Jen smiled. “He took me camping. Well not actually camping but there was a fire and logs and dirt. And we roasted our dinner over the fire.”
“That sounds so much like him.” Aunt Gabby’s voice always took on a different tone when talking about Zack. Now that Jen knew more of their history together, she understood why.
“It was actually really nice. I’ll admit I had a better time than I thought I would.”
“Well then, why the long face?”
If only I could tell you. If only I could let it all out without you hating me forever. If only…if only.
“It will never work between us. I live in New York and I don’t do long distance relationships. Hell, I can’t even make them work under normal circumstances.” Jen could feel her frustration rising to the surface. She should be mad at Zack for putting her in the situation in the first place. What was he thinking? What was she thinking?
“You can make anything work if you feel there is something to work for,” Aunt Gabby said in a wise voice.
“It doesn’t matter because I don’t even like him.”
Aunt Gabby gave Jen a look from across the kitchen where she was cooking pancakes on a griddle.
“Don’t look at me like that,” Jen defended herself. “I don’t. He’s cute but nothing special. Nothing I couldn’t find in New York.”
Aunt Gabby let out a loud guffaw. “Honey, if you think you can find another Zack stashed away somewhere in a concrete jungle you are most definitely lying to yourself. He is one of a kind that boy. Hell, if I was your age I would have married him by now.”
“Aunt Gabby!” Jen was shocked. “I thought he was like a grandson to you.”
“All the more reason for me to know and understand and appreciate what kind of a person he is. He’s a gem Jennifer. And you’re a crazy girl if you pass him up. He is quite literally, what you young people would call nowadays, the whole package.”
Jen turned away, staring out the window, trying with all her might to block out her aunt’s voice. She was right of course about Zack. He was the whole package. But that wasn’t what was bothering her. What was really eating her was the fact that Aunt Gabby felt like she deserved Zack. Like she was good enough to have someone like him. The problem was, she wasn’t. They just didn’t know it yet.
“All I’m saying is,” Aunt Gabby continued, “I would love to see two of my favorite young people together. And if he is willing to make the long distance thing work then you should go for it.”
“He never said he wanted to make the long distance thing work. He never even hinted at us being an… us,” Jen through her arms up dramatically, “so this entire conversation is pointless.
“But he does like you, and you like him so why not give him a shot?” Aunt Gabby sat down with two plates of pancakes and eggs.
“And when it doesn’t work out, every time I come to visit you I have to avoid him or do the awkward ex’s dance. What then?” Jen was feeling more depressed by the second.
“Good heavens child, you are like gloom in a bottle. You need to lighten up! This is life, you have to take chances, make mistakes! That’s what it’s all about.” She took a bite of her pancake. “Besides, it’s not like Harvard is that far away. Four hours at the most.”
“Some mistakes you can’t come back from. Some mistakes will haunt you forever…” Jen poked at her food, “and forever change the way people look at you.”
Aunt Gabby lay her fork down and took both of Jen’s hands in her own. “Sweetheart, you never know anything until try. You have no way of knowing what the future holds for you. It might be completely different that what you planned for yourself. And if you fight it tooth and nail, you’re going to be miserable.” Jen tried hard not to cry as she looked into her aunts’ shining blue eyes. “Don’t cheat yourself out of something that could be great because you’re afraid it might not be great. That’s like not eating a piece of pie because if you do then it will be gone.”
Jen laughed as a tear slid down her cheek. “You certainly have a way with words Aunt G,” she said, wiping her face.
“I’m old and wise, you should listen to me. I know what I’m talking about.” She patted Jen’s hands and smiled at her. “Now eat some breakfast before you blow away.”
Jen complied, and as she took a bite of her pancakes she did feel better. But it didn’t last long. Just minutes after beginning to relax the screen to the front door opened and she heard the familiar voice.
“Knock knock!” Zack called as he made his way up the hall and into the kitchen.
“In here Zacky,” Aunt Gabby called.
Zack walked in and kissed her on the cheek. “Morning Aunt G,” he said sweetly.
“Mornin’ darling, would you like some breakfast?”
“No thank you, I had mine. But I wouldn’t turn down a cup of coffee if there’s some left.”
“Help yourself honey,” Aunt Gabby motioned to the coffee pot, still half full.
“Fantastic,” Zack said under his breath as he poured himself a mug. He returned to the table and sat down. “Morning Jen,” he said smiling at her. “You look nice this morning.”
Jen looked down at her pajama matching shorts and t-shirt. “I’m not even dressed.”
“I know,” he winked and gave her a quick look up and down before he took a sip of his coffee.
She tried to hide her smile by instead giving him a dirty look but it didn’t work very well. “You are such a man,” she said as she cleared her plate.
“Thank you very much; I take that as a compliment.” His eyes followed her to the sink.
“I think I have some laundry to finish up,” Aunt Gabby announced suddenly. She put her plate in the sink and began to make her way out of the kitchen.
“You do not,” Jen countered. “You do your laundry on Friday.”
“Well I forgot something,” Aunt Gabby yelled and kept walking.
Zack snickered at the table and Jen turned from washing the dishes. “You know she is just trying to get us alone together.”
Zack got up from the table. “I know, that’s one of the reasons I love her so much.”
He wandered up behind her and placed his hands on her hips, his mouth close to her ear. “She could see that I wanted to be close to you.”
His whispers and touch made Jen’s eyes involuntarily close and her body tingle.
“I’ve missed you,” Zack continued.
“It’s only been two days,” Jen reminded him, trying to concentrate on doing the dishes.
“I missed you the second you were out of my sight.” He kissed the back of her neck.
“Where is Annie this morning?” Jen asked quickly as she walked back to the table, desperately needing to make some space between them. Damn that boy was like a drug, the closer he got the more she wanted.
Zack smiled at the deflection but didn’t comment on it. “She’s at church. I dropped her off before coming here.”
“Oh.” Jen didn’t really know what to say. She had never been to church in her life. Her dad always said that religion was for people who couldn’t live with the fact that they were all alone in this world. But through Jen’s experiences she had decided that wasn’t the truth. Even though she didn’t feel religion was for her, she respected those who did. “Good for her,” she finally said.
“I usually go with her but…” Zack paused, looked at her and shrugged, “I wanted to see you.”
“What if I didn’t want to see you?” Jen asked without thinking. When he didn’t answer right away she looked up at him, waiting.
“I’m not afraid to go after the things I want,” he told her matter-of-factly. “And you haven’t said or done many things that would make me think you don’t want to see me, so if there’s a reason, tell me now, because I would really like to keep seeing you.”
“We live too far away,” Jen croaked out. “I’m not built for long distance relationships.” Her heart was beating so fast it hurt. The rock that had settled in her stomach was beginnin
g to twist. He wanted a reason why she didn’t want to see him. Why they shouldn’t be together; how about the fact that she was a big fat liar and a manipulator to boot!
“Again with the distance thing,” Zack let out a breath as he sat down in the chair next to her. He turned in his seat so he could look straight into her eyes. Their legs were touching but Jen couldn’t bear to look at him. “Harvard is less than four hours from New York City, four hours. That’s not long distance. That’s just life.” Jen continued to look at her hands so Zack went on, “And that doesn’t mean we need to be exclusive if that’s too much for you right now. I just want to be able to visit you and go out with you when we can.” He smiled, “Maybe you can show me around your city?”
“I thought you didn’t like New York,” Jen said softly.
“I said it was noisier than here,” he corrected her. “But I think I could learn to love it if going there meant I got to see you.”
Jen closed her eyes, trying to combat the ache in her heart. “You don’t know me Zack.” She looked up at him with pain in her eyes. This was it, she could feel it. She had to tell him.
“But I would like to.” He reached out his hand and softly brushed her cheek. “And you could come visit me at Harvard. Have you ever been there?”
Jen shook her head, trying her hardest not to let her emotions get the better of her. She didn’t want to imagine the life Zack was describing. It sounded too good; too good to be true, which of course, it was.
“See?” Zack said, “It’s perfect! You show me around, I’ll show you around and maybe one day,” he scooted closer to her and lifted her chin with his finger, “we can meet in the middle.” Jen looked into his deep brown eyes and for just a moment, she felt hope. Maybe they really could make it work. Maybe she could bottle up this lie inside her. Tell her dad she wouldn’t do it and never speak or think of it again. Maybe she could let it go and live her life as if she hadn’t been thrown into this crazy series of events. Maybe she could move back to New York and work everything out with the firm. She could visit Zack and he could visit her. Four hours really was nothing. They could make it work. She liked him, and she liked him a lot. Maybe even a little more than like? She could live that way, couldn’t she? She could have her cake and eat it too. No one would ever have to know about her deception and no one would get hurt. She saw all those things in his eyes and when he kissed her, all of those hopes shattered and she began to cry. She couldn’t live like this.
“What’s wrong?” Zack asked.
“This won’t work Zack,” her voice cracked as a tear ran down her cheek.
“It could, we could make it…”
“No!” Jen cut him off. “It won’t work. It won’t work because you don’t know what kind of person I am. And I can’t go on living a lie.”
Zack sat back in his chair. “What do you mean?”
Jen took a steadying breath. No going back now. “I lied to you. The other night on our date, I lied when I said I didn’t know about Aunt Gabby’s money.”
Zack’s eyebrows furrowed. “Then why did you tell me you didn’t?”
“Because,” Jen sniffed, “because I didn’t always know. I found out, a few weeks ago. My father sent me here to…” she closed her eyes and took a deep breath, “he sent me here to get close to Aunt Gabby so we could get her to give us enough money to save the firm.”
Zack physically winced and his face scrunched in pain.
“I didn’t know at first,” she went on quickly, the words pouring from her mouth. “He told me she had cancer and it was her dying wish that I come out and get to know her but that was a lie. And when I found out she really wasn’t sick I confronted him about it and that’s when he told me everything. His firm, our firm is going under. We’re on the verge of bankruptcy and he thought maybe Aunt Gabby’s money would be enough to get us out of trouble. When I found out I wanted to go home, didn’t want to be any part of it, but he somehow convinced me that if she didn’t give it to us it would go to someone else, someone who didn’t deserve it.”
“Someone like me?” Zack asked his voice full of hurt.
“At first I suspected you because you were just too good to be true! You did so much for her and I couldn’t fathom someone doing so much for another person unless there was something in it for them.”
“You couldn’t fathom someone like that because you’ve never met anyone like that,” Zack said curtly without looking at her.
His comment cut into her heart deeply. “I wanted to protect Aunt Gabby from you the same way you wanted to protect her from me. The only difference is your fears were justified while mine were unnecessary.” She sniffed and there was silence. He wouldn’t look at her and she didn’t blame him. She knew this was how it was going to be. However, the reality of it was more painful than she could have imagined. “Still think you want to get to know me?” she asked quietly, not expecting an answer.
Zack stood suddenly, hands on his hips, and then he ran his fingers through his hair. He paced a few times before heading for the door. He stopped abruptly and turned to her. “Does Aunt Gabby know?”
Jen shook her head and all but whispered, “Not yet.”
“You should tell her soon.”
Jen stood and walked to him slowly. “I’m so extremely sorry Zack. I never meant for any of this to happen. I never meant to fall in love with this place, with Aunt Gabby… and most definitely not with you.”
Zack looked momentarily startled, and then he turned away.
Jen decided to continue. She’d gone too far to retract now. Even though she wasn’t exactly sure how deep Zack’s feelings were for her, she had to tell him how she felt. She had to get it all off her chest, she had to be honest… for once, she had to be honest! “You worked your way into my heart in a way that I never thought possible. I’ve never felt for anyone the way I feel about you. So whatever you think of me you should know how much I care for you, and I never meant to hurt you or anyone. I never meant to lie.”
“Yeah well one thing’s for sure, you’ll make a great lawyer.” He didn’t even look at her but Jen felt the directed pain of his words. She watched silently as he swiftly walked out of the house, the front door slamming as he left.
Chapter 15
The next day Jen sat in a cab, on her way to her apartment. She was back in New York City. She took a deep breath and laid her head against the back of her seat, staring at the ceiling and listening to hustle and bustle of the city outside her window, memories from the day before filling her mind. She had gotten to the airport early, as early as she could. She couldn’t stay in that little house in Ohio any longer. After Zack left Jen had gone upstairs and booked a flight home. She told Aunt Gabby everything was fine. That night she wrote a letter to the old woman about the events of the past three months. She had learned so much from her and loved her so dearly, that even though she knew telling her things in a letter wasn’t fair, she decided she couldn’t tell her in person. She could now add ‘coward’ to her list of personal shortcomings. The cab had pulled up to the house around 4:30 A.M. and Jen sneaked down the stairs, placed the letter on the counter and headed out the door. When she loaded her bag she allowed herself one last look at the house. She took it all in, like a picture she could save in her mind. And then, she was gone. Once in the car, she didn’t look back.
It seemed unreal that her conversation with Zack had only been twenty-four hours earlier. It seemed like a lifetime ago. Ohio seemed like a distant yet painful memory. No one knew she was back in New York. Well, Aunt Gabby probably did by now but other than that, Jen hadn’t told anyone. She needed to get back and have a few moments of peace before Roger came bursting in like she knew he would, raging about how she had single-handedly destroyed the firm. She didn’t know how she would handle that right now, especially not from him. She was still mad at him for putting her in the situation in the first place.
Her phone rang on coffee table in front of her; she didn’t move to pick it up. Her ey
es moved to the screen; Aunt Gabby was calling. Jen ignored it and chose to look out the window instead. It wasn’t long before the ringing stopped and she was left in silence once more, alone with her thoughts.
Ohio
“Aunt Gabby! Aunt Gabby!” Zack ran through the house.
“I’m right here.” Aunt Gabby walked in from the back porch.
“What’s the big emergency?” Zack asked, slightly out of breath.
“Jennifer is gone,” Aunt Gabby stated with a furrowed brow.
Zack took a deep breath and blew it out. “So she went back?”
“Back to New York! Without a word! I tried to call her at least ten times but she won’t pick up. She’s just gone. All she left was this damned letter filled with ridiculous nonsense!” Aunt Gabby was clearly upset.
Zack put his arm on her shoulder. “Aunt G, I’m sorry she didn’t tell you in person. She should have at least done that before she left.”
“She shouldn’t have gone at all!” Aunt Gabby said slowly and loudly as if Zack was hard of hearing. “I don’t know why she felt like she had to up and disappear without even talking to me.”
“She felt guilty,” Zack shrugged.
“Guilty for what?” Aunt Gabby demanded.
“What do you mean for what? Didn’t you read the letter?”
“Of course I read it.” She held it up. “I just don’t see what all the fuss is about.”
Zack took the letter and read it quickly before giving it back to her.
“You need to go after her, tell her to come back,” Aunt Gabby said, pointing her finger at his chest.
Zack let out a sarcastic laugh. “I’m not going after her! You read the letter; she came here to con you out of your hard earned money. She is a lawyer through and through. Nothing but greedy, shrewd, selfish…” before he could finish Aunt Gabby’s hand flew across his cheek. Zack sat there stunned, his mouth hanging open, unable to say anything.
“Now you listen to me,” Aunt Gabby said sternly, her blue eyes fierce. “That girl has grown up in the heart of New York City, with a manipulative father, surrounded by adults who cared for nothing but business. She hasn’t had the upbringing that you have. She didn’t have a mother that taught her things like your mother taught you. I know Roger, he’s my little brother and believe me, for all his skills with business and money, he’s not the most loving parent. So instead of judging her you should be trying to understand what kind of position she was put in. What she must have been going through trying to decide between two loves. Trying to decide who to hurt.”
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