by Kacey Shea
“No.” His voice is a roar that carries throughout the empty space. “No, Mia, I didn’t think to mention I’m homeless. Because it’s fucking pathetic. You happy now?” His words lash out and I draw back with a step.
“Matt, I—”
“No. You know what?” He takes a step closer and points his finger in my face, “You don’t get to do this. You don’t get to come here and shit on my life. I’ve had enough of that for one night.”
“What are you fucking talking about? I shit on your night? Hello! I was the one who came to your fight . . . like I promised. You’re the one who left me. Stood me up at the party.”
He scoffs and shakes his head. “Oh, come on. I’m sure you were fine. You were with your friends, just where you wanted to be. Remember? Them over me.”
He throws my own words in my face and it doesn’t feel good. “That’s not fair.”
“No, but it’s what you said. I get it, Mia. I do. Honestly, it’s cool. I’ve always come second best, anyway.” He shakes his head.
“Right, ’cause you’re the underdog?” I raise my chin with challenge. He wants to lay it all out, let’s do this.
His eyes, harsh and accusing, glare into mine. “What do you want me to say? Why did you even come here?”
Straightening my spine, I prepare for another kind of battle. “I came here for some answers. We’ve been fucking for weeks and I don’t even know who you are!”
“You don’t . . .” Jaw locked and lips tight, he tilts his head. “Really, Mia? If that’s how you feel, then I’m out.” He turns and walks towards his office.
“I knew you would be out from the beginning!” The words taste as sour as they feel.
He spins and stalks back toward me. “I don’t have time for this shit. I have real problems. Something you’d know nothing about. This was all just a game anyway, right?” His stare sinks into mine, a standoff, a battle of truth against lie, but as much as I began to hope for more, he’s correct.
“That’s right, Matt. This was a bet. You’re a fucking bet. The one thing you swore you never did.” His eyes narrow with each accusation. I should leave. I should shut up, but he deserves to hurt the way I do. “But looks like you couldn’t make it through to the end, could you? I knew you wouldn’t last four dates.”
“Goddamn it, Mia!” he roars and his fist punches along with his anger. I flinch as his knuckles come in contact with the wall behind me, a Matt sized hole now in the drywall. His anger. His rage. It’s exactly what a younger Mia would have tolerated, but I have no desire to walk that path again.
I stumble backwards and can’t get away fast enough. “Don’t call me. Don’t come see me. We’re over. All of it.” My voice is eerily calm for the unease running through my body and mind.
Matt holds his fist in his other hand and winces. “Mia, I’m sorry. I—”
“Don’t.” I warn and my back hits the front door.
His eyes fall to the floor with his breath. They lift again and I can hardly stand to meet his gaze, it’s so full of hurt. “At least let me take you home.”
I shake my head and glance away long enough to unlock the door. “No. I’ll find my own ride.” My fingers wrap around the cold metal of the handle and I tug it open.
“Mia, it’s not safe.”
My eyes snap back to his, only this time I’m not rattled by their scrutiny. Narrowing my glare, I hold out one hand to stop him from coming any closer. “I’ll be fine. You taught me how to fight, remember?” I stomp outside so angry, so hurt, and so blindsided that I don’t even look back. I try to slam the door behind me but it has one of those self-closing safeties and the bells on the handle jingle softly as it glides shut.
I walk down the street to the twenty-four-hour diner before requesting another Uber. I’m so angry at Matt. For leading me to believe there could be more. For making me feel things. God damn, my chest hurts.
My eyes sting and I’m overcome with the need to cry.
“You okay, sugar?” The waitress at the counter asks because I must look every bit the mess I feel. I’ve also been in this costume, face paint and all, for almost twelve hours now. She looks me up and down. “Coffee?”
I almost do cry because that’s quite possibly the only thing that could make this night, or should I say morning, better. “Yes, thank you.” I glance down at my phone and see my driver’s close. “To go, please?”
“You got it.” She winks and fills a cup. I leave a five on the counter and when she hands over my drink I quickly mix in sugar and cream. My phone buzzes with the alert and I wave to the nice waitress.
“Wait. Let me get your change.”
“Keep it.” I push out the doors just in time to catch my ride back to my apartment. The drive is short. At this hour there’s little traffic. I sip my coffee and try not to count up all the ways tonight went wrong—from witnessing Matt’s assault on his father to our fight at his gym. His fists clenched. All that fury in his eyes. In one furious punch, Matt brought back all my past demons. I’ve never felt unsafe with him before. But tonight . . . Tonight when he put his hand through the drywall, my first thought was When will that be me?
I can’t go back to that place again. I can’t be with a man who uses his physical strength to express his wrath. I’m stronger than the girl I was in college. I’m a woman who knows what she wants, and it’s not that.
I know what I need to do.
The driver pulls up to my building, and I thank him as I climb out of the car. With each step forward I’m more resolved than before. I’m done with Matt Haywood. Hell, I’m done with men in general. There’s one thing left, though, before I can put him out of my mind. A deal’s a deal, after all.
After a quick shower to wash off all my makeup, I arm myself with a pot of coffee and my most comfortable sweats. For the next few hours I make the final adjustments, finish the design and publish the changes on South Side’s new website. Before climbing into bed, I send a text to Jared asking for his help and then turn my phone off. I’m spent, exhausted, and have no fucks left to give, but still the tears flow. I thought I was guarding my heart, but somewhere along the way Matt tore down my defenses. If I weren’t so angry with him, I’d admit I was in love.
Sunday I awake to a buzz at my apartment door. My first thought is that is must be Matt, but as soon as I stand up the sleep fades from my mind and I remember everything, including my message to Jared. I grab the manila envelope from my kitchen counter on the way to the door.
“You rang?” He kisses my cheek and steps inside.
“Can you drop these by South Side Gym?” I hold out the envelope that contains Matt’s web hosting logins, along with a set of detailed instructions in case he wants to change what I’ve set up. It’s what I agreed to do for him, but if he can’t figure out how to upkeep things on his own, then that’s no longer my problem. Jared takes the envelope and I turn for a quick second to grab the bag I filled last night. There are only a few things. A toothbrush, a shirt, and the framed picture of Matt and me on our first date—the one from the Zombie Escape Room. I try to hold a smile and shove the bag at Jared. “This too.”
He opens it to glance inside, drops the envelope in the bag, and the moment he sees the photo his shoulders droop. “Mia . . .”
“Can you, or not? Preferably before work tomorrow,” I snap.
He glances up and releases a sigh. “I guess I can.”
“Thank you. You can tell him the website is live and working, too. I’m done,” I say matter of factly, as if that’s enough to erase the impact Matt made on my life.
Jared’s lips pinch together. “Matt?”
“Yes, him.”
“Mia, what happened?” He tries to reach for me but I hold up my hand.
“I don’t want to talk about it, okay? Not yet. We were only a stupid bet anyway. I’m done. We’re both moving on.”
“If you say so, but—”
I shake my head. “I do. I say so and there’s no one who can change my m
ind. Not even Matt Haywood himself, so can we please not talk about this anymore?”
Jared studies me a long moment. He nods and relents. “Okay, Kitten.”
“Thank you, Jared.”
“Want to grab dinner before I make the drop.” He holds up the bag.
I shake my head because I’d rather be alone. “Not tonight.”
His brows pull together. “You’re worrying me, Mia. Are you gonna be okay?”
“I’ll be fine. I will. I need to lick my wounds in peace. I’ll see you at work tomorrow.” With one hand on the door and the other at his chest, I push him across my apartment threshold.
“Okay, I won’t harass you again. But when you’re ready to talk, I’m here for you.”
“Thanks, Jared.”
“Come here.” He pushes my door back open and wraps his arms around me. Pulling me close, he rocks us side to side. “Love you, Kitten.”
“Ugh! Stop!” I groan but don’t jerk away. His kindness pricks at my damn feelings again. I cried into my pillow until I fell asleep, so you’d think there’d be no tears left.
“Fine, fine, fine!” He squeezes me once more and backs out the door. “See you tomorrow, Kitten. It’ll all be okay. I promise.”
I nod and shut the door when he turns away. I pray to God he’s right.
Chapter Thirty-Three
Matt
Two months later
“What are you doing, man?” My brother’s concern begs a deeper question than the obvious. I heard the jingle at the front door as he came in, but I haven’t stopped raining punches onto the bag.
“What the hell does it look like I’m doing?” I shout and it’s that slight break in concentration that causes the punch to land funny and swing the bag off to my right. Wrapping my arms around it, I wait for it to steady before going back to work.
My brother’s shadow falls over me as I continue to kick, punch, and throw knees at my imaginary opponent. “Kinda like you’re trying to tear that bag from the wall. But I’m going to go with self-destruction.”
Pummeling the bag with every ounce of energy I have, I try to block out my brother’s nagging. I get it, I do. I’m extra punchy these days, not only with my workouts, but with my words. That’s what happens when you fall in love with a woman who doesn’t love you back.
“Okay, so we’re on to the silent treatment. Trying to sabotage our relationship too?”
That catches my attention and I drop my hands to steady the bag and return Danny’s stare.
Brows raised, his expression is full of the know-it-all kind of shit I can’t stand. But considering he’s the only person I can trust to give it to me straight, I’ll entertain his insight. “What do you mean?”
“You liked her. More than liked her.” We both know the her of whom he’s talking about.
I shrug and turn back to the bag. “Yeah, well, she doesn’t like me back.” Left hook, right hook, knee, knee, knee. I throw one combination before moving on to the next.
“I call bullshit. She was just as gone for you.” My brother won’t give it a rest.
“Maybe, but she’s not anymore.” I pant and continue my workout.
“Fight for her. Get her back,” he says with so much conviction. I wish I had a sliver of that hope but I don’t. For weeks after Mia ended things I tried to call her, text her, reach out, but she wouldn’t accept or respond. Not once. She wasn’t lying when she said she was done.
“She doesn’t want me, Danny. Groveling won’t change that. It’s time to move on.”
“The Matt Haywood I know doesn’t throw in the towel so easily.”
I stop so I can meet him face to face. “Look, Danny. I know you want to help, but this is all on me. I messed up and now she’s moved on. It sucks. It more than sucks. But now I need to do the same.”
“You really did everything you could?”
“I did.” But did I? I didn’t tell her how I felt because I didn’t want her to run. I didn’t tell her I was dirt broke because then she’d realize she was too good for me. I didn’t tell her about my past because that’s my hurt to carry. Really, we were doomed from the start.
“Sorry, brother.” Danny clasps my shoulder.
“Don’t be. I just want to put it all behind me.” The lie tastes bitter on my lips. There’s not a day or night that goes by without me wishing Mia was here in my life. With Xavier’s UFC contract and his first fight coming up in Las Vegas, I’m no longer strapped for cash. My gym’s back on its feet. Memberships are at an all-time high. It’s all I’ve wanted. I only wish she were here to share it with. “You and Nikki still coming this weekend?”
“Wouldn’t miss it. Hey, have you talked to Dad?”
“No.” I shake my head.
“Uncle Jimmy said he’s been watching your boy. Came in to make some hefty bets last week but Jimmy wouldn’t front him.” His eyes widen and he shoves his hands into his back pockets.
I shrug because I really don’t give a damn. “What Pop decides to do with his life is on him. I can’t waste any more of mine bailing him out or worrying what trouble he might get into next.”
He nods, his gaze falling to the ground as he kicks against the flooring. “Matt, back when you lost the title. Did you . . . Did Dad—”
I cut him off. “Doesn’t matter. The past is the past. Leave it there.”
“It’s just that I’ve always wondered . . .” His eyes plead with mine, but memory lane is a path I’m not willing to travel. “Fine. I’ll let it go. I don’t need to know. I have your back either way.”
“I know you do, Danny.” Walking over to the counter, I grab a clean towel to wipe the sweat from my face and arms. “And I really appreciate you letting me stay with you.”
The moment he learned I was bumming at the gym, my brother insisted I move in with him. He wouldn’t take no for an answer. I’m proud of him, too. Nikki was less than thrilled to have me staying on their couch, but my brother let her know it wasn’t up for debate. If she didn’t feel comfortable she could crash with one of her friends until I moved out. That was some argument. I heard every word from my place in the living room, including the makeup sex afterwards. I thought they used the pet name baby a lot before . . . I try not to gag.
“Stay as long as you need.”
“I’m actually going to check out a place in a half an hour. You wanna come with?”
His eyes widen with his smile. “Love to. Nikki and her girls have a spa day so I’m a free man.”
I chuckle because that doesn’t happen often. Those two are practically connected at the hip. “Sweet. Let me grab a shower and lock up.”
I grab my bag from the office and minutes later I’m clean and dressed in a pair of jeans and a long sleeved shirt. I pass my reflection in the locker room mirror and stop to examine my face more closely. I run my fingers through the snarls in my hair. I haven’t shaved since the night of the fight, or trimmed my hair since then, either. Mia always joked before, but I’m actually on the edge of appearing homeless. I need a change. A fresh start.
“Hey, Danny!” I shout through the door.
He pokes his head inside. “What’s up?”
“Maybe after we check out the apartment we could stop by a barber?” Trying to untangle one of my long locks only affirms the choice.
Danny’s lips pull up with a smile and he nods his head. I don’t have to explain my reasons. From the look on his face he gets it. “Yeah, man. I think that’s a great idea.”
“Cool.”
“Maybe we can go shopping too? Make it a regular date night?” He holds the door open for me to pass.
“Shut up.” I laugh, a deep genuine guffaw prompted by his suggestion, and drop my bag in the office. When he doesn’t join along, I turn around to find his brow pinched into a frown and realize he wasn’t joking. “I mean . . . I guess . . . We can if that’s what you want?”
He holds my stare a second longer before his lips pull up with his own laughter. “Nah, man! Shit! We’re go
nna get wings and cheap beer! Hell, I’d say let’s hit up a tittie bar, but I think Nikki’s got my phone on her GPS tracker.”
“Oh, she does.” I crack a pretend whip, sound effects and all. “That’s not really my thing, but I guess we could leave your phone here.” I shrug because I’m good spending this day however my brother wants as long as it’s legal. He’s been a huge support to me these past months in a way I can never repay.
“Oh, no.” His eyes widen and he shakes his head. “I know for a fact she has yours on her app.” Shit. Really? He glances around nervously. “I’m not even sure we should joke about this out loud. Probably has the gym bugged, too.”
“Come on, Danny.” I laugh and throw my arm around his shoulder. “Let’s get out of here.”
Chapter Thirty-Four
Mia
The bitter cold creeps under the protection of my wool coat as I step off the bus this dark December afternoon. The rain’s been at it for weeks, but I just returned from a week-long trip back home to visit my parents, where it’s even colder. At least here there’s not far to go before the inside of the building wraps me in its artificial warmth.
“Mia!” Rae waves from the corner booth in Last Pitch.
Jared slides out and waits for me to take off my coat and scarf before capturing me in a tight squeeze, lifting me off my feet and swinging us in a circle. “Kitten! I’ve missed you so!”
“It was only a week!” I laugh and push away to slide into the booth before him.
“We ordered already.” Rae grins and slides over a glass of beer. “Stella for you.”
I mouth thanks.
“Christmas wasn’t the same without you.” Jared pouts, “Plus, Mick Grimes is a real asshole and apparently has an aversion to good fashion.”
“Oh, God! What did he do and what do I owe you?” I cringe to consider which of Jared’s clothes Mick went for this time.