Northanger Abbey

by Val McDermid

  In a bid to change the subject, Cat picked up on Henry’s mention of their brother. ‘Tell me about the gallant Captain Tilney,’ she said.

  Ellie and Henry exchanged looks. ‘He’s half a dozen years older than me,’ Henry said. ‘He was sent off to boarding school before I even remember him. We went to different schools too, so we’ve never been close. We don’t actually have much in common.’

  ‘Father says he’s a good soldier, according to his commanding officers. He’s done two tours in Afghanistan and he’s just come back on leave. We don’t actually see very much of him at Northanger,’ Ellie added. ‘He finds us all a bit dull, I think.’

  There was an awkward silence then Henry asked Cat what films she’d enjoyed recently. It was a more comfortable subject for all of them and their tongues were hardly still as they made their way down the extinct volcano, talking animatedly about films and TV shows they loved and loathed. Happily, it seemed that Cat shared the taste of both Tilneys, which only added to her conviction that there was already a special bond between them.

  Her pleasure in the excursion was made complete when, instead of dropping her off in Queen Street, Henry left the car at their mews garage and all three of them returned to the Allens’ flat, where Susie bustled round feeding them sushi and cheeses and fruit chutneys bought that morning from the finest little deli she’d discovered on Rose Street. The walk had given them an appetite and they fell on the generous spread as if they hadn’t eaten for days. ‘You are completely spoiling us, Susie,’ Henry said. ‘I think you’re jealous because we cut such a fine figure on the dance floor and you’re trying to slow us down. Either that or you’re a secret cannibal, fattening us up for the pot.’

  ‘Excuse my brother, Susie,’ Ellie said wearily. ‘He can be serious about nothing at all.’

  Susie, who had looked puzzled at Henry’s words, smiled uncertainly. ‘I’m sure he means no harm.’

  ‘Don’t bank on it,’ Ellie muttered to Cat. Then she spoke up again. ‘Susie, we were wondering if you could spare Cat tomorrow evening? We’d like her to come round for supper.’

  This was the best of news to Cat, who had a moment of delicious anticipation before Susie said it was no problem, because she knew someone who would be very happy to have Cat’s ticket for an evening of traditional French folk songs. So even though the Tilneys left after lunch, Cat’s disappointment at their departure did not run too deep since they were to meet again so soon.

  She had more reason to suppose her luck had changed later that afternoon. She was standing in line with Susie to get into the afternoon show at the Stand comedy club when they ran into Jess Thorpe and a couple of her friends. ‘Hey, Cat,’ Jess said. ‘Wassup?’

  ‘Hey, Jess. So, did Bella and Johnny go off to Glasgow after all?’

  Jess rolled her eyes in what appeared to be the Thorpe family’s all-purpose gesture. ‘They went really early, like, around eight. Woke the whole house up. Your bro and Bella, and Johnny took Claire. How pitiful is that, having to take your kid sister on a day out?’

  ‘Yeah, but it’s nice for Bella to have a bit of female company.’

  ‘You think? When Jamie’s around, it’s like Bella’s deaf and blind to the rest of us. But Claire wanted to go. Something about some haunted castle or whatever.’

  ‘Didn’t you fancy it?’

  Jess pretended to stick two fingers down her throat. ‘No thanks. Like I said to Em and Soph here, I’d rather stick needles in my eyes than hang out in some dreary ruined castle.’

  Luckily Cat was absolved from further conversation because the door crew allowed them inside. But she was glad to know the trip to Glasgow had gone ahead. She sincerely hoped there had been no disasters with James’s car and that they’d had as much fun on their day out as she had. That way, James and Bella might have forgiven her absence by the time they returned.

  A girl could always hope.

  15

  Cat awoke to a text from Bella that seemed to indicate her hopes had been justified.

  Soz we fell out, gf. Its coz I heart u so much. 4give, yeah? On my knees 2 u, come and hv brunch chez Thorpe. Need 2 talk to u, big news coming down. Bx0x

  When she hadn’t replied within five minutes, a second text followed.

  Pse, pretty pse, we have PAIN AU CHOCOLAT, u kno u want it. Buzzing 2 c u. Bx0x

  OK. C u soon. Cx

  Cat didn’t want to be standoffish nor did she want to gush as if she was indirectly admitting she was in the wrong. But she did want to return to the same friendly footing she and Bella had shared. And so she was willing to accept the olive branch Bella was so determined to extend. And after all, Cat realised her own reaction might have seemed a little harsh. Even though she had been right, she reminded herself.

  When Cat arrived at the Thorpes’ flat, there was no sign of Bella or brunch. Jess and Claire were in the living room, grooming each other’s long hair like a pair of orang-utans. ‘She’s in the shower,’ Jess said.

  ‘Did you have a good time yesterday?’ Cat asked Claire.

  She did the trademark Thorpe eye roll. ‘Not that you’d notice. We went to some shopping mall, which was totally a waste of time because me and Bella are, like, totes broke. Then Johnny insisted on going to some club for lunch that was full of suits and dinosaurs. Nothing to eat that wasn’t half a dead animal. I mean, God. I haven’t been so bored since school. Then on the way home, it started to rain. Only, the roof on Johnny’s bloody fabulous car wouldn’t go up, so I got totally soaked. It’s a miracle I haven’t got pneumonia. Just be grateful you got yourself off the hook.’

  ‘What about Linlithgow? Did you not at least enjoy the haunted castle?’

  Claire looked at her as if she was deranged. ‘Haunted castle? What are you on about?’

  ‘When Bella was trying to talk me into going, she promised we’d go to Linlithgow Palace on the way.’

  Claire shrugged. ‘Nobody said anything about a haunted castle to me. Why would you want to go and see a haunted castle, anyway? Gross.’

  Before Cat had a chance to explain the romantic frisson of ghosts, Bella burst in with her hair wrapped in a towel. ‘Oh, Cat, you came!’ She embraced her friend. ‘You’ve guessed, haven’t you? One word from me and you worked it all out, didn’t you, you clever clogs!’

  Cat had not the faintest notion what Bella meant. ‘Truly, Bella, I’ve no idea what you’re on about.’

  Bella gave her a friendly nudge. ‘It’s OK, you can admit it now. My secret was safe with you, but now it’s not a secret any more.’

  Her secret had indeed been safe with Cat, who was still at a loss to know what it was she was supposed to know already. ‘I really don’t—’

  ‘I’ve seen the way you watch us. That knowing little smile of yours, Cat. I swear, you knew even before I knew myself. Obviously, you’re so in tune with your lovely brother, you can sense his feelings.’

  The introduction of her brother into the conversation allowed a little light to dawn on Cat. ‘You mean, you and James? You’re an item?’

  Bella hooted with laughter. ‘Don’t pretend you didn’t know. Honestly, he’s so gorgeous, you must be used to women throwing themselves at him.’

  Cat was aware of her brother’s many good qualities, but considering him handsome was a novelty to her. In her eyes, his looks were serviceable, no more. Not like beautiful Henry Tilney. ‘If you say so,’ she said. ‘It’s hard for me to imagine anybody being in love with my brother, on account of I’ve known him all my life and seen him in so many situations that were the complete opposite of romantic.’

  Bella giggled. ‘You are soooo bad, Cat Morland. Because Jamie is an absolute sweetheart. I just wish I felt I deserved him. And your mum and dad, what will they think? They’ll be, like, “She’s not good enough for you, Jamie.”’

  For a start, Cat thought, they wouldn’t be calling him Jamie. Nor did she expect they would be silly enough to express anything other than a kind opinion of their son’s girlfriend.
‘It’s not up to them who James chooses to go out with.’

  Bella clapped a hand to her mouth. ‘OMG,’ she said. ‘You’re one beat behind the dance, sweetie. He’s more than my boyfriend, Cat, he’s my fiancé.’

  The revelation completely altered Cat’s reaction. Boyfriend/girlfriend was no big deal, not when you got down to it. People came together and split up all the time. But engaged to be married took things to a completely different level. This was a monumental event, a huge commitment, a totally grown-up thing to be doing. This, Cat felt sure, was a moment she would remember all her life, the moment when the first of her generation of Morlands truly stepped into the adult world. She threw her arms round Bella and squealed, ‘You’re going to be my sister-in-law!’

  ‘I know, and you’re going to be my chief bridesmaid. You’re going to be far dearer and closer to me than Jess and Claire.’

  ‘Well, thanks a bundle,’ Jess muttered. ‘Come on, Claire, we know when we’re not wanted.’

  They flounced out, and Bella said, ‘Like, my point exactly. They’re stupid little kids, not like you and me. I tell you, Cat, in no time at all you’re going to feel like I’ve always been part of your lovely family.’

  Not for the first time, Bella had gone too far for Cat to be comfortable. But still she continued. ‘You and Jamie are so alike. The minute I saw you, I just knew we were going to be bgfs. That’s totes how I am – I have an instinct. So I always know, right from first sight. That’s how it was with Jamie. The minute he walked in the door with Johnny, my heart was lost. I knew he was the one for me. I can even tell you what I was wearing. My skinny black jeans from Harvey Nicks and my fuchsia scoop-necked top from H&M. I mean, if I’d have known I was going to meet the love of my life I’d have dressed up, but bless him, he saw past my scummy clothes to the real me. He’s so sensitive.’

  Now Cat truly understood the power of love. Not even her mother, who could be incomprehensibly blind to the faults of her children, would have accused James of sensitivity. Luckily, Bella required no encouragement from Cat to continue tripping down memory lane.

  ‘I was on pins that night he first came to our house, because Tiggy Andrews was round and she was dressed up to the nines. I think she fancies Johnny. But she looked so cool, I was convinced that Jamie would be, like, “Wow, she’s the one.” Oh God, that was the first sleepless night your brother gave me.’ She paused and gave a cat-like smile. ‘But not the last.’

  ‘So where is James?’ Cat asked, desperate to shift the direction of the conversation away from what she feared might rapidly become embarrassing.

  ‘He’s having a shower. He’s decided to go down to Dorset to tell your mum and dad face-to-face about us. God knows what they’ll say.’

  ‘They’ll be cool. They’d never stand in the way of true love. They’ll be so pleased that James is happy. But are you not going down with him?’

  Bella shook her head. ‘Better they get used to the idea first. I mean, it’s not like I’m bringing anything to the party except my sweet self. Jamie could have his pick of any girl he wanted, he needs to convince them I’m the one so they can forgive him for bringing all these poor relations into the family.’

  ‘Bella, you misjudge us. That sort of thing just doesn’t cross my parents’ minds.’

  Bella patted her friend’s arm and gave a pitying smile. ‘Just because you would never think that way doesn’t mean other people won’t. I just wish the situation was reversed. If I was a millionaire, if I ruled the world, Cat, Jamie would still be my number one.’

  It was, Cat thought, the sort of thing that the soppy sidekick of the heroine in one of her novels would say, a Gabrielle to her Xena. And like Xena, she would show her tolerance for friendship’s sake. ‘Don’t worry about what my mum and dad will say. How can they not be delighted with you?’

  ‘That’s true,’ Bella said. ‘It’s not like I’m one of those greedy, high-maintenance bitches. Really, a tiny income would make me happy as long as I’m with Jamie. Just a nice little house in Chelsea would suit us perfectly. Or even a flat, if it had a river view.’

  Advising on interior décor must pay better than Bella had claimed if she was setting her sights on a house in Chelsea, Cat thought. ‘Chelsea? But James is in Newcastle.’

  Bella waved her hand dismissively. ‘That’s only for his pupillage. In six months, he’ll be done with that and moving to chambers in London, I just know it. But we’ll have to get somewhere big enough for you to come and visit, because I’ll miss you too much otherwise. Oh, but this is pointless, I can’t make plans until I know for sure what your parents have to say. Jamie says if he gets the train this morning, he’ll be in Dorset tonight and he’ll text as soon as he has an answer. I told him not to phone because we’re going to the theatre tonight and I wouldn’t be able to resist answering him. And that would be totally embarrassing.’ She gave a heartfelt sigh, then brightened. ‘And then we can go and look at wedding dresses and bridesmaids’ dresses for you. And I suppose I’ll have to have Jess and Claire as well or they’ll whinge till the end of time.’

  Just then James hustled in, hair tousled and wet, holdall in his hand. ‘You heard the news, then, Sis?’ He pulled Bella to him with his free arm and grinned.

  Cat beamed at him, making no secret of her delight. ‘I don’t have to tell you how thrilled I am. Give my love to Mum and Dad and the girls.’

  ‘Will do.’ James released Bella and checked his watch. ‘I need to get going or I’m going to miss the train.’

  ‘I can’t bear it,’ Bella wailed. ‘We’re only just together and you’re driving us apart.’

  James looked pained. ‘I can’t help it, I have to tell Mum and Dad face-to-face, it’s only right.’

  ‘I know, I know, our happiness depends on their help. Off you go, away with you, Jamie, don’t drag it out and make it worse.’

  He finally managed to escape, leaving Cat vaguely puzzled as to the significance of her parents’ help in the romance. But she had no chance to make sense of Bella’s words for no sooner had Jamie left than Martha and Johnny bustled in laden with bags from Valvona & Crolla. ‘Celebratory brunch,’ Martha announced, laying out pastries and cheeses, breads and salamis, biscuits and fruit on the table. Drawn by some sixth sense for treats, Jess and Claire reappeared, falling on the food like underfed locusts.

  ‘Dear Cat,’ Martha said. ‘It’s such a delight to have you and Jamie as part of our family. You’ve felt like one of us since the day we met.’

  ‘And your brother’s a bloody good mate,’ John said. ‘Amazing that Bella’s managed to snag such a good catch. Good times ahead for all of us, Cat, with your family joining mine.’ He gave her a suggestive wink, which she missed because her attention at that moment was all on an olive ciabatta and a rectangle of Taleggio.

  After they’d all eaten their fill, it was impossible for Cat to leave because Bella needed someone to share her fantasy future with Jamie. She would be the envy of everyone on Facebook, her Twitter feed would be green with envy and she’d have an engagement ring to dazzle everyone in North London. Cat tried to extricate herself after a couple of hours, suggesting that her brother could tell her about James’s Oxford days. John, who had just returned to the living room after an hour’s absence, snorted.

  ‘I don’t think he’d appreciate that,’ he said. ‘Nor would Bella, I suspect.’

  ‘Wicked man,’ Bella said. ‘Are you ready to leave?’

  Cat’s ears pricked. Ready to leave? Could it be her nemesis was departing? ‘Are you returning to London?’

  He sighed. ‘Some of us have to bring home the bacon, Cat. We can’t all be gadding around Edinburgh for weeks at a time like Andy Allen.’

  ‘Hang on, I need to get you those swatches for Camilla Osborne’s curtains,’ Martha said. ‘Bella, come and give me a hand to sort them out.’

  Left alone with John – her least favourite Edinburgh state – Cat cast about for something to say. She needn’t have bothered, for Joh
n Thorpe, like nature, abhorred a vacuum. ‘Well, so it’s goodbye for now, Cat. But not for long, because this marriage thing is going to throw us into each other’s path. What do you think of it, eh? Jamie and Bella? It’s not bad, eh?’

  ‘I think it’s pretty good, actually.’

  ‘So you’re not one of these post-feminists who think that marriage is an evil exploitative tool of the patriarchy, then? I’m glad to hear it. And you’re going to be Bella’s chief bridesmaid, right?’

  ‘She asked me, yes.’

  He crossed to the window, gazing down at the street below. ‘And I’ll be Jamie’s best man, make no mistake about that.’ He gave her a quick sideways glance. ‘Maybe we’ll end up like that old cliché from the movies, right?’

  Not in this life, Cat thought. ‘So how long will it take you to drive back to London?’

  ‘Most people would take at least eight hours, but I’ll do it in six or less with my wheels.’

  ‘I’m sure you will.’ Cat stood up. ‘I have to go now, I’m having dinner with the Tilneys and I need to get ready.’

  ‘Can’t you wait till I’m gone? I mean, it’s nice to talk to you, and I won’t see you for a while. And it’ll feel like a long while till I’m back in your company.’ He looked expectant, like a puppy who hears the jangle of its leash.

  ‘Then don’t stay away so long,’ she said, trying to sound as repressive as she could.

  He smiled. ‘That’s kind of you. But then, you are kind. Amazingly kind. I don’t know anybody kinder than you. Actually, I don’t know anybody like you.’

  ‘I can’t believe you know so few people, Johnny. Anyway, I need to get off now.’

  She took a step towards the door, but he rushed across the room to move in front of her. ‘Maybe I’ll come and pay a visit to the Piddle Valley.’

  ‘My mum and dad will make you very welcome,’ she said, cool as the river on a spring day.