Downbeat

by Jodie Larson

  “I get it,” she finally says, letting me exhale. The relief is only short-lived. “You’re famous and you want to be seen as more than what is shown to the world.” She shrugs.

  “Thank yo–”

  She holds up a hand to stop me. “But, it still hurts to find this out from someone other than you. Why didn’t you just tell me who you really were?”

  “Would you have treated me any different had you known from the beginning?” It’s a question I’ve asked myself over the last few weeks. Kylie doesn’t seem like a shallow person. Sure, she’s sarcastic and witty, but deep down, she’s a genuine human being who tries to be conscious of others around her.

  “Honestly?”

  I nod.

  “I would have stayed away from you. There are parts of your life I can’t have interacting with mine. Your world is so different, living in the public eye. I’m perfectly content sitting on the sidelines, watching the parade go by from a distance, rather than getting a front row seat.” She rests her arms on the table, lacing her fingers together. “Yesterday was special. Something I’ll cherish forever. But it can’t happen again.”

  “Why? You just said it was special.” I reach for her hands. This time, she doesn’t pull away.

  Her sad eyes look deep into mine. “We’re too different.”

  “No, we’re not.” I bring my chair around the table, closer to her. “You only think we are. Let me prove to you that I’m different than the scenarios in your head.” I press my forehead to hers. Our breaths mingle in the shared space between us. She has to hear me.

  “I need to protect myself and those I love. Your life…I’m not sure I can do that.” Kylie leans back, giving us distance again. She chews on her bottom lip, worry lines creasing her forehead and mouth. What is she protecting that has her so worked up?

  “Talk to me,” I whisper, trying to ease her mind so we can have this conversation. Not that I wanted to do it here, publicly. I’d rather have this conversation somewhere else. Anywhere else. At home. On my bike. In a dark alley. Well, maybe not there. Whatever it is, it must be huge.

  Steeling herself, she looks me straight in the eye with more resolve than I’ve ever seen before. “I need to protect my son.”

  Her…son?

  “Y-you have a kid?”

  She nods. “Jayce. He’s five.”

  Confusion clouds my brain. “Why didn’t you tell me this earlier?”

  Her brows draw together. “We barely know each other and I’m not in the habit of telling people I have a little child at home.”

  “Exactly my point on not telling you about my job,” I say. “We both had secrets to hide, but I don’t know why you’d be scared to tell me about your son.”

  “Have you seen today’s world we live in? There are all kinds of wackos out there who want to see everything burn. Take Saturday night, for example. What kind of sick fuck potentially drugs someone to have sex with them? It’s shit like that why I don’t go out anymore. You don’t know who people are and everything is so scary all the time. I can’t shut off the worry that something is going to happen around every corner.” Her hands shake. She’s really scared.

  I squeeze her hands, trying to calm her fears. “I know the fears that linger in your head. They’re not that different from mine. Being famous has its downfalls, I know. I never know who’s after me, if someone recognizes me, what people will do. But I also know that living my life afraid isn’t living at all. Sometimes you need to take that leap forward to make sure there’s solid ground in front of you. Each step gets easier, I swear.” I lower my voice slightly. “Yesterday, I felt something between us. I know you did too. And I understand your need to protect your son. But know that I would never do anything that would put either of you in danger. Your safety is my priority. And if you want to walk this new path with me, see where it goes, I swear I will always watch out for the both of you.”

  Tears rimmed her eyes, those beautiful blues so deep and clear that I could get lost in them forever. Hopefully these are happy tears and not goodbye ones.

  “I’m not sure how well you can keep that promise,” she says with a sniffle. “But you’re right. There’s something between us that I’d like to explore. We need to take it slow, though. Friendship, public outings. Just until I can gather my footing, test the waters, so to speak.”

  “I’ll take you any way I can get you. We’ll go at your pace. Let me prove to you I’m a normal guy.”

  She laughs, the smile finally appearing on her beautiful face. “Even if you weren’t famous, there’s nothing normal about you. You’re different.”

  “Is different good?” I ask, hopeful.

  Kylie nods and covers my hands with hers. “Definitely good.”

  The bell jingles above the door, then again. And again. We don’t even have to look over to know there’s a line formed at the counter. Time to go back to work for her and time for me to figure out how to be normal and not get noticed. People aren’t taking pics of me every time I go out. And my face is minimal in the tabloids. Everything should be fine.

  “I’d say I’ll give you a call later, but I don’t have your number.” Subtle hint, but effective as I hold my phone out to her. She takes it and puts in her contact information before locking it and handing it back.

  “We’ll work something out.” She gives my hand a final squeeze and joins the other girl behind the counter as the lobby area fills with more people. Must be that late morning rush she’s always talking about.

  I stay an extra minute, watching her move behind the counter and listening to her voice as she makes small talk and occasionally laughs with the customers.

  With two people left in line, now’s my cue to leave. Placing my hat and glasses back on, I pause and give Kylie a final look. Our eyes meet, and she smiles brightly. Whatever worry I had in my stomach minutes ago is gone.

  This will work. I’ll make sure of it.

  “Halo” is not cutting it. Hell, nothing is. Ever since Kylie gave me her number earlier, I can’t stop thinking about picking up my phone and sending a million text messages.

  “Dude, you look like a tweaker, all strung out and jittery,” Breck says, tossing his controller on the table in front of us. “Just call her already. It’s been all of what, a few hours?” He checks his watch for effect with a laugh.

  “Not funny. After how pissed she was at me, I don’t want to scare her off.”

  Breck nods. “Valid point. Maybe give it a day or two.”

  Yeah, that’s not happening. Grabbing my phone off the table, I start typing her name into the new message field.

  “Or start now. Ignore my advice,” he says with a laugh. Breck stands and stretches. “I’m gonna go see if Lizzie needs help at the mall.”

  “Trying stuff on?”

  Breck smirks. “Something like that.” He grabs his keys and heads to the door.

  “Just don’t get thrown in jail for indecent exposure. I doubt Linda would love that.”

  He flips me off before closing the door behind him.

  I stare at the body of my text, the blank screen reflecting back at me.

  How should I start this without sounding lame or desperate?

  Me: Hey, it’s Pax. Whatcha doing?

  Delete. Delete. Delete.

  Me: It’s Pax. I’ve been thinking about you.

  Delete. Delete. Delete.

  God, grow a pair and type something before you chicken out.

  Me: Hey. Are you busy?

  Probably the lamest attempt. Either of the first two would have been better than this one. But I hit send before I could second guess myself. Within minutes, three tiny dots appear at the bottom.

  Kylie: Who dis?

  Oh, shit. Yeah, I have her number, but she doesn’t have mine. Probably should have led with my name.

  Me: Pax.

  Kylie: Pax who?

  Me: Funny. You’ve got the jokes. Know a lot of Paxtons, do you?

  Kylie: Perhaps. You’ll have to
narrow it down for me.

  Me: Your incredibly handsome, ultra-sexy patron who spends more money than he should on overpriced coffee.

  Kylie: Oh, you mean my friendly stalker. Got it.

  I can’t help but laugh.

  Me: Emphasis on the friendly, less on the stalker.

  Kylie: Says you. What are you up to? It’s been all of what, a few hours since I last saw you?

  Damn, she noticed. I’ll make this work to my advantage.

  Me: What can I say? You have a tendency to occupy a man’s brain.

  Kylie: Only yours.

  Me: Hopefully only mine.

  Kylie: You’re too funny.

  Me: What are you doing for lunch tomorrow?

  Hopefully nothing. I don’t know if she actually takes lunch breaks or if that one day was a fluke, but I’m hoping since it’s the same day of the week that it’ll work out in my favor.

  Kylie: Nothing. Why?

  Me: Wanna hit up a food truck again?

  Kylie: Sure. Sounds like fun.

  Me: Perfect. I’ll pick you up at shift end.

  Kylie: I’ll be here.

  Well, that went easier than expected. Now to figure out which truck to hit up.

  Pulling up down the block from Grounded, I steal a few minutes, so I don’t look anxious. I know this isn’t a formal date, but I’ll take any time I can with her. I spent the morning scoping out the trucks near the spot from last time, finding much of the same.

  The bell jingles above my head as I walk through the door. I walk to the counter, the same red-head from yesterday greeting me.

  “Hey, good looking. Kylie’s in the back getting ready. She’ll be out in a few minutes.”

  A smile crosses my lips. She’s been talking about me and our date. Hope fills my chest. Maybe this will go better than I anticipated.

  Sure enough, Kylie walks out of the back, dressed in a simple pink t-shirt and shorts, hair half pulled back, accentuating her mesmerizing eyes. Those lips I love to look at turn up in the corners.

  She gives a small wave before standing in front of me. “Hey, Pax.”

  I make it a point to keep my eyes focused on hers and not the rest of her body. “Ready?”

  “Yeah. Same routine as last time. Only have about an hour before class.”

  “Then let’s go.” I hold the door for her and place a hand on the small of her back, leading her down the street to the same spot as last time.

  “Busy today?”

  Kylie shakes her head. “Surprisingly, no. Apparently everyone decided to bring their coffee from home.”

  I laugh, loving the fact she hasn’t pushed my hand away yet. “They don’t know what they’re missing.”

  “Oh, like you? I didn’t see you this morning.”

  I shrug. “Meetings.”

  She leers at me out of the corner of my eye. “Yeah, we’ve talked about your meetings before.”

  There’s the snark I’m looking for. “There were actual meetings today. Still not the kind I have to dress up for, but we needed to discuss the album.” We get to food truck alley and stop, taking in all our choices. “What do you feel like?”

  “Uh.” Kylie taps her chin, her eyes darting from one side to the other. “How about street tacos? Something simple.”

  “Sounds like a plan to me.” Feeling bold, I take her hand in mine as we wait in line at the popular truck. The aroma coming from inside has my stomach growling. I’ve been too excited to eat today. I doubt Kylie has been as nervous, but I feel like I have something to prove. The way she found out about the band was not ideal and I need to make up some ground.

  A cute Latina sits in the window, her smile growing wide as she sees me approach. It falls slightly as she sees my hand laced in Kylie’s. Good. I don’t need any extra hassle.

  “What can I get for you?”

  Kylie mulls over the menu. It takes me two seconds to find what I’m looking for and I’m all set.

  “Can I get three carnitas, a chicken soft shell, and…” I look to Kylie, who turns wide-eyed.

  “How many are you eating for?” she laughs.

  I rub my stomach. “I’m a growing boy.”

  Rolling her eyes, she looks at the menu again and nods. “I’ll have a chicken flatbread and beef burrito.”

  The girl in the window nods and yells our order in Spanish to the cook in the back. Taking out my wallet, I give her money and shove a few extra bills in the tip jar. Kylie shakes her head.

  “You don’t have to buy me lunch.”

  “I invited you. I absolutely should buy you lunch.” It doesn’t take long for our food to appear in the window. We start walking to the tree we sat under last time. “Want another lemonade?”

  Kylie looks around again. For what, I have no idea. Then she points to a truck a few down from where we’re at. “How about a cherry limeade?”

  We take our spot and I set my food down. “Be right back.” She gets situated while I run over to fulfill her request. It sounds good, so I order two. Not sure if we’re at the sharing drink phase or not. Probably shouldn’t push it yet.

  When I come back, she hasn’t touched her food, not even playing on her phone. With her knees tucked under her chin, she’s smiling and staring at the crowd, her gaze flicking between them and me.

  “There you are. One cherry limeade.” She accepts the drink with a smile and sits back, finally relaxed.

  We dig into our food, finally quieting my stomach with the first bite. I must say, the limeade was a good choice. It pairs perfectly with the spicy tacos.

  “Good?” I ask.

  She nods. “So good.” After taking a sip of her drink, she wipes her hands with a napkin. “So tell me, how do you travel when you’re on the road? Do you fly to each city?”

  Wiping my mouth, I shake my head. “We have a tour bus. And calling it a bus is not doing it justice. It’s like a giant trailer with three bedrooms and a kitchen/living room area.” I pause. “Well, one big bedroom and two smaller rooms with bunk beds.”

  “Sounds like luxury compared to a regular bus.”

  “Yeah, definitely a home away from home. For as often as we’re on the road, it has to be.”

  “How long is that?” She takes another bite of her taco and I focus on her mouth as she chews.

  “Usually six months. But we get time off. Usually a few weeks here and there.”

  Kylie takes another sip of her drink. “Doesn’t sound too horrible, though I’d probably get sick of being on the road all the time.”

  “You get used to it,” I say. “What about you? What do you do for fun?”

  “Fun?” Her face scrunches up as she fakes thinking. “Oh, that’s the thing you have when you don’t have a five-year-old, a full-time job, and school. Yeah, I don’t have that.”

  I laugh. “Not convincing.”

  She shrugs. “Well, we take walks to the park, go swimming at the pool, ride bikes at night. Oh,” she exclaims. “And watch hockey.”

  That I can work with. “Tell me more about Jayce.”

  Her smile brightens her entire face. “He’s my world. Like I said, I try to spend as much time with him as I can when I can. He’s super smart. I have no idea where he got it from.”

  “I have an idea,” I say.

  Kylie blushes, turning her skin a beautiful shade of pink. “Doubtful, but thanks. We play as many sports with him as we can since he loves them all. With my dad gone and no father in sight, Jenny, my mom, and I pick up the slack. Though I’m not the best teacher. Sports have never been my strong point.”

  I gear myself up to ask the question that’s been plaguing me since yesterday. “You said no dad. I take it he’s not in the picture?”

  Her eyes get sad, obviously still a sore spot. “He bailed before Jayce was born. Wanted absolutely nothing to do with me or him. I haven’t heard from him in almost six years and I’d like to keep it that way. I didn’t even list him on the birth certificate. No point, you know?” She shrugs. “Probably bette
r this way. But there’s only so much three women can do to keep him well-rounded.”

  I swallow hard, crumpling up the empty wrappers. “If it’s okay, I’d like to meet him sometime.”

  Kylie sputters and wipes her mouth. “Seriously?”

  I choke back a laugh. “Why is that so surprising?”

  For a moment, I think I overstepped a boundary, moving faster than she wanted. To my surprise, she smiles and nods. “I think he’d like you, actually. But maybe not right away. Give it some time?” Then she smirks and tosses an empty wrapper at me. “But if you catch us out in public, I won’t push you away.”

  Oh, challenge accepted. I’ll abide by her rules and not use my stalking skills right away. But I want to know everything about her, everything about her life, including the little man who makes her world go round.

  Kylie looks down at her watch and cringes. “Damn, time to go.”

  We gather up our trash and dump it in a nearby can before heading back to our vehicles. We make it to her car first. Flashbacks of our first lunch together play quickly in my head. This time, there will be a different outcome.

  Kylie looks nervous, chewing on her bottom lip. “Guess I’ll see you tomorrow?”

  Pulling her close, I turn my hat backward and lean down, barely leaving space between our lips. I take my time, building the anticipation as her breathing speeds up to a staccato beat, warming my skin and giving me goosebumps at the same time. I smile before taking her lips, the subtle hint of cherry still lingering.

  We keep it decent, knowing where we are and who could be lingering around. Kylie pulls back first, a rosy blush coating her cheeks.

  “That was better than the last time we tried this.”

  I nod, pressing my forehead to hers. “Let’s do this again.”

  She rests her hands on my shoulders before draping them around my neck and pressing her lips to mine once more. “Definitely.”

  Before I have the chance to suggest taking this elsewhere, she pushes back and smiles. “See you later, Pax.” Climbing inside her car, she drives away, leaving me standing on the sidewalk in a stupor.

  I walk back to my bike and start it up, the roaring engine turning a few heads. Not sure I’ll be able to focus on anything else for the rest of the day with the feel of her lips still lingering. But I know what will help.