Forever (Destroyed by Love #1)

by Abrianna Denae

  Everything was always before.

  His thumb brushes against my nipple, and my head drops back.

  Closing my eyes, I allow him to do what he wants. I want Wyatt to be comfortable with what we’re about to do. I need this time to get comfortable with what we’re about to do.

  He leans me back against the pillows, his body half-covering mine. His hand moves to the other side, and I can’t help the satisfied noise I let out.

  Wyatt kisses me, harder and better than he’s ever kissed me before. We kiss and kiss, and feel and love.

  His lips trail down my neck, kissing, licking, and sucking. His fingers glide between my breasts, down my stomach, and stop at my waistband.

  "Say the words, Pagan." His words whisper across my skin, causing goosebumps.

  "Show me, Wyatt. Give me everything."

  He doesn't hesitate, grasping my panties in a firm grip and ripping them down my legs.

  "You're beautiful, Pagan. Inside and out. Whatever happened in the past, that's gone now. It's only about you and me, and what we choose to do together. Okay?"

  "Okay."

  I can't breathe. His fingers are teasing, dipping between the juncture of my thighs, but not touching where I need it the most.

  A soft kiss is placed near my ear. Wet lips trail across my jaw, and a hot tongue licks a path up my throat.

  My waiting mouth is eager and ready.

  I gasp as Wyatt's dick rubs between my legs.

  Spreading my legs, I plant my feet flat on the bed, ready and waiting. I'm so impatient. I want him, but I know the importance of this moment.

  A hand travels down my body guiding, helping, and the blissful pleasure of Wyatt's cock inside of me makes me groan.

  "Pagan," a strangled whisper leaves his lips.

  I don't even think he realizes it.

  A hand slips in my hair, tugging my head back. I look into lust-filled eyes. My gaze never wavers, even as he slowly pulls out before thrusting back in.

  Tears leak out of my eyes. I can't help it. The look of wonder, of pleasure, of innocence on Wyatt's face, breaks my heart and puts it back together at the same time.

  Knowing that my body and my heart give him pleasure is the best feelings in the world.

  I kiss him. I touch him. I do everything I can to show him what it's like to completely love someone.

  Sex will never be the same.

  The rhythm he sets is a mixture of slow and sweet as well as quick and hard.

  My nails bite into his shoulders as his hips rock into mine. I tighten my legs around his waist when I feel his body start to shake.

  I've never come during sex alone. I've always needed that little extra push. Sometimes I'd have to wait until after to get it.

  With Wyatt, I don't even try. We have plenty of time for him to explore, for me to show him things he's probably never even imagined. He's too good of a guy for that.

  This is about Wyatt.

  Knowing that I have not only his virginity, but his heart, that's enough for me.

  So when his teeth sink into the juncture between my neck and shoulder, when his body vibrates as he thrusts into me one final time, I smile.

  I smile, and I cry.

  My palms run down his back, soothing the scratches I put there.

  Wyatt tries to distribute his weight so he doesn't crush me, but I don't mind.

  It's not until after, when we're lying next to each other, trying to catch our breaths and wrap our minds around this life-altering experience, do I think that this could be life-changing for a completely different reason.

  I hate to break this and ruin the perfect bubble we've thrown ourselves in, but we need to face the reality of our actions.

  "Wyatt?"

  He must hear something in my voice because he turns to me. "What is it?" His eyes search my face.

  "I'm not on birth control," I whisper.

  I try to not let my fear show, but I don't think I succeed. His eyes widen as realization sets in.

  I'm embraced in his warm heat, where I feel the safest. My body shakes, and I try not to freak out.

  "It'll be okay," he says into my hair.

  "I'm sorry," I mumble against his chest.

  I refuse to let the tears fall.

  "Don't be. I should be the one who's sorry."

  "I never refilled my prescription. I didn't think I would find you and have sex months after what happened with Jonathan."

  "I'm the guy, Pagan. It's supposed to be my job to have condoms."

  "Wyatt, you are, you were, a seventeen-year-old virgin. With your home life, you never expected to be in this position."

  "You're right. I never planned for you and you never planned for me." He tugs my head back and looks me in the eyes. "If we…if it happens, we'll figure it out. Unless you want me to make a trip to the pharmacy when it opens?"

  "No. God, no. As scared as I am, I can't even think of the possibility of…you know. It would feel wrong."

  "Okay. Then we'll do this together. What are our chances?"

  "Pretty good actually. I'm always accurate. We have three weeks."

  "Three weeks. Shit, Pay, I can't…I'm trying to wrap my mind around how."

  "I know." And I do. His words make no sense out of context.

  But when you're seventeen years old and don't know if you might end up a father or not by the time you're eighteen, you don't have to make sense.

  I'm terrified, but I trust Wyatt. Whatever happens, we'll figure it out. We will make it work.

  July

  Chapter 32

  Wyatt

  I'm in the kitchen helping Jodie put the finishing touches on Adele's cake. I can't believe my baby sister is five already.

  Baby.

  That word has been on repeat for the past few weeks. If we're lucky then today is the day, if we're not, well, a mixture of fear and surprisingly something resembling happiness turns through me.

  Having a baby right now, it will be hard, but I'm not a hundred percent turned off by the idea. Of course I want kids with Pagan, I want everything with her.

  I also wanted to wait a while before any of that happened.

  "Something wrong, Wyatt?" Jodie asks.

  I realize I spaced out on her, I'm supposed to be layering strawberries on this cake, but instead I'm just standing in front of it, a strawberry in each hand.

  "Sorry, tired I guess."

  "Really? That's the same excuse Pagan's used these past few weeks. When are y'all going to stop lying and tell us the truth?

  Frank and I might be old but we're not stupid."

  "It's nothing." Or it could be something.

  "Wyatt Matthew, you stop that right now." Jodie puts the spatula she was holding down on the counter with more force than necessary.

  "It's nothing Gran. I promise. Everything is good." Pagan says.

  She's wearing a breathtakingly beautiful smile, but I can see the traces of sadness in her eyes.

  I haven't seen her since Thursday. We've both been pulling favors and taking extra hours so we could have today off.

  When I texted her and told her I was here she told me to stay downstairs until she was ready.

  I wasn't sure what she meant by that, and I was too afraid to ask, so I did as I was told and helped Frank and Jodie with the set up.

  "Can I talk to Wyatt alone for a second?"

  "Of course. But I expect the truth when y'all are done, understand?"

  "Yes, ma'am."

  I follow Pagan out of the kitchen and down the hall. She steps into the bathroom and I shut the door behind me.

  "I'm guess by the fact that you're smiling it's okay. Everything is, um, normal."

  Yes, Pagan is my girlfriend. Yes, I love her. And yes, we had sex that one time, but talking about her period is still awkward. I am a guy.

  "Yeah, we dodged a bullet. I already did some research and will make an appointment with a doctor on Monday."

  "I'll take a trip to the pharmacy."

&nbs
p; "Don't I-I liked it, without, anything. If I get birth control, we don't have to..."

  "Pagan, you know as well as I do that there's still a risk. Is that something you're willing to take?"

  "I think so. While I'm extremely happy I won't be a mother at the ripe age of seventeen, I'm also a little sad. Not because I was thrilled to be a teen mother, but because it would have been yours."

  "I know, me too. But we have plenty of time for that." Do we?

  I'm still not convinced this is going to stay as perfect as we want it to.

  "Let's go talk to Gran. I have a feeling she has a good idea about what's going on."

  "Good idea."

  "Well, as much as the thought of being a great-gran makes me shudder, I would have done whatever you needed me to." Jodie sighs and runs a hand across the tip of her hair.

  "We're sorry we've been acting weird all this time. We just, we were terrified."

  "It's okay, Pay, I understand. But sweetheart, please tell me that nothing like this will ever happen again. I don't think I can handle having to deal with the two of you each month like this."

  "We promise Jodie." I say, "We were reckless, it will never happen again."

  "Yes well, I can't say I don't know what it's like to get swept up in the moment of it all. But you two do understand that sex is a big deal, and must be treated as such?"

  "Yes, we do. I think this whole experience took a few years off both our lives. Believe me when I say we'll be more careful."

  "Good. Accidents do happen, nothing is foolproof, but recklessness is a completely different story."

  "We understand. I'll make an appointment first thing Monday, before our appointment."

  "What appointment?" Wyatt asks.

  "Oh, Gran and I are going to spend some girl time together."

  "That's not vague."

  "You'll just have to wait and see." She laughs when I frown.

  ***

  The party is in full swing, six five-year-olds, including Adele, plus parents. I am grateful for Jodie, because I would not have known what to do with them.

  Mary, Pagan, and I are taking turns on pool duty. Though there are enough parents around, you can never be too safe when you have a bunch of kids in floaties in a pool.

  Adele is obsessed with all things Brave, so that's the theme Jodie and Mary went with.

  Adele's wearing a light blue bathing suit that Pagan bought her, because apparently the one she had, wasn't the same as the color of Merida's dress.

  I also have a strong suspicion that even though I said no, Pagan went and bought the Merida bow and arrow that Adele wanted. If they break something I will shoot Pagan with it. I already told her.

  I'm in the kitchen grabbing the plates Jodie bought for the cake when someone says, "What the hell is going on here?"

  Turning around I find Albert standing on the other side of the island. He's staring out the glass doors like he's never seen a pool party before.

  "My sister's birthday. Didn't Jodie tell you?"

  "No, she didn't." His words are clipped.

  "Oh, well she must have figured you wouldn't be here for it."

  His blue eyes slide to mine. "And what makes you say that?"

  "Nothing, except the fact that you haven't been around much."

  "I've been working."

  "Okay. I don't really care. How's the nose?"

  He flinches, it's such a small reaction that if I was anyone else I might have missed it. "Fine, thank you."

  "Good, let's keep it that way." I say, before heading back outside.

  "Albert's here," I tell Jodie when I hand her the plates.

  "Well, he can either join us or go be an ass somewhere else." She says.

  "We need a family picture," Mary says. "Wyatt and Ava, get behind Adele."

  Surprisingly Ava does what she's told without too much complaint. "Pagan, you get in there for this next one." Mary says.

  "Fine, but then we need to get this show on the road." She says, squeezing in next to me.

  After Mary takes a few more pictures we light the candles, and sing happy birthday.

  Pagan and I are sitting on a lounge chair away from the madness, we have one plate full of cake and another full of ice cream.

  "Wyatt," Max says, walking up to us. "I have to go, my mother expects me at dinner, so."

  "Of course, thank you for coming, I know Adele was happy to see you."

  "Yeah. I wish I could spend more time with them. I'm going to see if I can rearrange some stuff around, maybe stick around longer than a few months this time. I miss being home. Miss seeing my girls."

  "Okay, well, just let me know what happens. I wouldn't say anything to them unless you're sure you can stay."

  "I will. How's your mom been?"

  "She's doing okay. She's been gone more than usual, new boyfriend, but you know how that goes, it won't last long.

  Sorry, Max have you met my girlfriend Pagan? We're over here being rude."

  "No," he says, "I'm sorry, we haven't had a chance to talk. Adele told me all about you though, it's nice to finally meet you."

  "You too sir."

  "Max is fine, dear."

  "Max then. I hope you can work things out, I know the girls will love having you around. Ava especially."

  "Yes, well, I'm certainly going to try. And are you sure about Ava wanting me around? She's not very friendly these days."

  "It's just a teenage thing. It'll pass. She's still a girl, and a girl will always need her father, no matter how old she is."

  "I hope you're right, Pagan. I hate to cut this short, hopefully we can meet again soon, I really do need to get going. Wyatt," he shakes my hand.

  "Max. I'll see you next week."

  He nods and walks away.

  "He doesn't seem so bad." Pagan says.

  "He's not. He's good to them, and he's always treated me with respect."

  "Is it true about Janet? She has a boyfriend?"

  "I have no idea. I can't really tell him the truth, can I? The last thing I need is him trying to take them away from me."

  "Have you ever considered it?"

  "Of course I have," I say.

  I stab the cake over and over again with my fork. "I think about how much better they will have it out of that house. They shouldn't see that shit. But then, Max is never in the states for more than three months. What happens when he has to go on a job? Is he going to take them with him? I don't think I could handle knowing they're in a foreign country far away from me.

  Or is he going to leave them with his mother? She hates me, she would never let me see them. Or a nanny? How would that be any different than me and Mary raising them?

  There are too many unknowns with Max. I can't."

  "Hey," she covers my hand with her own. "You're doing the best you can, Wyatt. This party, Gran and Mary may have done the bulk of it, but it was your idea. It was your need to give your sister a special day that drove them to do this.

  Without you, those girls would have never known what true love is. You love them with all you are, and that is admirable.

  While I was terrified of our future, until I woke up this morning and saw the blood, I knew if anyone would be able to handle it, it would be you.

  I know by the way you are with your sisters that you will be a great dad one day. So while I was afraid these past few weeks, I wasn't as scared as I should have been. Because I have you."

  "I love you." My words are simple.

  But they don't even come close to summing up everything I feel. Unfortunately I don't know how else to communicate it to her.

  The moment is broken by Adele running up to us. There is chocolate and strawberries all over her face, her hair is wet and tangled, but there's a sparkle in her eyes. One that I don't see too often due to our situation.

  "Wyatt, Pagan, is it time for presents?"

  "Yes it is, come on, you can open mine first." Pagan says standing.

  They run off together, but I stay behin
d. I watch as Ava helps Mary organize the gifts.

  Ava and Pagan sit on either side of Adele when she rips into the present Pagan bought her.

  Sliding my phone out of my pocket I snap a picture of them. The three most important people in my world. Those girls hold my life in their hands. If only they knew that.

  September

  Chapter 33

  Pagan

  It’s the first day of school, and we are officially seniors. I’d rather not deal with the bullshit, but unfortunately, that isn't an option.

  Four classes down, two to go. The cafeteria is even worse than last year, full of eager freshman who think they're the shit. And of course, that means the sophomores are messing with them. I've seen more kids get trash-canned today than I think there are trash cans at this school.

  Kala practically throws her tray onto our table. "Something wrong?"

  "Just normal drama. You're not eating?"

  "Wyatt's getting it," I reply. "Are you going to tell me what's wrong?"

  "Your hair looks good."

  "Thanks." I smooth my hand down the back of my hair. I got up early this morning and painstakingly straightened it.

  "So I didn't get a chance to talk to you after first period. You're going by Pagan now?"

  "Yep. I figured it was time. They've been calling me Pagan at the club since I had my hair dyed to my natural color. I feel better about who I am."

  "As you should. You're perfect, Pay," Wyatt says as he sits next to me.

  "That's all?" I ask, looking at the tray he set in front of me.

  "I didn't want anything, and you only said salad."

  "Did you eat this morning?"

  "Does coffee count?" he asks innocently.

  "You wish." I sigh and spear some lettuce.

  "Are we going to have this argument every day?"

  "Not if you actually eat."

  I hold the fork to his lips, and he reluctantly opens them. If I weren't afraid of hurting him, I'd be tempted to shove the thing in his mouth.

  "They really need to mind their own business," Wyatt mutters.

  I look over to where all the members of Mikayla and her bitch squad are sitting. Sure enough, they're watching us with nothing but contempt on their faces.