“It’s not the same.”
“It is! How can you forgive her so easily and not me?”
“She wasn’t my husband, Chad.” The bite in her voice turned the air silent, and they both found other things to look at. He fixated on the table, while she watched a family of four argue all the way to the restrooms.
Finally, he moved, reached into his pocket, and slid a coin across the table.
No, not a coin, a sobriety chip. She picked it up, ran her fingers over the raised lettering that was more significant than any apology.
“Nine months.” His hand covered hers. It was strong and calloused like he’d spent all that time using it for hard work. “I wanted to wait a year and prove to you it was going to stick. But, well, you obviously know why I couldn’t wait.”
She felt the tear fall before she ever knew she was crying.
Nine months.
Never. Not since he took that first drink with Katie in their tree house did he ever go nine months without some form of substance.
And just like that, he was the wounded boy all over again. The one hiding from his house to avoid his father’s wrath. The one fighting in the halls at school just because it gave him some sense of control over his life. The one who loved her with every inch of his soul because no one had ever loved him back before.
His voice hitched. “I’m asking for another chance. The same chance you gave Katie when she came home. I know I screwed up. I know I don’t deserve it, but this isn’t lip service this time. I’ve had a job. A good one.” He reached into his pocket again, pulled out a folded piece of paper. “Employee of the month. Twice.”
Another shocking truth. Chad hadn’t kept steady work since high school.
Laila wiped her eyes, feeling so many things. Pride, elation, confusion, anger. Why couldn’t he have done this sooner? Why couldn’t he have done it when he was here with her, when he saw their marriage falling apart? Why did he wait until it was too late to give her what she had always wanted?
She eyed their joined fingers and tried to get the fumbling thoughts and emotions in check. It wasn’t fair of him to put this pressure on her. To make her wonder if her words would send him spiraling. “It’s not that I’m not proud of you . . . I am. This is . . . It says a lot about how far you’ve come, but . . .”
He eased his hand away, shock and disappointment etched in the lines of his face. “It doesn’t matter, does it?”
“No, it does matter. I want you to stay sober. I want you to have a great life.”
“Just not with you.” His voice was so chilling it slid over her skin like an ice storm.
How could she explain how much she’d grown while he was away? “There’s so much history here. It’s not all bad, but a lot of it is. I didn’t recognize the dysfunction before because it was all I’d ever known. But now . . .”
“You have Ben.”
She’d been able to brush off most of Chad’s looks until this one. It made her squirm, made her body react in ways that defied every promise she’d made to herself.
“He’s not the only reason.” She hesitated but decided it was time to get it all out. “I’m moving to Burchwood, and I really think you should go back to Atlanta. You’ve obviously been doing really good there.”
He didn’t speak. Just stared with those devastated eyes.
“Or stay. Whatever you need to do. I haven’t given notice on the house yet since my new cottage isn’t ready. But if you want it when I’m gone, you can have it. Your name is on the lease.” She drew lines through the condensation on her cup. “We probably need to split up our stuff too. I mean, a lot of it is yours, and I’m sure you don’t want me to haul—”
“Please stop talking.” The ache in his whisper was almost enough to do her in.
She felt herself weakening. That face. Those eyes. She had to go before all her progress came tumbling down around her. “I’m sorry, Chad. I just can’t go through this with you again.” She stood, left him there, still frozen in his chair, and did exactly what Joe had accused her of doing.
She ran away.
CHAPTER 13
Chad sat under the dimming sky watching the water lap against the swampy shore. After Laila walked—no, ran—out on him, he’d trudged to Fairfield Lake to forget his faults, or maybe to remember them. Both options were equally painful.
A slight breeze blew over his sweat-dried face and rippled the water’s surface. Calling this a lake was a bit of an exaggeration—a large pond was more accurate—with only the young and stupid willing to step foot into the murky water. Chad smiled when he saw the large rope swing hanging in the distance and remembered how often he’d come here with the crazy crowd from high school. Laila never jumped, but she’d cheered him on, scoring his flips off the swing and offering long kisses for the best ones. Those were their happiest days, before bills and jobs and fallen dreams seeped into their lives.
The buzz of his phone had him sliding his thumb across the screen. He’d ignored the last two calls from Cooper, and his conscience wouldn’t allow him to blow off a third. Considering their long, sordid history, the guy probably thought he was drunk in a ditch somewhere.
“I’m alive and sober.” Not the cheeriest way to answer the phone, but it was the best Chad could do under the circumstances.
“Where are you?”
“The lake. I needed a minute.” Or six hours, to be exact.
“I guess that means things didn’t go well.”
Chad could only grunt a bitter laugh. “No. Things did not go well.”
“You need a ride?”
A ride. If only that were all he needed right now.
“Nah, man. I’ll walk home when I’m ready.” Though ready felt so far away, the word made Chad’s skin prickle. He’d lost her trust, her belief in him shattered to a point at which even he didn’t know if it could be repaired. “Don’t wait up.”
When the screen went dark, Chad dropped the phone between his knees and stared at the ground. Memories were his enemy today. They weren’t the good ones that drove him toward his goal, encouraging him day after day that he had a life worth fighting for. They were his chilling reality, the nightmares that woke him in a cold sweat.
“Laila!” I pound on our front door for the eighth time and shake the doorknob. She changed the locks. Forced me out of my own house. “Baby, come on, I just want to talk to you. Let me explain.” My forehead presses against the door, my body sagging in a plea she refuses to hear.
She’s mad because I left rehab again, but she doesn’t understand. It doesn’t help. They just want to get inside my head. Make me talk about my family and my emotions. I can’t go there, not with a bunch of strangers, not after all I’ve done.
“Laila, please, let me in.” I slam my hand on the door, strongly considering smashing the blasted thing in, or maybe I’ll bust a window. Whatever I have to do to make her see I had no choice.
“She’s not in there.”
I spin around to find Cooper standing at the bottom of the porch steps. He’s lying. I know she’s here. Our car is in the driveway, and I heard her slam a door earlier.
“This isn’t your business, Coop. Go home.”
He takes a step up, and I feel the adrenaline kick in. The same adrenaline that came when Slim tried to shake me down for the money I owe him.
“You’re bleeding, and you’re scaring your wife.”
I touch the slice in my lip. It’s the first time the cut has stung. I know my face is bruised, and I’m guessing the blood on my shirt is from more than just my lip. Slim’s lackey had a real good time, before his boss stepped in making some remark about messing up my pretty face. I spit blood on his shoes.
“Did you know she was going to do this?” I turn my fury onto Cooper, who’s now only a few paces from me. He’s trapping me on the porch like I’m feral. I’m not, the buzz has already started to wear off, and I can feel my limbs weakening.
“I’m just going to take you to my place, okay? Let you calm down, and the
n we’ll talk.”
“I’m not talking to anyone but my wife.” I slam my fist into the door, again and again. “Laila! Don’t do this. You promised you’d never do this!”
Before I can duck, Cooper has one arm around my neck and the other locking my hand behind me. It’s the same chokehold they used at the center when I punched my roommate, and like then, I have no control as Cooper pushes me down the steps.
“Get off of me!” I try to fight back, but the trees seem to spin around us.
“You don’t want her seeing you like this,” he hisses in my ear, but the warning comes too late.
Laila opens the door, her face blotchy and red from the tears I’ve caused, once again. “It’s over, Chad. I want you to leave, and I don’t want you back until you have your life together.”
I wrestle in Cooper’s hold with no relief. I just need to touch her. It always helps. Always makes her change her mind. “You don’t mean it.”
“Yes, I do.”
I stop fighting because the look in her eyes slices right through my heart. It’s hatred and disappointment and gut-wrenching truth.
“Get him out of here, Coop. I can’t look at him.”
Chad fisted his hair, the sensation he constantly fought exploding inside his chest. Panic. Regret. Pain. He craved the emptiness. Craved the ability to escape and find that hour of bliss where his head was silent of all the screaming. He’d called Mark an hour ago, and the little strength he’d gained from the conversation with his sponsor was already starting to wane.
“I figured if you’re going to brood, you should have some company.” Cooper’s voice was a light in the darkness. Chad hadn’t even heard him approach, too lost in his struggle to notice.
“You didn’t have to come.” The strangled sound in his throat was as haunting as the reality that he desperately wanted his friend to stay.
“I needed the air anyway.” Cooper lowered himself down into the weed-riddled grass beside Chad, keeping a few feet of distance between them. Silence gathered around the men, cut only by Cooper periodically tossing a pebble into the water. After his fifth throw, he dusted his hands off. “You were gone too long, Chad. You gave her too much time.”
“I didn’t have a choice.”
“There’s always a choice.” He said the words regretfully. “I made mine, took the advice to stay away, and let her adjust to being home.” Chad knew exactly the “her” Cooper was referring to. “I should have pushed harder. I should have been there every day, forcing her to deal with me. Instead I let her run right into his arms.” Cooper swung his head to face his old friend. “Don’t make my mistake.”
Pain struck Chad in his chest. Laila wanted to run away too. She wanted to move to Burchwood with another man and forget their marriage ever existed. “She acts like she doesn’t care. Like my being here has no effect on her at all.”
“If that were true, she wouldn’t have called in sick to work yesterday and today.”
For a moment, he let himself hope. Laila never called in sick. Not even when she needed to. “How do you know?”
“Joe called me to see if I knew anything he didn’t. He knows she hasn’t been herself lately, and he’s worried about her. “
Chad felt his whole body tense. “Did you tell him I’m back?”
Cooper’s eyes sparked with disapproval. “No. I said I wouldn’t, and I keep my word. But I don’t like it. Joe isn’t the kind of man you lie to.”
“I know.” Chad lowered his head, wondering what he would say if he were on the other end of this scenario. If he were the one watching his friend cope with consequences of his own making. He’d want the truth, that much he knew.
“Laila kicking me out wasn’t the only reason I left. I owe Slim money.” A bitter reality. “It’s why I don’t want anyone knowing I’m back.”
Chad felt the weight of Cooper’s gaze, but didn’t look up. He couldn’t stomach the judgment.
“How much?”
“Ten grand,” he said, finally meeting his friend’s eyes. “After I left rehab the second time, I started working for him.”
Disgust colored Cooper’s expression. “For how long?”
“I guess it was about six months, total.”
“What the hell were you thinking?” The glare Cooper turned on him burned, but he’d dealt with worse. He didn’t even flinch. “You grew up in Fairfield. You knew the risk.”
Unlike the bigger cities that had gangs and street fights, Slim’s underground network was laced together with good ole boy systems and generational secrets. In Fairfield, reputations mattered as much as family names, and Slim exploited every bit of that southern mindset. He kept their indiscretions private, and the town did the same for him. And once you were entrenched in his web, there was no getting out.
Chad’s mind returned to those dark months. After his overdose, he’d spent years trying to get sober, but failed again and again. Eventually, he’d given up trying, had lost any hope of ever being happy again.
“I wasn’t thinking back then. I was spiraling. Katie was gone. Laila would hardly look at me. I needed a fix and I had no income.” Not an excuse, just the truth.
Slim liked him to work the yacht clubs and the beach parties. Said Chad had a respectable face that wouldn’t raise suspicions. Slim would set him up in a fancy hotel and give him a weekend’s worth of blow to dish out. Chad had done what he’d felt he had to at the time. He’d worn the suit. Flirted with the women. And walked away with money lining his pockets. He’d justified his actions by telling himself the partygoers were adults with too much money anyway, but every time he came home, the guilt and lies only deepened the chasm between himself and his wife. “The last time I went to sell, there was a sting operation. Slim had been giving the concierge a cut to keep silent, and thankfully, the guy called up to the room with a warning. I barely got rid of the drugs before the cops searched the place.”
“Let me guess, Slim still expected payment in full,” Cooper murmured, so low he barely heard him.
“He said I was responsible for the inventory, and therefore, I was also responsible for the money he lost.” Slim might be a small-area dealer, but he was lethal and unforgiving. “I checked into rehab again right afterward, but as you know, I was in too dark of a place for any real recovery. I only stayed a few days, and Slim was waiting for me when I got back to Fairfield. He said he had ways for me to pay off the debt. When I told him I wouldn’t sell for him anymore, he gave me a closed-fist reminder that he owned me. That was the same night Laila kicked me out, so you can see why I had to leave. I’d hit rock bottom. I basically had nothing to live for.”
Silence followed his confession, a prickly kind, magnified by the singing of cicadas and croaks of nearby frogs.
“What did you expect to happen when you came back? Did you think Slim was just going to forget?” Cooper asked, speaking for the first time after many long minutes. His eyes were on the lake, but his words bit into the air.
“No, but I wasn’t exactly thinking past the news that Laila was kissing another man.”
Cooper hopped to his feet and chucked a fistful of rocks into the lake. He brushed his hands on his shorts and turned without a word.
“Where are you going?”
“Home. Enjoy the walk. I’m too ticked off right now to coddle you, and I’m tired of watching you feel sorry for yourself.” A few steps later, his silhouette disappeared into the darkness.
The rebuke seemed to echo across the still water. Katie would have said the same thing, but she wouldn’t have walked away. She would have yelled, cursed more than once, possibly even kicked his butt a few times for being so stupid. But in the end, she would have sat down next to him and come up with a plan.
An acidic burn of nostalgia clawed at his throat.
He and Katie shared a bond—a troubled one forged in kinship and addiction.
They were connected, despite the betrayal, despite the words exchanged, despite the unfathomable truth that she might
not even care that he was home.
“Ah, Katie, what should I do?” he asked no one but the wind. For as much as he hated her, he missed her, and the feeling only grew every moment he stayed locked in the past.
Try as he might, he couldn’t forget the shadow of who she’d once been in his life: the leader, his north star, the only one who ever truly understood.
Chad lumbered to his feet, shaking his limbs to wake them after so long on the ground. He was out of options, out of ideas. The time for confrontation had come. And Katie Stone—Powell—or whatever name she felt like wearing that day, was about to get a big heaping dose of the history she seemed so eager to forget.
CHAPTER 14
Anticipation whirled in Laila’s stomach as the valet handed her a ticket in exchange for her car keys. Ben had a late meeting in Brunswick, and despite his protests about her having to drive herself out there to meet him, she had insisted that they keep their dinner reservation. They were celebrating four months together, and too many things had already derailed her momentum this week.
Plus, she had yet to tell Ben about Chad coming home, and she had no idea how he would respond. Heck, she still hadn’t fully grasped her own reaction to the shocking news, choosing instead to hide away in her house and tell everyone in town she wasn’t feeling well. Not completely a lie. Her stomach had been a wreck since finding Chad on her front steps.
Another attendant opened the door, decked in the same black slacks and red polo shirt as the valet, and ushered her into the lobby of the five-star restaurant. She had expected to wait, and had even assured Ben that she didn’t mind if his meeting ran a little late, but there he stood, hands casually in his pockets, watching fish climb and dive in a massive crystal-clear salt water tank that separated the hostess stand from the dining room.
Laila allowed herself a second to linger. Ben was the picture of elegance and stability in a dark-blue suit with subtle pinstripes. No glasses tonight. A surprise, but one she enjoyed. Rarely was he unpredictable.
Still under her perusal, he turned his head to check the door, finally seeing her. His responding smile sent a wave of relief down her every limb. This was her life now. She had a steadfast man who wore a suit and showed up early, even when he had an excuse to be late.
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