“I thought it was going to be at a restaurant.”
“Everyone is coming here for drinks first. It will be nice for his family to see where Samantha comes from.”
“She’s not from La Jolla. Why aren’t Ted and Susan doing it?”
“Samantha asked us. We can walk to the restaurant from here.”
“Where is he from?”
“Somewhere out by the State college. You know, where all those little stucco one-bathroom houses run together. His father sells car parts.”
“Oh. Well, parts come in handy.”
“I’m afraid their choice of restaurant is going to give them sticker shock. Have you reconsidered coming since you have an easy child this time?”
“I’m still thinking about it.”
“Well, you need to decide so we have a head count. You’ll need a babysitter.”
“I planned to take the kids to the wedding. I can skip the dinner if that’s a problem.”
“Well, let us know in the next week.”
“Okay. And thanks again for the generous gift.”
“You’re welcome.”
I started to say, “Give my best to Uncle…” but she’d hung up. Bettina used to slam the phone down, drunk and mad. Judith casually disconnects to convey her indifference.
∞
“The one bathroom comment was directed at us,” I said. “What is this obsession everybody has with cleaning toilets?”
Jon was smiling. We had the kids in bed and were settled in the living room.
“She hopes it will give them sticker shock,” he said. “Eric researched them after you talked to Anna. Did you read your email?”
“No. I’ve been chasing Meggie with a pan. She puked all afternoon. What did he find out?”
“He has five used car lots, with parts departments. They’re a gold mine. They live in one of those great old houses in University Heights. He sent the Google street view.”
I climbed in Jon’s lap.
“Gold mine will drive Asp crazy,” I said.
“It won’t be the right gold,” he said.
Jon’s binoculars were on top of his book on constellations, on the edge of the bookshelf. Meggie had a rock design with a ratty gull feather working on the next to bottom shelf. We were getting back to normal.
“You should go,” he said. “We have energy audits for the next month. I’ll do the other islands while you’re gone, meet you back here.”
“How will I know you?”
“I’ll be the tired old guy with a hard on.”
“I’m only going to be gone two weeks.”
“Big hard on then.”
“Like that?”
“Yeah. Probably bigger.”
I was conjuring a lap dance when Meggie started crying, and then broke into her usual borderline hysteria. “Mama! Mama! Mama!” She really takes puking to heart. Her yelling woke up Chance, who was not ready to be awake. Papa hit the ground running for shrieky and I stuck a jug in Chance. So much for spontaneity.
∞
I decided to go to the wedding. It took me ten minutes to find a dress. Meggie took much longer. She got her first pair of patent leather shoes, in hot pink. They were tacky, but she would not be turned aside. I could see years of crying in dressing rooms, by both of us, in our future. She tempered them with a flowered dress that even Jon’s mother would like.
At her end, Mom bought Chance a stretchy romper that I was sure would be more than suitable for their country club where the wedding reception was being held. It was probably cashmere with a club crest. We were ready to roll.
Jon looked forlorn as we slid through security.
THREE
We disembarked in San Diego, one arm short for all the gear. Except for some screaming with unpopped ears on approach, Chance had a quiet flight. Meggie had slept so was skippy happy and ran to Mom and Arthur waiting at the exit gate.
Mother’s eyes swept over my milk stained tee shirt, and what should have been an artfully draped backward scarf that was hanging off one shoulder with blackening fringe dragging on the ground. A diaper bag hung halfway off the other shoulder. I didn’t want to hold up the people behind me while I tried to untangle the gate tag and open the stroller with one hand, so I was carrying Chance and dragging it behind me.
I blew my bangs out of my eyes so I could see my life through her eyes, never a good thing. I should have at least put on lip gloss.
We had hugs all around. They handled getting our bags and kept the kids at the terminal while I went for the car.
∞
We got settled in at Eric and Anna’s, and I was nursing Chance when Eric got home from work. Eric stroked Chance’s head.
“He’s got my eyebrows,” he said. “I want to hold him when you’re done there.”
“You like babies?” I asked.
“He loves them,” said Anna. “Once they’re born and cleaned up.”
“Why didn’t I know that?” I asked.
“You were a teenager when Adam and Grace were born,” she said. “You probably don’t remember.”
“I remember Eric’s head in the planter,” I said.
Eric’s hand shot up to the scar on his forehead. I was a teenager worrying about the fact that no one asked me out, when Eric and Jon were becoming fathers. I got an image of Jon holding baby Chana while Celeste smiled in bed. His former life came home to my stomach in a spasm. Chance stopped suckling and studied my face with Jon’s blue saucer eyes. It was like carrying Jon around. He took a deep uneven breath, sighed, closed his eyes and went back to work.
Adam and Chana arrived together. I followed Chana and her bridesmaid dress bag into the bedroom. I could tell the dress was butt ugly by the time the bag was halfway unzipped.
“That looks like really bad 80s,” I said. “What color is that?”
“Eggplant,” she said.
“I’d look like a Victorian vampire in those ruffles. Put it on.”
“That means I’ll have to wear it three times in my life,” she said.
“Humor me.”
She stripped down and put the dress on. Meggie came running in to see her sister and stopped short.
“Princess,” she said.
“You’re right, Meggie. CC looks like a princess,” I said.
“A vegetable princess,” said Chana.
“No you don’t,” I said. “You look beautiful. Wow. That is great with your coloring. Wait until your dad sees you.”
She turned to look in the full-length mirror. She still had on flip-flops, her hair was in a ponytail, and her white bra was showing, but she looked beautiful. Unlike Meggie, she hadn’t gotten Jon’s springy blonde hair and sensitive skin. She had her mother’s sun-streaked light brown hair and olive skin.
“What about jewelry?”
“We’re wearing pearls. I’m going to wear Anna’s.”
“This is not what I expected. You really do look beautiful in that.”
Anna came in with Adam looking over her shoulder. It was quiet behind me. I looked in the mirror at them; we were stacked up like an Escher drawing. Anna looked in the mirror at her son’s face behind her. Adam and Chana were smiling at each other. Got it. Anna and I made eye contact. Got it.
“Dinner’s ready,” said Anna.
She hustled Adam out and closed the door. I unzipped the dress and hung it up in the bag while Chana got dressed. She sat down on the bed.
“Does Dad know?”
“Everyone knows,” I said. “Or thinks they do. No one’s been sure until now.”
“What did Dad say?”
“He says it’s a new one.”
“That sounds like him. Is he upset?”
“No. It’s just different. It’s not like you’re related by blood. What matters is what you think.”
“I think if I met him any other way I wouldn’t have tried not to fall in love with him. He feels the same way.”
“It’s not something you can try yourself out of. You’re
young.”
“We’re not that young. Anna and Eric fell in love when they were sixteen. They got married when they were our age. Mom and Dad too.”
“Are you talking about getting married?”
“Next year. After I finish my thesis.”
She looked sad. I wrapped my arms around her.
“Don’t be sad, CC. Love is happy. Adam is the nicest guy I know, besides your father of course. Your dad thinks so too. Eric and Anna love you. It’s going to be fine. Everybody is going to be fine with it. Well, except Aunt Asp.”
She started laughing, and then crying.
“Why are you crying?” I asked.
“I’m just so relieved.”
“Oh, CC.”
I hugged her again. Meggie crawled up in her lap and put her arms around her neck. There was a knock at the door and Anna stuck her head in.
“May we come in?”
Anna, Adam, and Eric filed in. Eric was still holding Chance who had, in his infinite wisdom, fallen asleep. Adam got down in front of Chana, took her hands and looked up into her face.
“Let’s go get some dinner,” he said.
He sounded so grown up. I couldn’t remember who I was at twenty-two, I’d left that up to my husband. For some reason, I thought he knew me better than I knew myself. It turned out he just had a book of rules. He also had an ex-girlfriend who he strung along in the background. He didn’t go back to her after we broke up; it was a game. I didn’t even know where he was anymore.
Anna and Eric hugged Chana as they went out the door. We were left looking at each other.
“I need a drink,” said Eric.
We regrouped in the kitchen. Eric popped a cork and poured all around. He hesitated over my glass.
“Are you supposed to drink?” he asked.
“I can have a little,” I said. “It makes my milk richer.”
“That’s beer,” he said, “and it’s bullshit.”
“There is that,” I said. “I better call Jon.”
“Do it on speaker,” said Eric.
“Fat chance. Watch Meggie.”
I took my phone in the bedroom and called Jon.
“Yes,” he said.
“The mystery is solved, Chana and Adam are in love.” I told him how relieved she was to finally come out with it. He thought they were too young. I reminded him that Anna and Eric had been together since they were sixteen.
“She said you were the same age when you married Celeste.”
“I rest my case,” he said. “Do you think they know what they’re doing?”
“Does anybody?” I asked. “They plan to get married after she finishes her thesis.”
“Have you ever talked to her about birth control?”
“No. Haven’t you?”
“Only sorta.”
“How’s that work?”
“I told her I’d kill any guy who touches her.”
I started laughing.
“That’s hilarious. You said you had it all covered,” I said. “Six years ago.”
“I covered bar rats and guys who lick shoulders. I was hoping to avoid this part.”
“Seriously? Why? You of all people.”
“It’s all over the internet,” he said. “She can chat about it.”
“God, you crack me up,” I said. “I’ll talk to her when she gets home.”
“You okay doing that?”
“Sure. Why wouldn’t I be?”
“It’s not your job.”
“It’s somebody’s job. Maybe she talked to Celeste. Or your mom.”
“She wouldn’t talk to Mom, or Celeste. She thinks Celeste believes in the stork. When Celeste hears it’s Adam she’ll go ballistic.”
“Why? Adam’s a great guy.”
“She’s already jealous of you. If Chana marries into your family too, she’s going to feel really ganged up on. Like you’re a bunch of hillbillies.”
“She believes in the stork and she’ll think we’re hillbillies? Her daughter is as much a part of this as my nephew.”
“I know. But look at it from her perspective. Meggie is going to be an aunt to her own cousins.”
“Meggie and Chance are none of her business. Why do you care what she thinks?”
“I don’t.”
“It sure sounds like you do.”
“I just don’t want it to get weird for Chana.”
“Yeah, well, nobody does. But as you’re so fond of saying, it is what it is. You and your wife are just going to have to suck it up. One of you can have the talk with her. You’re her parents. Better hurry, hillbillies breed like rabbits.”
I hung up. He called back. I punched the button.
“Call your wife, Jon.” I hung up again.
Hillbillies? Where had that come from? I was past steamed and into totally confused. It doesn’t happen often, but when your spouse goes sideways it’s disorienting. I felt like I’d seen behind a curtain, and I didn’t like what I saw.
I went back in the kitchen. Mom was singing “Here Comes The Sun” and swaying Chance, while Arthur looked on smiling. Eric pulled one of his famous casseroles out of the oven, and Anna showed Meggie where to put the forks on the table. Everyone but Chance was pretending not to have heard my tone of voice in the other room. He made a distress chirp like a downed aircraft. His father was doing the same thing on my cell in the other room.
“What did he say?” asked Eric.
“That we’re hillbillies and his wife is going to be upset.”
“You’re upset?” asked Mom. “I thought you loved Adam. Why is everyone acting so surprised?”
“Not me, Mom. His other wife. No one is surprised. And yes, I love Adam. I think it’s great. They’re perfect for each other. I’m going to feed Chance.”
I took Chance out of her arms.
“You just fed him,” said Mom.
“Yeah, well, he can eat again.”
Meggie stuck her thumb in her mouth as I boiled out of the room. Jon called again. I hit the mute button. I didn’t know how to begin to process the things going through my heart. Anna came in and closed the door.
“Did he really call us hillbillies?” she asked.
“He said his wife is going to go ballistic, like Chana is marrying into a family of hillbillies. That she’s already jealous of me. I’m sick of it. It’s not like I broke up their marriage.”
“I’m sorry, Hannah.”
“Me too. I don’t want Chana and Adam to have to deal with that. You better warn him about Chana’s parents.”
“All we can do is give them our support.”
“I wouldn’t count on Jon. He’s more worried about how his wife is going to take it than any body else.”
“You’re his wife, Hannah.”
“Not today I’m not.”
∞
Dinner was quiet. Mom held Chance. He really worked her for a guy six weeks old. I’d probably need to buy an extra suitcase to cart home his loot. I got Meggie in the tub and Mom came in to say good-bye.
“I was looking at Chance tonight, I think he’s going to look like your father,” she said. “I wish he’d lived to meet him.”
“I know, Mom. I think about it all the time. All the what iffs. He would have loved his grandchildren.”
“He loved you all so much. He was just like Eric and Jon with you kids.”
“I’m not happy with Jon right now.”
“I know.”
“I don’t know what to do about all this.”
“Maybe you need to change your mind,” she said.
“What’s that, some AA thing?”
“I heard it at a meeting, I don’t know if I’d call it an AA thing. A woman was talking about all the years she lived with resentment. Then she changed her mind. She decided to start wanting everyone to have what they wanted. She said it helped.”
“I don’t see how that applies to Celeste. She can’t have what she wants unless I give her my husband. I should marry her husband next, spea
king of hillbillies, maybe he can change his mind about raising Jon’s children.”
“Oh, Hannah. Don’t be so dramatic. Nobody is more snobbish than people climbing the social ladder.”
“Jon’s the one who said it.”
“Jon knows her, he was married to her.”
“Well, I still think changing my mind sounds pretty dramatic.”
“I just thought it was interesting. I’m trying to do it with Arthur’s ex-wife.”
“Arthur doesn’t worry about what his ex-wife wants, his kids do. He only worries about getting you in bed.”
“Boy. That’s the truth. It’s worse now that he’s had a brush with his own mortality and has a new heart. Some men get scared, not Arthur.”
“He can’t scare easy, he married you.”
“Very funny, Hannah.”
“You could change your mind,” I said.
“You’re just like your father.”
“Well, look at it this way. What would it be like if he wasn’t interested?”
“I’d get some reading done and drink less cranberry juice. Night Margaret. We’ll see you tomorrow.”
Mom left. I poured cups of warm water over Meggie’s shoulders, lost in thought. She started crying. I got her out of the tub, dried her off and puffed on powder. Tears streaked her powdery face. I rocked her and she cried.
I called Jon on Facetime. He answered on the first ring. I handed Meggie the phone and left the room. Jon’s voice rumbled across the ocean, through the closed door, and right into my heart. I put Chance to bed and went in to get Meggie down. She sent Jon kisses through the phone and disconnected. I tucked her in.
∞
I was reading without reading an hour later when Chana came into my room and got in bed with me.
“I heard you talked to Dad.”
“Yes. He’s fine. He’s just worried that you’re too young. I told him what you said about your parents. He asked if you’re using birth control.”
“I went to the clinic at school.”
“Are you sure about you two? It’s just the two of you?”
“Yes. We got tested. What do you think?”
“I think you shouldn’t care what I think. Or anybody else. I told my sister that I had a hankering for butterscotch pudding. She said knowing what I wanted meant I was growing up. If Adam is your butterscotch then it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks.”
Mary Ellen Courtney - Hannah Spring 02 - Spring Moon Page 5