My Unexpected Hope

by Tammy L. Gray

  “At least you’re wearing pants,” she reminded him with a hint of scolding in her voice as she motioned to her dress.

  He winked. “I said it was easier. Not more fun.” Chad pulled the basket toward himself and spent the next several minutes intently focused on creating a masterful display on the picnic blanket. Lucy had gone all out, placing all the containers in insulted carriers so the food stayed piping hot.

  Laila inhaled the tart aroma of marinara and garlic. Cannelloni. Her favorite, along with a crispy loaf of French bread, a plate of brownies, and a large Caesar salad, though the dressing had been replaced with vinaigrette because she hated creamy sauces. It was a spread no one but Chad could have ordered. Because he knew her, and though many things had changed, some things were still beautifully the same. He’d been right. Not all of their past was bad.

  He reached to the corner and tugged a small ice chest along the ground. Once open, he pulled out a bottle of sparkling grape juice and twisted off the top. They’d toasted with that drink before. Every time he was sober, actually.

  Fear crept over her. Was she just setting herself up for a harder fall? Was this moment and all the ones to come just more memories that would torment her when Chad fell off the wagon again?

  The liquid filled the glasses, and she watched with a mesmerized stare. Two years gone, and it had only taken Chad six weeks to get her right back to this place: the setting of their first kiss and the beginning of their tumultuous romance. Maybe she should have played harder to get. Maybe she should have been harder to get. Maybe, she shouldn’t be here at all.

  “You okay?” Chad wasn’t pouring the drinks anymore. In fact, the bottle was back in the cooler, and he was holding his glass in the air, waiting for her to respond.

  She swallowed the insecurity and reached for her own flute. “Yeah, I’m fine.” So much for speaking her mind. Chad wasn’t the only one who could fall off the wagon. She’d only lasted, what? A few moments?

  “To starting over,” he said, waiting for her to clink her glass against his.

  “To starting over,” she replied absently.

  Their glasses chimed together, and Chad’s face became a mask of happiness. She loved seeing him this way. Vibrant and content. But those feelings seemed to dissipate the minute life got hard and uncomfortable.

  “So, how is the job going?” She cut her pasta and layered her fork with stringy mozzarella.

  “Good, so far. It’s been mostly training. Barney says when I’m done, I’ll have to go on the swing shift for a while. Day shift is given for seniority. But with you working nights anyway, I figure an evening shift might work out nicely.”

  While she was glad Chad had found a job with people who seemed to support him, she wondered, again, how long it would take for the euphoria to wear off.

  When they were younger, he’d wanted to be a fireman. Then he’d changed his mind and decided a career was more about making money, so he had taken business classes at the community college.

  “What about school?” Her question was careful. She didn’t want to open old wounds, but she also knew that staying in Fairfield, both of them working long, exhausting shifts, was not the future she wanted. They’d get tired and start lashing out at each other. Then, she’d retreat, and he’d start hanging with his friends more and more.

  He set his fork down. “Well, right now, I think I just need to settle into a routine. Mark says slow and steady is the way to long-term recovery. Don’t do anything extreme or rash. Just take one day, then the next.”

  Some of her tension uncoiled. That answer was not one the old Chad would have given. “Mark sounds like a great guy.”

  “Oh, he is. He saved my life.” Seriousness leaked into his expression. “Probably saved this moment too.” He twisted a napkin around his finger. “When I heard about Ben, I lost my mind. I was ready to storm the gates and reclaim my kingdom.”

  She smiled at the idea of their small two-bedroom house being a kingdom.

  “But Mark calmed me down. He said you wouldn’t want that person. He said I needed to show you how I’d changed, not just tell you. It’s what I’ve been trying to do every moment since I got home.”

  Her stomach fluttered, a welcomed sensation after all the unease. Chad had been different, so it was fully possible her fear could be unfounded. “I’ve noticed.”

  “Good.” He filled another heaping forkful and stuffed it in his mouth, his eyes closing in pure bliss.

  The food was good. Amazing, really, yet she hadn’t been able to eat much at all. “I’m still afraid,” she finally admitted. “All this. You. It’s wonderful. A dream come true. But in the back of my mind, I keep waiting for the guillotine to drop.”

  Chad’s eyes flashed open and seemed to really look at her for the first time. His gaze lingered on her tight mouth, then fell over her fingers as she pushed the food around her plate. His chest seemed to deflate. “I see.”

  They ate in silence after that, the tension filling the small wooden cubby like a choking smoke. She hadn’t meant to upset him, but then again, what else did she expect from those words? A thank you for having so little faith in him?

  “I didn’t mean to ruin our dinner,” she said, quietly making tracks in her red sauce. She forced a smile. “By the way, if I’d known what a great dater you were, our teenage years would have been much more expensive for you.”

  A short laugh came, but it wasn’t genuine at all. “Yeah, I guess so.”

  She leaned across the blanket and squeezed his hand. “What are you thinking about?”

  “My third surprise. But I’m wondering if it’s not such a good idea now.” He ran his thumb over her skin. “I took your trust for granted. I’m sorry for that. Now that it’s gone, I realize how much I want it back.”

  “I want it back too.”

  He rose to his feet, his body staying hunched over so he wouldn’t hit his head. “Come here, I want to show you something.” Picking up one of the lit candles, he walked to the corner near their wall where she, Katie, and Chad had etched their names the night Mr. Mortenson had hit her.

  When she was next to him, he squatted down and brought the light near the old etching, but her eyes didn’t fixate on the names they had whittled out with an old screwdriver. Instead, she ran a finger along the fresh grooves that formed an infinity symbol. In one circle was a C, and in the other, an L.

  Chad set the candle down and sat on the floor, his legs crossed. “Come here.” He patted the spot in front, and she matched his posture, their knees close enough to touch. “I was going to do something really stupid tonight.” He smiled sheepishly. “I was going to ask you to marry me again.”

  Her breath caught.

  “Don’t worry. I’m not going to anymore.”

  She shouldn’t feel so relieved, but she did. They were in no way ready for that step. She watched, her pulse spiking as he pulled her old wedding ring box from his pocket. “How did you . . .”

  “Katie. She might have slithered through that testy back window. And she might have rummaged through a few of your drawers. But don’t be mad at her. I asked her to do it.”

  “I’m not mad.” And she wasn’t. Just really, really confused.

  Chad stared at the box in his hand and slowly opened it. The thin gold band caught the light, and a rush of emotion hit her the minute she saw that ring. She hadn’t allowed herself to look at it in over a year. Not since the day she took it off.

  “I understand you can’t wear this on your finger yet. I haven’t earned that privilege. But maybe”—he looked up, his eyes hopeful and somewhat terrified—“if I bought you a chain, would you consider wearing it around your neck? As a reminder of what we’re fighting for? And maybe even a reminder to keep using that voice you’ve discovered.”

  The fact that he’d listened, that he’d chosen to do what she needed and hadn’t pushed her for more, made her next words come all too easily. “Yes, Chad. I’ll wear it around my neck. And when I’m ready, you’l
l see it on my finger.”

  He picked up her empty left hand and ran his thumb along the bare third finger. “That moment will be the happiest of my life.”

  Laila felt as if she really had spent the night in a fairy tale. After their picnic, they’d lain on a blanket together in the tree house. Chad had read aloud from his favorite Dickens novel, while she listened contently in his arms. Now, he walked her to her front door, his hand tight around hers. The night had grown dark, but it wasn’t cold, nor was it windy or hazy or cloudy. It was enchanted, much like the entire evening had been, and somewhere between the truck and her first step onto the porch, she realized the answer she had to give Mrs. Harrington. Maybe she’d always known, but for the first time, she felt no fear in the decision.

  Chad slid his hands around her waist when they reached the screen door, a devilish smirk forming on his lips. “They say a man who’s interested in a woman will secure a second date before the first one is over. I propose we just keep this one going and worry about the second date tomorrow.”

  Laila touched his collar affectionately. “Nice try, but I’ll be sleeping alone tonight.”

  “I figured you’d say that. But I still had to ask.” He winked.

  She let her fingers travel to his neck and leaned up to kiss him softly. His reaction was fierce and immediate, pulling her in tight and turning their good-night kiss into something far deeper.

  Sensations rippled through her as the feel of his skin and the taste of his lips fought against all conviction.

  “Chad,” she mumbled, breaking away before she changed her mind and pulled him inside the house. “I’m going to take the cottage.”

  He jerked back, his cheeks slightly flushed, and his eyes layered with confusion. “You could have just said good night, if you wanted to stop. Dousing the moment with that declaration wasn’t necessary.”

  “I’m sorry,” she laughed, more out of anxiety than humor. She’d never been good at taking risks. Especially when Chad didn’t support them. But she had to take this leap. Had to believe in herself enough to step out on her own. If she didn’t, they’d be right back where they’d started. “I know the timing was bad. I just wanted you to be the first to know. Especially since you’re the one most impacted by my decision.”

  A sparkle hit his eyes. “Because you’re asking me to come with you?”

  She had to look away from the hope in his gaze. “No. Not yet. This is something I have to do on my own.”

  “I know. You need time.” He gave her a closed-lipped smile. “So, about that second date. Are you free tomorrow?”

  She took his calloused hand and kissed the back of it. “I’d like to take you there, if you want to see it?”

  He pulled her back into his arms, hugging her close. She rested her head on his chest while he kissed the top of her head. “I want to be anywhere you are, Laila. If that’s Burchwood, then it’s my new favorite town.”

  She grinned against his shirt. “Mine too.”

  CHAPTER 33

  The brunch buffet at Jasper’s Diner had become a much bigger deal than Chad remembered. What used to be a few donuts, muffins, and runny eggs was now Belgian waffles, eggs benedict, and hand-sliced ham. One of the many changes that Fairfield had undergone in the two years he’d been absent.

  Laila appeared in the doorway, and Chad lifted his hand to wave her over. He could tell she’d woken up not too long ago. Her hair was piled in a mess on her head, and her makeup not much more than a sweep of lip gloss, yet he wondered if he’d ever seen her look more beautiful.

  Watching her weave through the tables, he realized he missed mornings with her the most. How they’d lie in bed, cuddling to stay warm, both talking about the plans they had for that day. No matter what arguments had happened the night before, he and Laila always started each day fresh.

  “Good morning, beautiful,” he said, rising to embrace her. For two weeks now, he’d been free to touch her at will, kiss her in public, and practically shout across town that she was his once again. Well, almost his. The ring still hung from her neck, but he’d waited this long for her; he could wait a few more weeks.

  She flung her arms around him and pressed her chest to his, her lips so soft and inviting, Chad felt a rush of warmth spread through his entire body. Despite the bliss of holding her, he eased away. Her growing affection was a positive step forward, but it never fully satisfied, and remaining patient had become another challenge for him, on a long list of many.

  He pulled out her chair, and she plopped down with far too much energy for someone who’d been up until three in the morning.

  “How was work last night?” he asked, settling back into his own seat. As promised, he’d stayed away from Joe’s, even though doing so substantially reduced their time together.

  “Exhausting,” she sighed. “But, I made almost five hundred dollars in tips.”

  “Really?”

  “Yes. A charter bus came through and stopped for drinks. They stayed two hours. Some rich kid’s college graduation present.” She rolled her eyes. “Can you even imagine having that much money to burn?”

  “No, I can’t.” He picked up his glass of water and took a sip, his gaze never moving from her animated face. He loved the way her eyes lit up when she felt excited or frustrated. Loved how her cheeks would turn pink at just the slightest hint of embarrassment.

  “So, what about you? You do anything after you got off work?”

  The question was a simple one, but he still stiffened. Last night had been especially hard. “I drove around for a while,” he admitted, leaving out where he’d driven. There was no need to alarm her when nothing had come of it. “It was kind of a rough night.”

  Her cheeriness fell, and she leaned closer, taking his hand in hers. “What happened?”

  Chad rubbed her ring finger and pushed aside the ache that it was still bare. “Turns out, Barney and Cooper had to jump a few extra hoops to get me in.”

  “How so?”

  “They created a position for me. One they didn’t even need. My job was being done by a machine before.” Chad snorted a laugh, the only reaction he could muster besides utter depression. “So not only is my job repetitive and mundane, but you don’t even have to have a brain to do it.”

  When Barney said Chad would be working with wood versus metal, he had figured it was a gift. He’d loved working at the hardware store in Atlanta. But factory work was far different than he had expected. He stood in the same spot every day, doing the same thing over and over. There was no sense of accomplishment, no end to the continuous flow across the assembly line.

  “I’m sure that’s not true. Maybe they needed you there. Maybe that machine constantly broke and was Barney’s greatest headache.”

  He smiled at her attempt to cheer him up. She always had more faith in him than anyone else. His biggest cheerleader, the one person who saw all his potential. “According to Mr. Slate”—his boss who was openly contemptuous toward him—“I was given the position so that when I screw up—which he says I will—the damage can be minimized. I guess my dad worked for this guy; that’s why he hates me so much.”

  Laila’s face flashed a bright red, not the kind he adored. No, it was the other kind that came with tears, rage, and often an outburst of truth. “Well, he’s an idiot. Don’t listen to a word he says.” She bit her lip, gnawing away at the skin. “Maybe you should quit.”

  “And do what?”

  “I don’t know. What about fire school? That was your dream for years.”

  “There’s no way the city would hire me.” He appreciated how she wanted to protect him, but the truth was, he’d barely graduated from high school, had a misdemeanor on his record, and had a history of addiction. People in Fairfield were happy to see him back, but no one really wanted to deal with him long term.

  He squeezed her hand. “Stop worrying. It was just a rough night. Cooper says if I stick things out, I’ll eventually get a day shift and maybe even move into the metals
side.”

  Her eyebrows pressed together. “And that will make you happy?”

  “You make me happy. This other stuff . . .” He shrugged. “It’s just stuff.”

  “Okay.” But she still didn’t seem convinced.

  “Enough about last night. Tell me your plans today. It’s our first Saturday off together in weeks.”

  Her face morphed into an apology. “I have to pack. There’s still so much to do.”

  Despite his initial hesitation, he was happy she’d chosen to take the cottage. When she’d given him the tour, her face had glowed with happiness. The one thing he’d move mountains to give her.

  “But I can try to hurry. Maybe we can still do something tonight.” She offered a weak smile, the same one that had appeared when he’d hinted that he wanted to move in with her. She’d been kind with her refusal, but it still felt like a punch in the gut. Burchwood was only twenty minutes away, but twenty minutes, when they’d already been given so few, felt like a lot.

  He pushed aside the insecurity, refusing to ruin their day with it. “Okay, fine. So we spend the day packing. At least we’re doing it together.”

  “You’ll help?”

  “Of course. Consider me your indentured servant.”

  Her face beamed. “Yay! I was so hoping you would say that. Let’s go grab our plates, and then we can sort through what all needs to be done. And tell Cooper to clear next weekend too. Mrs. Harrington is giving me the keys on Friday!”

  She jumped from her seat, back to the excitable energy she had when she’d first arrived.

  Chad pulled her to him, tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear, and remembered how much he had to lose if he ever screwed up again. The darkness was creeping back in, getting worse every day.

  “I’d like to hit a sobriety meeting before I come over, but it shouldn’t take too long.”

  With a tender touch, she grazed his cheek with her fingertips, kissing him softly at the same time. He could see how proud of him that statement made her, but as he’d asked, she didn’t linger on his struggle.