Watergirl

by Juliann Whicker

  Sean had mentioned something about sirens. Sirens. I’d made a joke. I should have jumped out of the window instead, only there were no windows in the soundproof bathroom. Now it all made sense—having a gigantic bathtub in a room without any windows, the only room in the house that wasn’t audible a block away.

  Being able to see in the dark was kind of cool, at least when I didn’t try to see when it was light and get one of those killer headaches. My dad said that I’d be able to control it along with the urges I had to scream/sing if I kept practicing.

  So, that’s what I did. I practiced breathing, practiced singing, practiced controlling the fear and emotions.

  I could do more than make people’s ears bleed; I could make the water in the tub swirl around me with my voice, my will. When I really pushed it, I could get waves splashing over the side to pool onto the towel covered floor. At first I thought it was a coincidence, but gradually I could control how high the waves leapt using my voice.

  I wanted to see Sean, of course I did, and I argued with my dad about it at first, but until I could control my voice, keep from accidentally hurting him, it was best if he stayed away. I couldn’t have cared less if he was ‘the traitor’s son’. If he could deal with whatever I was, I could deal with him having psycho parents. I hated it in the bathtub with nothing to do in the dark bathroom besides practice breathing and trying not to miss Sean while I did my best to ignore the obnoxious Oliver obsession.

  One thing that bothered me all the time was the kissing. At the time, it had felt like we were the only people in the world, that everything was finally completely fine, but afterwards, maybe it was like my dad shoving my head under water only more pleasant.

  What if he’d only kissed me to distract me, using my stupidly in love to get my gills to work? But why would he bother unless he cared about me, unless he had some motive I didn’t know about, wanted to collect me the way Oliver wanted to collect my mother… anyway. Those were the kinds of things I thought about while I rolled around in the tub, hating the ceramic confines with all of my soul.

  I was like my mother, trapped in the lake, even though it was bigger than the tub, still too small, too lonely.

  I was half way through my second week at home with most of the basics figured out, when I heard a pounding on the door downstairs. I sank deeper into the darkness of the bathroom, darkness that I could clearly do my homework in if I’d wanted to, but the knocking kept going until I finally got out of the tub, wrapped a wet towel around my body, then one of my dad’s sweatshirts and pants over that.

  Glamorous. Yeah. My heart pounded as I walked down the stairs on shaky legs. Was it Sean? Had he come while my dad was gone to sneak me out or something?

  When I finally got to the front door, I deflated when I saw Bernice, eyes big and scared while she pounded. Her fist should have been black and blue. I almost turned around, but the sight of another human… well, a human anyway since I wasn’t one so she couldn’t be another… at any rate, I was sick of being alone in my tub, so I opened the door.

  “Gen, thank-you for opening the door. Are you okay? You’ve been out forever. So, I guess you’re wondering why I’m here.” She swallowed nervously while she twisted her hands.

  I felt sorry for her. I mean, she had been my friend and spent all those unholy early mornings teaching me how to swim.

  “Yeah, I guess I am,” I whispered. The whisper wasn’t intentional, it was the voice of someone who was used to having an extra set of lungs.

  “It’s Sean.”

  “What about Sean?” I stepped back, letting her inside.

  “I’ve been with Cole, you know? We haven’t been public, but I really like him. I know that I liked Ben and would look like an idiot but sometimes these things happen,” she said shrugging helplessly while I stared at her. Bernice and Cole? Bernice when Cole had warned me specifically against her? Weird. “While Cole is great, I feel like Sean is family. He’s been a mess. When he comes to school, he’s not really there. He’s almost as bad as you,” she said gesturing to my super cute outfit. “Cole told me about the thing…” Her bottom lip trembled and her eyes got all big. “That’s when it made sense. Something attacked you, didn’t it? Today when I saw Sean, he was talking crazy, said he was going to kill it once and for all. He’s at the lake now…” I left her to shove my feet in a pair of hiking boots still caked in mud from who knew when, without bothering with socks.

  Sean was going to try and kill my mother? What would happen in that stand-off? I should have seen him. I should have made sure that he wasn’t freaking out as much as I was. I should have… I ran across the lawn towards the curb.

  “We can take my car,” Bernice said, leading the way.

  I got in, feeling weird in my wet, squishy layers as I pulled the seatbelt across my chest.

  I didn’t have to give her any instructions as we drove. It made me wonder how many times she’d gone there. I felt a twinge of irrational possessiveness. Maybe not so irrational because it was my mother who lived there, like it was her house or something.

  When we got the lake, Bernice drove around to the side where there was a low muddy place boats went in and got stuck. I could see, long before we got there, the large, red vessel with nets, hooks, pulleys, and other things that made me cringe when I thought of my mother.

  As soon as Bernice parked, I was out of the car, thumping across the squishy ground. It felt weird to be so active after sitting in my tub in the dark, but good, particularly if I stopped something bad from happening. I had to tell Sean what I was, or what I could be, anyway, keep him from taking on my mother. She wouldn’t be so worried about hurting him as me, and she’d ripped me open.

  I felt like I was running towards home as I sloshed through the knee deep water to the ladder and climbed. I’d missed him so much, and my mother? Seeing her would be different now, knowing who she was, that she’d been listening to me all those years. Maybe he’d give me a hug before I had to tell him that my mother was the monster he wanted to kill. Maybe I could think of another way to stop him without mentioning my genetics. No. I didn’t care if my dad didn’t trust him. He had to know. I loved him too much to pretend to be something else, something less dangerous.

  At the top of the ladder, I put my leg over, then the other one. One the deck, I took a moment to adjust the towel beneath my dad’s sweatshirt before I started forward, peering into the window of the steering house, or whatever it was called, then to the wide open deck with rigging piled up. Everything felt so… empty.

  “Wondering where he is?” Bernice asked, her voice loud in the air, making me spin around. I stared at her, at the object in her hand. It was a cell phone, small, silver, harmless. So why was her face like that, like she was holding a weapon?

  “Yeah. Maybe they’re duking it out at the bottom of the lake.”

  No. They weren’t. I could see by that smile, the gloating little smug look that she’d known he wasn’t here all along.

  “Let me explain something,” she hissed, taking two steps towards me, narrowing her eyes at me so that she was suddenly threatening.

  “By all means.”

  “There are greater things in this world than individuals. Forces at work that are more important than the little things, like friendships, love, or even loyalty.”

  “Yeah. Like pedicures. What’s going on with you?” She looked different, wild, sort of in control of the situation but not of herself, if that made any sense.

  “It didn’t have to be like this. You gave me no choice. Seven years I’ve been waiting for Sean to notice me. The first girl he sees is you. Why?” Her face turned livid for a moment before she shook her head letting the emotion drain, leaving nothing but ice. “I’m not going to stay here forever. I won’t. I can’t. The world out there, it’s mine. I belong there, not here. Do you understand?”

  “Um, sure.” I smiled helpfully while I edged back the way I had come. “Sean feels the same way. You guys are perfect for each other. I d
idn’t mean to mess that up for you. Why don’t we go and tell him that.” Hopefully I was saying the sort of things a psycho girl would want to hear. Bernice had clearly flipped.

  She frowned at me, clutching her phone tighter. “I just want you to know that your sacrifice serves the greater good.”

  “What sacrifice would that be, specifically?”

  She flipped open the phone and dialed. “Hi. It’s me. Is she awake yet? Good. Now remember what I showed you? Only do it to the count of five. That should be long enough. We don’t want to really hurt her.”

  My heart pounded as she pushed speaker phone and I listened intently until I heard the scream going on and on for the count of five until she began sobbing and gasping, begging someone… Bernice clicked speaker off and I was left to stare at her while horror, disbelieving horror clouded my vision. I barely heard the rest of her words in the phone.

  “You know what I said. If I don’t call back in five minutes, you’ll have to do the rest of it. I know you don’t want to, but it’s the only way to keep me safe. I love you so much.” Then Bernice snapped the phone shut and put her hands on her hips.

  I stared at her, reeling. “Did you just… Who was that?”

  “Flop. Your sweet, stupid friend.”

  “Flop was your friend! You tortured your own friend? For what?” I started towards her, hands like claws, wanting to rip it away from her and take out her hair while I was at it.

  “Now you understand that I’m serious,” she said taking a step back and holding up the phone so that I stopped.

  “You’re psychotic. What do you want, you twisted…” I bit my lip, trying to control my voice, the pressure that built in my chest.

  She smiled brightly, like she was going to go on in detail about how cute Ben was. “If I can’t have Sean, convince him that he needs me then I must have the monster. That’s my key out of this place, this world. So, you’re going to sacrifice yourself, luring the monster to me, so that I can give it to the lady, even if I can’t do anything about that arrogant imbecile.” Even as she said the words, I heard the longing in her voice. Whatever she called him, she still wanted him. I could relate.

  I swallowed, trying to think before I said something that might send her over the edge. Who was I kidding? She already sounded completely unstable. “I’m sure that’s a good plan, except for the part where you, all by yourself, capture a very dangerous, terrifying creature. I’m thinking that you want me to call the monster, let it eat me then ask it to climb into your net? It doesn’t really work that way. It’s a force of nature not my pet.”

  “I want you to stand over there at the bow and sing to it. That’s what Cole says you do. So do it. Call it and I’ll worry about everything else.

  I closed my eyes, fighting the headache, trying to balance my breathing. When I opened them I was still on the boat with Bernice too far away from me to kick. “That’s very reassuring. What guarantee do I have that you won’t hurt Flop even after you use me as bait?”

  She rolled her eyes. “I don’t want to hurt her. I have nothing against Flop. It’s only her stupidity that she’d choose to be friends with you. She should have been my friend instead of yours all those years ago.”

  “Right. She’d be way better off with someone who tortures people to catch some monster. You’re worse than Oliver. Fine. I’ll do it, but I’m warning you, every time I’ve come here bad things have happened. I can’t control the lake or the monster; I just call it.”

  Her eyes were cold as I walked over to the front of the deck where the two sides came together in a point. I couldn’t see what Bernice would use to capture my mother, didn’t understand how she could possibly be stupid enough to think that this would be a good idea. Sure, she’d about announced herself as a Vashni who wanted to control Sean, but gills did not give you the power to keep a monster from eating you, particularly when you threatened that monster’s only offspring.

  It was all so stupid. She was hurting Flop for no reason. There was no way she could actually capture… I noticed movement behind the steering house I hadn’t seen before. We weren’t alone on the ship as I’d thought. Bernice wasn’t as naïve and stupid as I’d given her credit for. Crap.

  I bit my lip as I stood at the bow, trying to think my way through the tangle. What if I really were luring my mother into a trap? How could I sacrifice her for Flop? What kind of a choice was that?

  The panic in my chest grew, spreading to my throat. I clenched my teeth as I gripped the railing, trying to think past the panic. I had five minutes. What could I do in five minutes? I looked out over the water that was already tossing and curling eagerly, like it could tell that I was there.

  I took a deep breath, well, as deep as I could take out of water then threw myself overboard.

  The water swirled around me, the darkness taking a few blinks to get into focus. Almost immediately, I saw Bernice above me, her teeth bared at me as she screamed, a sound of pure rage as she came out me, nails extended like claws. I twisted away from her, but it was ridiculous. I’d barely learned to swim and could do nearly nothing as she gripped me around the throat and dragged me to the surface.

  “You don’t want to sing?” she whispered in my ear as water dripped into my eyes. “Then you’ll scream.”

  I didn’t see the knife, but I felt it, the pain in my back sharp as the scream that split the air.

  The waves roiled around us, like an ocean in a storm, while Bernice gripped me tighter, pushing the blade deeper into me.

  The pain was so sharp, the feel of her clinging to me as unbearable as life without Sean. I tried to shake her off, then begged the water, the waves for help, not with words but with sounds like the ones I’d heard in Sean’s music.

  The water came, dragging me down at the same time it ripped her away, spinning me into the depths while I sang. The song was like a force of nature, a gale that shredded the water, spinning everything around me into whorls and waves.

  For a moment I saw my mother, saw her eyes through the distorting layers of mucous that she hadn’t scraped off her face for a decade. She opened her mouth, but only hissing came out. The water bucked her up, then spun me away and out of sight.

  I saw the ship, broken in half, coming at me through the murky water before my mother grabbed me, pulling me away from the jagged edges of the metal beast. My mother pulled me up, on the surface and for a moment the water followed me, clinging to me. There was a hole in the spinning water where I could see the bottom of the lake, far, far below, waiting to swallow me, the ship, the world. Gills were not made for storms like this, not when the pull of the water seemed to twist the knife in my back.

  I closed my eyes as I arched my back to let the song spread, like a bird, soaring across the waves, full of pain, and anger as I hovered on the edge of the turbulent cliff.

  My mother dragged me back, the hiss seeming to plead with me as she carried me, ever so slowly away from the awful drop. The waves plunged and fell sending us down to the murky, muddy depths of the lake. The song came less powerfully as her hands wrapped around my throat. Finally, I closed my mouth, exhausted and aching.

  The water swirled around me even after my song had ended, still pounding me apart, intent to consume me until I was finally part of it, a piece of the lake. My mother clung to me as the water swirled around us, throwing us against the bottom, then up above the surface again. I saw the shore before the water swallowed us again. My mother moved towards it, the whole of her body moving as one unit that slid through the water, dragging me with her. The next time the water surged up, my mother took that moment to shove me out in the mud. I clung to broken weeds as I gasped, hanging onto earth while the water tugging my feet, ankles until I dragged myself further ashore. I coughed, breathing in mud before I struggled to my feet, further from the murderous waves. I gasped as I breathed, feeling the pain in my back, reaching behind me while I jerked out the blade, no longer than my index finger, dripping with my blood. I looked up from the small kni
fe at what used to be my lake.

  The water wasn’t as wild as it had been before but it still moved like something alive thrashed right beneath the surface. The shoreline had moved, shifted further than it had been, the grasses washed down to mud. My rock, where I’d fallen into the lake was gone while my tree lay with roots sticking up, water bubbled around it. Stuff from the lake was sticking up in the mud, old metal rods, a fishing pole and old boots scattered the ground.

  I felt a wave of dizziness. I forced myself to stay standing, to breathe and get a grip instead of letting the hysteria, the hyperventilation take over, drowning me in darkness to take away the reality of this...this horror that I’d created, that I was.

  I clenched my teeth and forced myself to turn, putting my back on the lake while I stumbled through the weeds to the road with only one hiking boot on. The boat was gone, along with Bernice.

  I couldn’t think about that or the pain in my back. I had to focus on Flop, figure out where she was and save her before it was too late. The question was whether I’d go straight home or to Sean’s house. My house was closer. I’d have to call him and hope he’d answer.

  I shook my head and forced myself into a jog that made my back ache with every step. Sean would find Flop and fix the mess I couldn’t think about, not if I didn’t want to give in to the hysteria waiting for me to think too much.

  Chapter 37

  It took forever to make it those two miles in one boot until I finally crashed through my front door to the kitchen, dropping into a chair while I dialed Sean’s number. I’d never called him before. I tried not to feel nervous since none of that mattered, but still, when he answered it took me a second to respond.

  “Hello?” he said the second time, sounding more irritated than usual.

  “Sean,” I whispered, still trying to catch my breath. “Can you come over?”

  There was a silence that felt like a gulf between us. I tapped the chipped formica table, waiting before he said, “I could do that. Now?”