Biker with Benefits

by Mickey Miller

  She clenches hard around me, and my entire body is set on fire.

  Yes. This is desire.

  This is so right.

  This is . . . love?

  She wraps her arms around my neck as I soften inside her. But she doesn’t get off.

  “Where’d you learn to ride like that, baby?”

  She giggles. “I learned from the best.”

  Three words linger on the tip of my tongue.

  I should say them. Just let them out.

  But then my mind runs through the last time I told a woman I loved her, and how that worked out.

  I never saw her again.

  Our flesh sticks together.

  Harm finally lifts off of me and goes to the bathroom.

  Naked, I walk to the refrigerator and get us a couple of glasses of water.

  She comes out, a faint smile on her face.

  “Want some water?” I ask.

  “Sure.” She shrugs, still naked. I hand her a glass, and we whip around at the sound of the door opening.

  Andrew walks in and sees us standing there, stark naked.

  His jaw drops. “Uh, home early, guys.”

  “Give us a minute, will you?”

  He nods.

  Harmony and I gather our clothes and head to our room.

  After we brush our teeth and get ready for the night, she chugs a second glass of water.

  “Well, that was awkward,” she says.

  I shrug. “I don’t know. I don’t think he minded the show.” I wink. “Although I do like having you all to myself.”

  “I mean, it’s not like he has a problem with the ladies liking him. I’m sure he’s getting with lots of them.”

  I scrunch up my face. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  She purses her lips. “He’s an attractive guy. Just doesn’t seem like he’d have a problem getting girls. That’s all.”

  I swallow. “I guess you two haven’t talked much.”

  “We have, a little. But he never talks about girls.”

  “Andrew hasn’t been with a woman in years. He’s like me. Scared of them, I guess.”

  “Holy shit, seriously?”

  I nod. “Maybe I can set him up with one of my old college friends. A few of them still live in Nashville.”

  “Sure. Why not.”

  Harmony takes a pull of water and turns the light off.

  “Thanks for the water,” she says. “Really needed it after our—you know.”

  “You’re welcome,” I return, and kiss her goodnight.

  As we fall asleep, I can’t shake the vague feeling that I’m missing something.

  But I’m happy she’s not talking about her song being stolen. As I doze off, I think of the only high-powered lawyer I’ve ever known.

  What an odd night.

  25

  Harmony

  Smiling, my server puts a plate of bacon, eggs, and kale sweet-potato hash in front of me.

  I flash a smile and grab my fork.

  “Everything okay?” my friend Fiona asks.

  It’s been forever since I’ve seen Fiona—we were classmates in music theory freshman year. I’d been so immersed in playing music and with my relationship with Jax that I’d let my old Nashville friendships go by the wayside.

  “I’m fine,” I say, pushing my eggs around. “Thanks for inviting me to breakfast. This is a good idea.”

  I let out a deep sigh as I take a tiny bite of my omelet.

  “Really? You don’t look fine. You look like you need to go back to sleep.”

  I frown. “The truth is that everything is not fine. Last night was completely ruined by Roddy, in more ways than one.”

  I give her a rundown of last night.

  “Not only did he steal my song, but he got to me so much, I didn’t even have the guts to get back on stage. And then, of course, there was the fact that I told Jax I loved him and he said nothing back.”

  Relief pours through me as I get this off my chest. She drops her jaw. “Oh no.”

  “Oh yes.” I shake my head. “That’s part of the reason I wanted to hang out so badly this morning. I needed to get away from there.”

  I feel my chest sink as confusion rips through me.

  Jax knows I love him, and his reaction is to offer me a glass of water?

  But at the same time, I can’t totally fault him. The way I said it wasn’t deliberate—it just slipped out.

  We continue conversing, and she laughs at the fact that Andrew walked in on us.

  Fiona wiggles her eyebrows. “I bet he wanted in on the action, you know?”

  I swallow. “Nah.” I wave her off.

  She bites her lip. “I mean, you’ve never thought about it?”

  I tense up. “Thought about what?”

  “Being with two guys at the same time?”

  My body stiffens like a board. I take a final bite of my bacon and push the plate to the side of the table.

  “I didn’t say I hadn’t thought about it. But you know, it would get weird. Probably.”

  She winks. “Oh yeah, it would get way weird.”

  Throwing my head back in laughter, I shake my head playfully. “You’ve changed so much, Fiona. What’s gotten into you the last few years?”

  She rolls her eyes and smiles. “Oh stop it. I mean, you said the Andrew guy is cute, right?”

  Tension bubbles up in my throat and chest. “You’ve really latched on to the details of my living arrangements, haven’t you?”

  “All I’m saying is . . . never mind. I’m just kidding around.” She waves a hand. The server comes and gives us the check.

  “But seriously. It’s good to know you’re back in the area. I’ll forgive you for taking so long to let me know you were here, but you’ve got to start hanging out with us. Savannah is here too. We’ll have to have a reunion.”

  “That sounds fantastic!”

  “So . . . you told me about this crazy romance you’ve been having with this guy. But question: Are you going to live with him for like . . . good now? We have an extra room opening up. We’d love to have you stay. And Georgette is a manager at a cocktail bar in downtown Nashville. She could totally get you a job there. You’d make bank in just a few nights a week.”

  I feel my heart surge. “That sounds ideal.”

  My mind wanders back to Jax, though. Even if he can’t say he loves me, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t care about me more than any man I’ve ever been with.

  “No, thanks,” I say, waving her off. “Thank you so much for the offer, though. I have a good situation going right now.”

  She shrugs. “Well, if you need the room, just let me know.”

  I nod. But there’s someone else I’d rather be living with. And that’s the truth.

  For now, at least.

  When I get home, Jax is in the shower, and I consider jumping in with him, just like the first night we arrived here.

  He’s been nothing short of amazing during our first month in Nashville. I’ve felt a level of support that I couldn’t have even imagined back when I was in Blackwell with my dad and stepmom.

  Still, there’s a darkness behind his eyes sometimes. I don’t see it all the time. But last night, when he was ready to unleash on Roddy, my mind raced with worry that he might do something unthinkable—like beat Roddy beyond recognition. And it would end up being my fault.

  Silent as he is, Jax is a good man. But Fiona’s words ring in my ears about her extra room. Did I push things too fast last night? Maybe it’s all my fault. Should I be the one to pump the brakes?

  When it seemed like the right time to ask Jax a little more about our “love” conversation—after our romp on the couch—all he did was offer me a glass of water.

  Nevertheless, I wouldn’t haven’t come so far if it weren’t for him. I wouldn’t be in Nashville if he hadn’t brought me here.

  Sighing, I pull up his computer. I need to check the schedule for the open mics for the next few nights. Might as w
ell get back into it, even though last night was a disaster of a “performance,” and I didn’t even get to perform in front of the agent.

  But when I pull up Jax’s screen, I see he has a flight booked to San Francisco.

  What the hell would he be doing out there?

  Maybe it’s a surprise trip for us?

  But it’s for just one adult.

  That’s when it hits me. I feel almost dizzy. Of course Jax won’t say he loves me.

  I’m not special.

  We haven’t even had “the talk” about exclusivity.

  My nerves ring and I feel incredibly foolish.

  This is too good to be true. We’re just living out the honeymoon phase of our relationship, and then we’ll be done.

  My mind races. When Jax comes out of the shower, water dripping off him, I feel my heart thumping.

  “Hey,” he says.

  “Hey.” I swallow, averting my eyes.

  “You sneaked out of here early. How was breakfast?”

  “Good . . . Fun.”

  “Good and fun.”

  “Yeah.”

  Why do I feel like I’m hiding something?

  I’m not the one who’s hiding something. He is.

  Once he’s dressed, Jax comes over to my side of the bed and takes my hands in his. “So I’ve got to take off for a few days. It’s no big deal. There’s just some stuff I’ve got to take care of.”

  “Oh? Where are you going?”

  He shrugs. “I don’t really want to talk about it.”

  “Oh, all right. When are you leaving?”

  “Leaving tonight,” he says, and his voice catches. Something sounds off.

  “This is sort of sudden.”

  “I know. But I need to go to . . . I just need to take off for a bit. I’ve been thinking a lot about some stuff.”

  I clench my teeth. “You’re not going to tell me where you’re going?”

  “I’m going out west for a few days. There’s just something I need to take care of.”

  I feel my heart palpitating.

  “That’s fine,” I say. “I guess I’ll see you in a few days then.”

  I offer him a faint smile, the most I can muster. I kiss him on the cheek, my chest aching.

  He nods, but he seems distant.

  “What is going on with you?” I pry.

  “Nothing. I’m fine.”

  “You can tell me, you know. If you’re not fine.”

  “I’m fine,” he says back roughly, and I feel my skin tingle with a weird sort of fear.

  “If you say so.”

  The rest of the day is rather silent between us. I practice guitar on the balcony, and Jax goes out to check on the property he’s buying for his restaurant.

  I assume.

  Before he comes back, I wash my clothes and gather up my things so I’m ready to head over to Fiona’s later.

  Maybe Jax and I will be fine.

  Maybe we’ll be in love at some point in time.

  But that time is not right now.

  And right now, clearly, what we both need is a little time away from each other.

  26

  Jax

  After parking my bike in the long-term lot at the airport, I take out my phone and pull up the digital ticket I bought this morning.

  Lingering in front of the airport, I swallow, thinking about how I didn’t fill in Harm on the whole truth about this trip.

  After I was released from prison, I’d made a solemn vow that I’d always be truthful.

  But this was one instance where I felt like the truth needed some slight bending.

  Yet there was a palpable tension in the air when I left the apartment.

  The feeling—with Harm, at least—was strange, considering how well we’d gotten along for the first month, with practically zero fighting. And then there was last night. I’d never felt closer to her than after—and during—our night together.

  Flipping my phone around in my hand, I consider calling her. Or just sending another text to explain the logistics of my trip.

  But she told me specifically to drop the thread about copyrights.

  How is she going to feel when she knows I’m deliberately going against her wishes? This feels like an “ask forgiveness, not permission” scenario.

  And if I tell her who I’m going to visit, I’ll have a litany of secondary questions that I’m not quite sure I’m ready to handle.

  Reluctantly, I put my phone into airplane mode and head inside Nashville International Airport.

  When I land in San Francisco, it’s not quite midnight. I text Harm to tell her I arrived safely, but there’s no text back.

  Maybe she’s sleeping.

  But she’s usually a night owl.

  No time to overanalyze right now.

  Renting a car, I type in the address given to me and manage to make it to Monterey before the night is through.

  I collapse in my Airbnb, exhausted.

  When I wake up the next morning, I have a smiley face text from Harm. Grabbing some breakfast on the docks, I stare at my phone, considering what to message her back. A lump rests in my throat, and I’m not sure if it’s from us being off or from the person I’m about to drop in on.

  My chest aches. I haven’t seen her—seen either of them—in so long.

  The fact that she didn’t respond to any of my texts makes me a little wary. But maybe she changed her number or even blocked me from her phone.

  No matter, though. I’ve been putting this off for too long.

  I’ve always been the type of guy who—once I get an idea in my head—has to do it immediately or it will eat away at me. Some might call it impulsive. I think it’s simple self-awareness.

  And after Harm dropped the L-word and I couldn’t say it back to her, all I could think of was her.

  The woman in Monterey.

  At least I think she’s here.

  Getting up from breakfast, I start to walk down the shore in the direction of her house. A salty sea breeze welcomes me, and I take in a deep breath.

  Joggers line the trail, and seals claim their spaces on the rocks as the morning sun rises in the sky.

  Following my GPS, I turn a corner inland. The closer I get to her house, the more my heart starts to burn.

  Finding the address, I pull up to the door of a corner house with a waist-high picket fence.

  My heart roars like an overheated engine as I knock three times.

  The wait seems like an eternity. After no one answers, I knock again.

  Finally, a brown-and-silver-haired man with glasses opens the door.

  “Can I help you?”

  “Hi,” I say. “I hope so. I’m looking for Francesca Reid. Does she still live here?”

  The man squints. I put him in his late forties or early fifties. His build is slight, but his eyes are full of intensity.

  “Who’s asking?”

  “Jax Reid.” I swallow. “I’m her son.”

  He tenses up. “I know her. Yes.”

  “Does she live here?”

  The man’s eyes look downcast.

  “Oh. So, no,” I say.

  He nods. “But come on in,” the man says, his ears clearly perking up at the fact that I’m Jax Reid. “You want something? Coffee? Tea? A drink?”

  “Little early for a drink, isn’t it?”

  “I suppose so.”

  “I’ll take coffee.”

  He leads me to his back porch and leaves me there while he makes a pot.

  Bringing me a cup, he says, “So you’re Francesca Reid’s son.”

  I clear my throat. “She mentioned me?”

  He nods. “Indeed she did. Mentioned you all the time.”

  “How did you talk to her? I don’t understand.”

  “She used to live here.”

  “Do you have any contact info for her?”

  “Well,” the man says, looking at his watch. “She’ll probably be home any minute for lunch.”

  I swa
llow, feeling my pulse race. “Excuse me?”

  He purses his lips. “I’m her husband.”

  I hear the door swing open.

  I set my coffee down, and in a daze I walk toward the front door.

  Her eyes widen when she sees me.

  “Jax,” she breathes. She’s lost weight since the last time we saw each other, years ago.

  “Mom,” I answer, feeling lightheaded.

  27

  Harmony

  Fiona drives over to help me load up her car with my things to bring to her place.

  After Jax left yesterday, I decided to spend the night at the apartment alone, thinking things over.

  Maybe I was making too rash of a decision to move out.

  I did love Jax in a way that I couldn’t quite define.

  But it’s my fault for crossing the line of seriousness a little too soon. So now it’s my responsibility to reset the balance. Jax and I can still grow together, just at the pace of a normal relationship.

  To be living together within one week of meeting each other is breakneck speed by anyone’s standards.

  It’s time to pump the brakes.

  Fiona helps me bring a bag down to her car.

  “Be right back,” I tell her. “Just have to grab my guitar.”

  When I head back upstairs, Andrew stands shirtless in the kitchen, holding a cup of coffee.

  He squints at me. “Going on a trip?” he asks.

  I shake my head. “Moving.”

  “Oh.” He raises his eyebrows. “Jax didn’t mention anything to me about that.”

  “Yeah, it’s just me.”

  “That’s . . . interesting.”

  “Interesting is what you say when you’re thinking something else and you don’t want to say it. Tell me what you really mean,” I say.

  “Well, I’m just a little surprised, to be honest. One night I walk in on you two hooking up in the kitchen. Next thing I know, you’re moving out while Jax is on his trip to San Francisco. Seems odd is all. Everything okay?”

  I scrunch up my face defensively. “Yeah, of course. This was just a temporary arrangement here. Thanks, by the way.”

  Andrew takes a sip of his coffee. “I’m not trying to pry, or get you in trouble, Harm. I’m just curious.”