My Unexpected Hope

by Tammy L. Gray

  “No, technically, we’re not.” She had to swallow the amusement that came with the shock on his face as she sat up, attempting to brush the wet sand from her tangled hair. “But that isn’t the only reason why I want to wait.” She spied her clip a few yards away and hopped to her feet.

  “Okay . . .” He continued to sit there like his brain was trying to clear, his gaze following her every move. “Can you give me an idea of how long we’re talking here? Weeks? Months?” His eyes widened in horror. “Please don’t tell me years.”

  She seized the clip from the sand and pulled her hair back into a manageable twist, holding in a laugh. “I doubt it will be years.”

  Chad stared down at his adorned ring finger and then glanced back at her, his eyes sad. “I want you to know that, in my head, you’ve never stopped being my wife.”

  She felt a twinge of guilt, not just because agreeing to wait seemed to cause him physical pain, but also because she was asking him to sacrifice for her. But if they stood a chance, he wasn’t the only one who had to change. She had to start verbalizing exactly what she needed. And give him the opportunity to meet those needs.

  She sat in front of him, legs crossed, and set a hand on his knee. “I understand that this is hard for you. Trust me, a part of me is ticked right now too. But I need this to go slower. I need to feel safe and secure before we add another layer of intimacy into the mix. I need . . .”

  “To date,” he finished for her.

  “Yes. Can you understand that?”

  His exhale ended with a resigned chuckle. “Okay, then. Let’s date. When is your next night off?”

  CHAPTER 29

  Dating Laila was a lot easier in theory than it was in reality. Between his new evening shift at the factory and her work schedule, the best they’d been able to do were a few rushed lunches and some stilted conversation while he hung out at Joe’s for the last two hours of her shift.

  Cooper’s mocking commentary didn’t help his frustration either. The guy thought the idea of Chad “courting” Laila was absurd. But Chad wasn’t interested in his opinion. He wanted his wife back, and besides, it wasn’t like Cooper was the king of relationships. Chad had been in town for over a month now, and Cooper spent every weekend solo, either on the couch or at Joe’s.

  The phone dinged on his bed while Chad pulled his crisp, new shirt over his head. He’d asked Katie for a favor. A big one. And the text that had just come in would tell him if she’d been able to come through.

  He lifted the device, half expecting disappointment.

  Katie: I found it, but you owe me. Is Cooper there?

  Chad: No.

  Katie: Okay. I’ll swing by and drop it off.

  He tossed the phone on the bed and spun in an act of victory. Everything was in place and tonight would be magical. With an extra skip in his step, Chad practically pranced to the bathroom to brush his teeth and spritz Laila’s favorite cologne onto his collar. It took three tries to get his tie on correctly, but finally, the knot fell into place, even if it was a little crooked.

  A knock came from the front door, and Chad checked the mirror one more time. For once, the man before him didn’t make his stomach turn.

  He heard the door crack open. “Chad?”

  “Coming,” he called to Katie, still smiling at his reflection.

  With a flick of the light, he strolled down the hallway to meet her, and spun when she whistled at his appearance.

  “I’ll have you know that I scraped my leg on Laila’s decrepit wood siding, and if I get tetanus, I’m suing you,” she said.

  “I thought you loved the rush of climbing through windows.”

  “Yeah, my own, when I was thirteen. Not through Laila’s with my rear nearly getting stuck because I’m no longer a size zero.”

  “Please, you were never a size zero.”

  “Shut up.” Laughing, she offered him the white square jewelry box he’d bought when he was only seventeen.

  The box was light, almost weightless, but the hope it brought made all these weeks of waiting worth it. It was time to move forward. Time for them to enjoy all the happiness they’d missed out on. He wanted the children they’d dreamed of and the future he’d been stupid enough to forfeit to the drugs.

  Chad lifted the lid of the small box; inside lay the simple gold band with three diamond chips in a row. The tiny ring was all he’d been able to afford at the time, and now this delicate piece of history felt priceless. He popped the box closed.

  “Thank you for doing this,” he said through a choked whisper.

  Katie’s natural sarcasm faded, and she embraced him. “You’re welcome. I hope tonight turns out like you want it to.”

  He hoped so too. Truthfully, he felt more nervous about tonight than he had the night he proposed.

  Katie glanced around Cooper’s house and ran a hand down her arm. “Well, I better go. Being in this house sorta makes me want to tear my flesh off.”

  “Cooper’s not the same guy he was back then either.” Chad’s sudden indignation attested to his torn loyalty. “And if we all stay in this town, you’re eventually going to have to speak to one other again.”

  “Maybe so, but not today.” She moved toward the door “Besides, I need to go make dinner for a man I actually do like.”

  Chad followed, grabbing his keys off the counter. “Fine. You can avoid this conversation . . . for now. But not forever.” He pushed open the screen for her to walk though.

  She passed in front of him, pausing just long enough to tug on his tie. “You know, as much as I enjoyed breaking and entering today, I was a little surprised that Laila wasn’t home. Shouldn’t she be primping at least half as much as you did?” He could see her point. The last time he’d bothered to put on slacks was when he went to his drug possession arraignment.

  “You know her crazy schedule. I was able to finagle a night off, but she still wanted to work happy hour and make sure the bar was covered.”

  “You’re just going to hang out there until she’s ready?”

  “Sure. No reason to stick around here waiting.” He felt a sudden need to justify his actions, although he didn’t know why. This had been his and Laila’s routine since they were eighteen.

  “So you’re back to hanging at Joe’s?” Katie asked with a little too much judgment. “How often?”

  “A few times this week. When Laila works, of course. Or with Cooper.”

  “Ah.” Katie clamped her mouth like she wanted to say more, and despite the irritation it invoked, Chad wanted to know exactly what she meant by that “ah.”

  He locked the door harder than necessary. “Go ahead and say it.”

  “Say what?”

  “Whatever has your brows pinching together like that.” He turned and waited for her interference. Katie always had an opinion when it came to him and Laila.

  “Just . . . be careful.” She bit her lip, and the slightly insecure motion did more to rattle Chad than her words had. “A new beginning requires you to leave some things behind.”

  “Like?”

  “I don’t know.” She shrugged. “I know you’re different, and I know Laila is too, but everything else around you feels a little too familiar. You need to be aware, on your guard. Old patterns tend to form when you stop paying attention.”

  “You don’t think I’ll stay sober.” The words came out harsh and bitter.

  “I think it will be a lot harder to do in Fairfield than Atlanta.” She folded her arms across her chest, her tone just as caustic. “Especially if your life goes back to hanging out with Cooper at Joe’s on the weekends.”

  “If you don’t support me, why are you even here? Why did you bother to bring me this?” Grinding his teeth, Chad held up the box clutched in his hand.

  “I do support you. You know how much I love you and Laila. I want you both to make it. Together. Which is why I won’t sit back and pretend I’m not . . . concerned.”

  “I’m fine.”

  “Have you
even been attending meetings?”

  Defensiveness rose up in him. “Yeah, once. But it doesn’t matter. I haven’t even really been tempted.”

  “Of course you haven’t. Why would you need a drink when everything is going your way with Laila? She’s your drug of choice right now. But what happens when the high of getting her back wears off?”

  She tried to touch him, but he pushed past her, storming across the driveway toward Betsy. “I can’t believe you’re doing this when you know what tonight means to me.”

  “I care less about tonight than I do about tomorrow and the day after.” Her voice rose when he opened his door, ready to tune her out. “You won’t succeed if you try to do this all alone.” He practically threw himself into the seat. “Chad.”

  Furious, he slammed the door, done with her opinions and her so-called help. Katie had come home a different person, wanted a different life.

  But they weren’t the same.

  He wanted his old life still. His old friends, his old hangout; he wanted to live that same life . . . just better.

  Laila wasn’t behind the bar when Chad entered Joe’s, so he grabbed a stool and tried once again to get his heartbeat under control. Katie was out of line. He’d been to a meeting in Brunswick and had every intention of going back when things slowed down a little. But between the new hours at the factory and spending time with Laila, he just hadn’t had the time to get out there again.

  But that didn’t mean his commitment had slipped. If anything, he was more determined than ever to stay sober. He just had to figure out a way to work the program into his new schedule. And he would. Tomorrow. First thing.

  But tonight was about him and Laila, and he wasn’t going to let Katie’s interference mess with his head any longer.

  Finally noticing him, Danielle set down her current busywork and sauntered over. “Chad Richardson. I’m still not used to seeing you back in here.” Her short brown hair was fastened into two low pigtails, the bands a mismatching blue and green. “Especially looking so fancy.” Danielle had been hired six months before Chad left town. He didn’t know her well, but Laila didn’t seem to mind her too much.

  “It’s not every day a man gets to take his girl out.” He ran a hand over his blue tie and tried not to pull at the collar. He felt a lot more confident in his jeans and T-shirts, but Laila had spent the last several months being pampered by her high-class boyfriend, and there was no way Chad was going to let any of those memories outshine tonight’s. “Speaking of which, is she about ready?”

  Danielle dispensed some Coke over ice and slid it in front of him. “I think so. Let me finish up here and I’ll tell her you’re waiting.”

  “Okay. Thanks.” He lifted the nonalcoholic drink in silent appreciation and tried once again to get Katie out of his head. It was different this time. He understood what he had to lose. He understood the finality of this last chance.

  The stool beside him wobbled. Chad glanced to his right in time to see a guy he didn’t recognize slide the stool far too close for social acceptability and plant himself there. Chad shifted left and began to ease out of his seat when the man pushed his business card across the counter.

  Chad didn’t have to read for long. The words special agent and Southeastern Regional Drug Enforcement Office were in sharp black ink. He slowly sat back down, his entire body rigid. The cop worked for the state. He’d have jurisdiction anywhere.

  “I believe we have a mutual acquaintance,” Agent Edwards whispered, his focus on the drink in his hand. To the casual observer, the man looked like a drop-in traveler. He wore faded jeans and a cotton shirt that wasn’t necessarily dressy, but wasn’t too casual either. He was the kind of man you barely noticed, but if you did, you forgot all about him a few seconds later.

  But the card in Chad’s fist was not one he’d ever forget. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said, looking straight ahead and not at the man.

  “Oh, come now. You know what I do, and I certainly know who you are and that, for a period of time, you were quite popular at beach parties.”

  Chad swallowed, fear creeping up his legs and into his midsection, but he didn’t say anything. With guys like this, the less said, the better.

  The agent took a sip of his drink. “I also know that you’ve stayed out of trouble since then, so whatever you think I’m here to do, you’re mistaken.”

  “I’ll tell you the same thing I told the Brunswick PD years ago when they searched my room. You have the wrong guy.” Chad gripped his Coke, concentrating on not exposing his unease. He watched the kitchen door with acute focus, suddenly hoping Laila would take a very long time getting ready.

  “Which is exactly why I’m here. We want the right guy. The one who’s hurt you and many other people. And with your help, we might finally be able to nail Slim for more than a few insignificant misdemeanors.”

  Chad nearly choked on his drink. Now he did rise, needing to put as much space as he could between the eager cop and himself.

  “You may not want to accept this, but Slim will eventually pull you back into his circle. We’ve watched him follow you.” The cop paused, waiting on him to react. When he didn’t, Edwards pressed in closer. “His fixation on you makes him vulnerable.”

  Chad dared to meet the man’s eyes, and a fraction of understanding passed between them. The cops wanted him to become a narc. Wanted him to sacrifice everything he’d just finally gotten back, and for what? Slim wasn’t going down. The man had at least two cops in Fairfield, and even more in the surrounding counties whom he paid off on a regular basis. Plus, he’d just told Chad the Brunswick PD were in his pocket as well.

  “Like I said, you have the wrong guy.” Chad set his drink down and pushed away from the bar. “Enjoy your drink.”

  CHAPTER 30

  Laila finished unloading the boxes, the drink storage now ready for the weekend. She resented how much Joe relied on her, yet at the same time, here she was, coming in to check on everyone, even when she’d been given the night off. What that meant on a deeper level, she had no ability to process, at this point.

  “I have the mixes ready and the bar is fully stocked,” Laila told Eric when he came through the back door. “I called in Charity, but she won’t be here for another hour, so you’ll need to make sure Danielle has some backup behind the counter.”

  “You got it.” Eric tossed his keys into one of the square cubbies by the sink and smiled at her. He was barely eighteen and a senior in high school, but Eric had been one of their most reliable hires this past year. “So, I heard you have hot date tonight.”

  “How did you . . .”

  He laughed like she was delusional. “It’s Fairfield. That’s all Charity and Danielle gabbed about last night. I thought my ears would burn off.”

  Laila stared down at her smudged black T-shirt and suddenly felt the need for a shower. She’d brought a new T-shirt and a toiletry bag, but nothing that warranted a date the entire town seemed to know about.

  Heading toward the door, Eric wrapped a half apron around his waist. “Oh, hey, did you happen to finish next week’s schedule?”

  “Yeah. I gave you the days you asked for.”

  The young man’s eyes brightened. “Great. Wish me luck, then. I may have a hot date myself.” And with that he bumped the kitchen door with his backside and disappeared.

  Rushing into the back bathroom, Laila tried her best to make herself presentable. New shirt, a quick freshen up, some perfume, mascara, and lip gloss. But in the mirror was the same girl who’d stared into it for nearly ten years.

  Why did she do this to herself? She didn’t want Chad picking her up here. She wanted the night to feel special.

  And yet, for the fiftieth time today, she thought of the call she’d received this morning. The cottage bathroom was almost finished, and Ms. Harrington had given her a firm date for move in. She’d also said that she understood if Laila had changed her mind after waiting so long, and that she could return
the deposit if she no longer needed the cottage.

  Laila hadn’t called her back. She’d come here instead. To think or to hide, she wasn’t sure.

  A knock on the door made her jump.

  “Chad’s here. And, man oh man, are you a lucky girl.” Danielle’s laugh filtered under the door, and Laila did her best to calm the flood of butterflies in her stomach.

  She’d told Chad not to leave Fairfield. Had practically begged him to stay and let them try again. And at the time, she’d meant it with every part of her soul. And yet, she hadn’t considered one day beyond that desperate moment when she was full of self-awareness and her own hollowing regret. She hadn’t allowed herself to picture what a new future with Chad would look like. Or if it would be new at all.

  Zipping up her green makeup pouch, Laila took one last deep breath and pulled open the door. Tonight was just one evening together, a date. She’d been on several of them with Ben, so there was no reason to feel so incredibly nervous.

  But her anxiety only increased as she trekked to the main room. What if the connection she’d felt was just wanting what she couldn’t have? Or worse, what if everything remained exactly the same, as if the last two years apart hadn’t changed either of them? She’d worked herself up into such a state that, by the time she pushed though the swinging doors, Laila could feel her entire body trembling.

  Chad’s back was thankfully to her when she emerged. He stood with his hands in his pockets, watching the game on the screen nearest to him. He’d worn dress pants and a long-sleeved, very stiff-looking shirt.

  He turned when the door made a swooshing sound behind her, and all her nerves dissipated.

  “You wore a tie?” she asked incredulously. For a second, she pictured Ben, with his starched shirts and leather loafers. She’d liked the look then, but Ben wore it with ease. Chad wasn’t that guy.

  “Hello to you too.” His grin widened as he took two easy steps in her direction.

  She stared as his clothes, ones she’d never seen him in, and then looked down at her faded blue jeans. “I guess I’m grossly underdressed.”