Fantasy Life: The Outrageous, Uplifting, and Heartbreaking World of Fantasy Sports from the Guy Who's Lived It

by Matthew Berry

  He looked surprised by the invitation. We had always had a very cordial relationship, but it’s not as if we ever socialized or anything. And this whole thing had to be an adjustment for him as well. There’s some new guy living with his kids. He’s always been respectful of me, and I of him, but it’s still awkward, you know? Divorce is never easy on anyone, and new partners entering the equation don’t make anything simpler.

  But he looked at me and said, “Sure. Sounds fun.”

  And that weekend we all gathered at a friend’s house. The kids and their friends, their parents, my wife and I . . . and her ex-husband and his girlfriend.

  I was the only one who had ever played fantasy football before, so I printed out a bunch of cheat sheets and roster forms, explained the rules, keeping it super-simple, and suggested that, if they were unsure, they should just go down the list and pick the next available guy. David would draft for us.

  I have to tell you, doing a draft with a bunch of 11- and 13-year-olds who know nothing about fantasy football is hilarious.

  The kids grew up in Connecticut, so they’ve mostly watched just the local teams. That led to this exchange in the second round.

  KID 1: I’ll take Mark Sanchez.

  KID 2: Aw, man! I wanted him. He’s so good.

  KID 1: I know. I can’t believe he didn’t go in the first!

  Totally genuine. (If you’re reading this book years after it was written, understand that New York Jets quarterback Mark Sanchez is terrible, both in real games and especially in fantasy. He would never be drafted in any eight-team league, let alone early.)

  The kids would help each other out: “You need a running back? Oh look, no one took Michael Turner yet. You should take him.” “Oh, thanks!” Michael Turner was a top running back, and it was, like, the 12th round.

  Kickers went in the third. Kids took back-to-back quarterbacks in the first two rounds. I just smiled a lot. It was great.

  But best of all, it was normal.

  We were in a big circle, the adults with beers, the kids with cheat sheets trying to figure out what tight end to pick now that Dustin Keller (another Jets player who should not have been drafted) was off the board. In the fourth round. And most important, the kids saw their mom and dad and their parents’ current significant others all hanging out, having fun. It wasn’t weird at all.

  I can’t exactly describe it. It’s like there was this collective sigh of relief. Everything had always been pleasant and cordial, but now it was more than that. All of our mutual friends now realized it would be fine to have the four of us at the same party or out to dinner. The kids realized they didn’t have to tiptoe around anything. And the good feelings from the draft continued through the season. If their dad and I are at one of the kids’ Little League games or whatever, we’ll sit next to each other. They’ve come over for drinks or parties. He’ll text me pictures or video of the kids at a game I can’t make, and I’ll do the same for him. As opposed to having two different households, we’re all raising these kids together. It’s terrific.

  During the season, whether it was picking up free agents, reviewing trade offers, setting our lineup, or going over the matchup scores the next day, my stepson and I always had something to talk about and look forward to. Something for us to do together.

  Just like at the draft, being in a league with a bunch of young kids who had never played before was fantastic. Kids at that age are so blunt and honest.

  KID 1: Dude, your team sucks.

  KID 2: I know. (hangs head)

  No attempt at a comeback, just acknowledgment that he was right.

  Thanks to the crazy numbers Matthew Stafford and Calvin Johnson put up in week 17 of the 2011 season in that 45–41 loss to Green Bay, David and I won it all. Watching that comeback together was a great moment. The league continued into 2012: David joined forces with his dad, Matt and I co-owned a team, and my wife and Connor (our eight-year-old) got into it, finishing a surprising middle of the pack, considering neither of them had ever watched football seriously before. We watch all the games together now, iPads out, as we check the league scores and celebrate or curse with every score. Just like a family playing fantasy football together should.

  What was a silly little eight-team league turned out to be my most important one. When you say yes, you never know which one will be a throwaway league and which one will help transform a group of people into a family.

  That’s been the best part of writing this book. Hearing and reading all the great stories of how fantasy has brought people together, especially families. Of course, sometimes you don’t need to play with a family member to enjoy fantasy. Sometimes it’s just enough to know they understand . . . and they care.

  Mike Brake would agree with that. He started the Gatorball Fantasy Football IDP League with some University of Florida buddies in 2001. His team, the Afterbirth, won that first year, but soon he was wandering in the fantasy desert. “From 2002 to 2009, it was mostly disappointment,” Mike laments. “I won the regular season three times in that span, only to be bounced in the first round of the playoffs each time . . . heartbreak.”

  Mike had another strong regular season in 2010 as he advanced to the championship game. But he was worried he would fall short yet again. That’s when his wife, Julie, decided to give him an extra boost by, you know, re-creating Mike’s entire starting lineup in gingerbread.

  Yep.

  #18—Peyton Manning, #84—Jacob Tamme, #4—Adam Vinatieri, #80—Andre Johnson, #23—Arian Foster, #34—Rashard Mendenhall, #89—Santana Moss, #13—Stevie Johnson, #52—Chad Greenway, Atlanta Defense

  That’s awesome. And Mike agrees. “In the 10-plus years of marriage and three years of dating, she has put up with my fantasy football shenanigans time and time again. Making her miss TV shows, putting up with me checking my lineup during family dinners and weddings. I never really thought she cared that much or knew how much this silly little game with friends meant to me until she made those gingerbread men. In my mind those cookies are what won me the title.”

  I think we’ve all learned a valuable lesson here. Never underestimate the love of a woman or the power of gingerbread.

  But Mike’s wife may have competition from Katie, wife of Costas. They were married in December 2011. While Katie spent months before the wedding picking out flowers, trying on dresses, and tasting entrée selections, Costas “scouted players during the preseason, completed mock drafts, and watched NFL fantasy coverage.”

  On their wedding day, Costas found that he liked the flowers, band, venue, Katie’s dress, and the entrée—but especially the cake.

  “A total surprise. In a sea of elegance, champagne, and filet mignon—an oasis for my inner dude. The three loves of my life: Katie, beer pong, and fantasy football. In the end, Katie got her fantasy wedding. I got my fantasy football cake. And got to eat it too!”

  Think that’s a supportive wife? Adam Squires sees that and raises you one. Adam, remember, is in the Guinness Bowl League from chapter 2. They’re the ones who pull out the previous year’s draft boards and look at them.

  Well, Adam’s wife, Jennifer Janka Squires, showed her love and devotion by not only being supportive of Adam’s fantasy addiction but actually making it part of her wedding vows.

  “On that unseasonably warm New Year’s Day, in front of friends and family,” Jennifer remembers, “I vowed to always support the Guinness Bowl Draft Day, from that day forward, ’til death do us part.”

  You don’t have to talk to Adam, Mike, or Costas for very long to know how much they appreciate their wives’ support of their fantasy football madness, but the best is not when your significant other merely tolerates fantasy sports or even supports it, but rather . . . joins in!

  Of course, if you do get your significant other to play, Drew Thomas from Cleveland has a cautionary tale. “I love two things in this world. Fantasy sport
s and my wife. Possibly in that order.”

  Having played for over a decade when he first met Shana, Drew hid his fanaticism. “The last thing I wanted to do was scare this girl away. How would she react if she knew about my compulsive participation in three different fantasy football leagues?”

  But you can only hide something like addiction for so long. “As our dating progressed she sensed how big a part of my life fantasy football actually was. One day while preparing for an upcoming draft she came in and told me that she signed up for an all-girls fantasy football league at work so we could have more to talk about. We were only dating a few months, but Matthew, I swear to God I would have married her on the spot.”

  Drew helped her with her draft and lineup decisions, but soon she became more confident and eventually stopped asking for help. She finished third. “By the end of that season, the depth of her knowledge had increased so dramatically I was afraid I had created a monster.”

  And the next year Drew was right. “Subscriptions to ESPN Insider and Rotowire replaced watches and purses on her Christmas list. Sunday mornings were no longer for the gym, but for plopping down to watch you and Tim Hasselbeck on Fantasy Football Now. On our honeymoon, we skipped a moonlight dinner on the beach to watch Monday Night Football because she was down eight and had Matt Forte to play. That’s a true story.”

  You see that, gang? The couple who plays together stays together.

  “Our relationship has only become stronger now that she is a part of this world, and we have a whole new way to relate to one another. At first, I was scared to let her see how much I loved fantasy sports. But now I realize the only scary part would be joining a league with her. Because honestly, she terrifies me.”

  I love how fantasy sports has brought Drew and Shana even closer together and how it’s a big part of their family. I’m sure if they ever have children, their kids will be fantasy fanatics as well. It’s definitely a hope I have for my twin daughters.

  You read that right. Twin daughters. Because you’d think that getting married to a woman with three kids and all moving in together would have been enough change for a while, right? But, of course, anytime you think you’re done with surprises, that’s when life just laughs at you.

  Apparently, it was meant to happen, because right out of the gate she got pregnant. Pregnant with . . . you heard correctly . . . twins. There are three sets of twins in our family, so this wasn’t out of the blue, but it was still unexpected.

  So I went from zero kids to five in about a year. I’m like a sitcom. Except it’s my life and I love it. On October 25, 2011, my wife gave birth to two beautiful, perfect, amazing daughters. Being 100 percent objective, I can assure you they are only the cutest things that ever lived.

  Saying that my life is very different these days might be the understatement of the century. My weekends are no longer spent out on the town but during the day on playgrounds. I have to watch a lot more Barney and get to listen to a lot less Howard Stern these days. But I’ve never been happier.

  If you’ve paid attention while reading this book, you know how I struggle with happiness. Despite my unbelievable luck to have careers in two different professions that many people want to get into, relatively good health, and a terrific group of family and friends, long-term, consistent happiness had eluded me.

  Notice I used the past tense. No longer the case.

  It’s weird. I wasn’t sure I would ever solve the issue, but if I ever did, I knew—I knew—it would not be this way. I was not seeking anything remotely serious. She is everything I wasn’t looking for and the same is true for her. She never wanted to date someone without kids; she needed someone who understood what her life was like. She’s not into sports and had no idea what I did for a living until our second date. To this day she doesn’t totally understand it, though between playing in our league this year and this book, she’s getting closer. Of course, she still doesn’t get the guys in the tattoo league.

  Once I was with her and the kids, however, my perceptions changed. You know, when you draft a fantasy team, you are, in essence, taking a leap of faith. That this player will perform as expected or better. You’re choosing this player over many other potential players with no assurances that it will turn out all right. But you do it anyway. You open yourself up with cautious hope and optimism that your fantasy heart won’t be broken.

  Just like I’ve done in my personal life. Taking on three kids and having two more is, for a single guy, by any reasonable account, a crazy leap of faith. But you know what? I can’t imagine my life without them, and my life seems much more normal than ever, despite what may seem nuts to anyone on the outside.

  A friend who read an early draft of this book said, “It’s like a love letter to fantasy sports.” I hope he’s right. Because it should be.

  It’s not hyperbole to say fantasy sports changed my life. Forget that it puts a roof over my head. I’ve met lifelong friends because of fantasy sports. It has given me amazing experiences I never thought possible. I’ve even gotten to act on TV sitcoms and soap operas because of fantasy sports (and I can’t act). Hell, I got to write a book.

  It’s been a blessed, insanely lucky, unreal journey.

  But there is no greater testament to what fantasy sports has meant to me than my family. Without fantasy sports, I’m not at ESPN. Without ESPN, I don’t meet my wife. And if I don’t meet my wife, I don’t have my family. You have just read a whole book about fantasy sports, and the underlying theme of every single story is that the person was ultimately trying to win a league. Chasing one of those trophies you saw in chapter 19.

  But this right here is the greatest fantasy trophy of all time.

  Ball game.

  Throughout my career, I have tried to be loyal to people who helped me, to make those who took a chance on me proud of their decision, and to leave fantasy sports better than I found it.

  Because man, it sure has done right by me.

  THE CRAZY LONG LIST OF ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  This book was a labor of love for me and doesn’t exist without the generosity, intelligence, and friendship of many people who probably should have said “no” instead of “yes.” And since a decent part of the book is about my life, there’s many people who deserve thanks for their part in that as well.

  We don’t often get a chance to show our gratitude publically, so I’m going to make sure I take full advantage of this opportunity. As you just read, I have a lot to be grateful for and it’s due to a lot of great people. So sit back, this is gonna take a while.

  My undying gratitude and reams of good fantasy karma to Geoff Kloske and the entire gang at Riverhead Books, including Helen Yentus and Alex Merto for the cover. Super editor Matt Boyd answered calls, texts, emails at all hours with edits, suggestions, hand-holding, encouragement, grace when pages were late, making the tough cuts that I didn’t want to, and if any of you ever need someone to look at male strip club websites and chase down the photo rights, he’s your guy. Love me the Matt Boyd.

  The book doesn’t even get sold and would not be nearly as good without the guidance and help of Richard Abate and 3 Arts throughout everything. If you ever want to do a book, he has to be your first call. He’s a rock star.

  Doing the book isn’t possible without the amazing people at ESPN. Starting with our fearless leader John Skipper. John is a longtime fantasy player who, thankfully for me, is not scared to try new things or people. John Kosner has been a great friend, supporter, boss, confidant, and his courage when many others would have thrown in the towel will never be forgotten. His early feedback on the outline for this book was incredibly helpful. I’m not always the easiest guy to be in charge of but Rob King has been much better than I deserve. It’s an honor to both work for him and call him a friend. HTTR, Rob.

  He’ll hate it, but I want to specifically single out John Walsh. After Daniel Okrent formed the very first fa
ntasy baseball league in 1979, he pitched an article about the league to John, who was then the editor of Inside Sports magazine. John bought the article, loved it, and immediately formed a league, the second ever fantasy baseball league in existence and one that continues to this day. Given that the original Rotisserie League is no longer together, John is in the longest-running fantasy baseball league in the world. Kind of cool. He’s been an unbelievable mentor to me, a dear friend, gave notes on every word of this book, and is one of the most kind, loyal, and genuine people I have ever met. John is the creative person’s best friend. Lucky are those of us who have John Walsh in their life.

  I feel very lucky that among my first “jobs” at ESPN was that I got to be the auctioneer for George Bodenheimer’s personal fantasy league. Despite the enormity of his responsibilities and demands on him, he always found time to check in on me, counsel me, and I’ll always cherish our advice meetings. There’s a reason George is beloved by all who worked under him at ESPN.

  It’s an amazing group of people who comprise ESPN Fantasy, starting with Nate Ravitz, who is actually very un-weasel-like. He’s done a fantastic job running the entire fantasy department and has been a good on-air partner and great friend for a long time, before either of us were at ESPN. I always say, best part of my day is doing the podcast. So, yes, a shout-out to Jay Soderberg, “Podvader,” who is a good sport and even better at his job. I, uh, may exaggerate a little. Pierre Becquey, Keith Lipscomb, Brendan Roberts, James Quintong, Andrew Feldman, Eric Karabell, Tristan Cockcroft, Christopher Harris, AJ Mass, Ken Daube, KC Joyner, Dave Hunter, Shawn “C-Dub” Cwalinski, Todd Zola, Brian Gramling, (and formerly Jason Grey) . . . proud to call you all colleagues.

  On the TV side, Seth Markman not only has the hardest commish job of any league in America, but he also oversees all of ESPN’s NFL coverage, including Fantasy Football Now, with a strong, smart, and patient hand. I work (and have worked) with many, many great people on the TV side, but special mention to Greg Jewell, Amina Hussein, Mike Cambareri, Mike Epstein, Todd Snyder, and of course, the Fantasy Football Now gang, led by the incredible Scott Clark and the tireless Sid Wong.