by Lynn, Davida
My vision blurred through the tears, but I still spun around when I heard another deep engine behind me. I couldn’t make out the rider, but long hair whipped wildly behind. A few seconds later, I made out the figure of a woman. Pulling off the road and into the dirt, she stopped just a few feet from me. I only watched, unable to move.
I thought I was “in” with the biker culture. I thought I was harder than the valley girls that I shared class with at UC. I thought I was tough, but the woman that sat before me on the Harley made me feel like a sweet-sixteen princess.
Maybe only a few years older than me, the woman looked hard as nails. She pulled her shades down, giving me a look from top to bottom that made a shiver run down my spine. “Julie?” Her voice was dark and husky. She cleared her throat. “Sorry. You Julie?” Just like that, she didn’t sound like such a man. Her voice had a feminine touch, and her eyes seemed to soften.
I nodded, still feeling so much intimidation.
“I’m Raven, and I’m your ride. It’s two hours to Bakersfield, so let’s go.”
I finally found my voice. “Um, I really hate to ask, but I didn’t really get much warning before we got on the road, and I...could really use a bathroom break.” I felt ridiculous asking, especially since I had just met her.
She laughed, sliding her glasses into an inside pocket of her cut. “Actually, I could use something to drink. Let’s kill two birds with one stone.”
After a few seconds on her phone, she said, “Alright, let’s go.” I slung my leg over her bike. She brought the beast to life, and we took off. For two hours I’d held onto Romero with every bit of strength I had. It was a bit awkward hanging onto Raven, but I managed. It would only be for a few minutes, anyway.
Relieved after my bathroom break, I slid into a booth across from her. She stared out the window, the glass of tea dripping with condensation on the table in front of her. I don't think she even noticed that I was there.
The waitress surprised me when she stepped over, saying “Anything for you, Hon?”
“Oh? Maybe just a cup of coffee for me, thanks.” She gave me a sour look, then turned away.
Raven turned from the window. I wanted to ask which of the bikers she was with, but after the response that I had gotten from Donna, I didn’t want to push it.
“Jesus, I can’t take this.”
“Huh?” She raised an eyebrow.
“For all I know, I just kissed him goodbye for the very last time. You know why they’re fighting in the first place?” I tried to keep my voice down, but it turned into a choked whisper.
Raven nodded. “Yeah, I know why they’re fighting. Love.” She rolled her eyes, and I couldn’t help but see a smile at the corner of her lips.
“Love and hate.”
The smile on Raven’s lips vanished. “Oh, really? Now you’ve got my attention. Go on.”
I told Raven about my father and the Devil’s Branch, my high school boyfriend and Romero, and the weapons deal that my father tried to trade me for. It felt good to tell someone besides Romero about Aaron. It was especially helpful to hear about Raven’s encounter with one of the Sons that ended with her stabbing him through the hand.
At one point, she turned to look back out the window. I couldn’t stop myself from trying to cheer her up. “He’ll come back, too. I know it.”
“Who?”
“Your man. I’m sure he’ll be just fine.” I gave her a reassuring smile.
She laughed. “That's not what’s itching at me.”
Just as I thought, I’d guessed wrong. Maybe she was someone’s sister or daughter, just like me. Not everyone is a lovesick fool, I scolded myself.
“I know he’ll come back. Gunner is indestructible. I’m itchy because I should be in that fight. I should be beside them as they ride up Highway 5.”
Raven had true sadness in her voice, and I was stunned. She did have a man going into battle, but she wanted to be there, too? I was scared, but so glad to be away from the fight.
“Why aren’t you? Did you draw the short straw, and so you have to give me the ride to safety?”
She shook her head. “No, although that would have been equally shitty.” She pushed the tea away. Raven’s hands moved to her stomach. “I’m actually riding for two, and so Gunner and I decided it would be best if I didn’t get into old school broken glass and bike chain brawls.”
I couldn't help the smile that appeared. I sucked in a breath and covered my mouth. “Oh my god, you’re pregnant!”
She leaned forward. “All right, all right. The whole world doesn’t need to know.”
“It makes sense now!”
She nodded, clearly tired of being gushed over, “I’m so glad it makes sense. I’ve got a nine-month freeze on all the good stuff. No drinking, no fighting. The only reason I’m on two wheels is for pack safety. I can’t wait to get this little demon out, so I can hit the road, again.”
Raven didn’t seem like the type to take some teasing, but I couldn’t help it. There was something I liked about her. “You talk a big game, but you should see your face. You are absolutely glowing!”
“That’s it, I’m leaving you stranded in Nowhere, Cali. Maybe they’ve got an opening here for you.”
I laughed and caught sight of the waitress staring at us. I knew we were talking a bit too loud, but it didn't seem to matter. We were both road-worn, and I’d like to think I looked at least half as tough as Raven did. Two strong women on a motorcycle? I felt a touch of that invincibility that Raven had mentioned.
The two-hour ride to Bakersfield wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought. After a bit of a break and a nice chat with Raven, I felt like I had a bit of myself back. The worry was still there inside me, but I was able to think about other things.
I really was certain that Romero would come back. It wasn’t that I thought was invincible, but he and I had so much left to do. After three months together, we were just discovering each other. We’d driven to the sea and into the mountains, but we hadn’t truly lived yet. On top of all that, there was that big, pink elephant in the room. It had taken me a long time to get past it, but I was so ready for Romero to make me a woman.
As we rolled into Bakersfield, I felt alive. The city seemed new and fresh to me. Maybe it was just the change of scenery that I desperately needed. I can almost put out of my mind the horror and hell happening in Davis.
At the stoplight, Raven glanced back to me. “Almost there.”
Not that the answer would mean anything to me, but I asked anyway, “Where are we heading?”
“To the matriarch for re-indoctrination.”
The red light changed to green, and Raven took off before I could ask just what in the fuck that meant. I told myself to start getting used to being in the dark. They may have been bikers like my father and brother, but it all seemed so brand new and different.
The city of Bakersfield turned into the suburbs, and Raven weaved the motorcycle through the quiet and gentle streets. It reminded me so much of home. Despite our family’s less than legal income, we were just another address on a long street.
My mother had wine and pretended to read books with her neighbors, and Gage still took care of Mrs. Hendrix’s lawn down the street. The people around us new that Mr. Capriani and his son rode motorcycles, but their understanding stopped there. If the neighbors could see over our high back fence and into the deep, dark world of outlaw motorcycle gangs, I doubted we would have any neighbors left.
Raven coasted to a stop in front of a large, but unassuming house. God, it was so like my own. I stood and tried to ignore the stiffness in my legs. Raven remained straddling her Harley, the engine still running.
She motioned toward the house. “I’m done playing taxi, but I do hope I see you again, Julie. There aren’t nearly enough tough chicks in this life. For someone as young as you, I see potential. You listen to what Faith has to say. She has been through the ringer and back. Be nice, and if she offers you something to drink, accept.”
I felt like I was losing a friend. Raven had this rough, tough bubble around her, but there was a kindness that just drew me in. “I’ll see you around?”
She nodded. “If things up north go well, probably. If things go to shit, definitely.” With that enigmatic statement, Raven let her motorcycle shatter the quiet piece of the neighborhood.
There I was, in a place that felt so familiar but was brand new. I raise my eyebrows and shrugged to nobody. I walked past the mailbox that read Rivers and had wildflowers around its base. I was worried for Romero, for my father, and brother, and I was even worried about Raven and her unborn child. They were right when they said love was messy.
My finger never made it to the doorbell. I gave a start as the door pulled open. God, Julie. Get your shit together. Be the strong woman Raven saw.
The matriarch —Faith— gave me a smile. If she was Trask’s mother, she had done a fantastic job battling time. Her smile was bright and her skin flawless. Her eyes were deep, powerful brown showed no sign of weakness. She wore a flowery blouse with short sleeves. It would have made her look like any other housewife on the block if not for the tattoos peeking out from beneath the both sleeves.
“Well.” her voice was as cheery as her smile. “We’re not cooling the entire Southwest. Come on in.”
Even their house had the same little character touches as ours. I’d say most of the design work was done by Faith with little touches here and there to still make the man of the house still feel at home. The place was feminine, filled with classy little masculine touches. Vintage posters advertising motorcycle races hung here and there. Small polished engine parts sat on the occasional end table. To the untrained eye, they would’ve looked like any other trinket.
My father had fought tooth and nail for a piston ashtray. He eventually got it, but only after trading it for a pearl bracelet my mother had been eyeing. So comfortable, so familiar, so different.
I followed Faith through the kitchen and out onto a shaded patio area. A pitcher of some tea was sweating on a glass table. She sat down at one end, and I dropped into a padded chair opposite her.
“I don’t want this to feel like an interrogation. It probably already does, I’m sure, and for that, I’m very sorry. I hope you understand where we’re coming from, though.” Her voice was even and soothing. Faith reached for an empty glass.
As she poured some of the tea, I shook my head. “I understand. I feel a little bit like a defector. I’m sure the last day has been pretty strange for everyone. It certainly has for me.”
“Strange is putting it lightly, dear. Tea?”
Doing as Raven had suggested, I nodded. “Thank you.”
Faith poured, and I took the glass from her. She sat back and took a long drink. I took a sip, and it took everything I had not to gag or spit it up. It was a pitcher filled with long island iced tea instead of sun tea. She watched me struggle to keep it together.
I wiped a hand over my mouth. “Sorry.”
“Tell me about Romero.” Faith smiled.
As the booze began to swirl inside of me, I laughed. It came from some primal place deep in my soul. She was the first one to actually ask me about the man that I loved. It was more refreshing than the tea after a long, hot ride.
“He’s strong. He makes me strong, too. I know alot of couples have things in common when they meet, but it wasn’t like that for us. We met at some batting cages, but I don’t really care about baseball. My opinion on motorcycles waxes and wanes.” I twisted my hand side to side. “But it was Romero who made me fall in love with the open road. He showed me that being in a motorcycle club wasn’t all about stealing or fighting.”
Faith’s eyes seemed to light up. “Bear wasn’t in a club when I met him.”
“Yeah?”
She nodded. “You know the first thing we did together?” I shook my head. “I told him that I wanted to steal something, and we did it.”
My jaw dropped. “Are you serious?” I couldn't hide the smile on my face.
She laughed and reached for the pitcher. I noticed that her glass was empty. Mine was only half. I grabbed my glass and took a few deep drinks. I didn't want her to think that I wasn’t comfortable with her. I wasn’t, but I didn’t want her to know that. I still wasn’t sure exactly what she wanted from me. All her questions were about Romero, but I was sure she would start asking about the Devil’s Branch.
If she was the true matriarch of the Rising Sons, she’d be out for information. That was the thought running through my head through the first Long Island. Through the second, that thought began to fade. After the third, Faith and I were trading stories about our men. I did feel comfortable.
Hours passed. All the trouble and worry that had followed me from Davis was nowhere to be seen. Romero was still in my mind, but hearing Faith talk about her husband made me think about the future.
After three months, I knew that I wanted to be with Romero forever. Before all the trouble with our rival motorcycle gangs, we didn’t talk much about our plans. I was just starting college, and Romero had just gotten out of the military. We were still sorting out our present selves, let alone future ones. I had no idea what those future selves would look like, but the two of us would tackle it hand-in-hand.
Faith and Bear had lived ten lifetimes together. She told me about their most recent scare and the Rising Sons’ adventures in Las Vegas. The worry came back to me a little bit when she told me about how her husband had been in a coma for weeks before waking up. I remembered what Raven had said about her man being invincible. Nobody’s invincible forever, I told myself.
Despite the bad stories, my cheeks hurt from smiling so much, and I thought that maybe I hadn’t been smiling enough. My time in Davis with Romero was heavenly, but it just wasn’t enough to really be happy. We were constantly dodging and lying to our families to be together. Neither of us brought it up, but it was taking its toll on us.
I let out a light sigh. “I know I’m going to miss organic chemistry tomorrow, but I sincerely do not care.” My grades were high enough that I could skip some classes without it affecting me. Despite the danger and trouble that Romero and I caused, it at least forced me to slow down and take a little break. I never would’ve imagined taking a break in Bakersfield, and so far, I was enjoying it.
“Julie, what if you couldn’t go back to Davis?” The warmth in Faith’s voice was gone. It didn’t sound like a threat, though. I think she was just turning on the mom. “I’m not trying to scare you, but I don’t want you to think that everything is just hunky-dory. I know you’re caught in the middle. Anyone hurt could very well be someone you care deeply about. I’d like to tell you that my boys will go up there and have a UN conference with your father in his club, but I think we both know that’s not the case.”
I bit my bottom lip and stared out into the backyard. Everything fell silent. Everything felt gray. Those thoughts were in the back of my head, but I guess I had worked hard keep them there. Maybe she was right to bring those thoughts up.
“I know things are going to get messy.”
“Messy?” Faith shook her head. “I’ve lived this life for nearly thirty years. Messy doesn’t begin to describe it.” She was forcing me to confront a very real possibility.
“If I can’t go back to Davis, Romero and I will start over somewhere else. That was our plan until Ty got killed anyway.”
“Not unlike Bear and myself.” Faith leaned over the table but didn’t reach for what remained in the pitcher. Instead, she extended a hand across the table. “I understand about not returning to Davis, but what if Romero doesn’t come back to you?”