Downbeat

by Jodie Larson

  “Anything in particular you like?” he finally asks as we come up to a line of food trucks. The smell alone is overwhelming, but not in a bad way. In fact, my stomach growls loudly, begging to eat any of the options laid in front of us. Maybe even the cardboard container they’re served in.

  “Food,” is my only reply. Pax laughs and leads me to a bright yellow truck. Nothing on the menu looks familiar and not exactly easy to pronounce. I focus on the pictures instead and the meat listed.

  Chicken. That seems safe.

  I point to the picture and the guy in the truck nods his head while Paxton says his selection as if he orders it every day. Hell, he might, for all I know.

  “You’ll like this place. Some of the best middle eastern food I’ve ever had.”

  I shrug. “I’ll take your word for it.”

  Within a few minutes, two boxes are shoved through the little window, both smelling amazing. For all I care, it could be a boiled flip-flop and I’d still eat it.

  We find a spot under a tree close by. Pax hands me the food before abruptly standing. “Want something to drink?”

  I was so hungry I didn’t even think about something to drink. “Water or lemonade would be fantastic.”

  He nods and heads over to a cart advertising freshly squeezed lemonade. It’s been a while since I’ve done something like this. Normally if I’m hungry, I’ll run to Fresh Catch and beg Jenny for food. The thought brings a smile to my face because that’s how Pax and I met. I switched shifts with Lila as a favor and forgot my lunch because I’m not used to bringing one. Usually when I’m done at work, I head straight home. But I was running late that day and was already flustered. Dropping my purse was the icing on the cake. Until Pax helped me and nothing seemed to matter after that. His persistence has been a welcome distraction, reminding me I’m more than a mom, that I’m still a woman capable of feeling something for the opposite sex.

  I shake the thoughts away as Pax retakes his spot next to me, handing over one of the two giant plastic cups with cartoon lemons all over it.

  “Thanks,” I say, eagerly taking a sip. The tart yet sweet liquid dances across my tongue and I hum in appreciation. This takes me back to my childhood, going to the pier with my dad and eating all the mini donuts and drinking lemonade until my stomach hurt.

  Sadness temporarily sets in. Until Pax moans in appreciation. Whatever physical hunger I had quickly morphs into something more carnal, lustful, and damn near sinful. He really shouldn’t make noises like that in public. It’s damn near pornographic. Though it is California. Sex sells.

  “Wow, that’s good. Really hits the spot.”

  I stare at him, my reflection looking back at me in his sunglasses. “Yeah, I’ll say.”

  A slow smile curves his lips. “I’m glad.” His voice is soft and scratchy, turning my insides into mush. My poor heart kicks up a notch before I tear my gaze away and force the calmness back into my system.

  Another growl of my stomach and I’m digging into the box containing my mystery food. Pax pays close attention as I take the meat-filled flatbread and grab the first bite. Spicy, but not overdone, and so many flavors, I don’t know which to focus on first. Not to mention the chicken is the most tender I’ve ever tasted in my life.

  Pax follows my lead and takes a bite of his food. We both hum simultaneously, wiping our hands after placing the sandwich back in the box.

  “Wow.” It’s not enough to convey my true thoughts on this sandwich.

  He nods and wipes his mouth. “I found this truck a few weeks ago and have been coming here regularly ever since. Best I’ve ever eaten, and I’ve been to all kinds of places around the country.”

  “Oh yeah? For work?” I take another sip of lemonade to cleanse my palate before digging into the food.

  Something floats across his face like he’s afraid to answer my question. It’s shut down faster than I can process it. “Yeah,” is all he says.

  I don’t push because it’s not my place. He hasn’t said what he does exactly for work, but he’s always dressed casually, which makes me think he works from home and only goes into the office on certain days. He must do well for himself if he lives in the area.

  Before I know it, my sandwich is gone and I’m licking the remnants of it from my fingers. “That hit the spot. Thank you so much for lunch.”

  Pax smiles. “You’re welcome. Seemed like the perfect day to have a picnic outside and thought you’d like to join me.”

  “I appreciate the thought.” I lean back on my hands and watch the crowds go by. An eclectic mix of people, ranging from businessmen and women to surfers to families trying to contain their kids as they head to the beach.

  A pang of regret hits as I think about Jayce and how long it’s been since I’ve spent a day like this with him. I’m always working or studying while Jenny plays with him. I make a vow to bring him out more, spend more time doing fun activities rather than being cooped up inside all day long.

  “Hey,” Pax says, waving his hand in front of my face. “You okay?”

  I shake my head and glance at my watch. “Yeah, I’m good. But I have to get going, or I’ll be late for my online class.”

  He snickers a little as I pick up our garbage. “Isn’t the point of online to take it whenever?”

  Tossing the empty boxes in the garbage can near us, I lean down to grab my drink, trying hard not to sit back down and spend the day with him. “Yeah, but I have other things I need to do tonight, and I’d rather watch the video live than sit through it later.”

  Pax stands and stretches, letting a patch of skin show above his waistband. Damn sliver of abs. “Makes sense. Let’s walk back.”

  With our lemonades in hand, we walk back to my parked car.

  “Have you listened to any of my music suggestions?” he asks.

  I shake my head. “Not yet. Have you tried mine?” He dared me to listen to something other than country. Foo Fighters or something like that. I haven’t worked up the courage to listen because I’m afraid to tell him it’s really not my cup of tea.

  “I’ve dabbled. It’ll take some getting used to, but I’m confident I can power through.”

  “Power through? You make it sound like a chore.”

  Pax laughs. “It’s never a chore when it’s music. There’s not much I don’t like, but I always fall back on my favorites.” He takes his phone out of his pocket, plugs in the earbuds and pulls me off to the side. Slipping one of the buds into my ear, he hits play and a strong drumbeat, along with some guitar riff fills my ear. Pax dips his head low, practically leaning his forehead against mine as he listens with me. I risk a glance and take advantage of this moment. He takes his sunglasses off, keeping my gaze as the unfamiliar words and music flows. It’s not as bad as I imagined. In fact, I catch myself swaying a little to the beat.

  “What’s this called?” I ask, all too aware of our close proximity. If I leaned forward just enough, our lips would connect, and I could finally taste what I’ve been dreaming about at night for the past few weeks. I should be ashamed, but I’m not.

  “‘Contagious’ by Saving Abel. They’re one of my favorite bands.”

  I make a mental note to look up some of their other songs. I do enjoy the lead singer’s voice, all rough and passionate.

  Looking deeper into his eyes, I bite my bottom lip and swallow hard, pushing past the lump that suddenly formed. My heart works harder, trying to replace all the blood that I swear is draining from my brain. Words are gone. Thoughts are gone. All I can see, all I can hear is this man standing next to me.

  Pax reaches out, brushing his index finger against my hand. In a bold move, I link our two fingers together, feeling that jolt of electricity flow between us. I don’t know what it is about him, but he makes me feel different, like I’m more than what I show the world. For the first time in a long while, I want to try for more rather than settling on what I have.

  Something spooks him because he jerks his head away and pulls back, ya
nking the earbud out of my ear in the process.

  “Sorry.” He looks around, eyes wild and searching. What for, I have no idea. The street is lined with people, all chattering away or head down on their phones. “We should get going. Don’t want you to be late.”

  “Yeah,” I say, my voice soft and quiet.

  We continue down the block in silence. Pax is shut down, not quite closed off but not the way he usually is around me. What did he see back there that changed his whole demeanor?

  Pulling the keys from my bag, my taillights flash as I unlock my car. “This is me.”

  Pax nods, still checking up and down the street for something. “Thanks for lunch. I had a great time.”

  “Did you?” I can’t help myself. It’s bugging me not knowing what happened to change his whole entire attitude. “Because the last ten minutes have been weird. You shut down and closed me off.” I open the car door and pause before climbing inside. “Look, I think you’re a great guy, possibly even someone I want to be more than friends with. But I don’t have time for games. There’s too much going on in my life and I need someone who’s not going to flake out or not be there. If you’re not serious, we’ll go back to customer and barista and head our separate ways.”

  Pax takes a step closer, pulling the sunglasses off. “I want more.”

  It’s not enough. “Then prove it.” I climb inside and start the car, leaving him standing on the side of the road as he gets smaller and smaller in my rearview mirror.

  Shit. Shit. Shit.

  Lunch was perfect. She was opening up, even initiated contact between us. Had I not seen that flash out of the corner of my eyes, I would have closed the space between us and kissed those bright pink lips. Thankfully, it was just a tourist taking a picture. But the damage is done. She thinks I flaked on her and it’s hardly the reason. I was more interested in protecting her, shielding her from the potential hazards of being famous; considering she doesn’t even know the risks of being with me.

  I need to tell her. Soon. As much as I love the idea of her not knowing, it’ll be dangerous in the long run if she’s unprepared.

  Over the last year or so, I’ve managed to keep a lower profile. Eating at food trucks and doing mundane things isn’t great fodder for the gossip magazines. Now, if I start a relationship, that could be different. Myles was constantly in the papers, but he loved it. Hell, until Tatum came around, the papers loved it. Now he’s a family man and no one wants to talk about him anymore, except for a few pics here and there showing Tatum’s bump or them going in and out of baby stores.

  Even Breck has avoided the limelight. He and Lizzie coast under the radar like me. But we’re also not major players, nor do we crave the spotlight. We just want to live our lives.

  The short distance back to the condo leaves me with more worries than when I left. Before I was nervous about her rejecting my lunch idea. Now I’m worried she thinks I don’t care.

  “You’re back early,” Lizzie says from the kitchen. She’s been on a cooking kick lately—probably to keep herself busy—and has made a few tasty, yet surprising, creations. Others…not so much. We don’t talk about those. The front desk has only called once about the smoke alarm going off. I consider that a positive.

  “What’d you make for tonight?”

  Her bright smile lights up her face, obviously proud of herself. “Garlic-lemon double stuffed chicken over a bed of wild rice pilaf and roasted brussels sprouts and sweet potatoes on the side.”

  Damn. She has been busy. “Sounds amazing. Hope you’re making enough for a few days.”

  “Oh, probably. I think I’m inviting the crew over tonight. It’s been a while since we’ve all hung out with nothing going on.”

  Having the whole gang over may be just the distraction I need after my failed attempt at winning over Kylie.

  “Need any help?”

  Lizzie smiles and nods to the couch. “I need someone to watch Sons of Anarchy with me. Tatum has been binge watching it and I need a crash course before she comes over.”

  Watch one of the greatest television shows I’ve seen in ages? Yeah, not a hardship at all.

  Laughter fills our condo as the seven of us share stories around the dining table we thought was only for decoration. Breck and I debated on buying it for months, not seeing the need for this useless piece of furniture. Now I’m glad we did. Otherwise we’d all be sitting around the living room with plates in our laps and food spilled everywhere.

  Tatum laughs and turns her attention my way. “Meet anyone new lately, Pax?” she asks with a sly grin. I turn to Breck, who quickly ducks his head into Lizzie’s hair. Fucker.

  I clear my throat, thankful no one else appears to be listening. “Not really.”

  Myles pipes up. “Not what I heard. Something about a coffee shop chick and your constant need to go there every day?”

  I’m gonna kill Brecken.

  “What’s wrong with getting coffee daily? You practically run off it, Tatum. And you”—I say, pointing to Myles—“used to run off Jameson at any given point in the day.”

  The asshole laughs. “It’s been a while since I’ve done that. And Tatum doesn’t run off coffee anymore, thanks to E.T.” Myles rubs Tatum’s slightly rounded belly with a smile.

  Tatum smacks his shoulder. “I told you to quit called the baby an alien.”

  “You saw that ultrasound picture. It was straight out of Independence Day or Aliens or some weird shit like that.”

  I roll my eyes. “Have you opened your account at the florist yet?”

  “It’s on my to-do list.” Myles laughs, but picks up Tatum’s hand and kisses the back of it.

  The conversation turns back to Lyric, as it should. Adrienne bounces the little girl on her knee, much to her squealing delight.

  “She always has to be in motion,” she explains. “Makes night time interesting in our house.”

  “So, no little brother or sister yet for her?” Myles asks.

  Kade flips him off. “Not when she wakes up at all hours of the night.”

  “I think she’s teething,” Adrienne adds, giving Lyric one of her toys to munch on when she cries out.

  Tatum sighs and reaches out to hold Lyric, giving Adrienne a chance to finish her dinner. “I can’t wait for Jelly to get here.”

  Myles smirks. “E.T.” The two of them stand-off, glaring at the other until Myles gives a wink, resulting in Tatum’s lips to curl up in the corners.

  “Did you get that man cave done? At the rate you’re going, you’ll be sleeping there for a while,” I say, snickering.

  “Just you wait. Soon you’ll have a kid and we’ll all be in the same boat together.” He glances over at Breck and Lizzie. “Well, almost all of us.”

  “You know we have sex,” Lizzie defends.

  Myles shakes his head. “Nope. Thinking about you two is almost as bad as thinking about Mom and Dad having sex.” He shudders and shoves another forkful of food in his mouth.

  Kids? I haven’t thought that far ahead. I need to find the right girl to settle down with first. And I want it to be with Kylie. All the other girls I’ve been with, I’ve never seen it going past a few dates. But this afternoon, sitting under the tree and eating our lunch, visions of regular dates like this popped into my head: us walking down the street, hand in hand, laughing about nothing while anticipating spending the nights with her in my arms, tucked in tight.

  Adrienne smiles. “I think you need a kid, Pax. You love spending time outside, always staying active. You’d be a great dad.”

  I hold up my hands to stop the table’s sudden interest in my personal life. “Cart before the horse, people. Have to find the girl then let nature take its course.”

  Lizzie gives Brecken a look but says nothing. I’m sure he’s been discussing Kylie with her, plotting about how to get us together. Not that he’s a meddler in any way, however, he’s a fixer and if he sees a hole, he wants to patch it quick.

  Clearing my throat, I pick up my g
lass and take a quick gulp of beer. “Anyone catch the hockey game last night?”

  And with that, all talk of my fledgling love life dies as we voice our disappointment in St. Louis’s season this year.

  Water drips down my face, fully and utterly exhausted from working my body until I couldn’t feel my limbs anymore. I started at the beach and slowly worked my way home, running up and down every staircase I came across and darting around light poles like they were part of my own personal obstacle course.

  I haven’t stopped thinking about Kylie over the last few days. Work has kept me away and since I don’t have her number, there’s no way to reach her. My keen, non-stalkery skills have deduced that she has Saturday’s off, so I didn’t bother going into Grounded today to try and see her.

  All I can think about are those bright pink lips, how close they were to mine, how much I wanted to reach out and taste them. I bet they’re sweet like candy. Soft and full, and completely moldable to our whims.

  As the shower beats across my body, working out the tension from my aching muscles, I reach down to relieve a different kind of tension.

  Closing my eyes, I picture her from that day, the exact scene playing out in my mind. Blonde hair blowing in the breeze, little pieces floating across her face. Her cheeks pink and flushed, either from our close proximity or naturally sun-kissed. When she parts her lips, rather than pulling away, I lean forward and press mine to hers, getting the first intoxicating taste.

  My fist pumps harder as the air from my lungs diminishes, picturing her gasping, wanting more as she tangles her fingers through my hair. The moans from before echo through my ears, lighting a fire inside. Embers and flames dance through my veins as I work to completion, leaning against the tile wall for stability. As Kylie takes everything from me in my mind, I give her everything from my body, coming in streams, coating the wall in front of me with her name falling from my lips.

  Panting and breathless, I open my eyes to the harsh reality that I’m alone, that it wasn’t her working me into a frenzy or her lips against mine, even though the fantasy was so real, I could have sworn they were.