Fire in the Blood

by George McCartney

  ‘Fair enough, Associate Investigator Annie James it is then. I’ll organise some business cards for you while I’m out and also get a spare office key cut. By the way, you haven’t asked me about money, which is usually the first thing most women want to know.’

  Annie replied without any hesitation. ‘How about fifteen hundred a month, to start with, plus ten per cent of any new business that I bring in?’

  Jack pursed his lips and then made a counter offer. ‘I was thinking more like a grand a month. But hey, let’s split the difference and make it twelve-fifty, with a five per cent bonus for any new business, and then a review after six months.’

  They shook hands on the deal and, as Jack put on his coat and left the office, Annie James stood, with hands on hips, looking around, not sure where to start. After struggling to open the stiff sash and case window, to allow some fresh air into the stuffy office, she began to sort through the blizzard of paper lying around on the floor.

  Chapter 3

  Two hours later Jack returned and was shocked by the transformation that had taken place. His desk, previously piled high, was now completely clear, apart from the telephone and a single notepad and pen, with all other paperwork neatly bundled, bound securely with string and clearly marked with Post-Its, apparently in date order. The office floor had also been swept clean and two large black plastic bags, full of rubbish for disposal, were lying adjacent to the entrance door.

  ‘Hey wait a minute, what the hell have you done? I told you to settle in, not fuck everything up. I’ll never be able to find anything ever again. It took me years to perfect my filing system.’

  Annie stood her ground and calmly defended her actions. ‘Rubbish, you didn’t have a proper filing system … that was the problem. Look, I’ve been through every bit of paper in this office and bundled everything into indexed case files, open and closed. Now you’ll be able to find things. And there’s good news and bad news about money.’

  Suddenly feeling old, tired and desperately in need of a drink, Jack slumped down into his chair and said, ‘Okay then, give me the good bit first.’

  ‘Well I found £450 in cheques that haven’t been paid into the bank and almost £1800 of outstanding Invoices. I’ve made a list and started chasing up the clients so, hopefully, you should be receiving a few more cheques in the post soon.’

  Suddenly feeling slightly less old and tired, but still in need of a drink, Jack sat up and exclaimed, ‘That’s terrific. Then we can afford to go out for lunch and celebrate you joining the firm.’

  However, Annie hadn’t finished her state of the nation report. ‘By the way, do you like this office?’

  ‘Yes it’s obviously not fancy, but it is reasonably central and not too expensive. I’ve been here almost twelve years, ever since I left the Glasgow polis and set up on my own. Why do you ask?’

  With a deadpan expression Annie held up a letter, which exhibited a significant quantity of upper case lettering and bright red ink. ‘This says you’ll be evicted by sheriff officers, at nine o’clock on Friday morning, if the outstanding rent arrears aren’t paid in full.’

  Jack was flustered and clearly embarrassed. ‘I knew that, I get them all the time. I’ll do a cheque and sort it out later. I promise.’ He then scratched his head, trying to take in the whirlwind of changes that have taken place in his private domain. ‘By the way, what’s that funny smell?’

  ‘That’s called air freshener, boss. Between the fag smoke, bits of old takeaways and the empty beer cans that were lying around, this place smelled like a wino’s sleeping bag.’

  ‘Christ, you’re a one woman wrecking ball, Annie James, right enough. Is there anything else I should know about?’

  ‘Oh yes, there was a phone call from a woman who wants us to find her missing partner, who’s got at least three other women on the go apparently, and hasn’t paid her a penny in child support for over a year. And surprise, surprise, the wonderful Child Support Agency hasn’t been able to track him down.’

  Jack stretched and yawned, then said wistfully, ‘I honestly don’t know where some guys get the energy to chase women around like that. I sometimes think there must be a bit of panda in my family tree. Anyway thanks, give me the number and I’ll phone her back later.’

  However, Annie was in full Ms Efficiency mode. ‘It’s okay, boss, I dealt with it already. The details are all on the top sheet of the pad, right there on your desk.’

  Slumping even further into his chair, Jack stared dumbly at the notepad and said, ‘What do you mean, you dealt with it?’

  Annie was clearly pleased with herself and said, ‘Well I took down her all details and then made a few phone calls. I got lucky on the fifth call to a pal back at the Social, who gave me a mobile number for lover boy, who’s an ace car mechanic apparently, so he does loads of jobs for people who work in offices, here in the city centre. Anyway, I phone the number and when he answers, I tell him in my best husky voice that I’m desperately in need of a full service … nudge, nudge. So then he sniggers and says, “I’m sure ye do darling, but whit aboot yer car?”’

  ‘Ah yes, very smooth.’

  ‘Anyway I start giggling, like it was the funniest chat-up line I’ve ever heard and after another five minutes of his rubbish patter, I manage to get him to actually quote me a price, £100 plus parts, for cash natch, and then finally he gives me the address of the lockup garage he uses. So it should be pretty straightforward to follow him from there back to wherever he’s staying. I could do it this evening, if you like.’

  Jack briefly considered a change of career before answering. ‘So if he did a couple of jobs like that every day, he could easily be clearing a grand a week in cash. But the problem is that, if he does have umpteen women on the go, he probably never actually has time to head straight home after work. Anyway that was a good bit of work Annie.’

  ‘It only took me half an hour, boss, while I was tidying things up around here.’

  Jack then shook his head and wondered how he could possibly cope with the whirlwind of changes that had engulfed his business. The old adage, be careful what you wish for, suddenly came to mind.

  ‘I really don’t know what to say, Annie. So how much did you quote her for the job?’

  ‘Well I wasn’t sure, so I just said £500 a day plus expenses, which is the same as my uncle charges.’

  ‘You don’t mean he’s a private detective as well?’

  ‘No, he’s an emergency plumber.’

  ‘But the poor woman sounds as if she’s broke, I mean, if she’s chasing this guy for child support.’

  Annie was dismissive, all business. ‘That’s not our problem and anyway she might have been lying. We have no way of knowing for sure why she wants to find him. But regardless, when she pays up and we give her the bum’s address, she can then do whatever it is she needs to do.’

  Jack was feeling quite exhausted just catching up with the morning’s events. ‘So, is that me up to date now, or have you, in a spare five minutes, maybe also negotiated a takeover deal with the Pinkerton agency?’

  Annie hesitated for a moment and frowned before replying. ‘Well there was one other phone call, but I think it was probably nothing … just some nut job.’

  ‘Did he, or she, leave a name?’

  ‘It was a man and no, he didn’t give a name.’

  ‘So what did he say?’

  Annie bit her lip and reluctantly answered. ‘Okay, he said … he said that he’s going to kill you.’

  Jack’s face showed no emotion at this alarming news. ‘Was any particular reason mentioned?’

  ‘No, he just said that you would know what it was about.’

  ‘Well thank God for that, I’d hate to be the victim of a random, motiveless crime. But seriously, I’m sorry you had to hear that crazy shit Annie, when you’re hardly in the door. You must have been pretty scared.’

  ‘No way, we used to get bampots like him on the phone every other day when I was at Work and Pensions
, making all kind of mad threats when they got knocked back for crisis loans on a Monday morning. Usually it was after they’d blown all their money on drink and drugs at the weekend.’

  ‘That’s useful to know. I’ve often thought about contacting them when I’ve been broke. That saves me a phone call. So did you say anything to him?’

  ‘Absolutely. I told him I’ve just started work here and won’t get paid till the end of the month, so if he wouldn’t mind postponing the hit till then, I’d really appreciate it. He just laughed then in a really creepy sort of way and said there wasn’t any rush. Then he hung up.’

  ‘As you say Annie, probably just some nutter. By the way, did he have an Irish accent?’

  ‘How did you know that?’

  For a moment Jack looked troubled and he went over to the office window, to check out the street below before answering. ‘Lucky guess, I’m Darren Clarke, remember. Anyway, forget about it. Let’s go out for lunch, my treat, and I’ll fill you in on some of the cases you’ll be working on. Actually it won’t take very long, things have been pretty slow lately.’

  Chapter 4

  The unlikely new partnership then left the office and made their way to a gap site car park in a nearby side street, where Jack removed several parking tickets which were stuck to the windscreen of a filthy, scarred Mk 2 Ford Mondeo. He threw the keys across the bonnet to Annie, to allow her to unlock the car door and reluctantly get behind the wheel. She then pulled violently on the stiff driver’s door to get it to close properly, and adjusted the seat, safety belt and mirrors.

  As she settled into the driver’s seat, Annie was clearly unhappy. ‘Who did you buy this heap from? Mad Max Motors?’

  Jack feigned offence and said, ‘What do you mean?’

  Resigned, Annie started the engine but then paused before engaging first gear. ‘Look boss, is there anything vital I should know about the car, before we head off?’

  Jack proudly patted the dashboard before replying, ‘Yes, of course, her name’s Senga and she’ll be twelve next month.’

  ‘No I mean, like, is it safe to drive, is it insured, are the brakes and steering okay? Minor details like that.’

  Clearly enjoying Annie’s discomfiture Jack smiled. ‘Of course it’s safe to drive. She sailed through her last MOT. Just after Scotland last qualified for the World Cup it was.’

  She gave him a quizzical sideways look, which suggested that her next job interview might not be long delayed and then they set off.

  After rummaging around in the glove box Jack added, ‘Oh there is one thing you need to know. Senga definitely goes better when there’s some music playing.’ He then inserted a cassette tape in the dashboard player and Dwight Yoakam started to wail, “If You Were Me and I Were You”.

  Clearly not enjoying either the test drive, or the music, Annie scowled as if Jack had just produced a large fresh dog turd from his pocket and said accusingly, ‘That’s a homemade compilation tape, isn’t it? My dad used to make them.’

  Lost in the music and seemingly oblivious to Annie’s disapproval, Jack tapped his fingers on the dashboard. ‘Yeah, as they say on the television adverts, this bad boy is not available in the shops.’

  Annie rolled her eyes and muttered, ‘There’s a good reason for that, because it’s complete mince.’

  Jack suddenly became aware that he hadn’t had so much fun in ages, and he continued baiting Annie by asking innocently, ‘I could make you a copy, if you like.’

  Rather too quickly Annie snapped back, ‘No way. Sorry, I mean, no thanks. I’m honestly not that into country music, no offence.’

  ‘None taken, but you’re still young. Don’t worry, Annie, it’ll creep up on you as you get older, probably coinciding with early onset memory loss, which in my case happened just after I turned forty. One day I was walking down the street and, right out of blue, I suddenly found myself humming “The Lost Highway” and headed off in completely the wrong direction.’

  Annie then gave Jack her ‘I’m listening and nodding, but I don’t have a fucking clue what you’re talking about’ look and said, ‘Oh well, that’s something to look forward to then. But I do like some older songs, you know, like Robbie Williams early ones.’

  ‘Christ, that’s not old. Now, Hank Williams stuff … that’s old. I tell you what Annie, when I die I’ll leave you my entire collection of country music tapes, so you can enjoy them and remember me.’

  ‘Gee thanks, boss. Money would be better.’

  The car then emitted a thunderous backfire, which Jack completely ignored, as Annie gingerly eased the Mondeo out into the heavy city centre traffic.

  ‘This is so scary, why don’t you buy a decent car?”

  “Look, this is the perfect car for a private detective. Old cars are just like older people, they’re completely invisible to most of the population, especially the younger generation.’

  ‘I’m sorry, I don’t understand what you mean.’

  ‘Of course you don’t, Annie. How could you? You’re twenty-four and I’m … well, I’m probably just a couple of years older than George Clooney. But trust me, when you’re my age and you’re jumping up and down, waving your arms about like an idiot, to try and get served in a busy pub, it’ll all become crystal clear.’

  Annie was unconvinced. ‘Well, if you say so.’

  ‘Okay then, let’s try something to demonstrate what I mean. This is a test of your observational skills. We stopped at a pedestrian crossing a minute ago, right, and two people crossed in front of the car.’

  ‘Yeah, so?’

  ‘So … describe them both to me.’

  Concentrating hard, Annie bit her lip before replying, ‘Okay wait. Don’t tell me, let me think. They were both male, right?’

  Sarcastically Jack said, ‘Very good, anything else?’

  ‘Wait, wait … I do remember, one guy was about twenty-five, maybe around six foot tall, slim with nice long curly hair. Yeah, and he was wearing a cute leather jacket, with really tight black jeans and very cool red shoes. He looked as if he spends a lot of time in the gym, probably admiring himself in the mirror most of the time. Nice tight bum though.’

  ‘That’s excellent. So, what about the other one?’

  Annie was dismissive and said, ‘The other one? I honestly can’t remember much about him. Oh, I think he maybe had some kind of trousers on and he had grey hair, but I’m honestly not sure.’

  Jack spluttered, ‘Of course he had bloody trousers on. So obviously, he’s just another boring, invisible old fart, right?’

  ‘Yeah, I suppose so.’

  ‘I rest my case.’

  Annie had to reluctantly concede that her new boss had just made a valid point and said, ‘Fair enough, slap on wrist Annie. Must try harder.’

  ‘Well I thought the older guy was smartly dressed and he had a slight limp, probably an old football injury, and his hair was cut short with no attempt to hide his bald spot. He also had a hearing aid in his left ear and he was wearing what looked like a nice Italian jacket, probably from Marks & Spencer. He could be a professional man who’s maybe taken early retirement. My point Annie is that, unless you’re actually working at it, we all subconsciously concentrate on our own peer group. It’s just human nature, not rocket science.’

  Nodding in agreement, Annie then innocently asked, ‘So master, what colour was the young guy’s hair?’

  Jack was dismissive. ‘I’ve absolutely no idea, but I do remember he was a cocky looking young bastard, probably a shirt lifter. To be honest, if I’d been driving, I would’ve run him over.’

  They both laughed and continued towards their lunch venue.

  Chapter 5

  Annie got lucky and found a parking space right outside the Royal Bar, a traditional Glasgow watering hole, which for eight decades had wilfully resisted all pressure to be trendy. She went inside with Jack and they took two stools at the original ornate horseshoe bar where the landlady, Peggy McKay, was busy polishing pint glasses. She
was pleased when she looked up and saw that Jack was not alone.

  ‘Good afternoon, Mr Davidson. I see you’ve got the new start with you.’

  Jack smiled and made the introduction. ‘Meet Assistant Investigator Annie James.’

  Peggy was suddenly deadly serious and gave Jack the sternest of warnings. ‘Now you remember to look after her, Jack Davidson, she’s just a wean.’

  The wean rolled her eyes, looking thoroughly embarrassed, and pleaded, ‘Auntie Peg, please. I’m twenty-four, for God’s sake.’

  ‘Okay, I’m just saying, Jack. I don’t want to see a single mark on her. You keep her safe inside that office of yours, away from all the crazy people in this city. Or you’ll be in big trouble, right?’

  ‘You have my word of honour, Peggy.’

  Peggy gave Jack the old fish eye and said, ‘Aye, that’s what I’m worried about.’

  Anxious to move the conversation along, Jack picked up a menu and asked, ‘Anyway can I have a pint of Best and give Annie whatever she wants.’

  ‘A diet Coke please, auntie. I’m driving, remember.’

  When their drinks arrived, Jack savoured a long swallow from his pint and then took a cigarette from his packet and played around with it.

  Shaking her head, Peggy marked Annie’s card regarding her new boss’s lifestyle. ‘This one’s your typical Glasgow man, Annie, definitely old school. You know, hard drinking, smokes like a lum, and doesn’t exercise or eat properly.’

  Jack snorted and said, ‘Look, if I wanted to eat properly, I wouldn’t be coming in here, would I? I’ll have my usual lunch please, Peggy, if you can stop harassing your best customer for a minute.’

  He then passed the menu to Annie who was curious, and asked, ‘So what is your usual lunch?’

  Rubbing his hands in anticipation, Jack replied, ‘I usually have a big plate of Peggy’s home-made vegetable soup, followed by double mince pie, thick cut chips, beans and beef gravy. It’s fantastic, the food of the gods. Puts a good thick lining in my stomach and lasts me all day.’