by Lynn, Davida
For a few seconds, I just stared at her hand. I knew she was trying to help, but it certainly didn’t feel that way at the time. It felt like she was slowly sliding a knife inside my heart while twisting and tilting the blade.
Emotion washed over me, and before I knew it, I reached out and took her hand. Maybe it was the alcohol or the delusion that had me feeling good. The real answer was that I would have no idea what to do with my life if Romero didn’t come back from Davis to get me. I’d start over, for sure, but I wouldn’t be living. Without Romero, I would only be surviving.
Faith squeezed my hand. “I’m not trying to hurt you, but I’m also not bullshitting you, Julie. I’m only trying to be realistic.”
“I don’t know what I would do without him. I really don’t. He came along when I thought I didn’t need anybody, and he made me realize that the opposite was true. I needed somebody like him more than ever before.”
“Look at me.” Faith’s voice was hard. “Look at me, Julie.”
I had to blink away the tears to see her clearly.
“You are safe here in Bakersfield. No matter what happens up north, we’ll keep you safe. I know I can’t promise the same for Romero. I can’t promise the same for Raven’s beau, my husband, or even my son, but I can make you that promise. Until we hear otherwise, you are going to stay here with me.”
I knew that Faith was trying to help, but goddamn, that sounded ominous.
I would’ve killed for some music or a TV playing in the background. Anything to shatter the heavy silence. There was nothing to distract me from the ever slowing tick of the clock. Every moment that went by, I tried to imagine what was happening up in Davis.
I tried to think of Romero walking away without a scratch. The problem was that it was just as easy to imagine him not walking away at all. It was easy to imagine him suffering a fate worse than Ty or any of the bikers that had died when the Rising Sons fought against a rogue ex-member in Las Vegas.
Ty’s death ate at me, but I’d done everything I could to try and stop the fight. I think in the end, it was his own hubris that got him killed. Was it really worth it to die for a club? The question made my skin crawl, especially considering what was probably happening a few hours north at that very moment.
When would the phone call come? An hour? A day? Longer? Maybe not at all.
Maybe the call would come from my father, telling that Romero and every one of his compatriots was dead. That thought clawed its way deep into the recesses of my mind as I sat on the bed in Faith’s guest room. I checked my phone again and again, watching the battery drain to nothing with no news.
I wanted to stay in the guest room and be alone, but I couldn’t live with myself if someone called when my phone was dead. I could hear Faith working in the kitchen, and I dragged myself in there, phone in hand.
She was kneading dough on the counter, unaware of me for a second before looking up. “Need something, dear?”
I nodded and held up my phone. “You don’t happen to have a charger, do you?”
It was painful to see just how much she looked like my mother. They wore their hair the same way, and neither gave the impression they were an ol’ lady. So familiar, so different. I kept feeling close to Faith and having to pull myself back. Everything was still slow up in the air. Everything was still so dangerous.
She nodded and clapped some flour from her hands. “iPhone? Yeah, I’ve got one over here on the end table.” I followed her until I saw the white cable. “You can take it into the guest room, if you want.”
Sitting alone with my thoughts was no good. I had to be the strong person that Romero and Raven saw. I knew she was in there, I just had to drag her out. I plug the phone in and turned to Faith. “No, I think I could use the company.”
“Now you’re getting it. Even when our men leave, we’re not alone.”
The screen lit up as my phone came back to life. I dropped into a stool across from Faith. She smiled at me and went back to kneading the dough. “Fresh bread for the morning,” she said with an infectious smile.
My heart leapt to life when I heard the throaty sound of approaching motorcycle. Dusk has settled over Faith and Bear’s home, and the two of us were lounging in the low deck chairs beside one another. I sat up, my mind racing at the possibilities. Half of them good, half of them tragic.
Faith pulled me back to reality. “I hate to burst your bubble, but it’s Raven. I figured we could have a bit of a girls’ night.”
Of all the things running through my mind, a girls’ night was not one of the things I’d thought of. “How do you stand this? How do you stay so cool?”
Faith let out a chuckle. “Honey, I’ve lost track of how many times I’ve watched Bear ride off. I mean, shit, I watched him get carted off to prison for five years. Now that was hard. I sat by his bedside day after day wondering if he would come back out of that coma; praying that he would. I don’t know, maybe I’ve just come to grips with things.”
“Like if he didn’t come back, you’d be okay?” I didn’t really get what she was saying. I knew Faith was talking with the wisdom of age and experience, but it was all flying over my head.
“Oh, God, no. I’ll never come to grips with that. I guess after years and years, I’m just very Zen about the whole thing.” She looked over at me, a very complex smile on her face. It wasn’t what I’d call a truly happy smile. “This is my life. This is the only one I’ve got, and I’m going to live it to its fullest. I know damn sure that Bear does the exact same thing.”
The squeak of the gate came from behind me, and I turned to see Raven made her way into the backyard. The shades and Rising Sons cut had been left at home. Despite coming on her Harley, she wore a simple T-shirt and jeans. I could see the very hint of a baby bump, and I wondered just how much longer she’d stay on the bike.
Faith didn’t turn around. “Welcome, welcome. Grab a chair and join us for this beautiful evening.”
Raven didn’t seem like the type to admire beautiful sunsets. I’m sure she was still fuming about missing the battle up north. I smiled at her as she dragged another chair into the grass beside me.
“No news yet.” She said it very matter-of-factly like it was nothing terribly important. She could’ve been talking about some new park being built, not life and death. I had to keep reminding myself that they lived this life day in and day out. I had only experienced the life on the fringe.
I held up my phone. “Silence on my end, too.”
Faith heard the sadness in my voice, “Remember what I said: a man can be at the grocery store or in the middle of a gunfight, he’ll still forget to call.”
“Amen to that.” Raven lowered herself into the chair, letting out a very unfeminine grunt. “It feels like this kid has already shrunk my bladder in half.”
“Placebo effect, trust me. It’ll get worse before it gets better. At least your morning sickness is tolerable. I can’t stand throwing up, and when I was pregnant with Trask, it was like the only thing I did.”
Raven’s eyebrows raised as her voice dripped in sarcasm, “Oh, goody. Absolutely cannot wait for that.”
Faith reached over and slapped my knee. “Just see what you have to look forward to!”
Raven laughed. I didn’t. We hadn’t even had sex, yet, let alone any discussion about children.
Faith’s laugh subsided. She leaned back in her chair again and let out a heavy sigh. “All right, let’s stop scaring the girl and get down to business. This wedding isn’t going to plan itself.”
My eyebrows furrowed. “What wedding?”
“Don’t worry.” Raven laughed. “There’s no shotgun pointed at your back. One of the Davis chapter Sons is getting married in a few months, and Faith has been tasked with event coordination. I don’t know how I got sucked into it, but here I am.”
Faith looked past me to Raven. “You got sucked into it because you’re the only woman I know who has a sense of style and is a biker. You don’t find that combinat
ion too often, and since I got one upstanding young lady marrying one biker, I need to combine sophistication, class, and chrome.”
Raven shook her head, but I could see that she was happy. “Just don’t expect any miracles from me. You can put a group of monkeys in suits, but that doesn’t mean they won’t still fling their shit.”
Faith raised her glass. “Ain’t that the truth.”
I don’t know if it was all orchestrated to help calm me down or not. It just seemed so out of place that I would be sent all the way down to Bakersfield to help the only female Rising Sons and the matriarch of the Rising Sons plan a wedding. Whatever the reason, it wasn’t long before I fell into it.
It was going to be outdoors in a park on the outskirts of Davis. As the two talked through ideas, it was clear that it would be a biker wedding; equal parts biker and wedding. At the ceremony, there would be a piano player. At the reception just a few minutes later, that piano player would join the rest of his Lynyrd Skynyrd tribute band. I had to stifle laughter more than once.
It wasn’t until much later that I realized I had stopped checking my phone. I had stopped thinking about whether Romero would come back to me. If Faith had been getting to know me over drinks, I’d like to think she approved of me. I like to think that she was doing her part to welcome me into the Rising Sons with open arms.
As we laughed at the ridiculous idea of riding a motorcycle down the aisle, I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. At the exact same moment, I heard Raven’s phone beeping out. My smile fell away as I pulled it out. The screen was still on, and I saw the text from my brother.
Gage: Dad’s dead. You need to be here.
“Oh my God.” The phone slipped for my hands and into my lap. “Oh God.” My body went numb. My mind went blank. My heart gave out. The lights faded, and I did nothing to try and hold onto consciousness.
When I came to, I was back in the guest room. Raven was sitting on the edge of the bed, and Faith held a cold washcloth on my forehead.
I sat up, pushing away Faith’s hand. “I have to go. I have to get up there!”
Raven turned around. “You’re not going anywhere. Read this and tell me you still need to go up to Davis.” She extended her phone, letting me read the text she got at the same time as mine.
Gunner: DBs all over Davis trying to flush out the girl and Romero. We haven’t engaged.
My mind was pure confusion. I looked back up to her, trying to figure out what the hell was going on. “What does this mean?”
“It means Gage is bluffing. It means that Branchers don’t want to fight until they know you’re safe. Basically, they think we kidnapped you.”
The confusion was replaced with anger. It burned hot and white inside me. “Well, haven’t you? Jesus, you made it seem like I was on vacation, but I’m trapped here, aren’t I? Aren’t I?”
Faith put her hands on my shoulder, but I shoved them off. She tried to get me to listen. “Julie, you’ve got to calm down. We’re not keeping you prisoner here. You wanna take my keys and head back up to Davis? Be my guest.”
Faith stood up and motioned toward the door. “You think we’re keeping you here? That would be understandable if not for everything we’ve done for you. We’ve taken you away from danger, and we’ve promised you safety. You’re the daughter of a rival club president, and we took you in as one of our own. Do you think we do that with every girl comes in off the street?”
My heart rattled inside my chest. There was no controlling my pulse. I knew Faith was telling me the truth, but my mind didn’t want to accept it. Even if my father was a bad man, I didn’t think his poison had infected my brother. I didn’t think my brother would stoop to such levels for the club. My father had always told him that blood family came first. Of course, he’d told me the same thing and then tried to trade me for weapons. I thought Gage was better than that.
Raven stepped in front of the bed but stopped short of blocking the door. “Julie, I can promise you we’re only here to help you. I know this is confusing and scary. Believe me, I put on a brave face, but I’m terrified that my baby is going to grow up without a father. I’m scared to death that he won’t even make it back to kiss my stomach one last time. I’m sorry if we gave you the impression that we aren’t as scared as you. Faith has almost lost Bear more times than she can count. I watched Gunner’s brother die defending those that he loved. Don’t think you’re alone. That’s exactly why we’re here.”
Both women stood, watching me. I took in their words, trying to force my mind to understand them. It wasn’t just a choice between love and family anymore. It was a choice between families.
I saw my phone sitting on the nightstand. It was flashing, letting me know I had another text. After recognizing my thumbprint, the screen came to life. I had two texts from Romero.
Romero: Things all quiet up here. Love you and hope you are safe.
Romero: We think they are trying to flush you out. Julie, don’t reply to family.
I looked to Raven. “You’re really sure?”
She nodded. “My source is pretty damn reliable. Think about it. Is this something your father might pull?”
James “Captain” Capriani was a fan of smoke and mirrors. He loved toying with his enemies any way that he could. Even when he knew he could attack and win outright, sometimes he toyed with them, letting the pressure build. It sounded exactly like something he’d do. I sunk back down into the bed. Before applying to Raven, I banged out one to Romero.
Julie: All well in Bakersfield. Please come back to me when this is all over. Love you.
Faith and Raven watched me. I hung my head. “I’m sorry. I freaked out, and I shouldn’t have done that. I’m usually strong, but that text got the better of me.”
Faith moved away from the door and sat beside me. “Honey, you don’t have nothing to apologize for. This is a little beyond your everyday stress, so I think anyone would be entitled to have a little freak out. We really are here for you.”
It took them talking me down, but I felt a little more calm. “What do we do then?”
Raven shook her head. “Nothing at the moment. The D.B.s are probably rallying their troops from around the area. Same thing we did.”
I had already tried pleading with Ty and Romero, but I was still going to give it a go, “Is there anything we can do to end this without bloodshed?”
The shock of seeing my brother’s text had made me rethink things. I had been thinking about everything in black and white. If anything happened to my father or Gage, my mother would be a wreck. After hearing what Faith had been through, I didn’t think my mother could handle losing one of her boys.
Before either woman could reply, I added, “I think I could solve this, actually.” An idea was forming in my mind. It was dangerous, but I’d rather put myself in harm’s way than risk more lives.
Faith could see the wheels turning in my mind. “Just what are you thinking, girl?”
I smiled even though I really had no idea if I could talk some sense into the old man. “Just give me a chance to call my pop.”
Even after reading Romero’s texts, I was still nervous to call my father’s phone. If it kept ringing until his voicemail kicked in, I thought my heart might give out for real. I was getting sick and tired of the deception and the games.
Raven and Faith weren’t too confident, but they did give me the room to myself, so I could speak with him. Of course, I had only told them half of the plan. They wouldn’t have liked the other half one bit. It didn’t matter. If my father agreed to the plan, everything work out just fine. If he didn’t answer, though…
With one ring before voicemail, the phone clicked. “Well, well, well. Look who decided to show her face.” My father’s voice sounded completely in control; almost as if he had been expecting my call. Maybe if I had taken Gage’s bait, I would call my father’s number, anyway.