By His Hand

by Stefanie Bridges-Mikota

  “The articles should read 3001!” Her hands were repeatedly opening and closing…making and releasing her fists.

  Frank was still confused. “Did someone else lose their job? Do you know more than what was in the article?”

  “Yes…ME! I lost my job to help provide a job to someone else.”

  Allie was not making sense to him. She seemed irritated with his questions, but he didn’t care. He would ask them anyway.

  “Your paper job? Why would that help someone else?”

  Allie stood and began pacing. Her dress was dripping all along the bottom hem.

  “Mr. Ashton decided to let me go so he could hire someone who needed it more. Seems a family man is more important than my needs.”

  Frank scratched his head. “How is your job going to help a family man?” He blushed realizing how that sounded. “Sorry.”

  She brushed his comment away. Even though it was irritating, she knew what he meant. “Mr. Ashton placed a help-wanted ad in the paper and doubled the wage…for the same job! I don’t want children to starve, but why didn’t he pay me what he is willing to pay a man?” Her knees buckled under her and she crumpled to the ground, quietly sobbing.

  Frank moved to her and placed his hand on her back. “I’m sorry, Allie. Mr. Ashton is just trying to help. I’m sure he didn’t mean any disrespect by it.” There wasn’t anything he could really do for her. He knew her strength and knew she would pick herself back up. After everything that she had been through already, this would not break her. Knowing that didn’t help her, though. She needed to know it for herself. “Allie, have you talked to Him about it?”

  Knowing who he meant, she paused to think over the day. Had she reached to Him for help at all? Should she? He didn’t seem to care how her life turned out. Look at the mess that was all around her. He could have stopped any of the events that had brought her to this place…but He didn’t.

  “You should talk to Him. He cares about all of us. Wants the best for us.” Frank was rubbing circles on her back trying to comfort her as best as he could.

  She looked up to the sky. “Why? Why should I? What has He done for me? My life is a mess and He could have intervened at any moment to change it…but He didn’t.”

  Frank pondered her questions. She spoke the words to him, but her eyes stared up also directing them to God. This was a big moment for her. He could feel it. Silently, he closed his eyes and said a short prayer for wisdom.

  “He does care. He isn’t a puppet master, though. He wants us to come to Him freely…opening ourselves up for Him to take the reins. He won’t force Himself upon you. I am a patient man, Allie, but He is the most patient of all. He sits back and waits. We mess our lives up. We make decisions without seeking His way first. We direct our lives down slippery paths. He waits until we come to a place where we can no longer go it alone. He sits back and cries when we cry and laughs when we laugh…but doesn’t step in until He is asked.” Frank held his breath. He hoped this was enough. He was a physician, not a pastor. This was out of his comfort area. He was ready to move the conversation in a different direction.

  Allie sat silent for a long while, trying to absorb what Frank had said. It wasn’t the first time she had heard the general message. Frank, himself, had even said something similar the day they kissed. “I know what that means, but how do I do it?”

  She knew she was fighting it. The idea seemed complex and irrational. She was tired of doing it her way, though. The walls she had built to protect herself were ready to crumble, but she was very perplexed. How do I pass those reins off to Him?

  Frank looked to the heavens with Allie.

  “You just tell Him. You have an honest conversation giving Him permission. Then you walk away from your thoughts. Busy yourself to the extent you must to do that. Let Him work. He’ll let you know when it’s time for you to do something.” Frank knew this, but a more complete understanding washed over him. As he enjoyed the peace that came with the knowledge, he hoped that she was also feeling it.

  “I’m going to leave you to it. I don’t need to be privy to your conversation. You come to Him on your terms when you’re ready. He’s waiting for you.” Frank stood, and left Allie soaked with creek water…and bathed in the words he’d showered on her. He left so God could take over…and do what He does best.

  Frank left so he wouldn’t try to dive further into the conversation than his knowledge and abilities allowed. He preferred working on the flesh not the soul. The flesh was black and white. You could touch it, see it, and watch it respond to your actions. Soul work involved diving into places only that person knew. It required a steady faith in things humans could not fully comprehend. Allie needed to take the next step herself. He couldn’t help her any more.

  Allie sat silent for a long while after Frank left. She wanted to cry, scream, and shake her fists to the sky, but that wouldn’t help anything. A child-like fit never solved a problem. It did create more though. Closing her eyes, she started quietly, “God, what do I do?” A simple sentence with a big expectation. She let that hang for a while before she added, “Help, please.”

  She hoped that was enough. That was all she had the strength for as she stood and made her way to the house. Frank said to first ask and then make herself busy. There was plenty of work to be done around the farm. She quickly rolled her sleeves up and dug into all that needed doing. She focused her mind on the task at hand…and left her worries with her prayer by the creek.

  CHAPTER 34

  Just when things were looking the bleakest for Eddie, everything seemed to turn on a dime. He camped in the barn and took care of some odds and ends around the place that needed some attention. He was minding his Ps and Qs to gain her trust. Now he didn’t need to. He had found himself a job. It wasn’t ideal work, but it would do for now.

  The previous Sunday, more than 3,000 men were laid off. Now, the government had hired 3,000 men to join in the fight to protect the timber lands. Eddie had knowledge of the area, so he was hired on the spot. He wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do, but he could pretend and collect his pay for as long as needed. The best thing about this work was it was easy to get lost in the vast wilderness. Once he had enough money in his pocket to settle somewhere else, he could just disappear. He could head down to Deer Lodge, grab Allie, and be long gone before anyone realized what happened.

  Life sure had a way of righting itself. He had found this to be true more than once. Roping Allie in was his next step. He needed her back. Keeping his focus on her would help him through the next few weeks. He hated the thought of having to head back into the woods. He had just come from there and preferred what a town could offer a man.

  Eddie knew he should just be happy that he had employment. So many were struggling right now, and he didn’t have to be one of them. He didn’t know where he would be assigned yet, but that would come shortly. All the men were told to gather at the train depot with whatever belongings they wanted to carry. That was where he was now—with the only belonging he wanted. He had done some snooping when he was alone during the week. Helen’s late husband had a stash of whiskey. If he nursed it, it would last a while. He had it tucked into his pants. It would become his close traveling companion.

  There were hundreds gathered with him. All, presumably, for the same reason, to get their orders and instructions. A train could be heard in the distance and a man was hushing the crowd. Eddie pushed closer so he could hear. With this many men it was a challenge.

  From what he could gather through the noise, he was headed northeast. That was the direction he had just come from. He would board the train and it would take him closer to the fires. Then he would have to go deeper into the woods by foot (or horse if he could find one) to meet up with the other men in his assignment group. Isn’t this just hunky-dory. I make it closer to Allie just to end up further from her than I am now. He shook his head and gave a snort. At least his pockets would be headed in the right direction even if his body wasn’t. He
had made the journey this far once and he could do it again. He had to.

  Up and leaving without a proper goodbye was disappointing. Eddie had worked hard all week to gain Helen’s trust. Eventually, he had hoped to end up in her bed. Now, that wouldn’t happen. He had a place to hang his hat and food to fill his belly for a week. That would have to be enough.

  The train whistle blew. Soon the train chugged its way between the man that was giving the instructions and the gathered group. This would be the train he would board to head back. He hoped he could avoid John. That was one man’s path he didn’t want to cross. Really, it was the only concern he had when he realized where he was going. It was big country. Maybe once he got there, he could request another location and be shipped out quickly. He could try, anyway.

  Boarding the train had a somber feeling. The men were quiet and moved slowly. Some womenfolk were gathered to send off their men. Others were like him, alone. He imagined many were terrified, not knowing what was ahead. He had his liquid courage. If he could make that last, he would be just fine.

  Stepping onto the train he made his way to a seat. This train was filling up fast and would be crowded with all the cars overloaded. He hadn’t stayed up on the news about the fires, only knew there were many. Judging by the number of men here, he knew they must be more widespread than he’d thought.

  Eddie hoped he wasn’t getting in over his head with this job. The government said that the fires could be controlled and snuffed out. He figured there would be some kind of training before he set out to face the red devil. If he was lucky, maybe he would work the few weeks needed and not have to go head-to-head with the actual flames. One could, at lease, hope.

  He laid his head back and closed his eyes with that thought. No sense worrying about something you couldn’t change. He would face what tomorrow would bring tomorrow…and not a minute sooner. He was just starting to doze when the train started moving. He wasn’t sure where they’d be when he awakened, but he would enjoy the ride as much as he could. This work was bound to be grueling. Sitting here with nothing to do but sleep could not be taken for granted.

  Eddie was in and out of sleep the whole journey. This was not a normal passenger train, even if it appeared to be. All aboard were heading into what they were being told was “the storm.” They didn’t stop at the train depots along the route. They pushed through as quickly as possible to bring help to those places already in the depths of hell. The hell that was being experienced by these souls would be nothing compared to what was headed straight for them all in just a few short weeks. Eddie didn’t plan on staying long enough to find out what continuously dry conditions and hotter August days would bring.

  From the names on the stations they were speeding through, he realized they were not headed to where he started. They were on a northerly course and would most likely be stopping at Hope, Idaho. Those forests were not as well known to him. He had worked in the area to the south of there, but they were bound to be similar enough. It was a longer ride than he thought they would be taking yet they were making good time. He was relaxed, knowing that the chance of running into John would be much smaller than he originally thought.

  The whistle interrupted his thoughts as it signaled the next station. This was where they would leave comfort behind and venture into the open woods. By the time the train slowed and pulled to a complete stop, all the men were standing. It was black outside, and nothing could be seen through the windows. Night had come while Eddie slept most of the day away. His stomach was loudly commenting on the lack of food offered to anyone on this leg of the journey. If that was any indication of the treatment they would receive for this work, he wasn’t so sure he wanted to do it. The whiskey helped keep his head calm and clear. He had nursed the bottle to keep his spirits up.

  The train doors opened, and the men charged off—grumbling about their hunger. Apparently, he wasn’t the only one who neglected to bring provisions. He waited his turn and joined the line headed up the aisle. Stepping down from the train, he noticed a man holding a lantern and speaking to them. He tried to get close enough to hear, but the crowd was so large the man’s voice didn’t carry to everyone. He did understand, though, they were being told they’d be getting some food and sleep and would be meeting back here tomorrow morning.

  Where he was supposed to go for food and sleep was still a mystery. He decided to follow the crowd. That seemed like the best choice. Many of them were headed to what he could now see were lodgings. He was out of money, so he decided to move to the side and sleep with is back to the wall of the building. He hoped the sounds of the others in the morning—when they made their way back to the depot—would wake him. It wasn’t comfortable, but he figured that’s how it would be from here on out. He wasn’t sure of the time and didn’t know how much time they would be allowed for sleep. He settled in and closed his eyes, praying it would be long enough.

  It felt like Eddie had just shut his eyes. He heard grumbles and footsteps pounding down the stairs around the corner. His stomach had given up on food. It was silent. He stood and made his way with the crowd headed to the depot. The strong smell of cooking bacon grew as they came closer. At first, he thought he was imagining it. His mind was playing tricks on him, but then he could see the long line of women making bacon and eggs. He joined the men getting in line.

  While he was waiting, he heard the ladies were from a local church. Feeding the crowd of men was their thank you for helping them fight the blazes. He was thankful he could get something to eat, regardless of the reason. He devoured his full plate faster than he intended. All the men seemed to eat with the same gusto, so he couldn’t really fault himself he supposed.

  As they were finishing, the speaker from last night reappeared. He had a group of men with him. They were wandering through the crowd and dividing up the men. Eddie was put into a large group and told to step back twenty paces to further separate themselves. Once they were all divided, one of the men stood before them and gave them their orders.

  Eddie’s group would head further north to battle a fire that was thought to be six miles long and a couple of miles wide. They feared it would reach the lake and more men were needed to help the two hundred or so already fighting.

  There wasn’t any training or advice given—just the location. They were heading straight into the mouth of the dragon. Eddie figured it must be simple work. They just needed bodies and muscle. If no training was required, it must not be difficult. Those thoughts reassured him since he had no idea what was really in store for them.

  The men were loading up in wagons. They were told that the wagons would take them as far as possible, but the rest of the journey would be on foot. It would be a while before they made it to their destination. Eddie decided to sleep, even though he wasn’t tired. Nothing else to do—and he didn’t want to be forced into conversation with the other men. He would be in the middle of nowhere camping with a group of men. There would be many opportunities for talking. He wanted to put off the inevitable as long as he dared possible.

  When Eddie woke up, he didn’t think they had reached the fire, but there was a layer of smoke all around. A group could be seen up ahead and he figured this would be their stopping point. He was correct on that assumption. The wagon came to an abrupt stop.

  After the initial jolt, the men were told to get out as quickly as possible. With barely enough time to climb out, the wagons left them to fend for themselves and walk the rest of the way. The small group ahead was making their way to his group. More wagons were pulling up and dropping off their loads of men.

  The men approaching were covered in soot and their clothes were torn in multiple places. Handkerchiefs covered their faces. Eddie pulled his out and did the same to block the smoke. A man moved in front of the others and started yelling for all the men to gather ’round. This must be my new boss, Eddie thought, and positioned himself at the front of the crowd this time. He wanted to hear everything this man was going to say.

 
The man introduced himself as William Brashear. He told them which direction they would be going. Eddie didn’t know these parts well enough to recognize the landmarks he mentioned. They would start digging a fire line when they arrived.

  As the men moved out with William leading the way, he was relieved to hear that they would not be fighting the fire directly, but instead, clearing a dirt path to prevent the fire from traveling further towards the nearby towns. Seemed simple enough. And that was the general belief—until they arrived and started doing the work.

  It didn’t take them as long as he’d hoped it would to make it to their new place of employment. Eddie wished he could drag the arrival out as long as possible. Since that wasn’t going to happen, he rolled up his sleeves and began clearing the thick brush that he worked hard at avoiding on his original hike to Missoula.

  The work was already proving grueling. It was scorching hot. The sweat that formed evaporated before it could trickle down, and the smoke was so thick, breathing was work in and of itself. He knew he was close to the fire, even if they couldn’t see the flames.

  The sooner the line was cleared the sooner they could move to another location to do it again. He hoped the conditions would improve as they moved. That hope, and his whiskey, were keeping him going…until he could escape this new hell. He had to remind himself that he signed himself up for this.

  CHAPTER 35

  It was Sunday, and Allie was in church. She still didn’t know if she had an answer from God. Maybe this was the place she needed to be for Him to send her a message. Frank was behind her. She could feel him staring a hole through her. Only Frank would do that to her here. She wouldn’t turn around, though. He would need to wait to get her attention after services.

  The congregation was instructed to open their bibles to Psalms 37:7; Rest in the Lord and wait patiently for him: fret not thyself because of him who prospereth in his way, because of the man who bringeth wicked devices to pass. And there it was. She realized she had her answer. Not the full answer she was hoping for, but something to hold on to for now. Closing her eyes, she silently told herself and God that she would continue in patience. She would not act, she would sit back and continue to wait. She sighed and hoped that after today she would understand something about what she was waiting for. Was it a voice? A vision? A sign? She had no idea. Her faith would remain steadfast for as long as it took.