Scarred Survival (Scarred Series Book 5)

by Jackie Williams

  He’d woken up in hospital a week later and discovered that he had smashed his skull, broken his leg and several ribs and that his life had been kicked to shit.

  The news Daniel Bailey brought with him to France had shocked him. Of course, he was thrilled that someone else had survived the crash. It had played on his mind for years even though he had known that it wasn’t his fault, but it didn’t bode well for his and Gemma’s relationship. If they even had a relationship.

  She had already told him that she didn’t like pilots, generally, had told him that she didn’t trust them, specifically. He had thought that with him, she had got over her aversion, but not now. He was the one responsible for her losing her arm. She had bought the official line put out ten years previously and blamed the supposedly dead pilot for the crash, not the damned missile that everyone had conveniently dismissed as part of his imagination.

  But he wasn’t dead and now he was going to have to confess it to her. Whichever way he dressed it up or down, it had been his decision to go to rescue those men. He had changed her life forever and he hated himself for it. His whole body began to shake at the thought of the condemnation that would glaze her wondrous eyes.

  Patrick took pity on him.

  “Sit down, man, you look like you’re going to pass out.”

  Taylor fell into the nearest chair and wiped his hand across the sweat that had gathered on his brow.

  “Jesus, this is bad.” He choked out.

  Bailey gave a tight smile.

  “Not really. Your compensation plus your pension is going to be fantastic. Invest it wisely and you’ll never have to work another day in your life. Looks all rosy to me.”

  Ryan’s head fell into his hands, but he peered up into his ex-team leaders eyes from between his fingers.

  “This has nothing to do with money. How the hell am I going to tell her?” He hissed miserably.

  Patrick and Daniel glanced at each other. Daniel spoke first.

  “The woman who survived? Gemma Wainwright? She’s not important. She left the services several years ago. You’re unlikely to meet her so you don’t have to tell her anything. In fact, it’s probably best that you don’t breathe a word about it as you are still bound under the Official Secrets Act. Your records will be sealed. She’ll never know.”

  Ryan fisted his hands. Gemma unimportant? He wanted to throttle the guy.

  “I’ll know. I know and I can’t keep a secret like that from the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with.” His voice became louder.

  Patrick could see that Ryan was about to explode.

  He leaned towards Bailey.

  “You obviously didn’t know. Miss Wainwright is an integral part of our staff at the new rehabilitation centre. I understand that she and Ryan have formed an attachment of sorts.”

  Ryan snorted angrily.

  “Not that I think she’d have me now. I’m pretty sure that she’ll be less than happy if and when she discovers the truth about me.” The pain of his emotions was palpable.

  Patrick was about to try and calm the angry, desolate man when the door burst open behind Ryan. Gemma stood on the threshold holding a printed sheet of paper in front of her. She narrowed her eyes as she noticed that he had company, but that didn’t stop her marching forwards and slamming the papers onto Patrick’s desk.

  “Tell me that you didn’t know about this. Tell me you didn’t know about him.” She glared at Patrick while pointing at Ryan.

  Ryan stood up quickly.

  “Gemma, please listen to me. I can explain.”

  She took in a deep breath and ignored him completely as she continued to glower at Patrick. He didn’t look at the papers. He knew that it confirmed Ryan as the pilot ten years previously, but it didn’t confirm that he was innocent of any blame. Bailey was the only one with that evidence and it didn’t look as though he was about to share it.

  Patrick met Gemma’s glare and decided that the truth was his only option.

  “I wasn’t positive before I made enquiries, no. I’d been told that he died years ago after a failed mission. It shocked me to the core when he walked into the kitchen the other week, but then he went and denied who he was. I’d worked with him on various duties for about five years, but we weren’t together all the time and it had been so long since I’d seen him that I couldn’t be sure...” he paused while the woman in front of him shook with rage. He swallowed. She was fearsome when roused, something he’d always liked about her, so long as he wasn’t on the wrong end of her wrath. He glanced at Ryan. The man looked as though he was being dragged through hell. “It’s not what you think Gem. He had no choice in the matter.”

  Gemma snorted as she picked up the paper again and tore it into shreds.

  “We all have choices Patrick and I’m making mine. He leaves the rehab centre or I do. Take your pick.”

  Not that it was up to him as Paul ran the place, but Patrick didn’t have to say a word. Ryan didn’t hesitate.

  “I’m leaving of course. I didn’t need to be there in the first place and those other guys need Gemma far more than they need me.”

  Gemma turned to face him for the first time.

  She gave him one silent, contemptuous look up and down before she marched back out of the office without a backward glance.

  In the silence that followed, Daniel gave a low, appreciative whistle as he watched Gemma’s backside swaying as she strode across the hall and out of the front doors.

  “Damn! What a woman! You think she’d want to be on one of the teams? Even with that arm I swear I could fit her in somewhere and if not, I’d love to take her out. What a spitfire!” The admiration in his tone was quite apparent to all of them.

  Ryan turned on the man, his voice low and dangerous.

  “Don’t even think about it. Go anywhere near her and I’ll tear your heart out through your spine. She’s mine and I mean to keep her. She just doesn’t know that yet.” He picked up the envelope containing his discharge papers and was about to walk out of the office when Patrick stopped him.

  “You’ll stay here of course, at least for the moment. I’ll ask Ellen to assign you a room. We have plenty of space up on the third and fourth floors. We keep them mostly for if any guests bring their older children with them. Might not be as fabulous as the main rooms, but you’ll have a roof over your head, a comfortable bed and three decent meals a day.”

  Ryan hesitated and then nodded towards his old friend.

  “Thanks. I can sleep anywhere, same as all of us guys, but yes, Patrick. that would be great while I try and sort out this mess.” He looked as though he was about to say something more to Daniel, but he decided against it and only glared once more before he walked quickly out of the office.

  Daniel looked at Patrick as the door swung to behind Ryan. He raised an eyebrow.

  “Hmm, touchy. Maybe all those years undercover have got to him. Not sure that threatening behaviour was called for.”

  Patrick gave a grunt and sat back in his chair.

  “No, maybe not but then you didn’t see the woman that you are desperately in love with just storm out of your life nor did your CO immediately go lusting after her. Kind of changes your perspective about things. An idiot went after my wife once. Maybe I could have stood for him wanting her and just whipped his arse, but then the stupid prat went and threatened her. I would have ripped his head off with my bare hands and mounted it on a spike outside the château gates if she hadn’t stopped me. Be careful where you tread when it comes to another man’s woman.”

  Daniel let out a slightly nervous laugh and pointed his finger at Patrick.

  “Well yes, you I can imagine doing that. That’s why I have never succumbed to the temptation of falling in love. Turns us men back into something rather more outrageous...Well, I must be going. It’s been good to see you and what you have been up to. Brilliant idea of your wife’s, this hotel. She must be quite a woman...” He glanced back out of the door and saw Ryan standing at th
e bottom of the château steps. “Look, I’m sorry about what happened to him, but you know how it all works. I’ll send you an email confirming everything. For your eyes only you understand. I’m only doing it as a courtesy to you just so that you don’t think your brains were addled when you were blown up.”

  Patrick smiled at his former boss as he stood and walked out into the hall.

  “Thanks. I confess I was a little confused when he walked into my kitchen and denied who he was. Glad that’s all cleared up at least.”

  Daniel coughed.

  “Yes, well we do like to keep things as tidy as possible.” He stuck out his hand as he looked back at the opulent office and then around the huge hall. “Bye Reeves. It’s been good to see you looking so well. Let me know if you need any help around here ever. I may be inclined to fill in a job application.”

  Gemma leapt into the Range Rover. She spun the car around the forecourt and towards the long driveway, ignoring Ryan as he came running out onto the steps waving his arms and calling her name. She wasn’t sure that she was doing the right thing even now as she knew that Patrick would never desert his friend.

  She felt the bitter swell of tears threaten to fall.

  Aaron had looked broken, his face pale, his hands actually shaking as she had stormed into Patrick’s office, but what did she care. He had brought all of this down upon his own head. First of all by being a typical hot head flight jockey and then by lying about what actually happened.

  Her memory slipped back to the day she had climbed into that helicopter. The doctor had climbed in right behind her just as the pilot had turned his head and lifted his exceptionally square jaw in greeting. His helmet visor already covered his eyes, but he hadn’t seemed excited or nervous or anything to arouse suspicion. He’d flipped them a nod and taken off. Nothing at all to suggest that he was fighting some sort of mental illness.

  She shook away the strange feeling that crept over her.

  At least he had decided not to come back to the centre, but then she wondered about her near argument with Paul earlier that morning. What if he decided that he didn’t want her back either? It was a distinct possibility given the way she had flouted the rules and what with how annoyed he had sounded. She stopped at the next junction and waited while several cars crossed in front of her. It took a hoot from behind to make her regain her focus and head out onto the road.

  She waved a hand at the driver behind her, apologizing for her lack of concentration and headed back towards home.

  Home? She wondered when the château had become that to her. She’d been there only four months and already it was her home? She shook her head trying to dismiss the idea. She still had her flat in Winchester, she could go back there if she needed to. After the people she had rented it out to left, of course. That meant two months either staying on friends’ couches or going to beg her sister’s spare room, both things she would rather avoid if at all possible. It wasn’t as if she had a lot of choices. The rental was paying the mortgage, but without a regular job she couldn’t afford to buy or rent anywhere else in England. After buying her flat she had run out of savings and couldn’t amass anymore on the earnings she made at the château.

  The staff at both châteaux took very little in wages due to their room and board being included as part of their salary and what else did a person need anyway. Both places were appointed to the height of luxury and living as comfortably as they did required very little extra spending money. Joe had told her once that he hadn’t taken a penny for over two years as he hadn’t needed anything that Ellen, David and the estate couldn’t provide. He’d asked David to use the money as he saw fit to keep the place available to more of their comrades. Gemma now felt humbled by his generosity and his lack of materialism but that wasn’t going to give her a roof over her head if Paul wanted to chuck her out.

  She found herself outside the huge front doors without knowing how she had driven there and she sat there for a long moment wondering what she was going to say to Paul when she saw him.

  She didn’t have long to wait. The doors opened and he stood on the threshold, his sightless glass eyes appearing to stare right at her. She saw his chest heave and his shoulders straighten before he took a step back and raised his eyebrows as he held the door open for her.

  Chapter Twelve

  Ellen sent up a little prayer of thanks as she opened the shutters onto a gloriously sunny morning. Patrick stirred in the bed and flung his arm up over his eyes.

  “Five more minutes, please,” he growled tiredly

  Ellen turned back from the window and smiled at her husband.

  “If you hadn’t kept us both up half the night you wouldn’t be saying that.” She took a step back towards the bed, leaned over her husband and kissed his forehead. He lowered his arm and blinked up at the most wonderful sight that he had ever beheld. Unable to resist her even after all the years they had been together, he reached up and spread his hands around Ellen’s waist, pulling her back towards him.

  “Only half the night? I must be slacking in my husbandly duties. Best spend some more time on you now then.” He nuzzled at her navel and planted a soft kiss just above it.

  She wriggled and clutched at his hair.

  “Rose will be up in a little while.” She warned as she glanced at the bedroom door, but her voice was low, heavy with desire.

  Patrick’s hands shifted higher.

  “Better go and lock the door and get back here quick then.” He added as he lifted her over him, shimmying her diaphanous nightdress up to her thighs.

  Ellen was about to do as he suggested when door burst open behind them and a bundle of dark curls nearly knocked Ellen out of the way as the little girl threw herself onto her father’s chest.

  “Daddy! Come on, hurry up and put your leg on.”

  Patrick groaned at his three year old bundle of joy and pulled a wistful face at his laughing wife.

  “Okay, I’m getting up. Would you two ladies stop badgering an old man! After yesterday’s debacle with Ryan I need handling gently. Someone had best go and make me a cup of tea, I might feel slightly more human then.”

  Rose grabbed her mother’s hand and began pulling her from the bed.

  “Come on, mummy. He wants tea.” Rose pulled an impatient face, let go of her mother’s hand and ran back out of the room.

  Ellen sighed.

  “I don’t know how Geraldine ever copes with the three of them.”

  Patrick levered himself up and brushed his hair from his forehead.

  “I think the kids go off to play with whoever is staying at the château. They amuse themselves half the time.”

  Ellen yawned.

  “Just as well. Right, as we are now both officially awake, we can start the day. There’s a lot to get done.”

  Patrick moved to the side of the bed and swung his leg out. He looked down at the hairy growth that covered it.

  “Better say goodbye to these babies first, I don’t think you will get any time later.” He stroked the hair fondly while Ellen chuckled and handed him his prosthetic leg.

  “You’re lucky that you only have one leg. You have no idea what you have let yourself in for.”

  He shook his head.

  “Good grief woman, it’s only a little hair. You women, such a fuss over nothing. I can’t even think why people would pay to see it done.”

  Ellen grabbed up her dressing gown and moved towards the door.

  “I’ll remind you about saying that later. We women go through a lot of things to keep our men happy...Are you coming out for your tea?”

  Patrick nodded and sighed deeply.

  “Might as well seeing that there’s nothing to tempt me into staying in bed any longer. I have to get up to the château anyway. I know that all the guys from the rehab already made a load of cakes and tarts but I was going to make a batch of almond pastries and they are best made fresh...I need to check on a couple of emails too. Alex was going to send everything he had on Ryan t
oday. I don’t expect it to say anything different to what Daniel already told us, but you never know.” He huffed out a deep breath and looked up at his wife. “I hope this isn’t going to be a big problem with Gemma. She took it badly yesterday. There’s a strong possibility that she won’t come for the event today if Ryan is going to be around.”

  Ellen pulled her belt tightly around her waist as walked towards the door. She leaned around the frame to see what Rose was up to before she glanced back over her shoulder at Patrick.

  “Well, she’ll just have to put up with it. He has nowhere else to go and his hand still needs looking after. I just hope that anything Alex has discovered confirms everything Ryan told you. Gemma needs to know that none of it was his fault. I know that they shouldn’t have started anything, but I know how they felt. Sometimes you just cannot help where your heart takes you.” She smiled over at her husband and he gave her a lopsided wink in return before she carried on. “It’s unfortunate that she thinks he’s lied about everything including the way he feels about her. Amy rang and said that Gemma and Paul had a blazing row about it all last night. She thinks that he deliberately kept Ryan’s past a secret. Amy doesn’t think Gemma will ever trust Ryan again. It’s really sad. They’re great together.”

  Patrick grabbed his own dressing gown and pulled it over his shoulders.

  “He’s told me that he’ll do anything to get her back.” His voice dipped and Ellen knew that he was remembering their own troubled past. “I know exactly how he feels.”

  She walked back to him, wriggled her hands inside his dressing gown and wrapped her arms around his warm waist. She lay her cheek on the heat of his solid chest and breathed in the scent of him.