“Is that all you see us as? Really? I mean, granted, I don’t know exactly what the future holds for us, but we obviously have more than co-parenting going on. We have an amazing sexual chemistry, and we seem to get along well. How about if we reserve judgement for now? We’ll let things lie until you get back and then see where things take us. And you are absolutely fucking sexy right now, so I don’t need to ‘fib’ to make you feel good.” His grin returned, and I felt my panties melt. Jesus Nelly, that damn smile of his was a killer.
“Okay, I think that is doable… So, how is Remi doing with you? You should Facetime me with her in the morning before you take her home. God, I miss her.”
“She misses her momma too. She asks me about you every day. Damn, Stephanie, she is so fucking smart. She amazes me daily. You have done an incredible job with her. She is so good and polite. Everywhere I take her people compliment me on her behavior and manners. It makes me proud because she’s mine, but I feel guilty because I can’t really take any of the fucking credit for it. I kick myself all the fucking time for throwing out that damn piece of paper. Things could have been so different.” He ran his hand over his face in frustration. I hated seeing him beating himself up. We couldn’t live with constant woulda, coulda, shouldas. It was what it was.
“Hey! We need to stop dwelling on things we can’t change. We can only take what we have and move forward. Remi has her daddy in her life now, and I’m so happy about that. I tell myself everything happens for a reason. I don’t know why, but maybe this is the way it was supposed to be. I’m just glad you didn’t think I got pregnant on purpose or kept her from you intentionally.”
“I know you would never do that, Stephanie.” He looked at me with a serious expression. “Look, I’m still very fucked up, Steph, but I’m working on it. I’ve done some fucked up things in my life. Things I’m not going to burden you with, but they still weigh heavy on me.”
My finger reached out and caressed the edge of his face on the screen as if he were real. “Baby, it’s okay. The past is the past. We can’t change any of that. We can only move forward and work to be honest with each other from here on out. Communication is important whether we move forward with a serious relationship between us or we end up simply co-parenting.”
He looked down and pulled his lip between his teeth. “About that… The club is working on cleaning shit up, but we still aren’t perfect. I need you to understand that Remi comes first, always, but my club is important to me too. They took me in when I was at my absolute lowest. So I know I’m asking a lot, but I need you to accept that there are things that are simply club business that I just can’t talk about. It’s not about keeping secrets, it’s about the trust and rules of the club. No club business is to be discussed with civilians. No exceptions.” He took a deep breath. “I just don’t want you thinking it’s personal, or that I’m hiding things from you, and I want you to know I would never do anything to endanger Remi. Speaking of our little princess, she ate all of her lasagna for dinner tonight. But I plead the fifth on the disappearance of her outfit she was wearing at the time.” His exaggeratedly innocent expression and the way he acted like he couldn’t meet my eyes had me laughing.
“She ate lasagna? She usually only eats stinking chicken nuggets! I can’t believe you got her to eat lasagna! What did you bribe her with, or what magic are you weaving on her?” I gave him a mocking stern expression with a raised eyebrow before I couldn’t hold my smile in.
“I might have told her little girls who eat all their food sometimes get ponies for Christmas…” He looked chagrined as he had the nerve to look all wide-eyed innocence.
“You whaaaaaaaat? Oh dear Lord, we need to work on your parenting style.” I couldn’t help but laugh as I told him this. I stifled a yawn, as I didn’t want to let him go, but it had been a long day, and if I wanted to get out of here when my brothers came next week, I needed to get up early to get the rest of my stuff packed this weekend. I would only keep out the very minimum and necessary items to be packed last minute. I only planned on leaving out my uniforms for work and a couple pairs of sweats and T-shirts for home. Remi’s bed still needed to be disassembled too.
“You look tired, baby. I better let you go. Your boss isn’t treating you shitty, is he? I can make a quick trip down to kick some asses if I need to. And no sign of or issues from that dipshit, right?” He was so cute, but my job was great with me turning in my notice. They all said they would miss me, but they were happy for me.
“No, nothing from Michael,” I laughed. “I told you he wouldn’t bother me. And yes, they were fine, really. We’re all going out on Wednesday after work, as a little going-away party, sort of. I decided to take a short day on Thursday so I could be home for my brothers when they get here, and then I took off Friday. It was a slow day anyway, and they already have two people hired that are doing great so they really won’t need me Friday. But you’re right, today was crazy busy and I am a little tired.” I hated to let him go. It felt so natural to talk to him about the little random bits of my daily life.
“All right. Sweet dreams, beautiful. And yes, I will Facetime you with our baby girl in the morning. Goodnight.” I could tell by his expression he was reluctant to let me go as well. I stifled another yawn and knew I needed to sleep. I really wanted to tell him I loved him, but it made me feel nervous to say it again since he hadn’t said it since that first time.
“’Night.” We closed down Facetime and I shut the movie off. I had barely watched twenty minutes of it anyway. There was a moment’s regret that I didn’t ensure he knew how I felt before I let him go, but I told myself we had plenty of time. My eyes grew heavy as soon as I snuggled into my pillow and blanket. That night my dreams were flooded with a little family playing in the yard of their home with a snow-white pony wandering around grazing in the pasture…
WE HAD USED MY phone to Facetime Stephanie, and Remi was going fucking nuts after talking to her momma. My little princess loved her momma; that was an absolute certainty. I smiled as I shook my head and looked in the rearview mirror at my chattering princess. Every time I brought her back to her grandparents, I hated to let her go, but I needed to head into the clubhouse to check in and take care of a few things. I also needed to make sure there was enough sober motherfuckers to help me with my fence like they said they would.
I dropped Remi off with Stephanie’s mom and she talked to me for a little bit about how happy she was that I was able to spend time with Remi. I thought she was hinting a little about finding out what my intentions were with Stephanie, but I played stupid like I didn’t catch on and she let it lie. I wasn’t sure where things were sitting myself. I also thought it was ironic, considering how skeptical her mom was the first time she met me. She had taken one look at my scruffy two-day beard, tats, chain on my wallet, scuffed motorcycle boots, and I could see she had reservations. She was a little hesitant to let me take Remi that first day, but her husband seemed to approve of me, and I thought he must have talked to her because my reception upon bringing Remi back to them was considerably warmer. Since then, she was my staunchest supporter and was constantly dropping hints about Stephanie and me.
I pulled my truck into the clubhouse parking lot after picking up all my supplies at the lumberyard the club owned. Benefit to that was I got all my supplies at cost, so it didn’t dent my budget too bad. I got out, swinging the door shut, and had to wait a minute for my eyes to adjust after heading into the dim interior from the bright sun outside. The sight that greeted me left me wondering how much help I would have today. There were passed-out bodies in the booth benches, on the couches, and some on the floor. Some had half-naked bitches sprawled across them to top it all off. Jesus H. Christ, they must have had one hellova party here last night. I kicked a few boots of those who had said they were going to help today to get their attention and get them moving, if they were still going to help, that was. The fucks.
I threw on a pot of coffee since I was sure they were gonna n
eed it and headed back to see if Hacker or Hollywood were up since they were absent from the piles out in the main clubhouse.
I knocked on Hollywood’s door a few times before he shuffled to the door, opening it as he yawned and scratched his chest absently. I saw a red mop of hair fanned across his pillows and a slender arm hanging off the bed behind him. Fucking Hollywood. He was a Lothario with women, and he sure had a thing for redheads.
“Hey, you fuck. You sober? You still on board for helping me with the fence today? Looks like there was one hell of a party last night, and I’m guessing I’ll probably lose half of my fencing crew to hangovers.” I laughed. I couldn’t be mad, ’cause Fridays were our regular night to party. The party girls would line up in hopes to make it in and hook up with a “big bad biker” for the night. Why it was a bragging right to these bitches, I didn’t know, but if they made the cut and were admitted, they were hot, willing, and fresh, which made them a nice change from the regular club whores for the guys.
“Yeah, man, I’m there. You know I have your back, bro. I just need to shower and get dressed then kick this crazy bitch out of here. Shit, you know I love women and women love me, but I think this one might be a little fucked in the head.” He gestured a thumb over his shoulder at the chick in the bed. “She started crying and talking about how alone she was and how she didn’t know what she was going to do since her boyfriend dumped her, blah blah, blah. I didn’t even stick my dick in her. I just held her fruity ass and let her sleep off her drunk. I think I’m getting soft or losing my touch. Fucking A.” He shook his head in resignation and disgust, and I tried not to laugh at him because I could see he was really beside himself with the situation. I could imagine that was quite a change for his horny ass.
“We can drop her off somewhere or call her a cab, bro. Just let me know. I’m gonna go shake Hacker’s fucking ass outta bed.” He nodded and shut his door as I wandered down the hall toward Hacker’s door.
I knocked once and almost fell over when the door flew open right away.
“Hey, bro! What’s up? You ready to start this fence shit?” He was already dressed and all wide eyed and bushy tailed. Shit, usually I could barely drag him out of bed in the fucking mornings.
“Yeah, man, that’s why I was knocking. Damn, you’re up early.”
“Yeah, well, I’ve been working on checking into that asshole that was fucking with Steph. I had a guy that was supposed to call me back this morning, but he hasn’t called. I’ll have my phone on me, so it’s no big fucking deal, I guess. Look at it as a perk. You didn’t have to pound on my fucking door again.” He busted out laughing.
“Speaking of, what have you found out about the guy so far?”
“Not much. No record. Not even a fucking parking ticket. He did have a bleep that showed up as a sealed case when he was a teen, which is what I’m waiting to hear about. He has three older sisters, a bunch of nieces and nephews. Went to community college for a general studies degree and got a supervisory position at the construction company he worked at through college. Been there since. He transferred with them to Des Moines from the Quad Cities when they expanded. I was a little surprised he would want to leave his family, but hey, maybe they drove him batshit crazy, ya know? Anyway, I have a few favors I called in for some street info too. He leaving her alone?” Hacker could find out if you farted in church last year, so I felt pretty comfortable with the info he dug up.
“Okay, cool, man. No, she said she hasn’t heard a word from the dipshit. Let me know what you find out. I’m going to see if these other drunk fuckers are up and moving. You coming?”
“Yeah, let me grab my shades and I’ll be out.” He turned to go rummaging around through the papers and crap that littered his desk. I headed out to the main room again.
Most of the guys were up and drinking coffee with another pot brewing when I got out there. Vinny was drinking Jack. That was one tough and crazy bastard. He was our VP and was originally from New Jersey. We got along okay, but I wasn’t sure if he was all there or not. I wouldn’t have been surprised to hear he had some mafia in his blood, but he didn’t talk about his past, and we didn’t ask.
The prospects, Soap, DJ, and Joker, were straightening out the chairs and cleaning up. Soap looked a little green around the fucking gills, and I had to wonder how much that little shit drank last night. They weren’t supposed to drink, but on Friday nights for the last few hours, the guys would look the other way. Joker was laughing and joking, as usual, and giving him and DJ shit for drinking too much of the moonshine his momma sent. Ah, that explained that shit.
“If y’all fuckers are sober enough, we can head out in twenty. With all of us working on this, I know it won’t take long, and I appreciate y’all helping me out. I don’t want to take a chance with my little girl getting in the road, so y’all are saving my ass. Thanks again.” Everyone nodded, and a few of the guys smiled at the mention of my little girl. They were all shocked as shit when I told them I was a father. Shit, so was I for that matter. But they had all welcomed her into the fold. It was still a little mind numbing at times to think I was a dad. I had someone depending on me. Relying on me. And I wasn’t alone.
I just prayed I would be a better dad than mine was, and I made a promise to never run out on my kid like he did.
I DECIDED TO GRAB dinner out since I was down to very little in the apartment in the way of food. I went to the little diner I had suggested to Michael the first night I met him. I still liked the staff and the food was good, so I wasn’t going to let my bad experience with him scare me away from the place.
I was really glad I hadn’t seen him since returning. It would be awkward, and I was a little nervous, but I wasn’t going to admit that to Reaper. He was worried enough as it was.
The waitress greeted me in her typical friendly manner and told me to take a seat wherever I wanted. There were several tables open, so I chose one by the windows where the sun was still shining through, warming me in the cool AC.
I looked around to see if I knew any of the other patrons when I felt someone looking at me. There were families engrossed in laughing conversations, a young couple in what looked to be an intimate conversation, and a few old men chattering at a table in the corner. No familiar faces. No one looking my way. Hmm. I looked out the window, but with the sunlight coming in, it was hard to see out in the parking lot. Must have been my imagination.
I placed my order and noticed a text message from Reaper. I opened it and saw a pretty wrought iron fence separated by brick pillars with a beautiful gate. There was a horse cut in metal highlighted in the center. I laughed when I read the message, “Remi’s pony for now. Lol.” I zoomed in on the pic because, quite frankly, I was nosey and noticed an older, but pretty well-kept single-story farmhouse. It had a front porch that ran the length of the front of the house. I wondered if there was a matching porch on the back. Shoot, why did I care? It wasn’t like it was my house. And Reaper never really said what he wanted for us, just that ”we would see where things went,” and I wasn’t sure if that was a hopeful statement or a blow-off statement.
There was a garage that looked like it was added later with a breezeway connecting the garage to the house porch. There were several large oak trees that looked like they provided great shade in the summer. It looked like a big barn was in the back. Everything appeared in need of paint, but structurally sturdy. Of course, I was judging from a picture, so who knew. Either way, the place looked homey, cozy, and welcoming. I was slightly envious that I couldn’t provide that for Remi right now, but if things didn’t work out between her father and me, at least she had his place and my parents’ place to stretch her legs and be a kid.
After I overindulged in comfort food topped off with fresh apple pie with a crisp, flaky crust, I stepped out into the warm early evening. It was still daylight, but the sun was getting lower in the sky. As I walked to my SUV with the loose bits of asphalt crunching under my feet, I had the feeling of being watched again. I look
ed around, but still didn’t notice anyone. I thought I was getting paranoid because Reaper asked me about Michael last night.
I shook off the feeling and headed home, making a few stops on the way home to get gas, a lottery ticket—because you just never knew—some boxes, and a movie from one of those rental boxes. Sometimes I hated not having cable, but it was a needless luxury, one I was glad I had skipped when I thought about the money I had saved, money that would be going toward the changes I wanted to make at the Oasis.
I stopped by Pam’s apartment to see if she wanted to join me for my chick flick I picked, but she answered the door in an above-the-knee sequined dress and heels, putting a set of diamond studs in her ears.
“Hey girl! How’s the packing going?” Her smile was bright and infectious.
“Pretty good.” I nodded toward my flattened boxes shoved in two other boxes. “Just grabbed some more boxes. I was going to see if you wanted to join me for a movie, but I see you have more exciting plans.” I smiled at her and waggled my eyebrows.
“Yeah, I wish,” she said with a laugh. “We have an office party for the hub’s work tonight. Nothing like schmoozing with a bunch of stuck-up assholes and their banking clients.”
“Well, it’s your loss. I make some of the best microwave popcorn in the country.” I laughed and gave her a hug. Dang, I was going to miss her. We had started as a babysitter/mom relationship, but we had evolved into close friends.
“I can swing by tomorrow afternoon and help you with your packing if you want. Or we can hang out and drink wine…”
I clapped my hands like a small child would, and she laughed and waved as I headed to my apartment.
I dragged my boxes into my apartment, locked the door, and hung up my keys. I headed to the shower to wash off the sweat from lugging the boxes around in the humid air tonight. I set my phone on the counter and started the shower to heat up the water. My clothes got kicked into the growing pile in the hamper. Shit, I needed to do laundry tomorrow. A lot of those clothes would need to be packed up. If worse came to worse, I would shove them in a trash bag and wash them when I got home to my parents’ house.
Colton's Salvation: A Demented Sons MC Novel Page 19