Here to Stay

by Sara Farizan

  “Majidi runs back to stay with him. Young stops at the top of the key. He buries a jump shot right in front of Majidi’s face.”

  “Your boy can’t guard me, Marcus!” Drew shouted so everyone in the gym could hear—including Elle, Erin, and the rest of the girls’ varsity squash team, still running on the track above us.

  I inbounded the ball to Marcus again. But he immediately passed it back. He wanted me to prove Drew wrong, to see what I would do when Marcus was no longer leading the team. Drew lunged at me, swatted the ball, and stole it away. I chased him down, running as fast as I could to make sure he didn’t get a layup.

  “Here comes Young, about to shoot . . . and BANG, Majidi is right there, slapping the rock away from behind!”

  “Bijan is channeling Dikembe Mutombo! Letting Young know it is time to get out of his house!”

  I blocked the hell out of that shot, and everyone knew it. My teammates laughed and cheered.

  Drew turned around to look at me. He was inches away from my face. “That was a foul,” he barked.

  “It was all ball. You know it was,” I said calmly.

  “Bull,” Drew said. He pushed his shoulder into mine as he walked past me. “Poser,” he mumbled so only I could hear it.

  “Don’t be mad ’cause you can’t play,” I yelled.

  “Nail him, Drew!” Will shouted from the other end of the court.

  Drew turned around, his fists balled up as he rushed me. I braced myself, remembering what my mom had told me in elementary school: If someone pushes you, you push them right back. It didn’t come to that. Coach Johnson blew his whistle.

  “My office, you two! Now!” he shouted. He blew his whistle again to corral everyone else into the locker room. After that, the gym was eerily quiet. I looked up. The squash team had stopped running to watch. Elle looked down at me like a celestial being taking in the mortals and their foolish antics down below.

  ***

  “What the hell am I supposed to do with you two?” Coach Johnson asked in an unsettlingly calm tone of voice. Drew and I sat in front of his desk as he paced back and forth behind it. His polo shirt with the Gunners logo in the top right corner had sweat stains under the armpits. “You know we’re in elimination mode. One loss, we’re done for the season. You think I care about your pissing contest? That kind of behavior out there? That makes you undesirable to a college campus,” he said, momentarily standing still. “You know what undesirable is, gentlemen? It means you may have been getting scouted for a decent school. They look at what you accomplished here. Your test scores, your grades, whatever the hell it is you managed to do for yourself. And then you blow all that with some stupid disciplinary problems.” Coach stared at Drew, who slumped in his chair. “When I scouted you for this place, you were all in.” The red in Coach’s neck rose to his face. “Now you’re picking fights at practice. You think the school pays for you to come here so you can pull this crap?”

  Drew was on financial aid? I knew he was about to fight me on the court, but now I kind of felt sorry for him. He slumped farther down in his seat and stared at the carpet. I don’t know why Coach felt it was okay to talk to him like that in front of me. I guessed that was what happened when you made it to varsity. I wasn’t into it.

  Coach then aimed his rant at me, but I could see he was cooling down. “B, you’re just starting out with us, and you’ve got a great future ahead of you. Why do you want to squander your big chance on pointless skirmishes?” I fought the urge to tell Coach that I hadn’t started anything. I’d blocked Drew’s shot and he didn’t like it. Was I not supposed to play to the best of my ability?

  “So here’s a plan we can all agree to: say you’re sorry, shake hands, and guarantee me there isn’t going to be any more trouble from the two of you.”

  Drew reluctantly stuck his hand out to me. I shook it. Hard. Neither one of us apologized, but the handshake seemed to be enough for Coach. “Fine. Now, Drew, get out of my sight for today. B, you stay. I want to talk to you.”

  Drew looked slightly panicked that he was being dismissed when I wasn’t. He gave me a long stare before he got out of his chair and left Coach Johnson’s office. Coach sat behind his desk, taking a few deep breaths before he addressed me.

  “With all due respect, he came at me, Coach,” I said. Coach held up his hands like he had already had enough of me explaining myself.

  “The guys don’t know you well enough yet. You need time to gel with the team. Let them see what you can do.”

  Right, the game. Let’s focus on the game, the important thing.

  “All you have to do is keep your nose clean, do your thing on the court, you’ll be golden. If any of the guys give you guff, come to me first, okay?”

  I didn’t know if I would want to go to him for anything. I’d have to trust him to do that. If he could say those things to Drew, what did he plan to say to me someday?

  CHAPTER FIVE

  I slogged up the plowed driveway from the gym, past the snow-dusted baseball field and the ice hockey rink to get to the schoolhouse. The sports complex, with its state-of-the-art facilities, was a more recent addition to the school, but it was kind of a trek on a cold day in February. Some lazy seniors would drive and wave at underclassmen on their way down. Even if I had a car, I don’t think I’d do that. Well, maybe if I had a car, I’d do lots of other things instead of trying to catch the last bus.

  I don’t know why I was surprised to find out that Drew was on financial aid. I guess I assumed because he and Will hung out, they were both set up for life. My mom makes a good living, but I still need an academic scholarship to help with tuition. Besides, I was supposed to be mad at him, not worried about his dumb feelings.

  I walked up to the main schoolhouse entrance to find Stephanie Bergner sitting on one of the benches outside. Her line of sight led straight to Drew, who was arguing with Erin a half-court bounce pass away. Will and Jessica stood near Stephanie, watching the fight as well. Will looked bemused. Jessica was biting her lower lip.

  “Did the bus leave already?” I asked Stephanie as I sat down beside her.

  “I don’t know,” Stephanie said. She kept her eye on the quarreling lovebirds. We had front-row seats.

  “Do you want a ride or not, Drew?” Erin asked.

  “I don’t get why you felt the need to lie to me,” Drew said as Erin pulled her car keys out of her coat pocket.

  “I don’t need to tell you where I’ll be at all times, Drew.” Erin was cool as Mr. Freeze explaining mastermind plots to Batman. Not the Arnold Schwarzenegger version of Mr. Freeze from Batman & Robin; I like to pretend that movie never existed. “So I stayed after school to study at the library. So what?”

  “You straight up lied to my face today at lunch when I asked you if you were going to be around after practice. You said no, you were going home. Yet here you are, coming out of the library with Busted Bergner.” Drew stabbed a finger in Stephanie’s direction.

  “The library was closing. I can’t control when people decide to leave the building,” Erin said, without taking her eyes off Drew.

  “Be honest with me, okay? And don’t be a bitch to me in front of my friends.”

  “Don’t be a what?” Stephanie jumped up from her seat and marched toward the couple.

  “Oh my God, it’s the feminist police.” Drew threw his hands in the air like Coach did when a player messed up.

  “You’re going to let him call you that?” Stephanie asked Erin, who ignored her and continued to focus on Drew. Stephanie looked like she wanted to shoot heat vision at Drew from eyes narrowed like Supergirl’s would be, her jaw clenching and unclenching.

  Will smirked, enjoying Stephanie’s little show as he stood next to Jessica. Jessica took a step forward. “Back off, Drew,” she said.

  “Fine. I shouldn’t have said ‘bitch.’ But this doesn’t concern you,” D
rew said to Jessica. He turned his ire on Stephanie, staring her down. “Don’t you have a Save the Whales fund-raiser to go to or something, Bergner?”

  Stephanie didn’t falter. She looked past Drew at Erin.

  “Are you okay?” Stephanie asked.

  “I’m fine,” Erin spat. I couldn’t tell if she was more upset with Stephanie than she was with Drew. “I’m driving home. You can get a ride from your friends, Drew, whom you wouldn’t have if it weren’t for me.”

  “Whatever, Erin.” Drew ran his fingers over his buzz cut. “Just figure out if you want to spend any time with your boyfriend or not.” He looked at Stephanie, who hadn’t backed away. “What are you still looking at?”

  He balled up his fists and leaned forward like he had when he was about to rush me.

  “Hey, man, she’s a girl. What are you doing?” I asked.

  “A girl?” Stephanie yelled as she turned to face me. “I’m able to handle myself.” Drew had at least eight inches and forty pounds on her. I stepped in front of Stephanie.

  “Let’s all calm down,” I said as I walked Stephanie back to the bench. I didn’t put my hands on her. I extended my arms to act as a barrier between her and Drew.

  “Jeez, man,” Drew said to me. “I don’t know who you are for three years and now I have to see you every damn where. Why don’t you go back to whatever country or Cave of Wonders you came from and leave me alone, okay?”

  Whatever country I came from and an Aladdin reference. I didn’t feel sorry for him anymore. I wanted to bust him in the mouth.

  “Okay, Drew. I’ll go back to where I came from,” I said over my shoulder. “Back to your mom’s house. She made me the best breakfast this morning after the time we had together last night. Her maple syrup tasted just as good as she did.”

  I turned around and Drew rushed me, knocking me to the sidewalk. I could hear Stephanie and Erin yelling for him to stop. I grabbed Drew by his fist and managed to press my forearm against his neck, holding him at bay. Will tugged Drew off me by the collar of his jacket. I jumped up. My hands trembled as adrenaline rushed through me.

  “He’s not worth it!” Will yelled at Drew, pushing him away from me. “You’ll get him. Not like this, but you’ll get him.”

  Drew and Will retreated to Will’s car. I stood on guard until they got into the BMW.

  “Are you hurt?” Stephanie asked. She rested her hand on my lower back. I shook my head, but she kept her hand there anyway. Jessica and Erin rushed over to me.

  “I’m sorry,” Erin said. She took a deep breath and ran her fingers through her hair.

  “I’m sorry that you think it’s in your best interest to spend time with that thug,” Stephanie snapped at her.

  “Don’t yell at her! This is all your fault anyway,” Jessica snapped back.

  “You are both so frustrating,” Erin said. She shook her head. It sounded like she was referring to more than the last five minutes.

  “How is it my fault that her boyfriend is a jerk?” Stephanie asked.

  “You provoke people,” Jessica barked.

  “I think if anyone was doing the provoking, it was Drew,” I said.

  “That’s not what Will said about you two at practice,” Jessica replied. “He said you started a fight with Drew and got him in trouble.”

  “I did not!” I said with a surprised laugh. Why would Will lie about that? “It wasn’t even like that. He started it with me.”

  “That’s probably why he was so agitated.” She was blaming me?

  “Hey, don’t put this on me. It’s not my fault your pals are threatened by my game.”

  Jessica’s nostrils flared and her lips were pulled in tight.

  “Can I give you a ride somewhere?” Erin asked me.

  “I could use a ride, actually,” I said, looking away from Jessica. “Like to a T stop, if that works?”

  “I can take you to the one near Stephanie’s place,” Erin said.

  “Erin, we were supposed to hang out tonight,” Jessica said. “And how do you know where Bergner lives?”

  “I don’t need a ride, thank you,” Stephanie said, her arms crossed in front of her. “I can call my father.”

  “It’s part of the deal. I drop you off at home,” Erin seemed to be reminding Stephanie. A deal? What kind of deal would these two have? Erin turned back to Jessica. “I’m sorry. I totally forgot about hanging out tonight,” she said. She put her hands in her North Face’s pockets. “I have a big test in two days, and I need more time to study.”

  Jessica gaped at her friend for a moment. “Okay. We’ll hang some other time, when you don’t have a test and you’re not carpooling with people you barely know.” She whipped around, her red ponytail almost hitting Erin in the face.

  “Don’t be mad, Jess,” Erin called after her, but she didn’t move to stop her. Stephanie still had her arms crossed over her chest. She kept her gaze fixed on the sidewalk and turned her head away when Erin tried to catch her attention.

  “I’m not going to leave you here alone,” Erin said.

  It felt like if I didn’t say something, they were going to stand outside the schoolhouse all night. “So . . . I could still use a ride. It’s kind of chilly.”

  ***

  The silence in Erin’s car was unbearable. I sat in the front seat but didn’t dare touch the radio. I couldn’t wait to tell Sean that I’d been a passenger in Erin Wheeler’s super-nice ride. He wasn’t going to believe me unless I could come up with a covert way to snag a selfie. Stephanie sat in the back, staring out the window as the suburbs turned into a city. Erin was driving out of her way for us.

  “Nice wheels,” I said to combat the uncomfortable silence.

  “Thank you.” Erin glanced up at her rearview mirror as if to check that Stephanie was still in the car. Stephanie was never so quiet.

  “So your boyfriend is kind of a dick, huh?” I asked.

  “So you kind of have it bad for Elle, huh?” Erin shot right back.

  “Point taken, Reggie. Erin’s personal life is none of Majidi’s business.”

  “Is it that obvious?”

  “Yes,” both Erin and Stephanie responded.

  “Oh! They read him like a Stephen King book at midnight on Halloween, Kevin!”

  “Hey! She’s back!” I turned to face Stephanie. “You guys want to grab some food? I’m starving.”

  “I doubt Erin would want to be seen in public with us,” Stephanie said. She didn’t bother to look at me; she just stared out her window. Erin didn’t respond and the car became silent again.

  “If you could drop me off here, that’d be great,” I said as we approached the T stop at Coolidge Corner. Erin pulled over and put on her hazards. “Well, this was really weird.”

  “It sure was,” Erin said. “But thanks for stepping in.” Stephanie gave me a small wave from the backseat. I shut the door and hopped up to the platform to wait for the train. When I looked back at the car, Stephanie was getting out of the backseat and moving up front next to Erin. I didn’t know a thing about girls.

  ***

  I grabbed a carne asada burrito and a Coke after I got off the train at Davis Square. I scarfed the food-diaper down on the walk to my building and wiped my face as I rode the elevator up to the sixth floor.

  I let myself in. Mom wasn’t home yet. It was her book club night. I didn’t know if they ever discussed books. From what I’d overheard the months when my mom hosted, book club seemed like an excuse for women to drink wine and talk about their lives or how great/lousy their kids/friends/partners/love lives were.

  I dropped my backpack in my room and went to the bathroom, where I took off my shirt and checked myself out in the mirror. If I had any visible bruises from my fight with Drew, my mom would freak. There was a medium-sized purple bruise on the back of my right shoulder, but I coul
d pass it off as a basketball injury.

  I was at my desk doing my homework when Sean called.

  “Man, you are never going to guess whose car I rode in today,” I said right away.

  He didn’t bother guessing. “You haven’t seen it yet, have you?”

  “Seen what?”

  “Check your Granger email.”

  I usually only checked my school email in the morning—for class assignments or announcements. Now I found a message with the subject “No Tradition of Violence.” I guessed it had something to do with Stephanie’s petition. Why did Sean care? I didn’t recognize the sender. I clicked the email open.

  And there was my smiling face.

  Decently photoshopped onto the head of a man with a long beard wearing a pakol hat and holding a gun.

  The caption under the photo read, “Our New Mascot.”

  CHAPTER SIX

  I had seen my mother really angry about three times in my life. The first time I don’t remember so well. I was four. I must have blocked most of it out for self-preservation. She screamed at a doctor in the hospital when he told her that my dad had died of an aneurysm.

  The second time was when I was eight and her parents visited. They asked her to move to LA and live with them. They didn’t think she could handle work and taking care of me on her own. She had respectfully told them that we were fine, but they didn’t listen until she swore in Farsi and banged her fists on the kitchen table. My grandma said she was behaving like a toddler. They made up the next day, but my grandparents didn’t ask about our moving again.

  The third time was in Headmaster Clarkson’s office the morning after a photoshopped image of me as a terrorist was sent anonymously to the entire Granger student body. Only this anger was not loud like the other two times. This was a quiet rage, where every calm word dripped with fury.

  “I want to know what you plan to do about all of this,” Mom demanded. “What exactly are you doing to make sure whoever did this is punished?” She didn’t want to give them any excuse to think of her as unreasonable or to say the minute she left the room, “You know how those people are.” It’s one of the many unspoken rules of complaining while not white.