We Were Us

by Heather Diemer

  “I’m Michelle, want to be friends?”

  And that was that. We played for hours at the park that day. Michelle was full of imagination and she taught me how to use mine. The teeter totter was really a space launcher, the slide took us to an underground jewel mine where we dug up diamonds and rubies and became princesses. Eventually her dad came to pick her up. Michelle asked if he would take me home too but he said no. It wasn’t the last I saw of Michelle though. That summer we spent every waking moment together. Even some non-waking moments. Her mom was kind and loved having me over, her dad on the other hand, did not. Neither of us cared though.

  I stood awkwardly in the hospital room reliving our memories and watched the doctors poke and prod at her. Mrs. Riley and Mrs. Banks stood at the end of the bed watching everything too.

  “Do you want to go to the cafeteria?” Renee asked, startling me.

  “Um, no. I think I’ll just go home. Can I come back tomorrow though?”

  “Of course you can. Your presence seems to have awakened her. And she wants you here,” Mrs. Banks said as she came up beside us.

  “Okay. Thanks.” We hugged and I turned to leave. Josh followed me to the door too.

  “Don’t follow me,” I said and blocked him with my hand.

  “I drove you here,” he said.

  Crap.

  “Okay. Take me home. Now.” There was no need for politeness anymore.

  We walked silently through the hallways, down the elevator, and out to his truck. The ride was equally as quiet. In fact, I didn’t even say anything before I slammed the truck door and ran to my front door. I was too hurt and too embarrassed.

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  I’d been parked on the couch for over an hour staring mindlessly at some reality show on the TV. It had been raining for two days now. I really wanted to go to the river, I needed to clear my thoughts, but after two days of raining, the banks would be overflowing with water, and the current would be stronger. I read Bridge to Terabithia, I knew what happened to girls who fell in rivers.

  Instead, I moped around the house, dwelling on the images of Michelle laying there motionless in the hospital room. I just couldn’t imagine her being like that for a year and a half. I felt like a terrible friend. I hadn’t called or even tried to contact her the entire time I was gone, and when I came back I assumed she’d call me. Then when Josh told me not to call her I assumed she didn’t want to talk to me, that she hated me. I shouldn’t assume things and I shouldn’t listen to boys. Ugh, Josh! Why didn’t he tell me? What was he protecting? Me or her? Or both? I didn’t want to think about that. I was still mad at him.

  I didn’t go see Michelle until three days later. I just couldn’t get myself up off the couch. I used the rain as an excuse, but really I was doing some self-hating, and wallowing in my own self-pity. I was turning into someone I didn’t like. Josh was affecting more than I liked in the wrong ways. I liked it when he was close to me and touched me in a way that stirred desire inside me. I liked his lips on mine and the way he held my face when we kissed. All good things end. I must take the bad with the good I guess. I just wish there didn’t have to be a bad with Josh. My feelings for him had grown. I’d seriously contemplated staying here to be with him, or at least give Andrew a heads up that we weren’t going to be anything more than friends.

  God this sucked.

  The sun had set by the time I even thought about moving. There must have been a marathon of this show, because the same characters were on. I wandered into the kitchen and opened the fridge and stared. I had nothing but left-over frozen meals. I didn’t want to eat them, I didn’t want to think of Josh, and frozen food reminded me of him.

  The doorbell rang startling me. I was 99% sure it was Josh and 99% sure I didn’t want to talk to him. Instead of listening to my 99%, I went to the door and answered it. Well, I was right, it was Josh, and I let him in. The stupid 1%.

  “Hey Jen,” he said softly.

  “Hey.”

  “Can we talk?”

  So when I’d needed him last week he’d ignored my calls and texts and blew me off when I showed up at his house, but now he needed to talk to me and suddenly everything’s supposed to be all okay? No thank you. I was all ready to blow him off, but then he looked at me with those painfully blue eyes, full of sadness and I just couldn’t say no.

  “You can talk. I’m not really interested in talking to you,” I said finally and moved aside so he could come in the house.

  “Come on Jenna.”

  “Come on Jenna? Come on Josh! What the hell Josh! What the hell. My best friend is in a freaking coma and you didn’t think it was a good idea to tell me? What the freaking hell!”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “No, you’re an idiot. What did you think? That you could get away with it because I wasn’t staying past August? That you could just have your cake and eat it too?”

  “Jenna.”

  “What?” I no longer liked the way he said my name.

  I paced around the living room making grand gestures and flailing my arms around. I was pissed and rightfully so. I came around again and stood in front of him. He was much taller than me so my attempt at a forceful, angry stance felt a little silly, but I held my ground and glared at him with narrowed eyes.

  “Jenna, you said you weren’t here to start trouble, that you wanted a quiet summer. I was trying to give you that.”

  “I wanted my friends. I wanted to talk to Michelle! You knew that!”

  “Well she was in a coma and you couldn’t have her anyway!”

  “Did you know that she’s been awake for like weeks now? She’s heard everything you’ve said.”

  “Yeah, but I didn’t tell her about us.”

  “That’s not the point!”

  “Then what is?” He was exasperated now.

  “The point is that you had no right to keep me from her.”

  “I was going to tell you. I was. When the doctors said she might be waking up, I was going to tell you, but then that guy ransacked your house and I thought it would be better just to leave it for now. And now you think her dad is behind the whole thing. What if you two ran into each other at the hospital? What would you do? What do you think he’d do? You haven’t heard the rumors Jenna. People are saying that you slept with the mayor.” He sounded like he believed the rumor and was waiting for me to confirm it.

  “What?” I was horrified at this admission, but not surprised at the same time.

  Not only was it not true, but I knew exactly who started it. Mayor Banks. Even though I didn’t turn him in as the ‘robber’ who broke into my house, he’d sent out a preemptive strike against me. This all but proved he was behind the whole thing. “What other rumors are out there?” I asked.

  “Just that, and that you are selling drugs for sex just like your mom.”

  “Damn it! Damn it!” I slumped down on the couch and hung my head between my legs. I was done. I knew I shouldn’t have come back here. I should not have gone to see my mom. Then the mayor would have gotten his drugs when he came by and all would be good. Or he would have turned me in for drug possession and my life would have been over.

  A disgusting thought popped into my head. A thought I didn’t want to think. A thought so unthinkable it made me want to vomit.

  “Josh,” I said after a bit.

  “Yes?” My head was still lowered but I felt him rush to me. The couch cushions dipped when he sat next to me.

  “Is she why you hung out with me all summer? Did you want to be with me so you’d know where I was all the time, so I wouldn’t find out about her?

  He shifted beside me and took a really long time to answer. I didn’t need his answer, I knew,”

  “No Jenna.”

  “Liar!” I said and got up from the couch, leaving him staring after me.

  “I’m not Jenna. Jenna please?” He got up off the couch and stood in front of me so I had to look at him. He was hunched over so he was eye level with me and hi
s arms were at his sides, his hands palm side up. He was asking my forgiveness.

  “I liked you Josh. I said I loved you.” Tears threatened, but I would not allow myself to cry about this. I’d held on to Josh as some kind of enigma. He was my childhood sweetheart and I thought he would save me from this town, from my life. But I was wrong. So wrong.

  “Jenna, I’m sorry. I never wanted it to play out like this. Jenna, I love you, I always have. Michelle and I are over, I promise. I love you Jenna.” His words meant nothing to me anymore.

  He followed me as I paced around the house. I stalked into the kitchen, then through the bedroom and back into the living room. He was right behind me. I could feel his breath on the back of my neck.

  “Jenna,” he said again.

  “Please get out of my house,” I said firmly. I stood with my arms crossed and my back straight. I was for real this time.

  “Jenna, please?” The way he said my name sent a familiar sensation down my spine but I ignored it.

  I was angry, and hurt, and sad, and frustrated, and lonely, and broken. I thought I was in love with Josh. I had given myself to him. I had shared everything with him. He was the only thing in this town that didn’t suck for me and now it was ruined.

  “Please just go,” I said. I walked around him back to my room.

  I heard the heavy oak door creak open then the slam of the storm door as he left.

  I snatched up my phone, dove under the blankets and dialed the number I’d been avoiding all summer. It rang twice the clicked on.

  “Hello,” The deep familiar voice said.

  “Andrew?” I couldn’t suppress my tear any longer. They burst from my lips and I cried into the phone until I had no tears left.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

  I woke up the next morning to a damp pillow. My fingers were still curled around my phone and my eyes were dry and scratchy. My foggy mind tried to piece together what had happened. Fight with Josh, lots of tears, called Andrew. Oh God. I called Andrew. I looked at my phone and a call was still in session...

  “Andrew?” I said quietly

  “Right here babe.” I liked it when he called me that. Josh had called me babe once and it was just weird and awkward. Thoughts of Josh reminded me that he was the reason for the tears last night.

  “Have you been on the phone this whole time?” I said as I held back the tears.

  “Yep. And you snore.”

  “Shut up. I do not.” I laughed.

  “You do and it’s adorable.”

  I sat up on my bed and wiped the tears that had slipped out. I signed heavily and took my phone with me to the bathroom. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. A tangled halo of hair circled my head, my eyes were bloodshot, and my nose was bright red. I don’t usually get the ‘cry face’ but after last night, I’m not surprised.

  “Andrew.” I said to myself in the mirror.

  “Yeah babe,” he said back from the phone.

  “I miss you.”

  “I miss you too. When are you coming back?”

  “Real soon.”

  “Good.”

  “Okay, I’m going to go get dressed. I have a few things to take care of here before I can leave.”

  “Sure thing, babe. I’m glad you called.”

  “Sorry I’ve been ignoring you.”

  “It’s okay.”

  “No, it’s not. I’m sorry.”

  “Are you going to be ok? Do you want to talk about it?

  “Not right now. I have to sort it all out in my head.

  “Okay. Hurry back.”

  “Yeah.”

  With that, I hung up with Andrew. I was an idiot. I had a good thing going with Andrew. Even if we weren’t ‘a thing’, we were something. Andrew had been nothing but nice to me. He believed what I’d told him and not asked questions when I said I didn’t want to talk about it. I was being a child about this whole situation. It wasn’t even that bad. So I’d had a crappy childhood. Many kids did. I wasn’t special. I didn’t deserve special treatment because of the life I’d been given. But I also didn’t deserve the treatment I’d been given from this town. I was not my mother, and I had never shown this town any indication that I would turn into her.

  I slammed the phone down on my bed and stood up quickly. I needed to stop acting like an idiot and take my life back into my own hands. I could rise above this shitty town and show them that I was better. I would not run away again like last time. I was not here to stay, but for the rest of my time here, I would show them who I really was. I wasn’t a whore, or a drug dealer, or a girl who sits around feeling sorry for herself. No. I was an overcomer. I had people in my life who loved me and cared about me and needed me. From now on I would focus on that.

  I needed to go see Michelle. I knew Josh said that the two of them were over, but if Michelle’s mom called Josh and his mom to come to the hospital when Michelle woke up, then something must still be there between them. I pulled on jeans and a t-shirt, ran a comb through my hair, and skipped the bathroom mirror. I was lucky to not be blessed with a cry face. No puffy red eyes or blotchy skin.

  The trip to the hospital was too short. I wondered if Josh or Mayor Banks would be there. With my newfound determination, I rather hoped they would both be there. I wanted to tell them what I really thought of them now. But the hospital probably wasn’t the time or place to bring up the fact that I’d slept with Josh, and that I was accusing Michelle’s dad of orchestrating an attack on me in my home because of some old drugs that were still in my house.

  I sat in my car a while before finally getting out. I slammed the door shut to let out a little frustration before stalking into the hospital. When I reached her room, I heard low voices, there were a lot of people in there. I guess her mom and sister, and a voice I didn’t recognize, then I heard the Mayor’s voice. Shoot, all my determination and self-resolve left me. I didn’t want to confront the Mayor. Not now. I almost turned to leave, but my need to see Michelle again got the better of me. Besides, Renee and Mrs. Banks wouldn’t let anything happen. I pushed the door open slowly and peaked inside. Crap. There was the Mayor. I opened the door more and saw that Renee and Mrs. Banks stood on one side of the bed, while Mayor Banks was talking animatedly. I looked around some more, Josh was standing by the window. Double shit. The door creaked and everyone turned to look at me. Triple shit. I was about to make my exit.

  Mayor Banks hurried toward the door. He looked like he was going to run me down so I backed away a little.

  “Jenna, you are not welcome here. You are the reason she’s in this place to begin with.” he yelled.

  “Dad! Stop! Jenna can come in.”

  “No. This is a family matter and she is not family.”

  “Dad.”

  “Honey, it’s okay,” Mrs. Banks said.

  Mayor Banks glared at me then backed back into Michelle’s room. I followed him and took a place next to Michelle’s bed. I leaned down to hug her and I heard her dad scoff behind me.

  “How’s it going?” I asked.

  “Good. I need to stay here for a couple more weeks, then I get to go home,” she said. Her voice was sounding stronger.

  “That’s good.”

  “Yeah. My vitals have stayed steady for the past few weeks while I was asleep, and for the last few days nothing has really changed so the doctors think it’s okay for me to go home if I keep a low profile and don’t try to do too much too soon. I’ve lost muscle tone so I’m not as strong as I was so I’ll need to do physical therapy, but I can do that at home as well.”

  “Yeah no swinging off the rope swing into the river.” Josh laughed. It quickly fizzled into a cough, his face distorted into a million different emotions all at once when he looked away from me. The river. That’s what he was thinking about. He couldn’t even look at me anymore. Ouch. The once beautiful and most meaningful memory of the two of us was now marred and dirty. He kept his gaze from me. I’m not sure if Michelle caught our exchange, if she did, she didn’
t say anything.

  “Well you won’t be going anywhere with her. You’ll be staying at home. Jenna’s leaving soon anyway, aren’t you Jenna?” the way he said my name, full of disdain. I hated it.

  “Yes,” I smiled. “I’m heading back to school.”

  “Where she can’t hurt you anymore,” he said to Michelle.

  “Dad, stop. How many times do I have to tell you that it wasn’t Jenna’s fault? It was yours. You slept with her mom, you got caught with the drugs. You should be in jail right along with Jenna’s mom. But you’re not.” Everyone in the room grew quiet at Michelle’s outburst. “And I know you sent that kid over to her house to steal back the drugs that were still in her house.”

  I looked from Michelle to her Dad. His face was contorted into a look of horror. His mouth gaped open and closed like a fish. He was trying to say something to defend himself but apparently could not come up with a good enough lie to cover up the truth his daughter just spilt.

  “Um,” I said randomly.

  “Oh yeah, I’ve heard everything. All things. Mom, you should really just leave him.” She sat back in her bed and folded her arms. She glared at her father for a moment longer, then dismissed him. She stared out the window.

  The horrified looks on everyone’s faces were enough to tell me that they’d all heard the rumors too. I wondered what Mrs. Riley was thinking. She’d been the one I’d run to after Mayor Banks had attacked me. I bet she knew the rumor wasn’t true.

  “Michelle honey, you should rest. You don’t want to overexert yourself,” Mrs. Banks said. She flitted around Michelle’s bed fixing the sheets and Michelle’s hair.

  “I’m fine Mom.” She threw her hands up, effectively stopping her mother’s fretting. “I’m just saying what everyone is thinking.”

  It was true. Michelle had just exposed her father as a liar, a thief, and basically a drug dealer. This was the proof I needed that my suspicions about the mayor being behind the attack were true. But would anyone believe a girl who’d be in a coma for over a year? I doubted it, but I had a room full of witnesses who’d seen his reaction to Michelle’s accusatory words.