Forever (Destroyed by Love #1)

by Abrianna Denae

  The last time I said those words was to Albert, the day we got here. I told him I loved him, and the next day he turned his back on me. It’s like he was only able to handle being my father for two weeks, and then he passed me on to the next person in line.”

  I’m crying now. Tears are running down my cheeks and my nose is stuffy but I don’t do anything about it. I’m not afraid of the emotion I’m feeling. Wyatt taught me that. He taught me that I’m stronger than my emotions. I’m not ready to let it all go, but a little at a time won’t kill me.

  “It’s okay, Pagan,” Gran says. “It will all be okay. Yes, your father turned his back on you when you needed him the most. Yes, your mother is a heartless bitch. And yes, your boyfriend betrayed you by keeping his secret. But you are a beautiful, smart girl. You are better than all of that.

  You have your sister, who needs you. You have me and Gramps, and you have Wyatt. That boy is so devoted to you.

  You have people who love you and care about you. Don’t give up on life, on love, and, most importantly, on happiness, because you deserve it all.”

  She rises and walks over to me. I find myself enveloped in her warm embrace, one that tells me I am loved, I am wanted, and, most importantly, I am safe.

  I wrap my arms around her waist and bury my head in her stomach, the clean scent of her T-shirt invading my senses. This must be how Wyatt feels whenever he rests in my embrace-warm and safe, knowing that the person holding you will catch you if you fall.

  It’s not often that I allow myself to be vulnerable. Even though I spend as much time as possible with Wyatt, he’s only seen me let go a few times. I don’t know why, but I feel as if I could do this more often.

  Gran makes me feel like I could let myself be more open with Wyatt. Out of every secret I’ve kept from him, the biggest one has been that I’m wholeheartedly in love with him. Whatever that means.

  I can’t tell him straight out. But I can show him. I can make him believe.

  But what I can’t do is make him think we have a future, because I’m not sure if we do.

  Just like I’m sure I love him, I’m also sure that heartbreak is headed our way.

  Chapter 26

  Pagan

  Another Saturday, another busy morning in the Café. The good news is that the tips have been excellent. They mostly come from older men and families with small children.

  Wyatt doesn’t care too much for the fact that other men look at me, but I’m not the onlywaitress. A bit of harmless flirting never hurt anyone, and I never complain about the looks he gets from the female patrons.

  Working the same section allows him to walk way too close to me at times. He’ll randomly brush his hand against mine or across my back. Never so anyone else notices, but just to tell me he’s there.

  I haven’t figured out how to show him that I care about him. I know it’s something he feels. I know it’s something he sees behind these small contacts. But I also feel him doubting me. Neither one of us is in the position to be emotionally vulnerable. He needs reassurance.

  One of my tables is by a window that looks over the grounds. It's a beautiful spot to sit and stare at the ocean in the near distance.

  I’m standing at the end of the table, facing the window, taking a drink order when the sky opens up.

  Ominous dark clouds have been hanging around all morning, the moisture in the air making my hair frizz into an uncontrollable mess.

  The rain doesn’t start off slow. Oh no, that would be too easy and less dramatic. Instead, a torrent of rain falls from the sky, wetting everything within seconds. “Oh my,” one of the women at the table says.

  “Those poor people,” her companion mumbles, referring to the clueless people out on the beach and the green.

  I’m sure the majority are tourists. Locals would know you don’t want to be outside when the air is as thick and wet as it was today. That’s just asking for trouble.

  The three of us watch as the colorful beach umbrellas are disassembled as quickly as possible. Golf carts begin coming in off the green, heading toward the parking spaces behind Margie’s office.

  After a few minutes, I get back to my job. Placing the women's order and checking on my other tables. I pray that it’s not raining when I leave in a few hours. I was in a rush this morning and didn’t bring a change of clothes or umbrella with me. I’m not looking forward to dashing across the parking lot to my car.

  With my luck, I’ll slip and fall on my ass.

  “The girls’ father is taking them tonight,” Wyatt says quietly beside me as he uses the computer.

  I have a ten-minute break, so I’m not rushing to my next table. Kenneth is helping Wyatt cover me.

  “Oh, that’s nice?” I’m not exactly sure what I’m supposed to say.

  “Meet me at my house? Mary is going to visit family, and my mother will probably be off getting shit-faced somewhere. It’ll just be the two of us.” He turns and looks at me, his eyes filled with hope.

  “Sure.” Though I’m not sure. We’ve never been alone overnight before. I don’t think I’m ready.

  Wyatt

  Having Pagan’s car parked in my garage, knowing she’s in my house waiting for me, it does something. I think my heart stops, I think my breath hitches. This is how it should be. Me and her against the world. If only it were that easy.

  Taking a breath, I open the garage door. I’m greeted by a delicious smell I can’t place. So I walk farther into the house, following my nose into the kitchen.

  Pagan’s pulling something out of the oven right as I turn the corner. I stay silent, watching my beautiful girl set the pan on the stovetop. She’s so relaxed, so at home. I’ve never thought of this house as my home, but watching Pagan make it her own, it feels like it.

  She spins around and jumps when she sees me. “Shit, Wyatt. Are you trying to give me a heart attack?”

  “No, I just couldn’t disrupt you.”

  “How long were you standing there?”

  “Not long. You didn’t hear the door close?”

  “Obviously not. You’re such an asshole at times.” She throws the oven mitts on the counter and scowls at me.

  “You keep saying that, but really, I’m probably the least asshole of all the assholes.”

  Pagan rolls her eyes and throws up her hands. It’s cute how easily I can get under her skin.

  “What is that?” I ask, rounding the counter to pull my girl in my arms and take a peek at our dinner.

  “Chicken stuffing casserole,” she responds. “Mary had it in the fridge with instructions. You know I can’t cook.”

  “It’s adorable how bad you are at it,” I tease, remembering the waffles she tried to make the girls and me last weekend.

  “You are so mean,” she whines.

  “Not even.”

  I hook my arm around her waist and draw her close to me. Seeing her all day long but not being able to touch her is torture. Nothing physical has to happen between us. So long as I’m able to touch her, to look into her beautiful eyes, to breathe in all that is her, I’m content.

  I don’t know how much longer I’m going to be able to keep my feelings to myself. I want to spill it all, every single thought I have. But we’re not ready.

  “Let’s eat before it gets cold,” Pagan says softly.

  Slowly I release my hold and allow her to grab plates.

  We eat at the island. No need to make up the table for the two of us.

  “So the girls are with their father,” she says, spearing a piece of the broccoli Mary had steamed earlier.

  Mary thinks of everything. Planner that she is, she knew I would either be too tired to cook or that Pagan would be in charge of dinner. She tries to get us to eat healthy as much as possible.

  “Yeah,” I answer. “He just got back from Beijing. He gets them for two weeks then every other weekend until he takes off again.”

  “What does he do?”

  “He works for his family. They own the largest
textile manufacturing company in the South. He’s in charge of visiting the different work sites they have and making sure things run smoothly. Sometimes this means he’s gone for months at a time. This time it was six straight months in Beijing. I guess they were having major issues.”

  “Wow. So he doesn’t spend a lot of time with the girls then.”

  “Nope. He’s a good father to them. But his job and family come first. They always have and always will.”

  “Ava and Adele are his family,” she says softly.

  “That’s not enough.” I say, unsure how to explain this. “To Max and his family, image is everything. They have a reputation to uphold in certain circles. And having two illegitimate children isn’t really the image they want the public to see.

  It’s no secret or anything. But his family isn’t as warm to them as he is. He loves them. I can see it every time they’re together. But it’s hard.”

  “I understand that,” she says, “We never had a relationship with Olivia’s family. They didn’t approve of her marriage with Albert.”

  “Yeah. We’re all a little fucked up. But I guess that’s how it goes. The richer you are, the more problems you have.”

  “I guess so.”

  “Come on.” I stand. “I’ll clean up later. Let’s go upstairs and enjoy the solitude while we can.”

  “Okay.” She’s hesitant but places her hand in mine anyway.

  I wonder what she thinks. Maybe she thinks I expect more from her now that we’re here all alone, with no chance of interruptions.

  Hopefully, I can convince her that I’m not expecting sex. I don’t even think I’m ready for sex. I just want to make every moment with her count.

  “It’s supposed to rain tomorrow as well,” I say once we’re in my room.

  “That’s what I heard.”

  “That means Terrence will want to go mudding.”

  “You go mudding?” she asks a surprised look on her face.

  “I do. Why?”

  “Nothing, it’s just…I never thought you the type to go mudding.”

  “It’s fun. Scooter’s girlfriend has a truck and ATVs that we take out. They take the doors and roof off Scooter’s Jeep as well.”

  “Scooter is Terrence’s brother, right?”

  “Yeah. He’s not the easiest guy to get along with, but he’s all right. His girlfriend, Brooke, is nice.”

  “Oh,” Is all she says.

  “Have you ever been mudding?”

  “Sure, it’s just not something we actively did. We were ‘too good for it’” she says, using air quotes to make her point. “It was mostly a way for the girls I hung out with to get a ‘bad boy.’” Again more air quotes. “They didn’t exactly enjoy it.”

  “Did you?”

  “Yes, I did.”

  “When I get the call I’ll let you know. Probably be Tuesday,” I tell her, unbuttoning my shirt.

  I notice she can’t keep her eyes off me as I undress. Pagan and I play this game, one where we tease the ever-living-fuck out of each other.

  She’s already in a T-shirt and shorts, so she just sits on the bed and watches as I strip down to my boxers.

  I consider, for a moment, not putting anything else on. But I don’t think we’re ready for that. So instead I grab a pair of athletic shorts from the dresser and put them on.

  When I turn to face the bed, Pagan’s already leaning against the headboard. I’ve been working all day. I should shower. I should go downstairs and clean up the stuff from dinner. But there’s nothing I want more than to be next to her. So I climb onto the bed and slowly crawl my way up to her.

  I know I look like an idiot, because she laughs at me. But I don’t care. Whatever brings a smile to her face.

  Even after all this time, however, I have yet to see her brilliant smile. The one from the picture in the Fallons' hallway. In that picture, she was happy. She might not believe it, but she was. So happy that it caused her to smile brightly. I’d do anything to see that smile.

  “Wyatt?”

  “Pagan.”

  “When I met you, somewhere, deep inside, probably not even that deep, I knew you were going to change me. Somehow I just knew. I was afraid to get close to you because I was afraid of you rejecting me. Of hurting me when I already hurt so badly.

  Wyatt, I’m not ready for you. I might never be. But I need you to know that you’re the best risk ever. You might be the only risk I ever take, and I will never throw us away. And I will never throw your sisters away.

  You make me happy. You make me safe. You make me everything I’ve always wanted to be.

  Thank you.”

  “Baby, you never have to thank me. You’re changing my life, Pagan. Just you. Nothing you ever say or do will change that. Because you are you. You are my beautiful broken girl, and I will do whatever it takes to make you whole again.”

  I see the light shining in her eyes. I know that this is what she wanted. She wanted me to see how she feels. She wanted me to know that she loves me just as deeply as I love her.

  Now if only we canactually say it.

  Chapter 27

  Pagan

  I’m sitting in my room when Wyatt calls. He never calls. Usually he texts or just shows up here. Gran and Gramps have agreed on an open door policy. And we take full advantage of it. It’s not like we’re going to do anything anyway.

  “Hey, everything okay?”

  “Yeah,” he replies. “Don’t worry. I just wanted to know if you were still up for mudding.”

  “Oh, yes.” I had forgotten he mentioned it. “When?”

  “Now. Terrence just texted me. Apparently Scooter found this new place an hour away, so they want to leave now.”

  “Okay, yeah, I’ll be ready then.”

  “Perfect. I’m on my way now. Text you when I’m there.”

  “Okay,” I say before hanging up.

  I check the clock. It’s ten a.m. Plenty of time to go have some good ole Southern fun and then come back to get ready for work.

  We’ve been able to keep our schedules pretty much the same. Only we start at four-thirty instead of three-thirty, which means we stay until it’s time to shut down the restaurant. It’s usually just Tony, Nick, the head bartender, and whoever else is working the late shift. Cooks and busboys have their own checklists and after-hours duties.

  I throw on a pair of old shorts and a T-shirt I stole from Wyatt. I stuff a bag with a change of clothes. I have to dig in my closet for my old boots, but I find them. Luckily, I threw them in with the rest of my things. I’m not sure where my mind was months ago, but somehow I knew I would need them.

  I have a clean uniform in Margie’s office, and I make a mental note to grab the one that’s in Wyatt’s bathroom so it can be dry-cleaned.

  I’m rushing down the hall to the stairs when Gran stops me. “Where are you off to in such a hurry?”

  “Wyatt and I are going mudding with a few friends.”

  “Oh, wonderful. I remember doing that as a girl. Muddin’ was the best thing we ever did out there,” Gran says. She shifts the basket of clothes she’s carrying. “I best be off doin’ this laundry. Y’all have fun now.”

  “We will. I’ll be back later,” I call over my shoulder as I continue toward the stairs.

  Wyatt is outside waiting for me when I open the front door. His arms are crossed over his chest, and he’s leaning against his car. I have to admire him for just a moment.

  The way the sun hits his auburn hair, showcasing how red it is. The way he smiles just for me when he sees me.

  “I was looking for that shirt,” he says as I walk toward him.

  I shrug. “Yeah, well, it’s mine now.”

  “That’s fine.” He opens the door before leaning down to kiss me.

  Once we’re both ready to go, he says, “Don’t blame me if we get lost. Terrence has a terrible sense of direction. Guy’s a genius, but he can’t give directions to save his life.”

  “Oh, great. So basically
there’s a good chance we could end up in the middle of nowhere Alabama.”

  “Basically.”

  ***

  Thankfully, we don’t get lost, even though Terrence’s directions are more of a hindrance than a help.

  There’s nothing around us for miles. Hopefully there’s no emergency. The windows are rolled down, and all I can smell is good fresh mud. There’s almost no grass around, just acres of dirt. I don’t know how Scooter found this place, but he’s a genius.

  We’re not the only ones out here. Wyatt pulls up next to where two trucks and a Jeep are parked. Terrence is sitting in the bed of one truck, and two people who I assume are Scooter and Brooke are sitting in the other one.

  Not too far away is another assortment of guys standing around a few four-wheelers and Jeeps.

  “Wy, glad to see you made it,” Terrence calls out, holding his beer can up in salute.

  “Yeah, no thanks to you,” Wyatt replies.

  “You’re here, so it must not have been that bad.”

  “Only got turned around twice,” Wyatt picks me up by the waist and sets me down next to Terrence.

  “Pleasure to see you again Miss. P,” Terrence says, doing this sitting down bow thing.

  “Same to you.”

  “That’s my asshole brother and his lovely girlfriend. Scoot, B, this is Wyatt’s ‘friend,’ Pagan.” Terrence uses air quotes for friend.

  “It’s girlfriend, Terrence,” I say.

  “Really? Things progressed since I last saw y’all?” He lifts his eyebrows. They go so high they almost disappear into his black hair.

  “They did.” I smile, turning to Wyatt. “Verdict’s still out on if it was a good thing or not.”

  “Damn, your girl’s feisty,” Terrence says. “I like it.”

  “It’s nice to meet ya, Pagan,” Brooke says. “I didn’t know Wyatt even liked girls.”

  “Nice one, B,” Terrence says, giving her an air-high-five.

  “You too.”

  I look her up and down. Not in a malicious way, though. It’s just something you do when you meet another girl. She’s checking me out too.

  Brooke is dressed similarly to me, only I bet her shorts are shorter. Her cowboy boots are scuffed, obviously well worn. Instead of a T-shirt, she’s wearing a tight black tank top. Her tits are small, not that it matters, but it’s easy to see she has a thing for Wyatt. She hasn’t stopped looking at him since we got here.