The Girl in Between

by Sarah Carroll

  GLASS TOWER

  Ma’s not back with the gas or dinner yet. I’m out in the backyard and it’s dark now. But it’s actually not, cos I brought out fairy lights.

  I finished my brick castle the other day. I fished a big plastic sheet out of the canal and used it to cover the ground. Then I got shopping bags and spread them out and hung them to the outside of the walls. So the castle is almost completely waterproof now.

  I took the cushions off the couch and brought in a towel as a blanket. But the best part is the fairy lights. I fed them in and out of the holes in the crate that I used for the roof. So now when you lie in the brick castle it’s like you’re looking at the sky in some exotic place where the stars aren’t white, but pink and green and blue. Like Greece or Portugal.

  I bet Ma will want to sleep in here. Though it’s a little cold. I’d better bring down my duvet.

  I’m just going up the stairs when I hear Ma at the front door. I jump back down the steps and sprint through the basement. I try to open the lock but I’m not doing it right cos I’m hurrying too much.

  Ma will think it’s hilarious when I tell her that Caretaker’s been nicking my coins.

  When I finally do get it open, I pull too hard and the door comes flying back and I almost fall over. ‘Ma, guess what?’ I say and I grab the door to steady myself. ‘Remember I said I thought the mill was haunted cos–’

  But that’s as far as I get. A bag of spiders explodes inside me. They race through my spine and up my neck and sink their fangs into my brain.

  It’s him. Monkey Man. He’s here. At our Castle.

  ‘Heya, love,’ Ma says and the smell of beer chokes me. She kisses me wetly on the forehead. He’s standing behind her with another man.

  ‘Ma, what are they doing here?’ I ask.

  This is our Castle. Our home. We’re safe here. I’m safe here. Away from the alleyways and the doorways and the cans and the fighting and the shouting and the hiding and the hunger and the cold and the dark and the scary nights. She’s not allowed to bring them in here. She promised.

  Monkey Man steps up into our home like he owns the place and stands there looking around. The other guy’s real tall but skinny. His clothes are all too big for him. He looks like a scarecrow with glasses and straw hair.

  ‘Ma,’ I say, ‘what are ya at?’

  But Ma doesn’t bother answering me. She hasn’t brought any gas, neither.

  Monkey Man whistles like he’s making the sound of something falling real fast from the sky. ‘Look at this place,’ he says. ‘It’s bleeding massive.’

  ‘Yeah, I know,’ Ma says, real proud. ‘I call it the Castle.’

  I look at her with daggers. I can’t believe she’s doing this. Why is she showing them our home?

  ‘Ye have this whole gaff to yerself?’ he asks.

  ‘Whole gaff,’ she says and tries to put her arm around me but I shove her off.

  ‘This way, lads,’ she says, and goes straight through the darkness to the kitchen. By the time I get there, they’ve turned on the set of lights that wraps around the window. The wind-up lamp that Ma got from the Do-gooders is on the table.

  ‘Nice,’ Monkey Man says, and he pulls out a chair and sits down. He picks up the lamp and starts winding it. It makes an annoying whirring sound.

  Scarecrow wanders around picking stuff up and putting it down again like he’s making a list. Ma starts wiping crumbs off the table with her hand as if that’s going to suddenly make the place look tidier.

  Scarecrow is trying to look out the window, even though it’s dark outside. ‘What’s out there?’

  Ma claps her hands and rubs them together and crumbs fall to the floor. ‘That’s the backyard,’ she says and looks at me. ‘It’s nice when it’s sunny. Pretty miserable now, though.’

  What is she doing? She’s smiling like a total idiot and I want to tell her to shut up.

  ‘Anything out there?’ Scarecrow asks.

  ‘Nah, just a couch and old machines and junk like that,’ Ma says. Then she points her chin at the kitchen wall. ‘Canal runs right by us.’

  ‘Lovely,’ he says.

  Monkey Man puts the lamp back down and takes a six-pack out of a bag. He hands a beer to Ma but when she tries to take it, he grabs it back. ‘Nah, I think you’ve had enough,’ he says and laughs like he’s hilarious and hands it out again.

  ‘Stop it, you!’ Ma says to him as she takes it and she flicks her hand at his shoulder. She’s using her ice-cream voice and it makes me want to puke.

  Scarecrow sits down on the other chair and pops open a can. He has all these little holes in his face and it looks like he’s trying to grow a beard but he can’t cos there are too many holes.

  Ma’s standing cos we’ve only two chairs. She’s swaying a little and smiling at them.

  ‘So just yerself here then, yeah?’ he asks again.

  I look at Ma but she doesn’t look up. She’s scratching her nose with a finger from the same hand she’s holding her can with. She nods. Takes another swig. Looks out the kitchen window.

  And I don’t know why but I just want to say something to make Ma cop on, so I say, ‘Caretaker says the mill’s haunted, Ma.’

  Ma was about to swallow but she coughs and splutters beer all over the place. ‘Jaysus,’ she says. She wipes her chin with her sleeve. ‘Here, lads,’ she says, ‘do you believe in ghosts?’

  They laugh a little. ‘Dunno,’ Scarecrow says, ‘but they believe in me.’

  Ma laughs real loud, like this is all hilarious.

  ‘I’ll drink to that,’ Monkey Man says and he raises his can, and Ma and Scarecrow do too, and they all knock them back. ‘Canal runs right by here, ye say?’ he says and raises an arm towards the wall.

  ‘That’s right,’ Ma says.

  ‘So, you going down with the ship?’

  ‘Ha!’ Ma says, but she doesn’t laugh. ‘No, time to move on.’

  I freeze. What does she mean, time to move on?

  ‘But I’ll drink the place dry and bid it a fond farewell!’ Ma nods a few times and they all clink their cans again.

  Ma says, ‘Getting cold, isn’t it?’

  Monkey Man opens his arms wide and says, ‘Come here and I’ll warm ye!’

  Ma laughs and tosses her hair back.

  ‘What are you doing, Ma?’ I whisper.

  Ma looks at me, then out the window. She doesn’t say anything. She just takes a gulp from her can. Scarecrow lights a cigarette.

  I give her the dirtiest look I can and then I’m off, sprinting up the stairs. Even when the cold air of the sky-bridge hits me, I keep going, up the ladder, right up to the roof.

  It’s freezing and I’m starving and I can’t believe she brought Monkey Man into our home. I just can’t believe it.

  What did she mean, time to move on? To where?

  I squeeze my eyes shut for a second and then pick up the binoculars. The glass apartment has all the lights on and inside it’s jammers.

  They must be having a party cos there are people all over the sitting room and the kitchen and the balcony, and they are holding silly-shaped glasses that look like they were designed for a game where everyone has to see how long they can hold them without breaking them.

  They are all drunk too. Their mouths are wide open and they throw their heads back when they laugh and they wave their hands around like mad, as if they’re all having the craziest time. I can’t hear them but I imagine they’re like Ma, saying stupid things and laughing too loudly. Except they’re wearing jewellery that looks like the apartment – bright and sparkling.

  There’s a man in a black-and-white suit carrying a tray with the stupid-looking glasses on it and the people take the glasses without even looking at him, like the way people give Ma spare change without seeing her.

  The guy who owns the apartment takes a glass. He’s smiling so wide that I can see all his teeth. The mean-looking lady is beside him. She’s like the glasses on the tray, long and skinny and read
y to crack. The two of them are standing real close and they’re pretending to have the best night ever.

  He pulls his hand through his hair and then drops it onto her waist. He slides it around her back. She looks at him and she’s smiling. But it’s one of those real fake smiles and you can tell that inside she’s not smiling. She looks like she hates him about as much as I hate Monkey Man. Her shoulders jerk a tiny bit, as if his hand gives her the creeps. She turns her head away from him and talks to the person beside her. She steps to the side so that his hand drops. He looks at her but she ignores him and keeps on smiling while she nudges further way. Finally he gets the point that she doesn’t want to be anywhere near him and leaves her alone.

  After a while, she walks away from the people and goes into the kid’s room. She turns on the light and everything shines white. Even the wall where the kid drew in red crayon. That’s all white again too.

  The kid turns over in bed and reaches out a hand. But she must be asleep cos the Glass Woman doesn’t go up to her or even say anything. She just turns off the light and leaves. She doesn’t go back to the party, though. She disappears for a few seconds and then I see her coming through the door of another bedroom. It has a massive bed with about a hundred pillows on it. She walks up to the window and stares out like she’s looking straight at me.

  She’s got this wild look on her face. There’s something about her that reminds me of Ma. Maybe it’s the lines on her neck that are pulled so tight they look like the strings on a harp.

  But that’s not it. It’s her eyes. Even though she lives at the top of a glass tower, her eyes look like they’re drowning.

  It’s getting late. And cold. But I don’t want to sleep in my room. Not with Monkey Man in my Castle.

  I have an idea.

  I go back down, into the mill, and straight to our bedroom. I open the window. I grab my duvet and bundle it up and shove it out and let go. It disappears into the night.

  I tiptoe downstairs.

  At the kitchen door, I peek around. Ma’s playing a game where she’s balancing a pack of cards half on, half off the edge of the table. The aim is to flip the whole deck over without sending the cards flying.

  She’s terrible at it. She hits the cards and tries to catch them but the deck scatters across the table. They all laugh.

  ‘Here, give us a shot,’ Monkey Man says. ‘I’ll show you how it’s done.’

  I hide while the three of them collect up the cards. Next time I look, Monkey Man is balancing the pack on his side of the table.

  I drop to my knees. Monkey Man concentrates on the pack. Ma and Scarecrow watch. I crawl through the room as fast as I can. I stay wide. Make no sound.

  ‘Go on,’ Ma says. ‘Let’s see what yer made of!’

  I get to the other door when there’s a roar. I whip round. The cards are flying everywhere. Scarecrow and Ma are bursting their sides laughing. Monkey Man looks annoyed but he’s pretending to laugh. I reach up. Grab the handle. Open the door, slip out, and push it closed behind me. They’re still laughing.

  I jump up and run through the darkness, over to the couch. I find the duvet hanging off the back of it and I drag it to the brickcastle. I crawl inside, pull the duvet in behind me. I flip over the plastic bag that I use for a door.

  All around me the fairy lights blink, like I’m up in the sky, swimming through the stars. It’s quiet. No one knows where I am and no one can get into the backyard, except through the kitchen. And as long as there are cans to drink, Ma and the men aren’t going anywhere.

  I pull the duvet tight around me and burrow my head into the cushions till I’m snug as a bug in a rug. It’s just me and my Castle. Now I can sleep.

  STEAL AWAY

  I hated living in Monkey Man’s house.

  The days weren’t as bad as the nights cos we’d spend them walking all over the city dropping Monkey Man’s post off to people’s houses. I’m not stupid. I knew what was in the packages. But Ma pretended it was post so I did too.

  Real quick, all my blisters turned to leather. They were so hard I could stab them with the tip of a pencil and I wouldn’t feel it. I had to get new shoes cos of all the walking and cos my feet kept growing, but Ma didn’t mind cos Monkey Man was paying her for delivering his post. She even bought me books to read.

  There were always loads of people in Monkey Man’s house. I’d see them in the kitchen when we came in, but Ma would take me straight up to the room. She’d stay with me and read me stories till I fell asleep.

  Sometimes I’d wake up and she’d be there beside me. Other times, I’d creep downstairs and there’d be all these people there. Some had mad eyes. And some had sad eyes. And then there were Ma’s eyes. Even though Ma said that stuff helped her fly, her eyes were swimming.

  One night I woke up. I felt Ma behind me. But I felt something else too. Someone was in the room. I heard breathing.

  I opened my eyes. There was a shadow standing by the door. Massive. It was panting.

  I couldn’t move. I lay there even as it started to come towards me. It bent over. I tried to scream but nothing came out.

  The shadow came closer. It had long arms. They dragged off the ground. It lifted one and a hand reached out. In the light from the street I could see its sausage fingers all curled up, about to grab me.

  I made a tiny noise but that was all. I tried to kick Ma but I couldn’t move. The hand got closer and closer.

  Then from downstairs there were voices. Shouting. A door smashing open.

  I needed Ma to wake up. I needed her to help me. But I couldn’t make a sound.

  It was right above me. Dead close. Its breath was so bad it stung my face. Its fat fingers were reaching for my shoulders. It leaned in.

  ‘I know you’re awake,’ it whispered.

  That’s when I screamed. I kicked backwards as hard as I could and smacked Ma in the leg. The hand stopped. ‘Ma!’

  The shadow straightened. It was real tall. It had big shoulders that reached up to its neck. It grunted. It stepped back.

  ‘Ma, wake up!’ I kicked her and kicked her. She started waking. She made a noise. I kicked her again.

  The shadow stood over me for another second. Then it turned and went out of the room.

  ‘What?’ she said.

  ‘He was here! He tried to grab me!’

  ‘Who?’

  ‘Monkey Man!’ I said.

  ‘Ah, love, it was only a—’

  There was a bang downstairs. Then a crash. And then all these voices started shouting.

  ‘Ma, what’s going on?’

  ‘Shh!’ she said. She sat up and climbed over me. She tiptoed to the door and opened it a little. I heard someone yelping like a kicked dog. But then this low voice like a growl crawled up the stairs.

  ‘That’s him, Ma,’ I said.

  ‘Shh!’ she said again, and she started to go out there.

  ‘No, Ma, don’t leave me!’ But she was gone.

  I was shaking. I could still taste his breath. I could feel it on my neck. I could see his hand reaching for me.

  Ma was gone for thirty-seven seconds. Then she was back and the light was on. ‘Come on, get up, we’re going,’ she said.

  ‘Where?’ I said. It was still dark outside.

  But Ma was ramming everything into the bag so fast that she scared me as much as the shouting. So I pulled a jumper and my coat over my pyjamas and shoved my feet into my new runners. I grabbed my two favourite books off the floor and Ma shoved them into the rucksack too.

  ‘Ready?’ Ma said. I nodded. ‘Right. Follow me and be real quiet.’

  We went onto the stairs. Below us, someone said, ‘No, man, you’ve got it all wrong,’ and Ma held her hand up to me when we got to the bottom and she listened.

  ‘Did ye think I was thick?’ a man said, and I knew who it was cos the words were curled like he was grinning and growling at the same time.

  Ma nodded and we ran, past the room and out the front door.

  The
y didn’t see us. But I saw them. A load of men standing in front of a guy who had his back against the wall. That guy saw me. And his eyes were wide and I knew he was as scared as me. Maybe worse. Cos in front of him was Monkey Man. And just as we slipped out Monkey Man turned a bit and I could see he was grinning this big dangerous grin.

  That night we went down to the river. We sat there and watched the Lego ships going out to sea, and Ma wrapped the sleeping bag around us. I kept looking back up the river but Ma said that I didn’t need to worry any more, Monkey Man wasn’t after us.

  ‘They were fighting over some packages of his that went missing,’ she said. ‘It had nothing to do with us.’

  ‘So why did we run away then?’ I asked.

  ‘Cos when he gets mad and he gets an idea into his head, there’s no talking to him. It was gonna happen sooner or later.’

  ‘Do we have to go back there, Ma?’

  She pulled me onto her lap and she said, ‘No, we don’t.’ And that made me real happy. ‘Where do you want to go, love?’

  I knew not to talk about Gran’s any more. I knew not to stress Ma out. So I said, ‘I want to find a castle, Ma. One where it’s only you and me. And there’s a moat and a drawbridge so no one can get in. It wouldn’t have to be fancy or anything. I could be like the princess in the story, the one that lived in the run-down castle.’

  ‘Just you and me?’ she said.

  ‘Yeah,’ and I meant it. Cos even if Gran wasn’t there and even if I couldn’t go outside, it’d be enough, as long as no one else could come in. ‘And Ma?’

  ‘Yeah?’

  ‘The roof would be really high, so you wouldn’t have to fly over the city any more. You could just go up there and feel the wind and you wouldn’t be stressed out or anything.’

  Ma leaned forwards till her forehead was touching mine. ‘That sounds like a grand idea,’ she said. ‘As long as we’re together, we’ll be grand.’

  ‘And you’ll never let them take me away, Ma, will you?’

  ‘I promise, love.’

  ‘Ma?’

  ‘Yeah?’

  ‘I was real scared tonight.’

  ‘I know, love. But it’s all right now. You don’t have to be scared, not ever. We’ll find a castle, you and me.’