by Lauren Wood
Arriving in front of the place, I stayed in the car for as long as I thought I could. When I got to the door, I could see the three women sitting together, talking and laughing. It didn’t look like a scary prospect but looks could be deceiving. I knew that and that was especially true when it came to women. They always had their own way about them.
I walked in cautiously and Anna was the first one to see me. She smiled at me and waved in a way that made it hard to breathe. Why was it so hard to breathe suddenly? She was looking at me like she’d let the cat out of the bag and if she hadn’t done it already, she was going to do it soon enough. I didn’t like the idea of that at all.
Mariss was next to notice me, and her amber colored eyes just looked on like I wasn’t even there. She was hurt and if she didn’t tell Marsha and was sitting there with her as she went on and on, I’m sure she was not too happy. I wouldn’t have been either. I still wanted some time for us to be together alone. I wanted to explain to her what happened and hope that she believed that none of this was my intention. This moment in my life was more aptly my nightmare. It was the last thing that I’d ever wanted to happen.
“Hey baby! I’m so glad to see you. I was just telling the girls how much I missed you last night. We don’t spend many nights apart.”
I groaned inwardly and knew that she’d overshared. Marsha overshared for everyone, but I was sure it was worse when the receiver was the girl that I was in between her legs a few hours before. This was all so surreal.
Marsha went on like this for a while and the only break I got was when she saw one of her friends in her ‘small world’ and went to go say hello. I watched her walk away and I was faced with the two women that were left.
Anna spoke up finally. “You’re as white as a ghost. Are you sure you’re okay?”
“You know that I’m not. Why do you like to watch me squirm?”
“Because you deserve it. You hurt both of my friends.”
“Well he didn’t really hurt me Anna.”
I smiled at Mariss for the support, but she still wasn’t happy with me and I could tell by the way she still wouldn’t look at me. I certainly wasn’t out of the dog house just yet.
Anna didn’t like the answer. “He hurt your feelings and that’s enough.”
“Anna, I didn’t mean to. Really I didn’t.”
“What about Marsha?”
She had me there, but at the same time, I had truly thought I was sleeping. It wasn’t a good excuse. I would be the first to admit that, but it was the only one that I had now and that was going to have to be enough. All I could think about was her at the time when I saw her.
“I hadn’t seen you in a long time Mariss and I just kind of lost my head. I thought you were a dream. I’ve had them before, but that one was just really real.”
Anna scoffed, but I wasn’t saying it for her. I wanted Mariss to understand that I didn’t try for this to turn out this way. I would have told her, and I regretted getting Marsha in the middle, but I’d made my choice, even if I didn’t know that it was a choice.
“You need to be honest with Marsha, Cal, or I will be. Because you are Jesse’s best friend and best man, I will let you tell her, but you have to and soon.”
I agreed, and I have to say that it was better than what I figured she would do. It seemed like Anna was going to rat me out but giving me time to tell her myself was going to help tremendously. Maybe I was going to be able to work it just right and save my job. Maybe.
Mariss
“You don’t really believe him, do you?”
I shrugged because I really wasn’t sure. “I don’t know. Honestly, he looked out of it and I thought he was just a little tipsy. He could have very well thought that.”
I didn’t like thinking that him being with me and making me feel so good was a mistake. I didn’t want to think like that and it bummed me out more than I was able to express. I don’t know why, but I’d really thought that it was magical moment. Instead it was all just a mistake. I think I liked it better when he was just a cheating jerk. Now I wasn’t so sure where I stood, and I liked that feeling even worse than being the other woman. How funny prospective was changed with a few words?
“Well I wouldn’t forgive him or give him another chance. You deserve better and what if you were Marsha?”
She was saying this all-in front of Cal, giving him a dirty look the whole time.
I’d thought that before, especially when I first found out about his fiancée. Now after meeting her, I wasn’t sure how I felt. She was nice. Really, nice. But she didn’t seem to be the type of girl that Cal would be into. It seemed like she was far too nice for him.
I tried to drop the subject and it was over quickly because Marsha was coming back to the table. She had the biggest smile on her face and it just made me feel worse. Anna had given Cal a ultimatum to tell his fiancée what had happened between us, but I had a feeling that she would just forgive him anyways. She didn’t seem to be the type that would hold a grudge for more than a few minutes. Why did I want her to drop him and leave Cal single? Why was that still on my mind after everything that had happened? I still didn’t understand the hold that Cal had on me, but it was clear that it was still there.
When we got back to Anna’s place, I told her that I was going to go for a walk. I needed to talk to my other friend. Danny would know what to do. We were closer than me and Anna were because we lived in the same city. I saw her every day, lived with her for years and now I needed her to tell me what it was I was supposed to do because it was becoming obvious that I had no damn clue myself.
I called her up on my phone and waited anxiously for it to ring. I knew that she was most likely busy with everything she had going on, but I needed to talk to her. I was hoping that she would give me different advice than Anna had given me. Anna had stakes in it from the other side since she was friends with Marsha. I wasn’t sure how that was all going to pan out. In truth, I knew that she was my friend, but I also knew that she didn’t agree with Cal and I trying to start something. The ultimatum that she’d given him had made it clear to me that she didn’t exactly agree. I can’t say that I would have either, given a change in circumstances.
Danny answered, and I felt a little sigh of relief that went through me quickly. I had been really needing to talk to her and it was good to hear her voice. She sounded the same, though I’d only been gone for a couple of days, it felt like it had been forever since we’d talked.
“Hey Mariss. What are you doing? Are you guys having a good time?”
I told her that we were, and she asked me to apologize for her not being able to make it.
“I know that Anna understands that you have a lot going on right now. She said that you’re always welcome to come by when you can. I hope that the three of us can all get together soon because I miss the three of us together.”
“Me too Mariss. So, what is up? I can tell by your voice that there is something going on.”
Danielle knew me far too well because she was the only one that ever knew when something was wrong. I was good at hiding it, but sometimes I didn’t have the strength and if she would have seen my face, undoubtedly, she would have known sooner that something was bothering me. It was a big something and I wasn’t sure how or what to say about it. All I knew for sure was that I wasn’t going to be able to get it out fast enough. It was one of those things that a person just said quickly to just get it out before the courage to say it all left them. It was one of those minutes for me as well.
“I ran into Cal. You remember Cal?”
“Of course, You talked about him a lot back in the day. You mean that he is there with you now?”
“Yeah. Anna is marrying his best friend.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah.”
I knew that her answer and silence meant that she got it, but that wasn’t all. I told her about the midnight oral and the fact that the next day I found out he was engaged. It was all a mess and my voice broke
when I was retelling it because it seemed so much more messed up when I said it out loud like I did. What the hell was I thinking?
“So, you guys did it?”
“Sort of. He gave me head, but then Anna and Jesse walked in. I was so embarrassed, and Cal was all wide-eyed next to me. Trust me, it was all so surreal.”
“So, what are you going to do?”
“I don’t know. I was hoping that you’d have this great advice.”
“Well you know that I’m a sucker for second chance romances. If I wouldn’t have given Mack another try, I would have missed out on something good. But of course, he wasn’t getting married.”
“That’s not the worst part either.”
“There’s more?”
She had a sound to her voice that I could relate to. “Yes. So, I just spent the day with his fiancée. Anna and I ran into her when we were shopping.”
“No.”
“Yes.”
“So, what was she like?”
“Lovely. Now I feel guilty about it.”
“Wow.”
“I know.”
“I should have went to the wedding.”
I scoffed. “Thanks. I’m glad to know my misery is your entertainment.”
“Don’t kid yourself Mariss, it always has been. But this is even more than I would have imagined. What do you think is going to happen with the two of them?”
“I don’t know. Anna told him that he had to tell Marsha, or she was going to. He said he was going to tell her, but I’m really not sure about it.”
I heard her sigh. “You got into a big ol’ mess up there, didn’t you?”
“You have no idea and I’m here for another five days with everything going on.”
“You can always just come back here Mariss.”
“But what about Anna?”
“I don’t know, but don’t drive yourself crazy over him. I know how you were before.”
I took exception to that, but I wasn’t going to say anything. She was right. I needed to just stop overthinking it. What happened, happened. It wasn’t my fault and it wasn’t going to happen again, so that was just going to have to be enough.
Cal
“Well those two were nice Cal. Did you know Mariss well?”
“I actually met her once a long time ago when we were in college.”
“Oh?”
I didn’t like the sound of the oh, but I was going to go on. I felt like this had to be done and it wasn’t going to be pretty, but it was something that must be done. I wanted to get out of here before we really got into it though. Marsha was known for her outburst and the last thing that I wanted was for her to have one here in the middle of the restaurant with all these people around us. I should have found a better place to start.
“Yeah, it was a long time ago though.”
Marsha was thinking and making connections. She acted all jovial and appeasing most of the time, but it was a ploy. At the end of the day she was rather shrewd like her father. It was great for business, but hard on a person that was in a relationship with them. She was sizing me up, the situation up and she was getting her mind around something.
“So, you two were intimate?”
That was out of left field and my head snapped around to look at her. I couldn’t believe she was going to say it like that, so matter of fact and all.
“Yes, a long time ago.”
“I knew it.” Marsha almost sounded elated that she was right. I hadn’t known that she knew, but she told me that to her it was obvious.
“I could tell that the two of you had been together before just by the way she looks at you. I didn’t like it.”
I apologized with a lack of anything else to say. I didn’t want her to think that I had encouraged it or felt any kind of way about her.
I didn’t think that it was something that should be brought up at dinner with them Marsha. “You seemed to be having a good time.” I was trying to remind her that there was no real cause for concern or anger. I didn’t want to deal with either, not here anyways.
“So, you stayed the night at Jesse’s where she was staying?”
She’d connected the dots and I looked around, wondering how many of the people quietly eating their dinner was about to get a show as well.
“Why don’t we get out of here?”
“Why don’t you just answer the question. Was she staying there when you were there last night?”
“Yes, I stayed on the sofa and Mariss stayed in their guest bedroom.”
“Anna seemed off today and when I came back from chatting, the table was weird. What happened?”
Was it really that simple for her to see it all? I wanted to think that everything was so much more discreet than that, but it seemed like she had read it all like it was written in a book. This didn’t make much sense to me.
“Why are you doing this here of all places?”
“It seems fitting, don’t you think?”
I didn’t know what she was getting at and I regretted not thinking about it for a minute before saying that I had no idea what she was talking about. Apparently, I should have.
“No, I don’t think so, not really. You are speaking in riddles and I’m tired.”
“Me too. I’m tired of this game. Did you sleep with her last night?”
There it was. It was on the table and I was going to have to decide if I was going to go through with it or not. I was convinced that I didn’t want to lie anymore. It was a mistake from the beginning and it was now one that I could fix. I just had to say the words and it would finally be over and I could move on. I just didn’t know what I was going to move on to. I needed her to not hate me, so that I could keep my job. This had to be handled delicately, but truthfully, all at the same time. This was going to be a challenge.
“No, we didn’t sleep together, but we did fool around. I wanted to tell you, but not here with all of these people.”
“You afraid that I’m going to freak out?”
I knew that she was going to freak out. I could see it in her eyes, but then I saw a smile and for some reason that was even worse. I didn’t like it when Marsha got calm. That meant she was thinking and it wasn’t going to be any good as an outcome.
“Yes. I know that I messed up and I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Then don’t. That’s easy enough.”
She made it sound that way, but I knew better. I knew that it wasn’t something that I could stop.
“I already did and I’m sorry Marsha. This all made me realize.”
She stopped me and told me that she didn’t want to hear the rest of it. Maybe she knew what I was going to say and that was still her answer, but I was already half way there and it only made sense to keep on going for a little while longer.
I had to keep going, but Marsha was very clear.
“I said I don’t want to hear it Cal. I know where this is going, and I just don’t want to go there. We’re getting married in a month. That’s not going to change. You sowed up your wild oats and now you can stop. If my father found out about this, he would ruin you. You know that, right?”
I didn’t know what to say. I thought she would cry, yell, throw a fit. Something. Anything. The way she was acting right now was something that I didn’t get and when women acted irrational, it made me nervous. I didn’t want to see how this was going to turn out, but I really didn’t have a choice.
“Marsha, you can’t be serious. It’s clear that we’re not meant for each other. You deserve better than me. I can’t love you the way that you deserve to be loved. It’s just that simple and I don’t think that it’s the best thing to do, getting married when we know that it’s not the way it’s supposed to be.”
“That real rich coming from you Cal. You made promises to me and my father that you can’t just back out on now.”
I was fully aware of the promises that I made, but it didn’t matter. Did she really want to be married to someone that didn’t love her back and cheate
d? That was not right, and I didn’t know how to keep going. This wasn’t how I envisioned it at all going down.
“Do you really want to ruin everything that you’ve worked for because of a slip? This girl was your past. I’m your future Cal. You’re much brighter future.”
She told me that she was done talking about it and I was left to sit there wondering what the hell had just happened. Had she really refused to let me break up with her? Was that even a thing?
Mariss
“I’m sorry about this Mariss. I can have her not come if you want. I invited you and you’re my maid of honor.”
“Nonsense Anna. You go ahead and go. I didn’t want this to happen. I’m sorry that I got in the middle of this. I can leave if you want me to. I feel so bad.”
“Please don’t. It has been exciting, I’ll tell you that. It has also kept my mind off everything else that I don’t want to think about. I was freaking out before you got here, but now I know I’m ready to get married.”
“Why cause being single is so damn crazy?”
She laughed and agreed. “Yeah, pretty much. So, you see, you did help me.”
I laughed with her, but I still felt bad about everything. Cal had told Marsha the same day that he had dinner with us all and apparently, they were still together and still on track to get married. I was bummed out if I was honest, but I knew that at the end of the day I shouldn’t have expected any more than what I got. He wasn’t mine after all. Why would he give up what he had going here because of one night with me? As much as I liked to believe that he felt what I felt, I had a feeling that it was one sided on my part and I was going to have to come to grips with it.
“I just didn’t want any of this to happen, so go out and have a good time.”
“What are you going to do?”
I shrugged and told her that I wasn’t sure. “Might go grab a movie or a drink. I don’t know, but I will get out for a bit too. I just want you to have a good time for your bachelorette party. I will see you later when you get back and you can tell me all about it.”