A Good Woman

by Liz Cronkhite

  “Scoot over,” she said, motioning with her hands.

  No, no, no, no, no. Aly did as she was told, hugging the left arm of the lounger, and Erika landed next to her, brushing her shoulders and thighs with her own. Suddenly, Aly was several degrees warmer. She hoped she would not break into a flop sweat and tried to appear relaxed.

  “Only a little longer girls,” Erika said looking past her to them, her voice practically in Aly's right ear. Except for brief hugs, Aly had never been this physically close to Erika. “You may not have to be up in the morning, but I do.” She leaned back and sighed.

  “I can see them to bed if you want,” Aly said, not looking at Erika, whose face would be only inches from hers if she turned to her right.

  And then an unusual thing happened. Erika had Aly’s right hand in her left, and she was lacing her fingers in Aly’s and with her other hand covering Aly’s hand completely. As she did this she was saying, “You’re not on duty until tomorrow.” And suddenly, just as she finished speaking, she dropped Aly’s hand like a hot potato.

  Aly froze and she had the sense Erika did, too. She couldn’t help but look at Erika, who was looking into her own lap, a small frown between her brows, a look of confusion in her eyes. “Sorry,” she said quietly.

  “That’s okay,” Aly said as quietly, confused herself, but wanting to comfort her. “You’re a toucher. You’ve had a long day.”

  Erika folded her arms across her chest, drawing her shoulder away, and somehow their legs were no longer touching, either. Looking into the fire, Erika cleared her throat. “So when are you taking the girls skating?”

  Aly, too, looked only at the fire. “Wednesday. I was thinking of asking your mother to join us. I don’t skate. It would be great to have an adult to talk to.”

  “Oh, that would be nice,” Erika said. And they fell silent for what was probably only a minute but seemed like several to Aly. It was as though the right side of her body was humming. Then Erika said, “I liked your dad a lot.”

  “He’s a great guy.”

  “I didn’t spend much time with your brother.”

  “He was pretty busy with your dad and the girls.”

  Blessedly, the girls began to stir and move off their lounger. This prompted Erika to abruptly pop up and off Aly’s lounger, too. “Okay, you two, off to bed.” And she was out of sight.

  “Goodnight, Aly,” the girls said, and Aly rose to hug them and wish them a Merry Christmas. She watched as Erika herded her children to the other end of the house where she called out goodnight to Aly, too.

  Aly’s hand still registered the embrace. She got up and slapped the switch to shut off the fire. Erika was a toucher and she was tired, as she said. Erika didn’t need to be embarrassed. Aly knew it didn’t mean anything.

  33

  The next day, the girls enjoyed helping Aly hang her new television. She taught them how to use a stud finder, a tape measure, and a level. They took turns using the drill and held the mount for her as she lined it up and screwed it to the wall. All together they lifted the television to hang on the mount. It was all new and fun for them. Erika certainly never did projects like this and Julio’s only efforts around his home were with his Christmas set up.

  Luce joined them in the bedroom and watched from the edge of the bed. She explained that Erika didn’t know how to do these things because her father, Frank, didn’t. “He’d call a plumber to plunge a toilet if I didn’t know how to do it.”

  Frank’s father had worked the docks and had not wanted his children to be laborers. He wanted them to be intellectuals, so he didn’t teach them to work around the house. Luce herself was raised at a time when girls were not taught to do these things. “But I watched my father teach my brothers, so I can do little things like plunge a toilet or hang a picture.”

  When the television was hung Whitney, the technophile in the family, hooked it up to the cable and she and Aly learned their way around the system.

  Aly liked Luce. She was quiet and low key, but warm, accessible, and friendly. She also enjoyed seeing Erika in her expressions and gestures. Luce’s voice was softer, but Erika’s southern-touched cadence came from her, too.

  Whitney was still using genealogy to learn history so in the afternoon she and Luce looked over the wall of family pictures and Luce told her what she knew. Aly sat in the dining room with them and listened to stories of Luce’s family, the Cables, and to what Luce knew of the Miltons.

  What Aly most enjoyed, though, was watching Erika interact with Luce that evening. For the most part, Erika related to her mother as one adult to another. But every now and then she would tell a story about young Erika or make some comment on something in Erika’s life and she would roll her eyes or sigh. And in those moments Aly felt she caught an endearing glimpse of adolescent Erika.

  Luce readily agreed to be Aly’s companion for ice skating. This impending event brought to light Whitney’s break up with Mike Kent. Originally, he was to be her plus one, but she announced her change of plans the day before. “All he talks about is science. He’s such a Sheldon,” she said, referencing a popular science obsessed television character.

  Erika and Aly discussed her lack of emotional upset over the break up. Was she holding it in or did she truly not care? Neither was certain.

  Instead, Whitney brought Rocco Walder, a tall, thin, effeminate boy with dark hair and a sharp white face. She had known him for years, but he’d become her fam only in the last year.

  Lu brought Gwena Kung, her bestie since the second grade. Gwena was little, like Lu, and had a round olive face with pretty brown eyes. Aly wondered if they would be like Erika and Ronnie and sustain their friendship throughout life.

  After lunch at the Milton’s on Wednesday they all bundled up and piled into Gigi and Luce’s rental to spend the afternoon at an ice rink in the south central part of the city. The rink was cold and the kid-pop music loud as they entered. It was lightly attended for Winter Break, but Whitney had told her squad she would be there and she and Rocco met up with a few friends.

  After helping the kids put on skates, Aly and Luce bought coffee and sat in the bleachers midway down the rink to watch them. Aly compared Lu and Gwena’s friendship to Erika and Ronnie’s to open conversation with Luce about Erika.

  Aly learned that Erika had been a serious child. Luce told her what she already knew about losing her first daughter, and Luce wondered if her nervous energy had anything to do with Erika’s seriousness. Her grades were good, but her father would not have accepted anything less from such an intelligent child. Ronnie was at first just one of a few friends, but in a couple of years they were inseparable, despite Ronnie having a sister of her own only a couple of years younger.

  Beginning in elementary school Erika was always in class leadership, but never class president. She had an eclectic mix of friends. Her criteria for friendship seemed to be that a person had to be decent and that was about it. But if someone did something she considered mean or immoral, she quickly dropped them.

  In high school she was a beach bunny and loved to play volleyball in the sand. This was before beach volleyball was a school sport so it was after school. She broke her ankle one year and after that Luce had forbidden her from playing anymore. But Luce knew she still did.

  She drank and smoked pot at parties in high school, but, thankfully, never got hooked on anything harder. Luce wasn’t even sure if she tried anything harder. “She can be secretive if she wants to be. She says Whitney is quiet like me. But I see Erika’s secretiveness in Whitney. Although in Whitney it’s more pervasive. Erika’s secretiveness was more selective. That’s what made it so hard. I never knew when she had a secret!”

  Aly thought about the dates Erika went on that she knew about but never heard about from Erika, including initially with Leesa. What else didn’t she know?

  For all of her intelligence and motivation, Erika didn’t know what she wanted to do with her life. “I told Frank we shouldn’t pay for USC unti
l she did know, but he believed in her. He told her to major in English until she figured it out. She took her time. For a while she was going to be a social worker, but she’s really more in her head than in her heart. She does like the personal side of law, though. Our practice is in commercial real estate. But Frank was proud that she chose the law, too.” Aly knew that Luce managed Frank’s practice and they had no plans to retire.

  Luce eventually got to Bianca. With a sigh. “I like Bianca. Have you met her?”

  “I will next month.”

  She shook her head. “I don’t know what she was thinking. It was the way she was raised, I guess. Who needs all that money? I mean, who doesn’t want to be comfortable? But lavish? What kind of hole is that trying to fill?”

  “I guess something a good woman couldn’t fill."

  Luce had been watching the kids as she spoke, but now she looked at Aly. “Yes, that’s right. I think Erika’s a good woman, but then I’m her mother.”

  “She is the best kind of woman. You and Frank did a wonderful job.”

  Luce studied her. “Well, thank you,” she said and touched Aly’s hand in a gesture that reminded Aly of Erika. “What about you, Aly? Did you grow up here?”

  Aly told her about herself and her family.

  “I’m glad you had your father’s family,” Luce said.

  They shared family stories until late in the afternoon when they gathered the kids to get the girls home in time for Julio to pick them up for dinner. Erika’s car was in the garage when they pulled in and they found her standing at the bar in the kitchen sorting through the mail.

  “Enjoy yourselves?” she called out as the girls rushed past her to get ready for the evening.

  They both said yes, but Lu slouched and hung her arms down. “So tired,” she moaned as she went into her room.

  “And how about you two?” she asked her mother and Aly.

  “Yes, Aly and I got to know each other. I like this one,” Luce said, patting Erika on the arm on her way to the living room. “I approve.”

  Erika raised her eyebrows at Aly, her eyes amused. When Luce was out of earshot Aly asked her quietly, “Did she not like Casey?”

  She shook her head. “I don’t know. She never said anything about either Janet or Casey. You must have impressed.”

  Aly moved off toward her room. “Well, anyway, now I know all about you.”

  “Oh, I don’t think so,” Erika murmured. “She doesn’t know all about me.”

  34

  Luce left on Saturday morning, leaving behind a void. “I wish they’d retire and move here,” Erika said with a sigh as she closed the front door.

  “Me, too!” Aly said. “I really like her.”

  Saturday and Sunday, New Year’s Eve, Aly hung around the house with the family. It was cold outside and cozy inside. The girls binged on the Hunger Games trilogy and Aly and Erika mostly hung out on the loungers, with their phones and tablets, reading and talking on and off. For Aly, it was the best way to end the old year and begin the new one.

  There were no special plans for the turn of the year except for Julio to join them for the fireworks. Erika suggested he bring a date. "No, she will think I’m serious if I bring her to meet the family,” he said.

  “So he’s seeing someone?” Aly said.

  “Well, as much as he sees anyone. He doesn’t want anything serious and he certainly does not want marriage. He’s committed to his work and his children, as he always says.”

  Lu fell asleep on the couch as the evening wore on, but she was awakened for the fireworks. Everyone bundled up for the cold night and headed to the edge of the patio where the view was best. There was champagne for Erika and Aly, and sparkling apple cider for the girls and Julio, who would be driving home afterward.

  At midnight, everyone toasted the New Year and hugged. The last to hug were Erika and Aly. It was a real hug, shoulders to hip, if not thigh, and, for Aly, something more. A kiss on the cheek from Erika, who then looked in her eyes and said softly, “I’m happy you’re here with us.”

  The fireworks throughout the city couldn’t compete with the explosion of joy in Aly’s hard beating heart.

  New Year’s morning, the Miltons took down the decorations. Aly pitched in even though it was her day off. She had told Erika and the girls early on that she would set the boundaries for her days off. “If I don’t want to do something I will say no.”

  After lunch, after the girls cleaned up and went to their rooms, she sat at the bar exchanging texts with Gemma over holiday pictures Gemma had sent. Erika sat at an angle to the bar looking at the living room. “This room lacks something,” she said. “I’m really aware of it with the decorations gone.”

  Aly looked up. “It’s soothing on the eye, but it’s not very warm.”

  “Yes! I think I made a mistake. I had a friend do the house. I mean, they were my choices ultimately. But I conceded too much. I thought I liked the modern look. It is nice on the eyes, but you’re right, it’s too cool.”

  “It’s kind of a blank canvas. You could add some warm colors. Like the ones in the fireplace…” Aly launched into a list of ideas she'd had for months.

  Erika was amused. “You’ve given this some thought.”

  “Oh, I’ve been redecorating your house since I worked out here in the summer when the girls were home.”

  Erika looked around the room. “We should do it,” she said decidedly.

  “Really?”

  “Yes, why not? Do you have plans next weekend?”

  ◆◆◆

  In December, Aly felt she and Erika had become something more like friends. Erika was confiding in her. She seemed to prefer Aly around for the holidays. There had been the mysterious hand hug at Christmas and the warm New Year’s kiss on the cheek. And, in January, it only got better.

  Whitney’s fourteenth birthday was on the fourth. Aly joined the Milton-Allende family at the Cheesecake Factory for the occasion. It was there that Whitney informed everyone she had a movie date for Saturday. With her squad, of course. And the date was a girl, Dana Del Toro.

  She announced this with a look of feigned nonchalance as she looked over the extensive menu. Though surprised looks passed between the adults, no one made much of it. Only Lu said, “Since when do you like girls?”

  “I like this one.”

  The basic questions were answered. Dana was fourteen. She was new to The Verkammer this year. Whitney knew her from a couple of classes they shared. And, though a key question--who asked out whom-- was not answered, everyone let it drop. Push too much and Whitney would retreat.

  Later, when the girls were in bed and Aly and Erika were sitting on the loungers with hot chocolate and Chamomile tea, Erika said, “I don’t know why I’m so surprised. I guess I always figured the odds were my girls were straight.”

  “She may be,” Aly said. “She was disappointed in Mike. She likes this girl in some way. Maybe she’s sorting it out. I wonder if Dana is gay or is also figuring it out.”

  “Oh, why do they have to grow up?” Erika said sadly. “I know that’s the point of raising them, but still…”

  “Parenting is letting go in stages.”

  Erika looked at her. “What do you mean?”

  “Stage one, they leave your body. Then they crawl, then they walk, then they’re in school with their own lives, then they’re teens pulling away, and, finally, they’re adults leaving the nest completely.”

  Erika stared into the fire. “Why didn’t anybody tell me this before I had them?”

  “Would you have heard if they did? And that’s only one angle of parenting, anyway. The other side is the marvel of their growing. Like everything else, it’s a mixed bag.”

  They were quiet for a long while, looking into the fire, drinking their hot drinks. Finally, Erika said, “Thank you, Aly. On behalf of my girls. Because if you weren’t here to help me see their side of it I’d lock them up.”

  The ledgestones of the fireplace were tan, grey
, coral, pink, and red. Aly’s idea was to accessorize the living room with items that matched the warmer colors. That weekend she spent two days with Erika trolling through Bed, Bath and Beyond, Living Spaces, Cost Plus, Pottery Barn, Ikea, and any other store that looked promising. These trips were for ideas. Lots of pictures and notes were taken. Another time they would do the actual shopping.

  For Aly it was a wonderful way to learn more about Erika’s taste and her way of making decisions. Quite simply, the more she knew Erika the more she loved her. But this was only furthering her dilemma. She was falling deeper for someone she would never have. Would there ever come a time when she would get over Erika? She could not imagine it. But she also could not imagine spending her life near someone she wanted but would never be with.

  As much as she treasured every moment spent with Erika, she feared that as they got closer she would slip and her true feelings would be revealed. So she pulled back. The next weekend was supposed to be Erika’s with the girls, but Bianca and Aziza were coming to spend time with them in their birthday month. Erika would be free again and there had been an unspoken assumption between them that they would go shopping together. But Aly deliberately made plans with Cass and Toni for Saturday and family for Sunday and told Erika about it over McDonald’s and wine on Wednesday.

  With a twinge of regret she saw a small eyebrow contraction of confused disappointment on Erika’s face, but she didn’t say anything and Aly pretended she didn’t see it.

  “What is this, by the way?” she asked about the merlot they were drinking. “It’s fantastic. Smooth and tasty.”

  “It’s new. Cool Creek Vineyards. Whole Foods. It is great, isn’t it? Fruity.”

  “Very plumy. Look at us. We sound like we know what we’re talking about.” Aly tried to keep it light, but something had gone out of the evening. It pained her that she had somehow hurt Erika. But what was she to do? She was getting too close. She couldn’t take the chance she would be read correctly. The weekend shopping had been a mistake. It had been selfish and indulgent to spend that much time enjoying Erika and getting closer to her. From now on, she’d have to be careful and not draw so close.