“I did date you. It’s part of public record at this point. What sphere is mine?”
“You’re one of the smart people and the swim captain, so a brainy class president type or an athletic type would make sense for you.”
“But she’d have to be someone who didn’t giggle, or want to sink her hooks into my non-beating heart and turn me into her drone. What about you? Am I too much of a frigid jerk for you? Are you worried I’ll ruin your reputation as obsessed girl who only likes boys who don’t like her?”
I did mind, but when he put it like that, wasn’t it a good thing that people saw me dating Sean? It definitely dragged me out of my obsessive mode. Every time I talked, well, argued with him, I forgot about Oliver.
“You’re so hot, how could I possibly say no? Oh Sean, I feel a giggle coming on. You’d better go before it comes out or I do some creepy hugging.”
He finally let me go as he stepped back, shaking his head as he looked down at my shoulder.
“He ripped your shirt. Does he respect nothing?”
I pulled the shoulder up, shrugging as I started for class. “He’s a foreigner, what do you expect? Probably runs around in a loincloth or something, doesn’t understand the sanctity of shirtness.”
“So few people do.”
I nodded sadly. “It’s like people think they’re just things, to wear and throw away.”
I saw a flash of grin before he turned, moving into the crowd. He still stood out, taller, bigger than everyone else, and fifty times hotter. Yeah, I watched him walk away. As his official but not actual girlfriend, I was supposed to do that. Yeah.
That was the last I saw of him that day. My shoulder throbbed as I sat in my science class, trying to focus on the teacher, but seriously, nothing like molecular biology to bring a girl’s head out of the clouds. Not.
After school Bernice stood next to Tuba by my locker, talking about music. Tuba looked glad to see me because he didn’t know why Bernice was talking to him. She smiled when she saw me because it was really unlikely that she wanted to talk about music, particularly marching bands. It wasn’t even Tuba’s thing and he was in one.
“So, I wondered if you could give me a ride. I noticed that you drove today.”
I nodded, sure, but I was totally prepared when she brought up Oliver and Sean as soon as we were buckled.
“This is so weird,” she started off. “I heard that you were dating Sean and that Oliver attacked you during lunch.”
“Crazy.”
“I mean, not that Sean wouldn’t date you because you’re nice and cute, but he doesn’t date anybody. And Oliver attacking you? He’s like a sweet little boy, you know? You can’t take his flirting seriously, but he’d never hurt anyone.”
I sighed. “It’s hard to explain with me and Sean. He took me to dinner on Friday, but there hasn’t been any kind of commitment, you know? As for Oliver…” No way I was going to talk about the kiss of madness. “He kind of ran into me during lunch. That’s it.”
She gasped. “Sean really asked you out? I kind of thought that they were gay.”
“It crossed my mind. Maybe they are. Maybe Sean just took me out so that no one would know.”
“Right.” She frowned. “So, he didn’t kiss you or anything?”
“Who, Sean?” That was a little bit personal. Not like curiosity about kissing Sean wasn’t perfectly healthy, but it seemed weird for her to ask like that. “Not really.” I bit my lip as I remembered her talking to Oliver, the way that they’d leaned in close and looked like best friends. She would probably tell Oliver whatever I told her. For the sake of keeping him thinking that I was with Sean, I said, “I think everything’s going to go really slow. We don’t want to rush a good thing, you know?” That was a line from a song, the last song which had played on the radio. Hopefully she didn’t pick up on things like that.
I leaned forward to change the station and my shirt flopped open where Oliver had ripped it. Bernice gasped and grabbed my shoulder, staring at the mark I could still feel.
“That doesn’t look very slow to me. Wow.” She stared at it for a long time before she looked up at me with something like envy in her eyes. “Sean is the best. You are so lucky.”
“Yeah. He’s awesome.” If you wanted to be with someone who made you feel like an imbecile every five seconds.
“I thought you liked Oliver, but hey, if you can get Sean…” she shrugged like the rest was obvious.
“So what about you and Ben?” Wow, letting Sean take credit for the bite was really weird. I should have asked his permission, but it wasn’t like I’d told Bernice that he was the one who bit me.
She stared at the window while she answered. “He hasn’t asked me out.”
“Well, maybe you could ask him to a movie or something.”
She turned to look at me and a slight smile crossed her face. “Maybe now that Sean’s dating you, Ben won’t feel like he’s betraying the swim team if he dates me. Maybe I could ask him, although,” she added with a frown, “I should at least get him to think that he’s asking me.”
“Sure,” I said but felt out of my depth. Flop would know what she was talking about. “I think he really likes you.”
“You do?” Her eyes lit up. I got to spend the rest of the drive listening to how amazing Ben was. I dropped her off and then headed home, because that’s where I went for spaghetti on a Monday night.
School was okay. I went back to swimming with Bernice in the morning before swim team and felt more and more comfortable in the water. Actually, when I was swimming under the surface with nothing but bubbles for company was the only time I didn’t feel alone. It was almost as good as going to the lake.
I liked having Bernice back even if Junie wasn’t quite sure about her. Bernice sat at our table a few times a week. Flop and Bernice talked about Ben because Flop always knew what to say about guys. She could handle the obsessive guy talk for hours. After all, my personal Cole obsession hadn’t bothered Flop for years.
“So,” Flop began one lunchtime as we sat around the table. “Who would you be most likely to make out with alive, dead, whatever.”
“Dead? Gross!” Tuba said wrinkling his nose. He was usually pretty good with the girly stuff, but apparently this was too much, because he threw his fries down and left, when he never went without finishing his fries.
“I don’t mean dead…” Flop began, but Bernice interrupted her with a totally gooey, star struck look.
“Ben. If Sean ever lets him date.”
“Gandhi,” Junie said, making Flop pout.
“Gandhi? Seriously? Gandhi makes you want to get naked?”
“You didn’t say naked, you said make out. I don’t think physical relationships should be about superficial things like appearance and age, it should be about souls uniting who truly are in sync with each other and the universe.”
Flop rolled her eyes. “Prince, before he got saved. I mean, those boots of his are so sensual.”
“Boots?” we all asked in a chorus then broke out laughing because Flop was definitely changing if she found boots attractive.
“What about you, Gen?” Bernice asked, and I could tell by the look in her eye that she was remembering my shoulder and thinking about Sean. The truth was, I hadn’t really seen Sean for a week. Being his pseudo girlfriend was a lot like being nothing at all. Not that I minded, but awareness of Oliver kept creeping up on me, insidious tentacles that crawled through my brain. Having conversations with Sean that didn’t mean anything kept Oliver out. I looked up and met Oliver’s eyes across the room. I couldn't think of anything else.
“Oliver.” I said in an unfortunate lull after the laughter died. His name was too loud on my lips, too sure for someone who was supposed to be dating someone else.
“He’s hot,” Flop said easily, but Bernice made a choking sound. Before I could get a look at her face, she’d left the table, not looking back.
“Well, so much for that,” Junie said, watching Berni
ce leave. “She’s here physically but her soul belongs to the team, and The Captain. For someone who’s supposed to be your boyfriend, he’s not really around you very often.” I shrugged but Junie wasn’t done. “I can’t believe I used to think that being his girlfriend would work. He really doesn’t care about people very much. You care too much, especially about Oliver who I can tell is your obsession, even if you’ve managed to keep pretty cool about it.”
“I didn’t really mean…”
Flop rolled her eyes. “So what if she’s obsessed with someone besides Sean. It’s probably part of their dynamic.”
“Yeah. Sean’s the only guy in school that prefers a girlfriend who likes someone else better.” Junie shrugged. “He doesn’t act very into Gen, but what do I know? He’s still as cold-blooded as ever. He’ll never be real boyfriend material.”
It was true—which was why he was so perfect for me as my not real boyfriend. It was confusing though. For me and the rest of the student body.
Everything was fine; work was good with no one annoying coming in, a slow night really, and then I went home, riding on my bike with the perfect gear shifters and peeling teal paint. It was better like that, more me. Who wanted perfection when they could have character? Right.
Next day, swimming with Bernice was fine, except that she seemed more tense than usual and suggested we wrap up early.
“Is something wrong?” I asked, treading water.
She glanced at me and then away. “I’ve been hearing a lot of weird rumors. You said that you were dating Sean, but someone said they saw you hooking up with Oliver during lunch, one of those losers and who believes them, but anyway, it’s weird because Sean’s the captain, you know? Oliver’s my friend and we’re pretty close, but I don’t want to see Sean get hurt.”
“I guess that makes sense. Actually, Sean hasn’t talked to me for a few days, so maybe it wasn’t really a thing after all. I don’t know about Oliver; I never know about Oliver. I don’t want to hurt Sean either. Really, I don’t think I could. He’s got crazy strong walls that keep everyone out, you know?”
She nodded but still looked worried. I rolled my eyes as I pulled myself out of the pool. “I’ll talk to Sean after school.”
She gave me a weak smile, but somehow it didn’t make me feel better. My shoulder still ached. Lunch was weird because half of the student body wasn’t there.
“Field trip?” I asked Flop when she finally sat down beside me.
She shrugged then went into the importance of pedicures.
Junie and Tuba showed up at the same time before Bernice came over, kind of nervous looking.
“Hey, Gen?” she said, quiet.
“Bernice always has a good pedicure, which is so great because being on the swim team, people are always staring at your feet,” Flop said.
“Hey, ladies,” Dean said from behind her, looking eagerly at me, like I was about to hand him a big bundle of something illegal. We all stared at him as he slid into the empty seat beside me and tapped the table with his fingertips. “So, you got with the foreigner? If you’re into different guys, I could hook you up with some fine…” Junie backfisted him before I had the chance to do anything other than stare.
He got up, sputtering mad, and then quieted down when he saw Junie in her goddessy fury.
“What do you think you’re doing, Dean?” She glared down at him and he shrank beneath her gaze.
“If she didn’t sleep with him, then it’s too bad that Sean’s going to rip him apart,” he muttered, stumbling away from the table.
“Who? What…” I sputtered, staring after him when Bernice put a hand on my arm.
“Sean’s fighting Oliver in the back parking lot. Apparently Dean heard the same rumors I did.”
I sat there for a second, confused, shaking my head. “Sean wouldn’t fight Oliver for me. It makes no sense.”
She frowned at me, like I should have been doing something instead of sitting there. I got up and ran with my friends beside me, through the halls to the parking lot behind the shop building. Bernice and Dean were right. A huge crowd jeered and fist pumped like the idiots they were. I shoved through the crowd until I was held back by the ring of guys who kept the circle with their outstretched arms. The guys were mostly swimmers, but a few other guys I didn’t really know were there too.
I watched while Sean and Oliver circled each other, both of them without shirts. Of course Sean wouldn’t want to get it wrinkled or bloody. Oliver wasn’t as tall as Sean, but he looked no less capable as he took his time before moving with lighting speed to place two punches on Sean’s body before moving out of range.
Sean was not nearly as graceful out of water and slower than Oliver, but when Sean finally landed a blow to his face, it knocked Oliver back, snapping his head back. I was used to sparring, to watching feats of violence, but this wasn’t the same. These weren’t fighting for an award on clean technique, they wanted to hurt each other. For me? It made no sense because Sean had made it clear that was the last thing on his mind, and Oliver had avoided me since the wall incident.
“So, now what?” Junie asked beside me.
“Can we just watch? They’re both really hot,” Flop said from my other side.
“I feel something really stupid coming on,” I muttered before I ducked under the outstretched arms and moved into the ring.
I had to dodge to avoid Oliver’s backswing before I stepped in front of him and right into a direct punch from Sean.
Ow. I opened my eyes and saw the sky with two dark shadows bending over me. I made a gurgling sound as I tried to breathe around the spreading awareness I felt in my ribs. At least he hadn’t hit my face. I probably wouldn’t have a face.
Someone yelled something, and the crowd chanted, ‘teachers, teachers.’ Cole pulled me up by the armpits and started dragging me towards the building.
“Hey, Vee,” he whispered in my ear. “Nice move.”
I gasped. “Thanks. Years of training kicking in.”
He snorted. The walk was a blur until he left me on a wooden bench in a locker room. I leaned over my knees, working on the breathing, aware that my ribs might never be the same again. I took a deep breath and was about to check the damage when I heard Oliver’s voice and froze. Oh, it would be so easy to forget that I’d ever wanted anything other than to lean against him when he sat beside me.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
I managed to glare at him. “I’m great. Thanks for asking. Now go away.”
He smiled like I’d said something funny, his green eyes shining brilliantly as he settled a first aid kit on his knees. “I’m good at helping with injuries,” he said pulling out a tube of something. “Let me check it out.”
“Um, no. I’ve done my stupid thing for the day, now I’m just going to go home. I’m not letting you touch me. You certainly won’t let me touch you.”
He shrugged then handed me the tube. “Well, you stopped the fight, even if you had to pay for it. What if I wanted you to touch me?”
I shook my head. “Why? Why would you ever let me make you vulnerable?” I took the tube and realized it was an analgesic. I could use some numbing. I rubbed some of the goop on my ribs.
When I handed it back, I made the mistake of looking straight at him. He sat closer than he had a moment before. He took the tube while I froze, feeling my heart race and my stomach clench. “My vulnerability for yours. It’s a fair trade. And,” he said, handing me an ice pack, “I can’t stop thinking about you, remembering the feel of you, your taste. I’m already too vulnerable, what’s the harm in tasting a little satisfaction?”
I reached up and grabbed his shirt in my fist. He didn’t move, but I saw him swallow. He blinked when I ripped it, the shirt, showing his shoulder. “I’m going to bite you.” He still never moved while his eyes grew darker by the second. On his neck I could see the pulse beating beneath the skin. So close, so incredibly close, and he hadn’t moved away from me, if anything he leaned closer.
I lost track of reality. It started with my mouth on his shoulder in a nice bite, the kind he’d left me, but then his hands were in my hair, and he was murmuring my name in my ear, and things got hazy. The relief was so incredible, touching him the kind of high they warn you against with drugs. There was a lot of mouth to mouth resuscitation, only less breathing, more tongue, and then I jerked away from him when I realized his hands were sliding beneath the waistband of my pants.
“What are you doing?” I asked then realized how tangled up we were, that his shirt was half off of him.
He stared at my mouth then forced his eyes to meet mine. “I’m sorry, was I not allowed to kiss you back? I’m afraid I got distracted.” He gave me his crooked smile. I wanted to kiss it off his face but instead I got to my feet, wincing when I tried to straighten my ribs. I’d completely forgotten about Sean’s punch.
“That’s what we call groping, not kissing. You didn’t say anything about that,” I muttered as I smoothed down my shirt and shoved my hair away from my face. I’d meant to get revenge, not make out with him in the locker room—the boy’s locker room. Gross.
I winced my way across the floor, just glad that no one had walked in on us. Who knew? Maybe someone had come in. I wouldn’t have noticed a tsunami. It was lucky that I noticed groping.
I walked out the doors and into a way too familiar chest. At least it wasn’t his fist. Again.
“Sean.” I was as tired as I sounded, and leaving Oliver, moving away from him had me fighting the nausea and the bits of my brain that were screaming at me to stop being a lunatic and go back in the locker room and grope him back.
“Funny, I don’t remember punching you in the face.”
“Huh?” I looked up at him, and saw his icy eyes staring down at me, cutting through me.
“Your mouth is swollen.”
I put a hand to my lips and remembered the pressure of Oliver. Oh, I really was going to throw up. I grabbed onto Sean, trying to stay upright and not vomit on his shoes, or worse, shirt. After a moment it passed and I leaned against the wall instead of him.
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