Forever (Destroyed by Love #1)

by Abrianna Denae

  So what does that make you, Pagan?

  Are you a whore?

  Are you less than a woman who doesn't deserve her tits because you slept with someone else?"

  "Stop." The word is said so quietly I almost don't hear it. Pagan is shaking in my arms.

  "Whatever the fuck you think you're doing, you need to stop. Now." I tell Jonathan.

  "No, I think you need to hear it." Jonathan raises his voice. "I think everyone needs to hear it.

  Miss Goody-two-shoes Pagan is hurt because everyone in her life used her. But she's also a hypocrite.

  To get back at me for having two, two girls before her, she slept with my best friend halfway through sophomore year.

  Even though she knew, she knew, I would never do anything to hurt her. Even though I hadn’t done anything wrong, she still decided to cheat. At a party, no less, where everyone knew what she was doing.

  So tell me, Pagan.

  Tell me, Wyatt.

  What the fuck does that make her?"

  "Shut up!" Pagan screams. "You weren't doing anything? Really? How about the fact that I was a virgin and you weren't. How about the fact that you wanted sex? You told me you wanted sex.

  You also told me you had never been with a virgin before.

  So what did I do? I lied. I told you I wasn’t.

  And you were so fucking relieved. I could see it on your face. You didn't want me if I was a virgin because you were afraid I'd get attached.

  I heard you on the phone with the same friend I fucked. He had no problem with me being a virgin.

  So fuck you. Fuck you, and fuck Richard, and fuck Olivia.

  Fuck anyone who has a problem with the way I live my life."

  She tears herself from my arms and runs out of the room.

  Jonathan stands there with a smug grin on his face.

  Dakota cries. No Dakota wails.

  Pagan's feet slap against the floor and up the stairs. Faintly, over the sounds coming from Dakota, I hear a door slam.

  And me?

  I stand in the kitchen, watching as my happiness gets destroyed.

  I stand, and my ears buzz with the sounds of Pagan's screams.

  My mind tries to make sense of it all but it can't.

  Broken.

  My mind is broken.

  And any chance of healing I thought I had just went out the fucking window.

  Chapter 29

  Wyatt

  "What the fuck are you smiling at?" I ask Jonathan. "Do you think this shit is funny? You just broke her. I should kick your fucking ass for that." I take a step toward him, and he pulls Dakota closer.

  Of course, the coward is going to hide behind a little girl.

  "You deserved to know the truth, don't you think? She's not as perfect as you want to believe."

  "You know nothing about her. How dare you come into this house-"

  "Enough!" Frank shouts, interrupting me. "I want you gone," he says, focusing his gaze on Jonathan. "I want you out of my house. Do not come back here unless you learn some fucking manners."

  We stand in silence. This isn't the Frank Fallon I've grown to know.

  "Wyatt, go upstairs. Pagan needs you right now," Jodie says from behind Frank.

  I know. I know she needs me, but I don't know if I can do what I'm supposed to. The pleading look in Jodie's eyes pulls at my heartstrings.

  I can't forget the information I was just handed, but I also can't get the look of Pagan's devastated face out of my head. I can't ignore the way she shook in my arms.

  I move to pass Jonathan and Dakota, who has not stopped crying once. "Even now, she has you under her spell. You're just going to go to her, huh? No self-respect. I suggest you get out now, before she screws you over."

  I can't-as much as I want to-let this go.

  Spinning, I cock my fist back and punch Jonathan right in his smug face. Dakota screams as Jonathan's body lurches, and she stumbles while still caught in his grasp.

  I grab her by the waist and shove her in Jodie's direction, then I hit the bastard again, this time in the stomach.

  He's not caught off guard, though, and reciprocates the blow. I barely flinch. The guy isn't weak. He's shorter than I am, but stockier. However, I know I have the advantage. I'm fueled by anger, by love, by confusion. And emotion always wins. When you have something to fight for, you can't lose.

  This time I put the full force of my body behind the punch, sending him backward into the island. I catch him in the stomach, then do it over and over and over again until Frank pulls me off.

  My body is shaking, my mind whirling. All I see is Jonathan and his smug face. And all I want is to hit him until he is unrecognizable.

  "Enough, Wyatt. Pagan needs you now. He isn't worth it," Frank says in my ear.

  I take a breath, and then another. Nodding my head, I let Frank know that I understand.

  He lets me go, and I turn to face Jonathan. His lip and nose are bleeding. He's clutching his stomach. The glare he shoots me is full of hatred. "Don't ever go near her again," I say.

  I leave the room and head toward my beautiful broken girl, hoping she's still mine.

  Pagan

  I can hear the commotion from downstairs. I can't make out what's going on, but it doesn’t sound good.

  My tears fall hot and fast, and I don't bother wiping them away. My body shakes, with anger, with hurt, with dread. I'm not sure what else.

  I'm sitting on my bed, waiting. I know that any minute now Wyatt is going to burst through the door and confront me.

  This isn't something I ever wanted to tell him. My last secret. It's there, out in the open.

  I knew this would hurt him. But I could never have predicted how much. The look on his face right before I left the kitchen was one of utter devastation. He's going to hate me. This I know.

  I kept the most important part of me from him.

  I've always known that my past would catch up to me. I just didn't know when. Or how.

  I've been trying to hide who I really am for so long that I never thought it would hurt this much.

  Wyatt opens the door and just stares at me. His eyes are dark blue, the color of his pain. My heart breaks for him.

  This is it. This is how we end.

  "Pagan." His voice is broken.

  I took my beautiful broken boy, and I completely shattered him.

  "Don't," I say.

  "Pagan, look at me."

  I keep my eyes downcast. My hands twist in my lap. "Pay, please. Please, look at me."

  Slowly I lift my gaze. Wyatt's on the other side of the room now, leaning against my dresser. One hand is in his pocket, the other taps away on his pant leg. I'm not sure he realizes he's doing it.

  I notice his knuckles are red, maybe even swollen. "What happened?"

  "I gave him what he deserved."

  "Wyatt." My voice breaks.

  Dark blue eyes meet green. I let out a sob when I see the tears shining in his eyes.

  "It's okay," he reassures.

  He's reassuring me when it's his heart that was just broken. I don't deserve him.

  Strong arms wrap around me. I didn't even know he moved. I sob into his chest. "It's going to be okay. I promise it will be okay." Wyatt kisses the top of my head. His presence is comforting.

  I push him away. "No, it's not. I lied to you. Everything about me is a lie."

  I stare up into his eyes. I watch as tears fall and trail down his cheeks. He does nothing to hide them.

  "Pagan, I'm not mad. I understand why you didn't tell me. It's between you and him. What happened then has nothing to do with us."

  "But it does," I beg him to understand. "It does. Don't you see? That’s why I ran. Yes, I was hurt by what Olivia did. By what Dakota did, by what Jonathan did.

  But I was also ashamed. I was ashamed because I did the same thing. I realized that I was exactly like my mother. And I wanted nothing to do with her.

  When I cheated on Jonathan, I did it out of spite. I
did it because he made me feel like shit. Instead of confronting those feelings, however, I used them against him.

  Instead of breaking up with him, I thought I was getting payback.

  Olivia was never a good mother. She belittled me, called me names, and made me feel like a failure. I never wanted to be like her. I never wanted to cause the hurt she caused Albert.

  When the truth came out, I realized I am so much like her.

  So I ran. I thought if I could get away and become someone I'm not, then every influence of Olivia would go away.

  I never wanted you to find out." I pause to take a shaky breath. Wyatt doesn't say anything. He just silently cries with me. I didn't think it was possible for my heart to break more.

  "I'm so sorry," I cry. "I'm sorry that I hid this from you. I understand if you can't trust me. I understand if you can't help but question whether or not I will do it to you. Once a cheater always a cheater, right?"

  "No. You're better than that. I can't understand why you did it, but I know it wasn't you. The Pagan I see in front of me, the Pagan I fell in love with wouldn't do something like that.

  I'm not worried because I know who you really are."

  "No," I yell, pushing him away.

  Standing, I face him, "No," I say again. "I can't let you do this. I cannot let you make me feel better when I have no right. I don't deserve your comfort. I don't deserve your love.

  You have so much to give, Wyatt. Don't waste it on me."

  "What are you saying? You're breaking up with me?"

  "I can't hurt you. I won't let you get caught up in this. I knew I couldn't get attached to anyone. I knew it was too risky. That I'm too broken to be with someone.

  I never thought I'd find you. I'm sorry, Wyatt. I can't do this."

  "Pagan," he whispers.

  I ignore him. I keep my gaze on the floor.

  Suddenly he's in front of me, his fingers sliding under my chin and lifting my head up. Lips descend on mine. Warm and sweet, Wyatt pours himself into this kiss. Our last kiss.

  I feel his love radiating off him in waves. He's trying to convince not only my heart, but my soul. I know the truth, however. We can't make this work.

  It's not fair to either of us.

  "I loved you before I even knew I could feel that," he whispers against my lips. "I didn't want to tell you. I didn't want to hurt you. But seeing as you're breaking me, one piece at a time, I might as well give it all to you.

  I'll be there, when you're ready."

  With one last devastating kiss, Wyatt Hensley walks out of my life.

  Chapter 30

  Pagan

  It's been four days. Four heartbreaking days. Thank God for Sunday. I don't have to see Wyatt now until Tuesday. Working with him the past three days has been torture. Gone are the quick touches, the fleeting looks, and the stolen smiles.

  I've felt his eyes on me every single day. But not once have I dared to look at him. My heart can't take any more pain.

  I'm on my way to Kala's to beg her to work the gala with me. Tony said we're going to be four people short that night. He asked if I knew anyone who could fill in and told me they'd be paid handsomely.

  So I'm going to plead my case and hope that Kala takes pity on me. Because I don't think that I can handle working all day and night with Wyatt so close by.

  Kala lives in a neighborhood where the houses aren't as big or as elaborate as the ones in mine and Wyatt's.

  The house I pull up to is modest and clean cut, something I might want one day. Not too big, not too small.

  I take a few deep breaths after I ring the bell because I've never been good at the whole 'meet-the-parents' thing.

  When the door opens, I plaster a fake smile on my face and hope for the best. I'm surprised by the appearance of Kala's mother, but I don't let it show.

  "Kala has told me so much about you. Please come in. I hope you didn't have anything else to do this afternoon. I know it's a bit out of your way.

  Kala has been grounded for the next week for missing her curfew again."

  Kala's mother, Abby, leads me through the house to the kitchen.

  "Thanks for spilling all of my secrets, Mom," Kala says from her place at the table.

  "If you followed the rules, we wouldn't feel compelled to embarrass you." I turn around to find Kala's dad standing a few feet behind me. "I’m Rick. It’s nice to finally meet you, Marley. Kala has mentioned you a lot."

  "Oh my God. Please forgive them. They have no class." Kala stands and addresses her parents. "We'll be upstairs, away from you two."

  "It was nice to meet y'all," I say, the smile on my face is genuine now.

  "You too, just let us know if you need anything," Rick says.

  "We won’t," Kala says, dragging me by the hand behind her.

  Once upstairs, she collapses onto her bed. "Sorry about them. I should have warned you before. They're a little nuts."

  "It's okay. They seem like really nice people. The house is lovely."

  "Yeah, I guess." She shrugs.

  Taking a seat at her desk, I turn to face her. "Kala..." I'm unsure how to proceed.

  "I know. I'm sorry I didn't tell you before. But everyone else already knows. It's just awkward calling attention to it."

  I laugh. "It would have been nice of you to warn me."

  "I know. Sorry. So, obviously, I'm adopted. I mean, if the black mother and Korean father didn't clue you in."

  "Really? I never would have guessed."

  "Shut up. I mean, it shouldn't be so hard to tell people because obviously I'm white and my parents aren't, but I don't know. When we first moved here, kids were really mean. They made me feel like a freak. So I just chose not to say anything. Because to me, they're the only parents I’ve ever known."

  "I get it. I'm sorry that you were treated like being adopted was something to be ashamed of, because it's not. You're a great person, and they seem really nice. I'm the last one to pass judgment on anyone."

  "Thanks. So what did you want to meet up for? I'm sorry we're doing it here. I was out way past curfew with Chad for the second time in a week. They have me on lockdown now."

  "Maybe they'll lift lockdown for your job."

  "I don't have a job."

  "You could. It's only for two days, but you'll get paid for the hours you work. And it's going to be a lot of hours. The Kingston Club is having its anniversary gala next weekend. We're short on staff, and my manager wants to know if you'll step in to help.

  The gala itself will be like a fifteen-hour ordeal, so I get if you don't want to do it. But the money is good, and I could use the backup."

  "Sounds fun. I'll have to talk to my parents, but yeah, I'm in."

  "Oh great. I thought I was going to have to sell it more."

  "Nope. You said money and no more house arrest. I'm down. Now, what is this about backup?"

  "It's a long story."

  "Well, I'm stuck here, so let it out. Maybe it'll make you feel better?"

  "My ex and sister showed up at the house on Wednesday."

  "That's not weird. Wait…your ex as in ex-boyfriend? And your sister? I thought you didn't have any siblings?"

  I flinch. I have to tell her the truth. All of it. But it doesn't scare me.

  Taking a long deep breath, I lean my head back and stare up at her ceiling. "That's an even longer story. I lied. About a lot of things. God, Kala, I'm sorry." Lowering my head I look at her. Tears burn my eyes, but I refuse to let them fall. "I'm so sorry I'm such a shitty friend, but I'm not afraid anymore." I have Wyatt to thank for that. I have Wyatt to thank for a lot of things, but I can't think about that right now.

  I spend the next two hours spilling my heart out to Kala. She listens, asking questions sometimes, but mostly she's silent.

  Eventually, I end up on the bed with her, her arm around me as I cry over my breakup with Wyatt.

  "It's not over," she says. "It can't be over. Not between you two. You guys are perfect for each other.
And I'm not mad that you kept all of this hidden. You've been through a lot.

  I don't know what I would have done in your situation."

  "You're a good friend. One I probably don't deserve."

  "You need to stop with all that, Pagan." It's so weird hearing my real name coming from her. "Wyatt cares about you. I care about you. It's going to be okay. You need to give Wyatt a chance."

  "He doesn't need me. He has enough drama." I stop because I shouldn’t tell Kala anything about Wyatt’s situation. It's not my place to tell.

  "You need each other. That much is obvious. You didn't even give the guy a chance to make his own choice! You chose for him."

  She's right. I chose for him. But does it matter? We were doomed from the start. There are just too many lies in our relationship. Too much pain.

  It's like he said-I was the one who broke both of our hearts. Wyatt would have tried to find a way to forgive me. He would have tried to make it work, but the doubt would have always been there. And I couldn't do that to him.

  "It no longer matters, Kala. I can't keep hurting him."

  "You're making a mistake. But I won't push."

  "Thank you."

  There's a knock on the door, and Abby pokes her head in. "Are y'all all right? You've been up here a while."

  "Everything is fine, Mom. Pagan was just telling me some things."

  "Pagan?"

  "It's a long story," Kala says.

  "Okay, well I'll let you and Pagan have girl time then. Beautiful name, by the way."

  She leaves before I can say thank you.

  "Your parents are fine," I tell Kala. "But for now this cannot get out. I'm not ready."

  "Okay. It's not my secret to tell anyway."

  I need to hang out with Kala more.

  Considering I can't let Wyatt back into my life, I need someone in my corner. I had a best friend, but I lost him days ago. That, I think, hurts the most.

  Wyatt

  Eight days. She hasn't looked at me in eight days. The only time I've heard her speak is when she takes orders and I'm in the same vicinity. I hate the hand signals Tony has because it means that Pagan doesn't have to talk to anyone.

  She leaves the second her shift is over every day. And I hate that. I hate the sadness I can feel emitting off her. I caused that. Not all of it, but I caused a good portion.