By His Hand

by Stefanie Bridges-Mikota

  A knock at the door startled her out of her thoughts. She grabbed the towel on the table to wipe the moisture from her hands left by the damp clothes and checked her appearance in the wall mirror. As she opened the door, she smoothed one side of her hair with her palm.

  “Blinne?” Allie flung her arms around her lifelong friend, pulling her inside as she closed the door.

  “Oh, Allie! It’s so good to see you. I’m sorry I couldn’t come to visit earlier, but I’m here now.” Blinne pulled out a chair and sat a bit awkwardly.

  “Well, look at you! My! Do you want some water?” Allie could tell she did and walked to the kitchen before Blinne could even respond.

  Blinne fanned herself. “Thank you. I’m afraid I am turning into a watermelon! And the weather has been so warm lately. The walk over was exhausting.” She drank half the water, wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, and giggled. “I didn’t come to talk about me though, I want to know how you are?” She grabbed Allie’s hand and pulled her over to the table.

  “I want to let Ma know you’re here first. Then we’ll head to my room to talk…just like we used to.”

  She left Blinne sitting at the table with a concerned look on her face. Blinne knew talking in Allie’s room meant she didn’t want others to hear them.

  Allie and Ma returned a few moments later.

  “Hello dear, how are you?” Ma asked, bending to give Blinne a hug.

  “I’m as good as can be expected. Just trying to survive the last little bit in this heat,” Blinne said as she placed her hand on her belly and sighed.

  “I feel for you honey. It will all be over soon enough, though, and you will be wishing you could shove ’em back in there from time-to-time…just for some peace and quiet.” They all laughed at that. “I’m sure you have some catching up to do. I have chores that won’t do themselves, so I’ll leave you two to talk.” She gave Allie a knowing look and headed back out of the main room.

  Allie grabbed Blinne’s hand and helped her climb the stairs to her room. After closing the door, Allie made sure Blinne was sitting comfortably on her bed before she pulled the desk chair closer for herself. It was a comfort just to see Blinne again. How she missed her. Blinne was her oldest and dearest friend. They told each other everything and knew their bond was sacred. It is not very often two people connect like that.

  “I want to know how you are. It looks like there are some big changes coming.” Allie looked at her watermelon, as she called it, and smirked.

  Blinne sank into the pillows. The bed was a blessed relief after her walk. She could close her eyes and drift off, if she wasn’t careful.

  “Life is good. George and I married shortly after you left. He fixed up his grandparents’ old place after his grandma passed. It needed some work, since she was up in years and his grandpa had died three years before. George was determined, though. It is such a beautiful little piece of heaven and not too far from his parents’ place. Of course, my parents are still on the other side of town. That is too far for me to walk right now, but I was making the trek every couple of weeks.”

  Allie gently smiled and closed her eyes. “It all sounds so wonderful. I am so happy for you.”

  “I didn’t come here to talk about me—I came to hear about you. Unfortunately, some gossip is going around town and I needed to see you to see if I can help.”

  Allie stood and walked to the window. “I knew people would talk. They are going to be doing a lot more of that shortly. How much do you want to know? It isn’t very pleasant news and I don’t really want to upset you.” She turned back around and faced Blinne.

  Blinne took a deep breath to prepare herself. “All of it. You know I care about you and I want to help you, if I can.”

  Allie paced across the room, gathering her thoughts. Blinne’s eyes followed her as she paced.

  “Eddie was different when we left. He seemed sweet and caring here. But once we reached Idaho, he became controlling…at first…and…after a while…abusive. I couldn’t do anything right. The last couple of times I blacked out. I’m not sure if it was self-protection or if he just hit me that hard. I still have gaps in my memory.”

  Blinne gasped, but Allie was lost in her thoughts and didn’t notice. Her eyes were glassed over, almost as though she was outside of her body, retelling what she’d gone through.

  “I had a baby. Well…was going to have one. He thought I was purposely doing something so I wouldn’t give him a child. But he didn’t know…I didn’t know…I was already carrying one. He beat me and caused me to miscarry. At least that is what Doc said. He performed a procedure to finish what Eddie started. Apparently, my body wanted to hold on to that and it didn’t take care of the job. Imagine a body wanting something so badly that it will hold on to remnants of a life that once was,” she paused.

  “Anyway, I ran away from him and came home. Frank and I ended up on the same train. Imagine meeting him when I was broken and bruised… the last person I would want to see me like that, and there he was. He wouldn’t leave me be, either. He was so sweet and gentle, but kind of suffocating. I don’t want another man close to me right now. He hasn’t come around lately. Maybe he took the hint last time. I don’t want to hurt him, but I can’t. Just being around a man has me nervous and uptight. I worry that what I say will irritate him. Just because I knew him growing up, doesn’t mean I know him now. I need space and time right now. I’m not sure if I will ever be able to trust another man.”

  Allie blinked a few times and saw Blinne’s tear-streaked face. She was holding her stomach with one hand and her other was covering her mouth.

  “Oh, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said all that.”

  Allie grabbed a hankie from her top drawer and passed it to Blinne. They held each other and sobbed. They stayed like that for a long time before Blinne pulled back.

  “What will you do now?” she asked.

  Wiping her own eyes, Allie blew out the breath she was holding. “Divorce!” she said, as she stood and walked back to the window. They were silent again as that word sunk deep into both women.

  This was the first time Allie had said it out loud since she made her decision. It sounded so definite…so final…but she knew it was just the beginning. Even if she was heard in court and her request was granted, the town would be abuzz for a long time. She would not be welcome in certain circles. Could she even walk down the street with her head held high or would she be watching her feet? People will stare and talk behind their hands to their neighbor. Would she be able to find work? She needed to help her parents out, but not just anyone would hire a divorced woman.

  Allie felt arms wrap around her and Blinne’s stomach pressed into her back.

  “I will be here for you. I’ll talk to George, too. He’ll understand when he hears what Eddie did to you. Our home will be a refuge for you.”

  They stood like that for a while. Allie felt courage surge within her as if Blinne was sharing some of hers. “I hate to leave, but I better head back before George sends a search party for me. He is very protective, especially now that I am so close.”

  They walked out of the room and Allie helped Blinne down the stairs.

  “Why don’t I walk you home? I could use the fresh air.”

  Allie found Ma and told her where she was going, then they headed out. Allie’s story wasn’t mentioned again that day. Instead, the talk was of happier times, times when they were inseparable. They remembered the adventures they had when they were younger.

  Blinne caught Allie up on the lives of the other girls from their school. Once they arrived at Blinne’s home, she was given the tour of the little farm. It was beautiful and had the look of hope. Did she dare to dream of a life like that? For now, she would be happy for Blinne and not think about her future. She had enough worries for today without thinking about tomorrow.

  After leaving Blinne safely in her home, she used the time by herself to think. Knowing her next move gave her a little bit of calm for some th
ings…but added new concerns. Knowing she had at least one friend on her side was enough for her though. She could do this. She had to do this.

  CHAPTER 15

  Eddie led John to the table. He grabbed two cups and poured some coffee before taking his chair. “So, what do you know?” Eddie had promised to pay John for a couple of weeks of missed work so he could spy on Allie.

  John sipped his coffee and looked around the room before he set it back down. “She seems good and settled. Has a nice little routine going for her. Other than her family, the house has been quiet. Only one guy coming and going a few times but haven’t seen him lately. She keeps busy with chores and stays away from town.”

  John’s eyes kept moving, taking in the space around him. Everything was in disarray. Eddie apparently needed Allie here to run the place. There was a mess in every corner. Clothes were piled, and the remains of many meals were left on the counter and much of the table. He wondered if the coffee cup he was drinking from was clean.

  “Good, good!” Eddie rubbed his chin and was absorbing the information. “Seems like it’s just about time for phase two of my plan.”

  “What might that be?” John couldn’t help but be curious. After following Allie around for two weeks he was getting bored with the situation. A change was just what he needed to keep him interested.

  Eddie took a drink and stood. “Time for me to go visit. Shake her up a bit. Unsettle her routine. Make her feel a bit unstable again so she doesn’t know what to do. I can’t have her comfortable for too long or she might start making some bad decisions. She will come back to me, I just need to play it right. Get her to forgive me. Play to her heart.”

  John slowly shook his head in agreement. The plan coming together in his own mind. “You need me to go back?”

  Eddie turned and faced John, “Not for now. I will go myself. I don’t want her seeing you with me. That way if I need you to keep an eye on her again she won’t connect us.”

  “All right. I suppose I can go back to work here. Need some payment though—to keep me wanting to help you.” He stood with an expectant look on his face.

  “Sure, sure. I’ll go to the bank first thing in the morning and withdraw the money. I’ll meet up with you tomorrow afternoon.” He raised his hand and waved it dismissively.

  John was not completely pleased with that answer but knew not to question Eddie. He said he would pay him and he needed to trust that. He gulped down the last of his coffee, grabbed his hat, and took his leave.

  Eddie started pacing. He had to finalize his next step and needed to think it through so there were no mistakes. He would pack and pick up a train ticket for the next train. He should pick up some new clothes, too. He knew he stunk, but washing was woman’s work and he refused to do anymore of that than necessary. He needed her. She had a responsibility as his wife and she was not keeping up her end of their legal contract. He could do this. He just needed to keep himself in check, at all times. It wouldn’t hurt to watch her a day or two first to be safe. Just to make sure John wasn’t playing him.

  Eddie was finalizing his plan as he made his way to the train station. He stopped by Joe’s Mercantile and purchased two pairs of pants, a couple of flannel shirts, chewing tobacco, and some dry goods so he could rough it for a while and watch her. He didn’t want to head into town too early.

  Surprise was the key to getting Allie back. He needed her startled and unprepared. He purchased his ticket and made his way onto the train heading east. He settled into the back of the train and was imagining Allie on her knees begging to be taken back. The corners of his mouth drew up revealing a row of brown stained teeth. Yes! I will sit and watch for a while.

  At this point he was unsure if he would approach her in a few days or if he needed to wait awhile longer. Time would tell. He needed to see how comfortable she was and who was around. Just because John said she was establishing a routine, didn’t mean he was right. He knew her better than she knew herself. He needed to see her habits. He would know when the time was right.

  As the train pulled out the station and began rocking him gently, he drifted off to sleep.

  CHAPTER 16

  Allie dressed for town. She had to hurry and get this over with quickly before she lost her nerve. Going to town was hard enough. Word spread like wildfire in her hometown and she was already seeing looks on the residents’ faces and knew comments were made after she passed. Making her way down to the front room, she grabbed her reticule and made her way to the door. Just as she reached for the door, she heard Ma’s footsteps.

  “Allie, are you sure you want to do this alone?” Ma had a towel in her hands and she was twisting it into knots, not even attempting to hide her nervousness for Allie.

  Allie, let her shoulders drop as she released the breath she was holding. “Yes, I need to. I got myself into this and I am the only one who can get me out.” Before Ma could say anything else she slipped through the door and shut it behind her

  She was nervous, scared, and feeling defeated. Her emotions were not under control. She lifted her skirts to free her legs as they pumped rapidly beneath her. She failed in her attempts to slow herself down. She knew her ankle was only just healed, but her emotions won out over her thoughts to be careful and not reinjure it.

  Running made the trip to town shorter than normal. There was no time to think about what she was about to do. There was also no time left to slow herself and control her breathing before she found herself a good way down the main street. She bent over with her hands on her hips and began taking deeper and slower breaths. When she straightened up, she noticed eyes on her.

  Apparently, she had been getting more attention than she thought. Many people were staring at her. The looks ranged from surprise to disgust. Giving a simple nod, she smoothed her skirts and made her way to an empty bench across the street. She needed to rest a spell—even though she knew the looks would continue as long as she remained in the open. She could put on a brave face even if she was crumbling inside. No one could see what she was trying to keep hidden, all would be well in the end.

  After sitting for a few minutes, she heard her name called. It was distant at first but getting closer. She peered through the crowd and her eyes landed on Frank. He was quickly making his way to her and took the open seat next to her without giving her a choice. The last time they were together was awkward for her…to say the least. They sat silent for a while as she pondered whether he knew her secret or not. He was a smart enough man. It probably wouldn’t take much for him to figure it out. Continuing to sit side-by-side, he spoke first. “How are you?”

  That was vague. It didn’t give her any information about what he might know. Were they going to stay superficial in conversation or was he moving slowly? “Fine,” she answered, equally vague.

  “Allie, look. I know I haven’t been over in a while. I’ve been trying to leave you alone so you could think things through. You seemed very upset the last time I saw you. I know you are dealing with things and I want to help. If you want me, I am here for you.” His eyes were focusing on the boards at his feet.

  Okay, maybe he won’t stay superficial. Maybe clearing the air is better. He was a good friend and she knew she could use more of them these days. “I had a procedure done at Doc’s that day . I wasn’t feeling very well.”

  “I know. I am a doctor. You don’t have to tell me anything if you don’t want to. Please know that I understand more than you think, though.” His eyes were intensely staring into hers. He reached over and placed his hand on top of hers. He realized where he was and withdrew it quickly. Enough people are gossiping already. He didn’t want to add more fuel to their fire.

  Allie’s reserve was breaking. She could only pretend to be brave for so long and worked at controlling the sob that had worked its way up her throat. All she could do was nod.

  Rubbing his palm on his leg and pulling himself up, he turned to her. “What brings you to town today?”

  Might as well tell him
. She wasn’t entirely sure how he would react to her decision, but she thought he would be accepting. “I’m going to speak with Sheriff Griffin about starting the process for a divorce.”

  “Would you like me to come with you?”

  There was no hesitation. He didn’t pause to think about it at all. Maybe he already guessed. Not much could get passed him. “No, thank you. You could walk me home if you want, though.” She felt like she should give him something to do in return accepting her decision.

  “I’ll do better than that. I’ll take you to lunch first and then see you home.” He wouldn’t take no for an answer and she knew that. “I’ll walk you there and wait outside for you.”

  She stood and fell into step next to him for the short walk that would change her future.

  The court house was a beautiful two-story building with a smaller wing off the back. Large trees circled the building, acting as a shield. There was a grand staircase leading to the front entrance. Allie left Frank waiting out front as she made her way up and into the massive building.

  Despite the tree cover outside, bright light filled the inside from the arched windows. Allie made her way across the floor to the front desk and asked for Sheriff Griffin. The gentlemen led her down a long hall, towards the back of the building. The sheriff’s office was located here. He used a side entrance to come and go throughout the day. The man knocked on the sheriff’s door, announced her, and left them alone.

  Feeling nervous, Allie began wringing her hands. “Hello, Sheriff Griffin. Do you have a moment, Sir?”

  Paul Griffin stood and motioned for Allie to sit which she quickly did. “Hi, Allie. What can I help you with?” He noticed her nervousness and that made him a little apprehensive. He had known Allie most of her life. This behavior was not normal for her.