by Beth Wiseman
Oh no. Sadie took an abrupt step backward, and he was forced to drop his hand from her arm. She knew her eyes were reflective of the sinful thoughts racing through her mind. “Please leave,” she said softly, refusing to look him in the eye.
“Sadie,” he whispered. He took a step closer, but she stepped back further. “I guess, in my world, it’s acceptable to make such a gesture of friendship. I’m sorry if I offended you in any way.”
Sadie knew that it was not so much his gesture that was inappropriate, as much as her reaction to the feel of his lips on her cheek.
“I won’t let it happen again.” He stepped back and held his palms up.
She nodded, but wondered if he could keep his word. Or if she wanted him to.
And that thought terrified her
It was an hour later when Kade loaded the suitcase in his car. He buckled Tyler in the backseat and couldn’t stop thinking about Sadie. Evidently, his mild gesture of affection rattled her quite a bit. If she’d only known how badly he’d wanted to kiss her on the lips, she would have appreciated the restraint he used.
He pulled the car out of the barn, edged his way backward in the snow, and then turned the Mercedes around. Maybe he should have left earlier. Much earlier. Large snowflakes froze against the windshield and made it almost impossible to see. He turned up the heat and defrost in the car and headed down the driveway. When he turned onto Black Horse Road, he began to worry that this was a mistake. The snow was much worse today than it was the night they’d looked for Jonas.
He could feel his back tires spinning, and the trees on either side of the road blew wickedly in the wind.
And it’s supposed to be worse tomorrow? He couldn’t imagine. If he could make it to Lincoln Highway, the snow plows would be in force, and it shouldn’t be too terribly bad on the way to the airport. He hoped.
Kade pushed on the gas in an effort to free his spinning tires. But he wasn’t moving. “Oh, great!”
“Oh, great!” Tyler echoed from the backseat.
Kade didn’t know anything about driving in this slush, but as he revved the engine a final time, one thing was clear. He wasn’t going anywhere.
10
SADIE STEPPED ONTO THE PORCH TO RETRIEVE A LOG for the fire.
“Ach! ” The biting wind nipped at her exposed cheeks and whipped through her cape as she heaved a log into her arms. She was grateful that Kade had replenished the wood stack on the porch before he left. He’d exited so abruptly with Tyler that she didn’t have a chance to thank him.
After their encounter, Kade had told her he would be back to get his car and other personal items, but he wasn’t sure when. Then he quickly left. But his tender kiss on her cheek replayed again and again in her mind, stirring things inside Sadie that brought on a wave of confusion.
A flurry of snow blew underneath the porch rafters and dusted her dark clothing with sprinkles of white powder. But it was nothing compared to the swirl of activity beyond the porch—whirlpools of wind and snow twirling beneath graying skies, as if churning out one last dance before the lights went out. She flung the door open to go back inside.
“Sadie!”
It was faint, but she heard it—a man’s voice. She stopped before crossing the threshold, twisted her head around, and peered into the wintry mix, scanning the snow-covered land. Her eyes tried to focus on . . . Kade?
Adrenaline pumped through her and rendered her oblivious to the frigid air as Kade came into view amid the thickening snowfall, carrying Tyler. She dropped the log next to the pile. Inside, she fumbled as she pulled on her boots, gloves, and heavy coat, then bolted out the door and down the porch steps to meet Kade and Tyler.
“What happened?” He was white as the snow and looked like he might keel over any second from exhaustion. She couldn’t even see Tyler all bundled up within the same brown blanket as before.
Sadie coaxed them inside, then led them to the fireplace. Kade gently pulled the blanket from around Tyler, who looked around. “Warm yourselves,” she said.
Kade’s teeth were chattering as he held his hands in front of the fireplace. Tyler began to pace the living room.
“The storm is already too bad. My car got stuck,” Kade said. He shook his head. “No one is going anywhere in this. I waited too long to leave.”
“I’ll go make kaffi for us and cocoa for Tyler.” Sadie unbuttoned her coat on the way to the kitchen and hung it on the rack. The storm had turned the sky prematurely dark, so she lit a lantern and placed it on the counter.
When she returned with their warm drinks, Kade was putting his gloves back on. “I need to go back to the car and get the suitcase. Tyler won’t be happy for long without his letters, plus the black binder is in there, and everything else.” He sighed with dread. “Can you keep an eye on Tyler?”
“Of course.”
Tyler continued to shuffle aimlessly around the den, clapping his hands.
“It says in my notes clapping his hands is self-stimulatory behavior,” Kade said.
Sadie wasn’t familiar with Kade’s Englisch words, but she nodded. The clapping seemed to be entertaining the boy.
“He is going to realize something is missing soon,” Kade said. “I’ll hurry back.”
Sadie peered out the window. “It’s almost completely dark outside, and yet still early.”
Kade didn’t respond, but seemed to be mentally preparing himself to venture back out into the storm. He rubbed his gloved hands together, took a deep breath, and pushed the door from the den open.
Sadie silently prayed that God would keep him safe. Then she brightened the room by placing two more lanterns on opposite sides of the den.
Kade was only gone for a few minutes when she noticed Tyler becoming agitated. The boy’s lips curved downward, and he began to run his hands through his hair, causing the light-brown locks to stand straight up.
“Tyler, do you want to read for a bit?” Sadie sat down on the couch and hoped that Tyler would do the same. After a few minutes, he did. Sadie brought the lantern closer and handed him the Bible she kept on the table. She watched him slowly turn the pages, almost as if he was searching for something.
With the boy quiet and occupied, Sadie’s thoughts turned to Kade and how different Kade’s life would be now, raising his son full-time. She tried to envision Kade’s home, most likely filled with expensive furniture and trinkets. Such a handsome man, too, probably with many Englisch women pursuing him in his home city.
She touched her cheek and recalled the gentle way he’d kissed her, and then forced herself to think about Milo. I’m tired of being alone, Lord. Spring wasn’t long to come. Surely Milo would be here.
But Sadie knew that it was more than just lack of a man in her life. Questioning God’s will was causing her to feel an emptiness that went beyond loneliness. Almost as if she were slowly losing a treasured friend, or not nurturing a relationship that was vital to her well-being.
Tyler was still flipping pages, and Sadie watched him begin to turn them slower as he reached the book of Job, and then the book of Psalms. He ran a finger along each line of tiny print, and Sadie felt sad that Tyler probably had no understanding of what he was reading, these words to live by. But she also knew that God had a special place in His kingdom for children like Tyler, a reserved seat for His precious little ones who perhaps didn’t have the privilege of understanding His love for them.
Sadie leaned her head back against the couch and sighed. She felt guilty that she was able to understand God’s love for her, but yet she was seeing fit to question His will. Her heart was heavy, and she feared she’d never find true happiness again. Hope seemed to be slipping away, little by little. I want to believe, Lord, that happiness is coming for me. Please give me the courage and strength to always know that Your will shall be done.
Tyler shifted his weight on the couch, and Sadie turned her head in his direction. He stopped scanning the pages, his small finger parked near the upper-left corner of page 349 of t
he Old Testament. “Be of good courage,” Tyler said slowly. “And he shall strengthen your heart, all ye that hope in the Lord.”
Sadie eyed the young boy with wondrous speculation as chill bumps rose on both her arms. “What?” she whispered, unsure if she’d heard him correctly. But Tyler’s head was reburied in the pages of the Good Book.
She was still thinking about Tyler’s statement when Kade returned. He heaved through the door, slinging snow everywhere, then dropped the suitcase and moved quickly toward the fireplace. “It is unbelievable outside,” he said through chattering teeth. He pulled his gloves off and held his palms to the fire.
Sadie couldn’t speak as her thoughts spun into a thick mass of bafflement. Speculations about Tyler’s words swirled in her head, visions of Kade’s kiss lingered in her mind, and she fought to ward off the worry in her heart.
Kade pulled off his coat and sat down on the couch beside Tyler. “Did everything go okay?” He steered his eyes in Sadie’s direction.
“Ya.” Sadie eased into one of the rockers, gave it a gentle push with her foot, and tried to clear her head.
Tyler sat up a little bit taller and glanced toward his father. “Hey, partner,” Tyler said boldly.
Sadie giggled, glad for a distraction from her own thoughts. “That’s cute, his words.”
Kade gazed at his son with eyes longing for more than Tyler was able to give him, but yet tender and kind. Loving. “Yeah, I have a friend who says that all the time too,” Kade said. He looked up at Sadie. “My friend Val seems to start every conversation with ‘Hey, partner.’”
“Reckon it must be where Tyler heard it.”
“No.” Kade shook his head. “Val hasn’t seen Tyler since Monica took him and left Los Angeles. So, not for about three years.”
Tyler began to flip through the pages of the Bible, and Sadie reflected on what Tyler had said before Kade arrived, toying with the idea of mentioning it to Kade.
“Cool beans,” Tyler whispered without looking up.
Sadie giggled again at the strange comment, but she thought she saw a troubled expression sweep across Kade’s face.
Unease threatened to suffocate Kade as he realized that one of the few things he still held sacred—his friendship with Val—suddenly felt at risk.
“My friend Val says that too.” Kade eyed Tyler suspiciously. “Tyler, do you know Val?”
“Val loves Mommy,” Tyler said softly. His son didn’t look up to see the stunned expression on his dad’s face.
But Kade could feel Sadie’s eyes on him, and for the moment, he chose not to look at her, fearful she’d see right through him at the rage in his mind—wicked thoughts directed at his dear friend Val. Had the only person he trusted betrayed him?
Kade recalled the conversation when Val told him that Monica was bringing Tyler to him. Val had sounded odd on the phone, but Kade hadn’t thought too much about it. Then there was the call from Val about Monica’s death. Val seemed shook-up, but Kade wrote it off as concern about Kade’s own situation, not feelings of loss that Val might be having of his own.
It was all clicking—Val’s trips, his withdrawal from discussions outside of the business arena, and overall detachment from the friendship. Val wasn’t mending his soul. He was planning to marry Kade’s wife and raise Kade’s son! When was he going to tell me?
Val’s real estate development company was successful, yet considerably smaller than Kade’s corporation. They’d often combined resources to score ahead of the competition, with Kade always pulling most of the load. And he’d never minded. Val was his friend. Was.
If Val had come to him, told him that he was in love with Monica—that would be one thing. At least he’d have known that Tyler would be raised by a good man. But to lie and sneak around like this . . .
“Hey, partner,” Tyler repeated again with a giggle.
Kade rose abruptly, put his hands on hips, and began to pace. His heart pounded, his stomach churned, and he resisted the urge to verbalize the thoughts in his head.
“Your face is red,” Sadie said cautiously.
“That happens when I’m mad, and I am madder than—” He caught himself as Sadie warned him with her eyes to choose his words carefully.
She rose from the rocker, sighed, and said, “’T’will be completely dark soon. Might be best to get Tyler to the cottage before nightfall.”
Kade nodded, even though heading back to the cottage was the last thing he wanted to do. The weather was crummy. His mood was worse. Last thing he wanted to do was be alone with Tyler at the cottage. He started the bundling process. First, Tyler’s coat and mittens, then his boots. Working slowly, he glanced at Sadie and decided, for once, to say what was really on his mind.
“Sadie.” He watched her expression take on a hint of wariness, but Kade pressed on. “I’m having a really bad day.” He quit struggling to push Tyler’s wriggling foot into the boot, sighed in frustration, and sat on the couch. Tyler stood with one boot on but didn’t seem bothered. Sadie waited for him to go on, but she clearly wasn’t going to make any offers to console him. He took a deep breath. “Can we stay for a while?”
“I—I don’t know if—”
“If it’s appropriate,” he finished.
“Ya.” She pulled her eyes from his—her big, blue eyes that, for an instant, seemed to defy her words. And it was enough to give Kade hope.
“We wouldn’t stay long. I thought maybe we could have a cup of coffee and talk. We’re both alone out here and could be for days evidently.”
Her eyes locked with his in a way that confirmed Kade’s initial thoughts. She wants us to stay. But Kade also knew that if he didn’t work fast, she’d boot them out anyway. He grinned in a playful way. “It’s cold outside.”
She smiled back. “Ya, it is.”
“Sadie, no one will ever know that we’re unsupervised under the same roof together, I promise. No one is going to be out in this weather, and I won’t tell a soul. I would really enjoy talking with you. My life is a mess.” He shook his head. “But you seem to have a clearer picture of how to have a more peaceful existence. I’d be interested to hear about that.”
“We live in very different worlds, Kade.” Something in her tone sealed the deal, and Kade knew they would be staying.
Sadie lit more lanterns than were probably necessary in her kitchen. It was light and bright—nothing like the weather outside, Kade’s mood, or the fear she felt at him being here. If Bishop Ebersol knew about this . . . But she knew her fear ran much deeper than getting caught by the bishop.
She tried not to think about it and pulled a container of beef stew from the freezer. As she ran it under the hot water from the sink, she wondered what Lillian would say about this. Of all her friends, Lillian was the most lenient when it came to the Old Order ways, but mostly because she hadn’t grown up Amish. Sadie knew that Lillian still struggled with the rules from time to time, but never with her faith—an area Sadie seemed to be having trouble with these days.
Sadie remembered how vibrant she used to feel, how her spirited characteristics had brought her and Lillian together as friends in the first place. Lillian had the same zest for life that Sadie had. Until recently. Sadie’s lighthearted spirit had darkened, and it scared her.
She bowed her head but cut her prayer short when she heard Kade returning from the bathroom with Tyler.
“Here is coffee for you, and some milk for Tyler,” she said when Tyler and Kade walked into the room. She carried the semi-thawed stew to a pot on the stove and dumped it in. “Tyler, I think I might have some tapioca pudding in my refrigerator just for you.” She turned her head to face him. “Would you like that?”
Tyler didn’t respond and seemed more interested in the streams of light shining brightly throughout the kitchen.
“Wow. It’s bright in here.” Kade walked to the lantern Sadie had placed on her china hutch across the room. “Do you mind if I turn this one off?”
Her eyes grew wide. “Y
a! I mean, no! Don’t turn it off.” She turned around in time to see that side of the room grow dark and Kade’s brows rise in surprise. “It’s all right, I reckon,” she added, and then spun quickly around so Kade wouldn’t see the pink in her cheeks.
“I can turn it back on, if you’d like,” he said cautiously.
Sadie vigorously stirred the stew. “No. It’s okay.”
She glanced around the room. Darker than she would prefer. A tad too intimate.
Supper was uneventful, except that Tyler burst into laughter for no apparent reason on several occasions, which kept the mood light. And his outbursts had been contagious. Sadie and Kade both laughed along with the boy, and Sadie realized what a long time it had been since she’d had a good, hearty chuckle, the kind of sidesplitting laughter that Tyler’s bubbly giggles brought out in her. Such a sweet sound—a child’s merriment, she thought as she began to clear the dishes.
“Let me help you.” Kade stood from the wooden bench.
“No, it’s fine,” Sadie said. Besides, she doubted Kade had cleared too many tables in his life. For that matter, neither had Ben. In her community, men didn’t help with cooking or cleanup. It was work for the womenfolk. But Kade walked toward her with his and Tyler’s plates and placed them in the sink.
“I don’t remember the last time I’ve laughed like that,” Kade said. He turned around, leaned against the counter, and watched Tyler playing with his lunch box full of letters at the kitchen table.
“Nor do I.” Sadie added dishwasher soap to the running warm water. She turned briefly toward Kade, but Kade was still gazing at his son. “He is such a joy, Kade.”
“He’s so handsome to be so . . .” Kade sighed.
“Special? Is that the word you are searching for?” Sadie placed the first clean dish in the drainer. Kade didn’t answer, but instead picked up the plate and began drying it with the dish towel nearby. “No, please. I’ll do that,” she said. Not only was it not a man’s place to take on the chore; it wasn’t Kade’s place to act in such a familiar way.