucking wonder of it all.

  And the wonder groaned back.

  What the hell...? Eyes rocketing open, Killian looked around sharply. It was habit. Enemy could be anywhere. But there was no enemy here. Only grass and trees, wide bayou, and a very naked female kissing her way down his torso. Along with his cock, every inch of him hardened. It was the very female who’d ripped him from the water, then from his nightmares. The female who’d made him smile and hope, despair, then hope again. The female who made him want to…stay…

  He groaned as she lapped at his navel with her tongue.

  What was his name again?

  “Morning,” she whispered, her eyes flipping up to meet his as her fingers eased down his sweats.

  Seriously? They were going to do this—

  Fuck! His cock popped right out, hard as the trunk of the cypress above him. “Tell me this isn’t a dream,” he said gruffly, taking in her soft, tanned curves. She was the most incredible sight. Perfection. Seduction. Bathed in soft yellow, the sun coming up behind her…

  She smiled at him, then wrapped her hand around his erection and kissed the tip. “Does that feel like a dream?”

  He groaned, his ass tightening. “Fuck yeah.”

  She laughed, then started to stroke him. Up. Down. Soft palm, warm fingers. “I’ve been thinking about this since dawn.”

  Shit. It was like the perfect pressure. He sucked air through his teeth and jacked up his hips. “Next time, don’t think,” he growled. “Or wait.”

  “Next time?” she purred.

  Teeth gritted, body rigid, his eyes captured hers and held. Was that hope he saw there? She wanted a next time? More? Him? This? Or his own hope mirrored back? He needed to know. Had to know…

  But the question died as his brain started to spin. After stroking him, up and over, then down to the base, Rosalie guided his cock to her lips. Her eyes still clinging to his, she very slowly drew him in.