That's What's Up!

by Paula Chase

  Mina swallowed over the lump in her throat. She took a second to check her surroundings. Their confrontation was drawing peers from a few nearby clusters. She stepped closer to Jacinta, angry but still determined not to get loud.

  “There is always a bright side to stuff. But to me, you’re ignoringit.”

  Jacinta was unflinching. “So what’s the bright side, Mina? Please, school me.”

  “You’re the one who kept saying you wished Raheem would realizeit’s over between you.” Mina’s right eyebrow shot up. Her voice was thick with sarcasm. “I’m thinking it doesn’t take a brain surgeon to figure out that the relationship is officially dead when somebody pimp-slaps you.”

  “He didn’t pimp-slap me,” Jacinta barked, causing a few more curioussquints from the surrounding clusters.

  “Cinny, okay, I was just being funny.” Mina shook her head, pleading.“You have a good reason for not talking to him. I hear what you’re saying about letting him clear the air. But honestly ...” Her shoulders hitched and her voice lost steam. “I think he said it all when he hit you.”

  “Well, that’s your opinion,” Jacinta said. She walked away, stoppingonly when she realized Kelly wasn’t right behind her. “Kelly, come on.”

  Kelly stood frozen, unwilling to blatantly choose a side. Her voice was weak and unconvincing when she said, “It’ll be okay, Mi,” before walking off.

  Mina watched until the darkness swallowed them.

  “Woah, serious catfight,” Todd said. “Mreow.”

  Lizzie tugged his arm. “Let’s go for a walk.”

  Todd popped up. He rubbed Mina’s arm. “She’ll be alright, Mina. You know Cinny’s a tough cookie.” He helped Lizzie up then backpedaledinto the sand. “I’ll race ya.”

  Lizzie gave one wistful look back at Mina stewing, then hurried to catch up with Todd.

  “Seriously, you gotta stop trying to fix everything,” Brian said, softly reprimanding.

  “I’m not trying to fix anything.” Mina’s voice went up a level.

  “But he smacked the spit out of her just a few hours ago ...” She blew out a resigned breath. “Whatever.”

  Let the Circle Be Unbroken

  “I don’t argue like this with anyone but you.”

  —Corrine Bailey Rae, “Like A Star”

  Jacinta felt like she and Kelly were walking from one world into another, leaving the shadowy, loud beach scene for the bright but silent world of the hotel’s parking lot. The whish of passing cars on the nearby highway was quiet compared to the crashing waves, layeredconversations and thin music of the party. She found the near silence nerve-wracking.

  In spite of her anxiety, her legs sped up. Once out of the sand, her feet clomped loudly on the sidewalk. She jumped at the sound of

  Kelly’s, “Are you okay?” and bit back the urge to snap, Yes, stop asking me that.

  Everyone was concerned for her. Just being a friend. Having her back. She got it.

  As cool as it was having four and five people giving you big pity eyes and lowering their voices as they checked on your sanity, it was also bothersome. She was so used to it being just her, Raheem and Angel that the clique’s attention and concern was smothering.

  Their concern was what Raheem called, being all in her business.

  Times like now she agreed with him. Then she glanced over at Kelly. There was nothing but genuine worry in her friend’s light-brown eyes, shaming Jacinta’s annoyance away. She slowed her steps. “I’m fine. For real.”

  “You know I would have told you they were coming down here if I’d known. Right?” Kelly asked.

  Jacinta nodded. She knew that, but couldn’t help lecturing. “If you had told me Angel knew about the road trip, then I could have told you there was no way you were gonna keep him away.”

  The confusion on Kelly’s face amused Jacinta.

  “But I told him it was just the girls.” Kelly squinted in concentrationas she recollected. “He seemed okay with it being a girls’ thing.”

  “Kelly, I have never seen Angel so pressed as he is with you.You got that knucka completely open ...” Jacinta shook her head. “He probably had the car gassed up right after he talked to you.”

  They both chuckled.

  Angel’s Acura was at the curb near a sign that said BEACH ENTRANCE.Raheem leaned against the car, his head turned toward Angel inside the car. They hadn’t seen the girls. Kelly stopped abruptly and lowered her voice, even though they weren’t in hearing range of the guys.

  “How come you didn’t tell us that you and Raheem still hook up?”

  Jacinta’s eyes lowered. She looked away from Kelly and over at the guys. They still hadn’t seen them.

  We should head back to the beach like we never bothered to come, Jacinta thought.

  “Cinny?” Kelly prodded.

  Jacinta’s shoulders heaved. No matter how much she explained her and Raheem’s relationship to the girls they never seemed to totallyunderstand. She wasn’t angry with Kelly but she didn’t feel like explaining again. Instead she said, “It’s not like I hate him, Kell.”

  “I know,” Kelly said. Her voice was thick with sympathy. “But ... okay, I’m not saying you’re to blame for what Raheem did ...”

  Jacinta rolled her eyes. “Which means you are saying that.”

  “What do you mean?” Kelly tucked her hair then head-checked the guys, deep in conversation.

  “You’re gonna say that I’m leading him on or sending him mixed signals or whatever.”

  Kelly was apologetic. “Well ... aren’t you? Kind of?”

  “It’s not like it happened every time I went home.” Jacinta frowned. “Just a couple ... I mean like three times.” She blew out an exasperated breath. “And Raheem knew it didn’t mean we were back together.”

  “What did it mean?”

  “I don’t know.” Jacinta renewed her fast-paced stride. “Let’s just ... get this over with.”

  Angel was already teasing Jacinta by the time Kelly reached the car. He greeted Kelly with a smile. “Ay, hop in, mami.”

  Jacinta saw Kelly calculating whether to go or stay. “It’s cool,” she said, letting her off the hook.

  Kelly reluctantly headed to the passenger side, her eyes never leaving Jacinta’s face. Jacinta watched the car pull off until it was a tiny speck of taillights.

  Once Angel’s Acura was out of sight, Raheem moved in closer.

  “Un-ah,” Jacinta warned, taking a step back. “I only came out here because I don’t want you thinking I’m running or scared of you.”

  He put his hands up, no tricks up his sleeve, then gestured to the retaining wall around the hotel’s garden. They both sat down.

  He sucked his teeth when Jacinta left plenty of room between them, then delivered his apology in classic Raheem style—one part gruff, one part genuine.

  “Man, look ... I’m sorry I hit you. For real.”

  “You mean you’re just sorry.” Jacinta folded her arms tighter and glared. “That’s what you used to say about your father. That he was sorry and trifling for hitting on your moms.”

  Her heart galloped when Raheem’s jaw tightened and his nose flared.

  She silently counted the seconds as they went by.

  One one thousand. Two one thousand. Three one thousand.

  The anger which had brought on the hurtful (but true) shot gave way to teeming anxiety.

  Twenty-five one thousand. Twenty-six one thousand.

  She’d gone too far, but wasn’t worried about Raheem striking her again. They were out in a well-lit parking lot with people walkingby every few seconds. She was more worried about not being able to take the words back.

  Forty one thousand.

  Raheem hated his father. Her comparing him to the man who his mom had finally kicked out two years ago, was as much a knife in the heart as it would be if Raheem threw Jacinta’s mother being a drug addict in her face. She braced herself for something hurtful to come her way.

  At the
fifty-five second mark, Raheem spoke up, his voice vanilla and emotionless. “That’s messed up that you went there ... but I was straight wrong for hitting you, so I deserve it.” He scooted closer to her, waited for her to scoot away. When she didn’t, his body relaxed.“Cinny, let’s stop playing each other and talk straight up.”

  “About what? Nothing’s changed.” Her eyebrows raised in a sharp spike, questioning.

  Raheem’s eyes went glassy, as if thinking about it. Finally he said, “Exactly, nothing’s changed. I still love you.” He closed the final gap of space between them so their legs touched. For a second the chill from the cool wall was held off by their body heat. Raheem’s fingers stroked her upper thigh. “Real talk.You messing with Jason?”

  Jacinta shook her head.

  “So why was you all up on him then?”

  The pain in Raheem’s voice melted the last of Jacinta’s fragile resolve. The same thing that happened when she came home on the weekends was happening again.

  Worse, because his hard edge was smoothed over by his gentle touch. She wanted to believe. And she wanted to run—far away from his brown eyes, heavy with regret, silently saying things to her that he would probably never admit out loud. Like, he missed her and wanted her back.

  She cleared her throat. “I still love you too. But ...”

  “Why it gotta be a but?” he asked softly, almost apologetically.

  “Because it’s too hard, Heem.” It killed her to say it. But she pressed on. “You act like you’re mad that I’m happy. The only time it’s swazy is when I’m doing what you want me to do. But that sucks for me.”

  Raheem barked a loud laugh. He mocked her voice. “That sucks for you?”

  Jacinta’s mouth pursed. “Yeah, that sucks for me.”

  He nudged her. “I’m just playing with you, girl.You gon’ sit there and tell me that you saying that sucks for you is not white? It sounds funny coming from you. That’s all.”

  Of course it sounded white to him. She had never used the word “sucks” until hanging around Mina and the clique. Jacinta’s cheeks burned with embarrassment. Not at using the word, but at Raheem pointing it out and laughing. She played it off by shrugging.

  “Come on, Cinny. Sucks?” he pressed, wanting her to admit it.

  “Alright, alright. It’s not like I walk around using it all the time,” she said, standing up to face him. “But that’s what I mean. Little things like that.You’re always teasing how I talk. Or being all sarcasticwhen I tell you what we did on the weekends, like it’s wack. It’s played out.”

  “So if I stop teasing you we cool?”

  “It’s not just that, Heem.” Jacinta’s voice rose. She was pleading again and hated it. But it was too late. “On the few weekends that you and Angel came over to The Woods and hung out with us, I thought it was cool. It seemed like y’all had a good time. But then the next time we talked you joked me about stuff I said or did while you were there. It’s like I have to watch what I say or do. It’s foul.”

  “ ’Cause I hate that you ... it’s like you have more fun when you with them or something.” Raheem’s lip jutted in a pout. “And everything is Mina and ’nem this and Mina and ’nem that. I just get mad sick of hearing it.”

  Jacinta matched his pout. “And that’s why nothing has changed.”

  “But what if I tried?” Raheem pulled her toward him by the forearms. His voice was all gentle, no gruff. “For real. I’m gonna try harder.”

  As he pulled, Jacinta had to straddle his legs to go forward. Soon she was standing just inches from his face. Her heart raced, but it was heavy. She’d never wanted to say no, and yes, so badly.

  They’d done this already. They’d tried to make it work. Every time it went bad, it went really bad. She wasn’t up for the ride anymore,but then Raheem winked at her. His voice was sincere and smooth when he said, “You know you my down-ass chick.”

  “I’m not gonna apologize for having fun without you, Heem,” Jacinta said. But it was a weak, empty statement. His arms were around her waist, locking her in against him.

  “Alright,” he said.

  “And don’t get all pissy when I say I need help out one of my friends,” Jacinta scolded.

  He nodded.

  “And stop teasing me. I’m not acting white.”

  Raheem chuckled softly. “Cinny, I don’t tease you no more than always.You just mad sensitive now.”

  The truth in his words took Jacinta back. Instead of admitting he was right, she added on more rules until she couldn’t think of anythingelse to say. “And ...”

  “Do I need to sign a contract or something?” Raheem teased.

  He looked straight into Jacinta’s eyes, unflinching, waiting for her to give more conditions. Jacinta made herself meet his gaze. She searched his eyes for something, anything that would tell her that getting back with him was the right thing to do.

  It felt right and it felt wrong.

  Her brain was foggy. Details about the bad times between them were already hazy as she looked into his eyes.

  She loved him.

  He was her first.

  She mostly loved being around him.

  He’d always been there for her ... the “right” list kept growing, passing the “wrong” by a mile.

  “One more thing,” Jacinta said, finally.

  Raheem cocked his head. “I’m listening.”

  She patted his crazy afro. “Let me braid this nest ... like, now.”

  “Oh, I’m not looking sexy?”

  “Yeah, to some chick who like that Ben Wallace, mean mug look.”

  “That’s not you, huh?”

  Jacinta shook her head.

  A smile lit Raheem’s handsome face, softening the hard, ragged look of the afro. He moved his face in and kissed her.

  Jacinta wrapped her arms around his neck, letting the familiar comfort settle over them.

  This is right, she thought.

  As long as Raheem tried, really tried, it would be just like ... her phone beeped twice, signaling she had a text.

  “That’s probably your girl Mina wondering if I dragged you off in the woods somewhere.”

  Jacinta sucked her teeth. “Not funny. Leave my girl alone.”

  “Shawty bucked like she was ready knuck.” Raheem chuckled, like Mina getting in his face was the most amusing thing he’d ever seen. Admiration laced his words. “She had your back, for real. She cool peoples.”

  Jacinta smiled, nodding as she opened the phone to check the text.

  “Yeah. That’s my ... aw, shoot.”

  Good-bye to the Game?

  “Said goodbye to the game, but I’m still wavin’.”

  —Playaz Circle ft. Lil Wayne, “Duffle Bag Boy”

  Angel cruised the Acura down the highway. He gazed at Kelly. She sat arms folded, head ducking in the passenger side mirror, lookingback at the hotel, uptight.

  Angel pinched her arm playfully. “They’ll be alright.”

  Seeing a cloud pass over her face, he assured her again in Spanish as he rolled the car along lazily in the light traffic.

  “Has he ever hit her before?” Kelly stared Angel down, wanting to see his face for any sign that whatever answer he gave was true or false.

  “No. He was pissed.” Angel shook his head. “He knew he was mad foul.”

  “Yeah, right,” Kelly muttered.

  “Do you think Cinny would have came out here to talk to him if this wasn’t the first time?” Angel took his eyes off the road for a second and glanced Kelly’s way. Bars of light from passing street lamps zebra’d across her face, etched with concentration. “Kelly, you saw her clock him back, right? Trust, it was the first time.”

  True, Kelly thought. It may have taken Jacinta a second, but she responded in true Jacinta fashion. Her shoulders relaxed. “So, where are we going?”

  “Just riding to give them some time.”

  “Not trying to start anything ...” There was an unspoken apologyin her shrug. “Bu
t I wish you had told me you were coming down.”

  “Yeah, well I wish you would have told me that Cinny and dude had something going.”

  “They don’t,” Kelly said, sure to keep the bite out of her voice.

  Angel’s eyebrows shot up. “She was sitting on his lap, Kelly. Man, when Heem saw that he rolled up on them so quick ... it was a bad look. Cinny was wrong.”

  “You know what?” Kelly looked out her window, steamy with moisture. She watched the fog disappear before facing Angel again. “I don’t see how we’re going to be together if Raheem and Jacinta aren’t. I mean ... he’s your friend. Jacinta’s mine. We’ll never be able to hang out together.”

  “You act like they not both my friends too.” He frowned for a second before giving in to the stubborn jut in Kelly’s lip. “Alright, so we won’t always hang out together.”

  “If you really felt that way you would have come down here by yourself.” Kelly winced at the nagging in her voice and waited for Angel to get testy with her.

  Instead, he rubbed her cheek. He gave her one of his shy but devilish, I’m-a-bad-boy smiles. “Alright, my bad. But, real talk, if you had just told me that ... never mind. You’re right. Knowing how Raheem and Cinny back and forth, I should have looked out better than that.”

  Kelly smiled. “See. It’s not so bad when you admit I’m right.”

  Angel’s hazel eyes crinkled with a smile even though he sucked his teeth.

  He leaned over, hovering over the middle console, his lips pursed. “Give me some.”

  Kelly shooed him away. “Drive before we crash.”

  “I can do more than one thing at a time.” He leaned further over and the car swerved with his motion. He tapped his cheek. “Just a little kiss, right there.”

  The car veered more to the right as Angel horsed around.

  “Angel, seriously,” Kelly said, on the edge of panic. “Stop playing, please.”