By His Hand

by Stefanie Bridges-Mikota

  “Allie,” he growled out. “Why did you let the fire burn out? You better have a good reason. Man doesn’t deserve to come home to have to start his own fire and cook his own meal.” Silence echoed back. “Allie!” He shouted and punched the air.

  “Come out, please, I’m sorry ’bout last night, sweetheart,” he said as sweetly as he could with his teeth glued together. He tried to unclench his fists as he moved toward their bedroom door. He opened the door more forcibly than he intended, but it didn’t hit the wall this time.

  “Allie?”

  He looked around the room. Bed was made, room looked tidy. Maybe she’s in the outhouse. As he made his way out to the outhouse, he noticed the door slightly ajar. He decided to turn back and grab his shotgun. Last time the door was left open, they had a nasty critter hanging in there.

  Just add it to the list I can be upset about today. Curse that woman. She doesn’t do a damn thing right.

  With the shotgun secured in the crook of his arm, he headed back out and quietly approached the building. He got into position with gun pointing straight ahead and reached out to open the door quickly. Surprise attack is the best way to deal with the coons ’round here, he thought. The door flew open, but nothing looked back at him this time. He breathed a sigh of relief.

  At least he didn’t have to battle any pesky animals, but where was Allie? He fired one shot up in the air as he yelled her name. The only response came from the crows that cawed and flew away. Silence returned. The thought struck him to check with Mabel. She was another woman not worth her salt, but at least she knew the goings on in these parts. Maybe Allie had gone to visit her. If not, at least Mabel would know where to look. He decided to leave the shotgun behind. He certainly didn’t want to frighten her, but more than that, he didn’t want that high and mighty husband of hers on his case again.

  He placed his shotgun back above the bed and headed out to find Mabel. She was right where she was supposed to be, in the kitchen making bread. She didn’t know where Allie was though.

  Now what? He rubbed the back of his neck. Guess I’ll have to check in town. She knows not to go there. What is she up to anyway? Eddie shoved his hands in his pockets and marched to Grand Forks.

  He had yet to make it to the main portion of town before a velvet voice washed over his tense muscles.

  “What are you doing back here, honey?” Pearl gave his shoulder a gentle rub.

  Eddie warmed and leaned into her hand, then cleared his throat as if to refocus. “Ah love, I can’t right now. Have you seen Allie? She wasn’t home this morning’.” Pearl pursed her lips. “’Tis no way to treat a gentleman! Come with me, darling’, and I’ll show you how she should treat ya.”

  Eddie was tempted, but his anger was more powerful right now. He brushed a curl from her forehead and gave her cheek a peck. “Sorry, Pearl. I got to find Allie. I need to give her…eh…something. Next time though.”

  Eddie pushed his hands into his pockets and strolled over to the mercantile. He pushed the door open, jingling the bell above, and made his way straight to the counter. “Morning, Joe. Have you seen Allie?”

  Joe was rubbing down the counter top. “Nope, can’t say that I have.”

  Eddie tried to hide the growl. “If you see her, can you send word?”

  Joe nodded and bent down below the counter pulling up some pants. “Sure thing. Hey, Eddie! Got a hole in my pants yesterday. Can you have her mend ’em for me?”

  Eddie reached out and took the pants. “Sure. Just as soon as I find her.” He gave Joe a nod and turned as more frustration built. Eddie stepped back out in the sun just as he heard the faint sound of the Falcon train whistle. His eyebrows wrinkled. She wouldn’t, would she? No, they wouldn’t let her on. Especially without any money. Better head back home, maybe she’s there now.

  When Eddie got home he opened the door to find nothing had changed.

  “Damn it, Allie! Where are you?” He threw the pants down on the table and heard a clink. What was that? He grabbed the pants back up and started to search them. As he methodically felt every inch of the pants, he felt something round and hard inside the cuff of one leg. He knew some ladies sewed weights into their skirts, but had no idea why Joe would do that? Better see what this is. He pulled out his pocket knife and cut a slit in them. A shiny silver nickel clinked down on the table. Eddie stood stock still and stared down at his table. His heart suddenly dropped.

  She had the means. How long had this been going on? Let’s see…maybe four months or so he’d been bringing her mending. How much could she have now? And how many men were helping her? He snatched up the coin and pocketed it. I’ll deal with Joe later! I need to get to Falcon. Now!

  CHAPTER 4

  Allie sat as still as possible and continued to keep her eyes closed. She was tired, but her mind wouldn’t allow her to sleep. The train was chugging slowly…but moving…east towards Saltese, Montana. Five stops total to get to Missoula—and I’ve already passed one! Then she could change and ride properly the rest of the way home.

  Fred bought her two stops. He did not board back in Falcon. Did he need his ticket for the day or was that just for show? She needed to change positions but feared someone would think she was awake. There were about twenty or so men on the train with her. Some looked friendly enough when they boarded, but others she didn’t want to cross.

  The train reeked of alcohol. The scent was so strong it seemed the liquor was running off the walls. Fortunately, she had adjusted to that putrid smell or she wouldn’t have been able to keep what contents were in her stomach down.

  These mountains were rugged and tough, and she needed to match that to make it. The train crept along the tracks, winding its way up the steep terrain and through some glorious valleys. It was pretty. She knew this landscape was like none other but wouldn’t allow herself a glimpse. The whistle blew. That meant she’d soon be headed to her second stop. Saltese is where she must purchase more fare. She would wait until the last second to open her eyes and disembark with the crowd.

  As the train came to a stop and the last whistle blew, Allie stood and quickly swept her eyes over the men. She had one shot to do this right. Those getting off were making their way to the aisle. She put her head down and worked her way into the middle of the line.

  Eddie comes home drunk many nights and sometimes he’s still hung over by dinner. If I keep my head down and stumble a bit, maybe they will think that of me? Can’t hurt to try, I guess.

  As the line moved forward, she shuffled her feet like she was groggy. She was careful, however, to not bump into anyone. No sense drawing undue attention. The sun was high in the sky as she came down the steps. She kept her hands in her pockets even though she could have used one to shield her eyes. Her stomach was growling, but she couldn’t risk being out in the open any longer than necessary.

  Keeping her head down prevented her from seeing much of the town. It sounded like a busy place. She could hear wagons, horses, and people. There was even a dog barking off in the distance, but she refused to look up. She entered the depot and headed straight for the line. Her plan was to get the exact change out early so there was less time for the man to see her hands. From a distance I might look enough like a man, but there are too many feminine things about me up close. She palmed her change and waited her turn. Three men were ahead of her in line. Her heart raced, and she needed this to be quick.

  It seemed to take a very long time for her to get up to the counter, but it really was only minutes. She slapped the money on the counter, quickly removed her hand, and hid it in her pocket. “Need fare to Missoula.” She grunted as deeply as possible. A second man approached from behind the first holding a telegram. Allie was starting to perspire under her shirt and pants.

  “Says here we need to watch for a woman traveling alone. Have you seen her?” The second man laid the telegram on the counter for the first to see it.

  The first man gathered the coins and placed the ticket on the counter. “No,
can’t say I have. I’ll be watching though. Says the lady stole some money and left her husband back in Grand Forks.”

  Allie was shaking and hoped it felt worse than it looked. She grabbed the ticket and walked toward the door as casually, and quickly, as possible. Once outside, she ran to the side of the building. Breathing hard, she braced and willed herself not to cry from fear.

  He can’t find me. Not yet. She tried to calm her breathing as she pondered what was meant by “stole money.” Did he know about the hidden money? Did he know before or just now? No. Must have been now. That knowledge would have brought pain…and a lot of it. Allie put a hand on her stomach to ease the nausea she was now feeling. At least now I don’t feel hungry. She hunkered down in the shadows and waited for that first short toot.

  Luckily those toots weren’t long in coming. The trains liked to keep moving so the workers could keep working. She did as before and boarded with no problems. A similar mix of men came aboard this time and some of them even looked familiar. The plan worked the last time so why change things up. She plopped down on the hard, cold bench, folded her arms to tuck her hands in, and closed her eyes.

  The train jostled her back and forth and she was beginning to see how some could sleep. She was exhausted. Even if she wasn’t tired, sitting in the same position for hours on end was boring, and the rocking added to the allure of sleep.

  The farther away from Grand Forks she went, the calmer she became. She needed to keep that in check. Just because I’m a few hours away doesn’t mean Eddie can’t catch up. He will know where I’m headed. She pulled her shoulders back to stretch her back. She knew the landscape was moving by her, but still didn’t dare to open her eyes wide enough to get a look.

  The train kept chugging east, stopping at Regis, Quartz, and Lathrop. She had to disembark at all stops but didn’t need to purchase more fare. She was starving and knew she could safely purchase something to eat at the next stop. There, she could also change back into her true self.

  Knowing that was encouragement enough to keep her going. Her legs were starting to chafe with Fred’s pants rubbing on them. How she wished she could change now. She never wanted to wear pants again and was thankful that she had her skirts with her. She would use the facilities at the next stop, too. Not eating or drinking anything allowed her to control her need with ease. Her time with Eddie had taught her to control it. Why he wanted her on a schedule for going outside to use the privy was beyond her.

  He is so controlling. How did I not see it before? She sighed and continued to pretend to be asleep.

  The whistle blew to signal the arrival in Missoula, Montana. Allie jumped, she must have fallen asleep. Quickly trying to compose herself, she looked around briefly and noticed a male figure looking at her. He was perched a few benches behind her and angled so that he would have the best view of her.

  Her heart started racing, but she kept her calm appearance on the outside. Immediately she began planning. As soon as we stop, I’ll head off the train and find a suitable location for changing my clothes—maybe in the facilities in a restaurant. Then I might get a meal, too, if I can lose this man. Who is he anyway? Does he look familiar? She spent the next couple of minutes thinking back, trying to determine who the man might be and wondering how long he had been watching her. Before she could place him, the train stopped…and she was in flight mode.

  This time she didn’t care if she was noticed. She bumped and pushed her way to the front of the crowd. The men grumbled and yelled in response, but she never looked back. It is now or never, she thought.

  She stepped off the train and made a beeline for the first establishment she saw. This was a glorious building with a sign that read Savoy Hotel. It was new since she had last been through this booming town. As she moved quickly toward it, she caught the man following her out of the corner of her eye. He was sweeping back and forth trying to decide which way to go. Once inside the hotel, Allie realized there were no windows. Light came in from above. She approached a man, and as deep a voice as she could, asked for the facilities. He paused a moment and nodded with a that-a-way glance. She did her best to act as though nothing was amiss and ducked into the small wash room.

  After she locked the door, Allie collapsed to the floor. Exhaustion seeping out of her, she let the tears come. As they fell, she felt her hunger return. She continued to sit on the floor as she quickly removed the disguise and allowed herself a moment to compose herself. The floor was cold and hard—much like she had made her heart to keep from falling apart these last few months.

  She needed to remember she was still in survival mode. She was not protected here and needed to keep moving east. She dressed in her now wrinkled dress. At least I’m back in my own clothes. I don’t need to pretend as much from here on out. She brushed her palms over the flow of the mud-colored brown skirt. Always practical. The color showed less dirt, so she didn’t need to do her own wash as often…allowing more time to deal with Eddie’s commands. He kept her busy all day. What she wouldn’t give to be able to read or sit by Pa’s creek and dream again.

  Allie stood in front of the sink. The train left her skin dusty and grimy. She would clean up as much as she could. Many places only had outhouses in these parts. Here, she could wash up and feel like she was a lady again.

  As she splashed water onto her face, she noticed muffled voices coming from somewhere beyond the other side of the door. She heard a male voice asking something about someone entering. Her hands stilled, and she quickly bolted for the door, leaving the male clothes in a pile on the floor. Opening it slowly, she could see the man speaking with the same gentlemen who had given her directions. She slipped through the door and headed away from the entrance, making her way to a door on the far wall. The door led her to the back of the hotel. This must be the workers entrance. She needed to go around the building and head across the street to the train depot. Fare to Drummond and beyond to Deer Lodge needed to be purchased before she could buy something to eat.

  Moving quickly, but carefully, she made her way to the edge of the building and peeked around the corner to see if she saw the man. I wish I could place who he is and why he is following me. Does he know who I am, or does he have other intentions?

  Allie picked up her skirt and flew across the road. She needed to run, to save herself from being run over. This was a busy growing town. It was so much bigger in only a year since she was last here. Once on the other side, she made her way into line at the station. No pretending—no hiding! She sighed. If I can stay away from that man I should be good. She approached the counter and asked for the tickets.

  The man at the counter was a short, robust, middle-aged man. He had a fancy gold watch on a chain that he pulled out of his pocket to check the time. “Train for Drummond leaves in half hour, ma’am. You have good timing.”

  She passed the coins across the counter and took the ticket. “Thank you, sir.” With a slight nod of her head she turned to leave.

  He gave a small grunt. “Ma’am, you okay? You’re…uh…well…your face, ma’am. Don’t mean to be rude…”

  She froze and didn’t turn back to him. “I’m fine. Thank you. Good day, sir.”

  She walked out the door and around the corner. No one noticed or commented when I was a man. I guess that disguise helped in more ways than I knew. She placed her hand on her stomach and willed herself to feel full. She wouldn’t be out in public again without necessity with her bruises, no matter how hungry.

  Allie stayed on the side of the building—hidden once again in the shadows—waiting for the whistle. She was thankful the wait would be a short one. She’d planned this part of her trip hours earlier while pretending to sleep. The sound of the whistle could be heard in the distance as Allie rubbed her eyes to prevent them from permanently closing. Once on board, maybe she could truly sleep.

  She peeked around the corner again before stepping back into the light. He—whoever he is—was not there. She made her way to the line slowly, so she woul
dn’t draw undue attention. Fortunately, there were many people to blend in with this late in the day. This was much different from when her journey began. She reached the front of the line and handed her ticket to the man. As she boarded the train, she regretted her flight prevented her from enjoying the sites of this magnificent countryside.

  CHAPTER 5

  Frank Hubbard was sore from riding the rails. He had only been traveling for a few days, but his body felt like it had been a full month of nonstop jarring. His mind and hands sat idle since leaving Portland. The views were beautiful, but it just wasn’t enough to keep him entertained.

  Medicine was his life now, and he was growing restless just sitting. He had gone home to Deer Lodge after graduating, but quickly returned to take on the internship in Sandy. Logging was picking up steam, and with it came the accidents. Doctors were needed everywhere. His leg started to cramp, and he decided to take a walk. Trains certainly didn’t offer many choices when it came to needing to stretch. He stood and reached up his arms and arched his back briefly before stepping out into the only exercise area aboard a train, the center aisle.

  The train was almost full and only a few seats remained open. As he walked to the front of the train, he took in who was on board with him. Some were sleeping, others reading. He noticed a few entertaining young children. On the way back, he was able to see their faces. He secretly enjoyed watching people, and seeing their faces gave him a glimpse of understanding those riding with him.

  Frank slowed his pace to allow a longer view of the faces. One face caught his attention. It wasn’t what she was doing, since she was only sleeping. It was the coloring. Different shades of black, blue, purple…and even pale brown with a lip that was swollen on one side. This halted his pace altogether. The face was vaguely familiar, but he was having a hard time placing it. Maybe because it was banged up. I know that person, though. How? He walked up to the row and took the open seat next to her. He decided to sit and watch for a while hoping to place her.