We Were Us

by Heather Diemer

  This was random.

  “Yeah sure. But can we just stay closer. I don’t need to go to the city.”

  “Okay. Well that just makes it easier. How about next week sometime?”

  “Yeah. Okay.” I couldn’t help but smile at him. “Can I kiss you again?”

  “Yes.”

  His lips were soft against mine this time as he slowly caressed my mouth. His hands left my back traveled down my thighs then back up and settled on my hips.

  I wanted Josh to stay the night. I knew he was thinking about it too.

  “Josh,” I whispered between kisses.

  “The movie’s over,” he whispered back.

  I didn’t say anything, I just pulled back away from him and looked him in the eyes. I tried to keep a straight face, but I couldn’t and cracked a smile, then laughed out loud.

  “What’s so funny?” he asked.

  “I don’t know. You, us, this whole situation.”

  “What about it?” he asked.

  Josh shifted underneath me so I toppled forward, hovering over his face, my arms braced against the arm of the couch. He grinned up at me and stared down at my lips, then lower down my shirt.

  “I just wasn’t expecting this, us,” I whispered.

  “What about us?” he asked. He reached up and brushed my lips softly. Electric shocks raced through my lips and my whole body. I took a deep breath and looked him in the eyes.

  “I don’t know. I just wanted to have a quiet summer, clean up the house so my dad could sell it, and leave. Just kind of bring closure to this part of my life. I’ll probably never come back here again.”

  “And you thought you could find closure without seeing me?” He sounded serious, but he was still smiling.

  “Well, yeah. I don’t know. I had a plan in my head and you ruined it the first day I got here.”

  “How did I do that?” he asked.

  “In the grocery store. I know we didn’t have much or date much before I left, but we were friends, and I felt safe with you.”

  Josh didn’t respond right away. His eyes were searching my face, like he was looking for me to tell him what to say. He shifted again and sat up on the couch. He leaned against the arm of the couch. I slid down so I was resting on his thighs.

  “Jenna. You and I were best friends. We always have been. When we were dating,” he paused, his face scrunched like he was trying to find the right words, “it felt right, and wrong all at the same time. Like, you were the right person, but it was the wrong time, and then my mom just didn’t like you.” He added the last part quickly.

  I knew why his mom didn’t like me, but I didn’t want to bring that up in case he didn’t know my mom had slept with his dad. I sighed happily though because I felt like I was being given a second chance with Josh. Even if it was just for the summer. Maybe I needed more closure than I thought.

  “Okay.” Was all I said before I leaned in and kissed him. He grasped the back of my neck and kissed me back. His tongue slipped in and out of my mouth. I leaned forward more so I was resting on his hips again and I wrapped my arms around his neck. He raised his hips against mine, I didn’t know if he was shifting again or if it was an intentional move. Desire flooded through me and I pressed myself closer to him. He kissed me harder now and threaded his fingers through my hair. He lifted his hips again. I rocked against him in response.

  Josh broke our kiss and looked deep into my eyes. We were both breathing heavily at this point. I wanted him and I knew he wanted me.

  “Not right now Jenna,” he said.

  “Why not?” I kissed him again.

  “Because I don’t want it to happen on an ugly couch.” He laughed.

  I swatted at his chest but he caught me by my wrists and held them just above him.

  “Okay. Well then you should probably go, unless you want to move this to my bedroom.”

  Josh looked up and behind him toward the direction of my room. He was contemplating my suggestion.

  “I should probably go. It’s getting late and I do have to work tomorrow.” He sighed again and made a move to get up.

  I climbed off of him and straightened my clothing, he did the same. I walked him the short distance to the front door and opened it for him. Before he left, he turned to face me and pinned me against the wall.

  “I’m here for you Jenna. I’m not going anywhere and I’m not letting other people get in our way this time. It’s you and me.” He kissed me again then left.

  I pondered his last comment. He wasn’t going to go anywhere, but I wasn’t staying here. Did he think I would? I had school to finish five hours away. Did he want me to come back when I was done? I thought about Andrew. I should call him. Even though we weren’t exclusively together, I felt like what I was doing with Josh was somehow cheating. And I’d been ignoring his calls since I’d been here.

  I walked back to my bedroom and flopped down on the bed, still in my clothes. I stared at the ceiling and tried to sort out what was happening with Josh.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  The next morning I was awoken by banging on my front door. Good grief, I had a doorbell. I bet it was Josh again. I smiled to myself. I missed him already and I could use a kiss. He’d left me wanting so much more when he left last night. I had been lying in bed for the past hour just thinking about the two of us. I wanted to talk to him about what his expectations were about us and tell him that I wasn’t sure I wanted to be in Riverview after this summer.

  The pounding on my door continued at steady pace, almost rhythmic. Who the hell was at my door? I’d fallen asleep in my clothes from last night so I quickly grabbed a hair tie and looped it through my hair into a low ponytail and made my way to the front door. Maybe I should get Josh a key so he could just check on me whenever he wanted, I thought to myself. It was a silly thought, but he’d been at my house every night for the past two weeks so it wasn’t really that silly.

  I stopped short when I saw a strange man leaning against the door. He head was resting on his raised forearm and the other hand was pounding relentlessly against the glass of the screen door. He wore a business suit with a red tie that was loosened around his collar.

  The stranger straightened himself when he saw me. He wore a weary smile and was sweating already. I checked my phone, 10:00 am. It was probably already at least ninety degrees out. I opened the oak door, but left the screen door shut.

  “Hi.” I said.

  “Jenna. Uh. I’m selling vacuums.”

  “What?”

  “I’m selling vacuums. Do you want one?”

  This guy was sweating pretty profusely and fidgeting with the collar of his of his shirt. Something told me that he did not sell vacuums.

  “How did you know my name?” I asked.

  “Your mom sent me.”

  “My mom?” I said more to myself than to him.

  Who the heck was this guy and how did he know my mom? How did he know where I lived? “My Mom is in jail.”

  This man began to shake and look back and forth to the street and back to me. He loosened his tie some more and unbuttoned the top button of his shirt. He took a step forward and reached for the handle of the screen door. I realized in that moment that I hadn’t locked that door. He swung it open and stepped inside. He was taller than me, but rail thin. I could take him if I needed to.

  “Listen little girl, your mother has something of mine and I’m here to get it. She said you would let me in.” He’d taken off his blazer and tossed it on the couch. Did he think he was staying a while?

  Crap. Realization smacked me in the face. He was here for the drugs! Did she call him from jail? I quickly looked past him and saw that the trash was gone. Of course it was gone, it had been two weeks since I’d seen my mother, and the trash had come and gone a few times since then.

  “Um. I don’t think there’s anything here for you.”

  “Oh, there better be.” He wheezed and spit the sweat that dripped from his face. I was completely disgusted
and just wanted him out of my house.

  Maybe there was more I didn’t know about? I was probably making a bad decision letting him go look, but did I have a choice? I backed away from him and let him pass me. He surveyed the house like he’d been here before. He probably had. I never paid attention to the men who filtered through my mother’s bedroom. I either locked myself in my room or went to Michelle’s.

  “Oh okay.”

  At my word, he pushed past me and headed straight back to her room. There was no question now that he’d been here before.

  “Hey!” I yelled. I wanted to go see what he was doing, but I was not interested in being any closer to him that necessary.

  I heard some rustling of papers and the mattress fall. He came barreling out of the back rooms and into the living room. He got real close to me. Beads of sweat rained down his face.

  “Where are they Jenna?” His voice was loud and panicked. “She told me they were here. Two bags.” He raised two figures up like a peace sign and pushed them into my face.

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” There was no way I was telling him I threw out potentially a grand worth of drugs.

  “They were in her room, under her mattress. He told me they were there.” He moved closer to me and put his hands on my shoulders and shook me. His eyes were wild now.

  “He?”

  The man looked confused for a split second, then remembered himself “She, whatever, where are the bags?”

  “I don’t know.” I found it odd that he had said ‘he’ instead of ‘she’.

  Suddenly the man threw me on the couch and followed me pushing me into the thick cushions. He leaned his knee between my legs and pinned my shoulders with his hands.

  “You are a lying little slut Jenna, just like your mom. Now I’ll give you one more chance to tell me where they are.” His voice was calm and quiet but his face was red with rage, his eyes bulged.

  “Not here.” My voice was calm, but I was scared shitless.

  “Then where?” He growled and pressed into me.

  “I don’t know.”

  “You little liar!” He roared. He pulled at my camisole but I refused to let him touch me.

  “Stop! Stop please!” I screamed.

  “Tell me where they are and I will.” His face had changed. His eyes were hungry.

  I kicked my legs wildly trying to hit any part of him that would make him stop. I stilled briefly to gather my strength, then burst my arms and legs outward and threw him off me. I thanked God I wasn’t a petite girl.

  He tumbled off the couch. I didn’t wait around to tell him to get out of my house. I ran out the door, grabbed my discarded sweater from last night, and headed down the street. I knew where I would go and prayed he’d be home.

  A car pulled up beside me making me jump to the side. I quickened my pace, I didn’t want to explain to anyone why I was walking barefoot down the street at ten in the morning.

  “Jenna!” A female voice called my name. It was Lauren in her cherry red Grand Am. She’d had that car in high school. I remembered being jealous of it. “What are you doing?”

  “Walking,” I replied. I didn’t look at her, I was afraid she’d start asking too many questions.

  “Do you want a ride?”

  “That’s okay. I’m just going to walk.” I kept walking.

  “Don’t be silly. It’s burning up already and the pavement has to be hot on your feet.”

  She was right, my bare feet we on fire. I stopped walking and contemplated what to do next. I just wanted to get to Josh’s house. I’d only have to be in the car with her for a few minutes.

  “Okay,” I said and walked around the front of her car and got in.

  “Where are we going?” Lauren asked.

  “To Josh Riley’s house.”

  “Alrighty.”

  “Thanks.”

  “Where are your shoes?”

  “I forgot them.”

  “You forgot to put on shoes when you left the house?” she asked like I was the stupidest person alive. I probably was.

  “Yes.”?

  We rode in silence the rest of the way to Josh’s house which really was only about a minute longer.

  “Jenna,” Lauren said before I could get out of the car.

  “Yes,” I was beyond annoyed.

  “I don’t know what’s going on right now, but I wanted to let you know that I’m here for you, okay?”

  Her sentiment stopped me from leaving. We both knew we weren’t the best of friends, but she was reaching out to me now and I could tell she was being sincere.

  “Thanks Lauren.”

  With that, I got out of the car and padded up the walkway to Josh’s house. I paused before knocking on the door. Didn’t Josh work all day? Crap. I didn’t see his truck in the driveway. He probably wasn’t even here. I pulled out my phone and dialed his number. It rang several times and I almost hung up.

  “Hello?” He sounded distracted.

  “Hey Josh,” I said. I didn’t mean for my voice to come out sounding so pathetic, but I was so shaken by what had just happened and I was out of breath from running here.

  “Jen, what’s wrong?” I knew had his full attention. I hoped he wasn’t on a tractor or doing something potentially dangerous at the moment. His full attention was on me.

  “Um. I’m at your house. Something happened.”

  “What happened?” His voice was escalating.

  “I’d rather not discuss it over the phone. When will you be home?”

  “Jenna, are you okay? I can be there in like twenty minutes. My mom should be there, knock on the door.”

  “Yeah. Okay. I’m okay,” I said quickly.

  I did as he instructed. A few seconds later, the door opened, revealing a tall slender women with medium length brown hair and kind eyes stood in front of me. I’d always liked Josh’s mom. She was like the town mom. She always made pie and random kids were always in and out of her house. Probably not so much anymore now that her own were grown, but I had fond memories here as a child. I’m sure she liked me too until she found out my mother had slept with her husband. I was fifteen or sixteen when it happened. I didn’t remember the details, but I remember Josh telling me that his dad was leaving.

  “Hi, Mrs. Riley.”

  “Jenna?” I must have looked worse than I thought. “Can I help you?”

  “Jenna, give your phone to my mom.”

  “Josh wants to talk to you,” I said as I handed her my phone.

  Mrs. Riley looked puzzled, but took my phone and spoke into it to Josh.

  I looked away from her and tried not to eavesdrop. I straightened my cardigan and retied my hair. I was grateful I’d fallen asleep with my bra on last night otherwise showing up at Josh’s house barefoot and half naked would have been extremely awkward.

  ‘Hi Josh... Oh…Okay…Are you sure...If you think that’s best sweetie…Okay…Love you too…Bye now.” Mrs. Riley handed the phone back to me.

  “Hey,” I said taking the phone back. Their conversation was vague and confusing.

  “I’ll be there shortly,” he said quickly.

  “Okay. Bye.”

  I turned to Mrs. Riley. She looked me up and down again.

  “Um. I’m sorry. I didn’t know where else to go.”

  “It’s okay. Come on in.” She moved aside and let me in the house. “What happened sweetheart?”

  She motioned for me to follow her to the kitchen. I wondered if she had a pie.

  “Can we wait until Josh gets here?” I asked.

  I didn’t know what I even wanted to tell them. Did I tell them that I’d secretly, unbeknownst to me, had hundreds maybe thousands of dollars of drugs in my house and that my mother sent some random guy to get it, and that when I wouldn’t tell him where they were he attacked me.

  I looked around me while Mrs. Riley flitted around her kitchen pulling ingredients from several cabinets. The house was exactly as I remembered it. Light blue carpet c
overed the floors. There was wallpaper on every wall, some was peeling, and some was probably stuck there for life. It wasn’t a dilapidated house by any means, but showed signs of disrepair. Signs that a struggling single mother lived here and did her best, but let a few things go in the process. Josh’s dad was gone a lot when he was a kid, as a truck driver usually is.

  In the kitchen, there was more wallpaper. It was bright yellow with small lighter yellow flowers with green centers. It wrapped around the top half of the walls, then artificial wood paneling continued at the bottom half. There was an island in the middle with a white Formica top. Two stools sat, tucked under the overhang. Mrs. Riley was gathering her ingredients there. It looked like pancakes. Pancakes would be amazing. I’d stocked up on sugary fruity cereal the last time I went to Miller’s. I usually tried to eat healthy, but I was on my own and the white bunny was staring at me from the box pleading with me to buy his cereal. Not that pancakes would be less sugary but they would taste way better. I sat in silence and watched her prepare whatever she was preparing.

  “I hope you like pancakes,” she finally said.

  “I do. Thank you.”

  “Are you and Josh, together?” she asked.

  “Uh. I don’t know.”

  I watched as she added the flour, sugar, and baking powder to a bowl and whisked them all together.

  “Well he’s been over at your house every night for the last few weeks now.”

  I laughed nervously and looked down at my hands on the table. “Yeah, we’ve been watching Disney princess movies.

  “You expect me to believe that the two of you are in a house alone together and all they do is watch cartoons?”

  “Well sometimes we watch movies that Josh likes,” I countered.

  “I see.” She plopped two eggs into bowl of flour along with some milk and mixed the ingredients until they were smooth.

  “You can believe what you want, but that’s what we do. I cook him dinner too.” My phone chose that moment to start ringing. I grabbed it quickly and silenced it but not before I saw who it was. Andrew. I really should answer it.

  “Boyfriend back home?” she asked. I didn’t respond.

  “I’m not here to cause trouble, Mrs. Riley.”